


Not So Sterile

by KORsimp



Series: Basically you bang your way through the KOR and Kylo (as different Y/ns) [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Choking, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Edgeplay, F/M, Face Slapping, Fluff and Smut, Force Choking (Star Wars), Glove Kink, I don't know why I'm like this, I'm Sorry, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is an ASS!, Light Bondage, Major character death - Freeform, Masturbation, Medicine, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Name-Calling, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reader is Sassy, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, SO MUCH force choking omg, Slut Shaming, Smut, Sorry I'm not good at writing blow jobs I'm gay af and actually hate sex with men, Spanking, Starkiller Base, Vaginal Fingering, Verbal Humiliation, You're a doctor, actual punching, but lowkey not really, force orgasms, i need to go to church, is that a thing?, oh blood obviously, reader gets tipsy, you're a doctor afterall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 120,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24257698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KORsimp/pseuds/KORsimp
Summary: You're a doctor for the First Order in your final year of residency. You're doing great work, in the running for chief resident, nothing can go wrong. Until a certain Force user hears your thoughts during a shift. From there, everything you'd planned falls apart.
Relationships: Knight of Ren/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Series: Basically you bang your way through the KOR and Kylo (as different Y/ns) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963684
Comments: 477
Kudos: 1045





	1. Think a little more quietly

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I highly doubt anyone will ever read this, but I've been writing it for myself, so I thought I'd at least share it. It's the first book I've ever posted publicly, and my first fan fic so please be nice!
> 
> There is some medical stuff in here, but not much, I promise! 
> 
> This story starts pre-TFA then starts to overlap with it, and it is written from the reader's perspective. There is smut! Rough smut. Please check the tags before reading. I'll be updating tags/warnings as I post, and of course, reach out to me if you have any questions! I didn’t tag non-con, however there is some dubious consent, but everything that happens, both the reader and Kylo consent to!
> 
> It is a reader insert, so I've tried to keep any physical descriptions to a minimum. The reader is described as smaller than Ren, but Adam is a giant, so hopefully that doesn't exclude anyone. Also the reader does have hair long enough to be pulled, so if these physical descriptions are triggering, please let me know and I can try to change it! 
> 
> Please leave comments, kudos, suggestions, criticisms, and maybe some smuttiness that you'd like to see. Enjoy, my fellow Kylo lovers! :)

"Hey, you gonna eat that?" Victor said, pointing down to a piece of toast of your plate left unfinished. 

"What?" Cora laughed across the cafeteria table. "Eating all of your breakfast and half of mine wasn't enough?"

Victor and Cora were your best friends, you'd been together since the first day of First Order Medical School. Finished top 3 in your graduating class, and all got assigned orthopedic residencies here on star killer base. You had been assigned here when it was being built, mostly treating construction injuries, but now that it was a fully operational base, you'd been receiving much more interesting cases.

Today was your first day of the last year of residency. As competitive as you three were in medical school, it was even worse now, especially with the spot of chief resident being announced in a few weeks. 

It was all in good fun though. You'd all come from desolate planets, and now you all have food, a steady income, and a decent place to stay. It was better than most people could hope for. Plus you got two awesome friends out of it.

You shook your head and laughed at Victor. "Have at it, you pig," you said, pushing your plate toward him.

He took it, shoving the buttered toast all the way into his mouth in one bite. Cora looked at you with a disgusted expression. "Can you believe him?"

With a full mouth, he replied, "Hey, it's out last first day of residency! I have to keep up my strength, especially because I'm going to be getting all the good solo surgeries this year."

You rolled your eyes. "Keep dreaming. You know it's going to be me."

"Hey," Cora piped up, "Are we forgetting who got the first assist when General Hux came in with a broken arm from Kylo Ren?"

Victor and you both rolled your eyes. "That's because, Dr. Tiber had a crush on you," Victor said. 

"Whatever," she replied, unbothered. "To this day it was the most interesting surgery I've been on. No lacerations of the skin, but the ulna and radius had over 6 breaks in them. Each!"

You sighed. It really would have been a cool surgery. "I know Ren has the force, but can you really do that much damage with it?" 

Victor shrugged. "I dunno. But I heard last week a trooper had a crushed larynx from the man."

"Anyone can do that," Cora piped in.

"But not with their mind," he remind her.

A shiver wracked through your body. "I hope I never have to meet this man."

"Crap!" Cora said, looking down at her watch. "We're gonna be late." We stood in a hurry, sprinting from our seats in the cafeteria to the med bay. Competitive as always, Victor got to the doors first, smirking at us a few feet behind him, but his smile was wiped off of his face when Dr. Maddox pulled open the door, glaring at us. 

"Late on your first day?" She gave us an unapproving stare as we scurried in the conference room with the rest of our class. Dr. Maddox was the most well respected surgeon in the First Order. Top of her class in every imaginable thing. She became chief of neurosurgery when she was 27 and chief of surgery when she was 35, which was unheard of. She was always in charge of the senior residents. She taught really well, but she was also the strictest doctor in the First Order.

You mumbled an apology as the three of you scooted to the back of the crowd.

Dr. Maddox looked down at her holopad before addressing the group of about 20 residents. "Good morning. I'm Dr. Maddox, which you all should know by now. Congratulations for making this far through the program. I'm sure you think you guys are almost ready to be surgeons right? Well you're wrong. This will be the hardest year of residency. Do well, and you'll be rewarded. Do poorly and we will ship you to whatever sad planets you come from."

Cora gave you a pointed glance. "Is she serious?" she mouthed, and you shrugged. 

"Today you will be assigned cases as they come through the emergency section. You each will be the primary surgeons on your case. Only contact an attending if you absolutely must, but do so at your own peril. Every single action you take will determine your future within the program," she further explained. "Half of you will be here, the other half will be at the training field hospital on the other end of the base."

She read off names. Cora and Victor would be staying at the main hospital while you'd be going with a group to the training field hospital.

"Good luck!" you called to them as you left with the rest of your group to the transport. In no time, you were being dropped off at the other hospital. It was stationed between the fields where the stormtroopers did their combat training and the course where they did they're blaster training.

A few grumpy attending greeted you all harshly. "Morning. I'm Dr. Greer. I'll be in the lounge if you need me, so... don't," he said, leaving the ten of us to stare at each other in confusion. 

There were ten beds, so we each perched at one, getting them ready. I took one of the two closest to the door, hoping to be able to take the more interesting cases.

A man claimed the other bed across from mine. "Guess you've got the same idea as I do."

You smiled. "Guess I do."

"Bradley," he smiled. "Neuro."

You introduced yourself as well. "Ortho."

"Ortho," he raised a brow. "You'll be busy out here then."

"Why is that?" you asked. 

He nodded towards the door, where you could see a few troopers lining up their blasters at a line of targets. "They're clumsy in that armor they wear. Fracture a lot of bones and stuff. Plus they're pretty terrible shots. A few of them get shot out here every day during training."

You laughed until you realized he was serious. "They can't be that bad," you said.

"They are," a girl beside you popped in to your conversation. "But that's nothing. Kylo Ren is training with them today, so be prepared for a busy day."

You raised an eyebrow at her. "Is he really that bad?" you asked.

She nodded once. "Yeah, you'll see."

As it turned out, they were both correct. Within minutes, two different troopers came in with blaster wounds from being shot by their comrades. If these were the people fighting the galactic war, it was a wonder the First Order hadn't collapsed yet. 

Blaster wounds were easier to treat than actual bullet wounds. They cauterized quickly, leading to minimal blood loss. No surgery to remove anything, just some quick sutures, a bacta pad, and they were on their way. 

The blaster wounds were distributed between the ten of you, but all the fractures went to you. You knew immediately when Kylo Ren got to the field, because fractures were coming in much more frequently. You were stuck in an endless cycle of assess, Xray, and bind. Throughout the day, the fractures became less frequent but more severe. You had to put four troopers in casts after lunch for broken bones.

"This was all Ren?" you asked the last one as you set his leg cast. 

He nodded. "Yep. Guess we got lucky today that he got to train with us," he grunted sarcastically.

"Lucky indeed," you scoffed. "What kind of Commander injures his own troops?"

He shrugged. "Force users in a bad mood, I suppose." You sent him on his way with a frown, relieved when another resident announced the end of the training day. 

Well, you were relieved until you saw the pile of folders laying at your table. Files and reports to finish up. It was always the worst part of the day. 

After an hour, everyone else had cleared out, finished with their reports. 

"Almost done?" Bradley asked, one foot out the door. You held up your large stack of ones that still needed to be completed. He gave you a sympathetic look. "Sorry, kid, hopefully tomorrow's better for you."

You gave him a smile that disappeared the second he left and you looked back at your work.

You weren't sure which reason for injury you hated writing more: 'trooper hits another trooper with a blaster during training' or 'commander likes to hurt his own troops'. Either way, you were sure the First Order was doomed.

Your hand started cramping up, still with ten more reports to go.

Seriously, what kind of army can't shoot a freaking blaster straight. Even you learned pretty easily in the course all First Order employees had to take before starting. And what kind of leader hurts his people in training? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of having an army. 

You knew it was a lot of injuries in training, but before today, you'd mostly been doing behind the scenes work, not actually seeing how many people get idiotically hurt every day. 

Everyone made it sound like days when Ren was there, it was much worse. Lucky for you.

You'd hoped he wouldn't be training with them tomorrow. 

Then you wondered how out of control he must be to hurt that many people. He was big-you'd seen him in all his gaudy cloaks and robes-but what, he couldn't help himself from hurting them?

He was either a big brute who needed a punching bag instead of other people's bodies, or a big baby who needed some therapy. One of those would make your life much harder than the other. 

You kept writing angrily. The sun was starting to set. Everyone else was probably at dinner talking about all the cool and interesting stuff they did while you got to write about a big man child snapping bones for fun. 

You decided right then and there that you hated Kylo Ren. You day would have gone much more smoothly had he been blasted out of his stupid TIE fighter on his last mission.

"That's treason, you know," a low voice came from behind you.

You gasped and turned around. "C-Commander Ren," you choked out. He was in his bulky black robes, somehow without a single tear in it. You wondered if he took if off during training or if no one came close to getting a hit on him all day. He was wearing a mask, but you could feel his disapproval. "Treason?" you asked, genuinely confused. You hadn't done anything wrong all day, you hadn't even skipped steps on the reports. Maybe you gave out higher doses of pain meds than necessary, but that was hardly treason.

"Treason," he repeated, his voice distorted and mechanical through the mask. "To wish death upon your Commander."

Your eyes widened as you leaned away from him. "I-I would never say-"

He held up a gloved hand, silencing you. "You thought it, which is just as treacherous."

"I'm sorry, sir. I just-" you spit out. Stupid force users. You'd heard a rumor somewhere that they could read minds, but you didn't know it was true until now.

"I don't care. Just shut up about it," he said.

You nodded ferociously. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir." His shoulders seemed to relax a little bit, and you let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding. 

"Thank you. You could think a little more quietly and make my life a little easier. I'd hate to have your pretty self executed for treason." he said turning on his heel. 

Think a little more quietly. Treason? For your thoughts? This was a joke right? He had to be joking, that was the only explanation you could come up with that made any sense to his idiotic request.

Before the intelligent part of your brain could tell you to bite your tongue, you pushed up from your seat, hands on your hips as you glared at him.

"I could think more quietly?" you repeated, furious. "You could hurt less of the people who risk their lives for this organization. You'd be making a lot of lives easier," you spat.

He stopped mid step, turning back to face you, and you knew you were a goner. Great. You were about to be murdered in one of Kylo Ren's temper tantrums. 

In two long strides, he had your jaw locked in a vice grip, leather biting into your cheeks. His mask was inches from your face.

"You must be either suicidal or an imbecile to speak to me that way," he growled. You wanted nothing more than to push him away, but you couldn't move. "Since I am merciful, despite what you think, I will assume the latter, and let you live."

He pushed you back, neck snapping backwards as you hit the desk behind you. He wagged one finger in your face. "But I am will not tolerate this kind of disrespect. Speak to me like that again, and I will make your life much harder. Or nonexistent. Is that understood?"

You nodded as much as you could in your state of terror. "Yes-Yes, sir," you said, and he was gone in a blur. You fell back into your chair, shaking. You tried to calm yourself, but to no avail. You finished you work, but the writing on the last few charts was barely legible from the tremors in your hands.

You couldn't even think about what an ass he was in case he could hear. You tried to make your mind blank as you headed back to the base.


	2. You're very dramatic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're assigned a special patient, and you find out quickly that you very much do not want them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only tags I'm adding to the chapter is 'reader getting tipsy', so if that's a problem please skip! There won't be any scenes with her really drunk (probably) but I thought I should warn you all in case anyone doesn't want to read that.

You skipped dinner, not wanting to have to see Cora or Victor and tell them about your run in with Kylo Fucking Ren. You were still shaking when you got back to your room, but luckily, after the exhausting and terrifying day, you were able to will yourself to sleep.

When you woke the next morning, you felt much better. Thoughts of the Commander laid dormant in the back of your mind as you stretched your muscles and dressed into your standard issue First Order scrubs and white coat with your name stitched on it. You grabbed a granola bar, checked the late time-you had only 15 minutes before your shift-and headed straight to the med bay. 

Luckily, you got there before Dr. Maddox did, not wanting an embarrassing repeat of the day before. You stood at the back of the group, finally greeting your two friends.

"Finally!" Cora said. "Where were you. You missed dinner and breakfast!" 

"How'd your day go?" Victor asked. 

You shrugged, not even even wanting to think about Kylo Ren, scared he would hear your thoughts. You weren't going to let the threats of a space wizard ruin your day. 

"It was good. Lots of fractures and blaster wounds. The stormtroopers really freaking suck at shooting," you told them lightly. 

Cora nodded. "I'd heard that somewhere actually."

"Why'd you ditch dinner and breakfast though?" Victor asked, nudging your shoulder. 

Before you had to come up with a lie, Dr. Maddox walked in, demanding everyone's attention with merely her presence. "I hope you all had a good first day. No one died, so you at least achieved the bare minimum. That's more than I can say for some classes before you." Someone in the front chuckled, thinking that she was making a joke, but one pointed look from her shut him up quickly.

"Today, each specialty will be with their respective head attending who's on duty. Don't embarrass me," she snapped before sending us on our way.

"Nice!" Cora gleamed. "We'll get to be together today." 

Today was much more interesting, and thankfully, there were much less death threats from intimidating men in masks. You got to assist on a shattered femur from a collapsed TIE fighter, and a broken wrist from a fall off a ladder. 

Less blaster wounds, less paper work, and less Kylo Ren, which were all good things. 

It was a good day. By the time your shift ended, you were completely exhausted, but Cora and Victor dragged you to the bar. After you'd missed two meals in a row with them, they were not taking no for an answer. The food wasn't free at the bar like it was in the cafeteria, but it was much better, and there was access to beer; both things that you appreciated. 

Once you were seated and your food ordered, you leaned back in your chair, happy to have the weight off of your feet.

"I'm pooped," you let out, but with a smile on your face. 

"I bet!" Cora said. "I'm so jealous you got the femur shatter. I was stuck with a couple freaking broken toes."

You gave her an apologetically look. "Sorry, but it was pretty cool. I guess Neginhal already knows I'm the best ortho resident this year."

Victor punched your arm lightly. "Yeah right. He gave me the shrapnel through the deltoid! Do you know how many tendons I had to repair?"

You sighed. "Okay, okay, fine, I guess you win coolest case today."

"What's my prize?" he asked. He puckered his lips at you. "A kiss?" he asked.

"How about a punch in the nose?" you asked, and he leaned back, still smiling. "Or a beer. Take your pick."

He grunted but in good spirits. "Beer it is then." 

You waved at the bartender for a round of beer. "On me," you told him as he delivered your drinks. "Cheers to being the three best surgeons in our class," you said, tapping your mugs together.

"I will drink to that," said Cora. The food came, and it was delicious. Much better than the cafeteria food. 

"Okay, so let's make it a thing," Victor started. "Whoever gets the coolest case everyday, someone has to buy them a drink."

You put you hand in the middle of the table. "Fine by me, because it'll be me everyday."

"Whatever," Cora said as the two of them placed their hands on yours. A pact. Soon you all had finished your drinks and said your 'good nights' to each other, and you were in bed-a little tipsy if you were being honest with yourself. It had been really nice to see your friends again.

You'd hoped tomorrow would be another good day.

You didn't know how wrong you'd be. 

You slept in. "Shit," you groaned. You frantically pulled on the same scrubs from the day before, not having time to find a clean set. You pulled on your slip on shoes quickly before sprinting unsteadily to the conference room where your class met every morning. Cora and Victor weren't upset with you missing breakfast because they'd slept through it too.

They groggily waved hello to you as you joined them. "Morning," Victor grumbled. 

"Okay, so no more drinking on nights before we have to be up at six hundred hour, yeah?" you suggested.

"Good idea," Cora muttered through a yawn.

Dr. Maddox came in, white coat flapping behind her. "Same drill as your first day. Ten in the field, the others here, except locations are switched today. With one exception," she said finally looking up from her holopad and glancing around the room of eager students.

"There is a disease informally known as 'vanishing bone disease'. What it the name, and what is thought to cause it?" she asked, looking around the room. 

Your hand shot straight up. Cora raised an eyebrow at you. "I did a paper on it in school."

Dr. Maddox nodded toward you, calling your last name. 

"Gorham-Stout Disease, or GSD. No one knows exactly how it works, but it's thought to be caused by an overactive lymphatic system," you told her.

"Correct," she nodded, unimpressed. "See how well the brain works when you don't show up late to work?" she said condescendingly, obviously not forgetting about us being late two days ago. "As your prize for being a know-it-all, you get a special patient today."

You wanted to roll your eyes at her condescending words, but you were too excited about your special patient. She dismissed everyone else, and they fled the room, Cora and Victor giving you a thumbs up before walking out to go to the training field. You'd hoped they had a better day there than you did. 

You took a step toward Maddox. "Special patient?" you asked as innocently as possible. "Do they have GSD?"

"Of course not," she said, knocking your ego a couple notches. "They wouldn't be in the First Order if they did, I just didn't want any dummies working on Commander Ren."

You choked on spit, sure that she'd misspoken. "Commander Ren?" you asked in disbelief. Yeah, this was definitely turning into an even worse day. 

She eyed you, analyzing and calculating. "Yes. Will that be a problem?"

You shook your head, pulling your shoulders back and plastering on a fake smile. "No, Doctor. That's perfectly fine," you lied. You remembered the feel of his strong fingers on your jaw and grimaced. Hopefully there would not be a repeat of that. He had to be on better behavior during work hours, right? You sighed internally at the need to have to control your freaking thoughts around him. The control freak.

"That's what I thought," she said, handing you the holopad. "He's in room 217. Don't make him wait, and don't embarrass me."

She started to walk out the door, but you called after her. "Um, Dr. Maddox?" you asked, and she turned to you, brow cocked. "I mean no disrespect, but why don't you have an attending treat such an important person?"

She surprised you greatly by chuckling. "Because I don't want any of my attendings getting hurt if Ren's in one of his moods," she said before leaving you alone in the room. So apparently his tantrums were not a secret around Starkiller. You wondered how many injuries the doctors here had seen that were caused by Ren? The thought made you shiver.

"Alright, you can do this," you hyped yourself up, but it was flat enthusiasm. Seconds later you were walking toward the assigned room, biting back any fear or anger the best you could. You really couldn't think of a worse situation to be thrown in today, but you weren't letting a hot-headed child get in the way of becoming chief resident. If you could prove that you were successful with Ren, Maddox would have to be at least a little bit impressed with you.

After being late the other day, chances were low, but today Maddox had called you 'not an idiot' which was better than what she gave most. She basically called you expendable as well, but you'd take the little victories wherever you could.

Stopping outside his room, you took a deep breath fingers shaking. You pulled them into a fist to steady them. You cleared your mind of any potentially incriminating thoughts and knocked on the door. No answer. Another knock. "Commander Ren?" you called gently through the door. After more silence, you opened the door to see-

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He wasn't there. You were so going to be in trouble. Lost a patient already, and only ten minutes had passed during the work day so far. You looked down at the holo and the door. It was the right room. Where was he?

Footsteps approach behind you. 

"Dr. Maddox!" you said, a little too enthusiastically, pulling the door behind you. 

She raised an eyebrow. "Everything alright?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am! Just getting ready to," you looked down at the holopad, "Give the Commander some sutures!" You slithered through the door and slammed the door behind you before she could look inside to see an empty room. You didn't breathe until you heard her footsteps retreat down the hallway.

"Fuck," you muttered. You couldn't even find your damn patient? You'd never get chief resident. He was ruining your life without even trying at this point. You glanced down at his file again, grabbed a suture kit, and sprinted to the nurses station, keeping an eye out for Maddox. 

"Ren!" you nearly screamed at them. "Where is he?"

They looked terrified, but one shakily pointed down the opposite hallway, and you took off running. You burst through the stairwell exit and looked around, desperate for any clues to where your patient could be. A few floors below, you saw a flash of black curl up and disappear, and you sprinted down the stairs as fast as you could without tripping.

"Commander!" you called, already out of breath, hoping that it was actually him. If it wasn't, you may as well just turn in your white coat right now. "Commander Ren, wait! Please stop!" 

Finally you got down to the bottom level, and almost fell straight into him. You caught yourself before you could actually fall on your face in front of the most powerful person you'd ever met. You face felt flushed as you looked up at him, and if it was from running or from embarrassment, you weren't sure. 

"You again," he said, mask distorting his voice. He could not have sounded more uninterested if he tried, and the thought angered you, but you pushed it back. 

"Sorry, sir," you said, one hand resting on your chest as you tried to catch your breath. "Yes, me again, a tragedy I'm sure," you replied. You nodded to his lower arm. "I'm supposed to stitch up your forearm laceration," you told him stupidly.

He looked down at both arms, both covered in his black sleeves. "That will be unnecessary," he said, turning away from you. 

You panicked. Maddox would hate you forever if you didn't treat Commander Ren. 

"Stop!" you said. He didn't. "It could get infected!" you added, following after him through the hallway.

"It won't," he said, not turning back to face you. 

You groaned, stomping your foot on the floor. "It could! It could get infected, and your arm could fall off, and you could die!" 

"You're very dramatic," he said, pulling open a door into another white, plain hallway. 

"No, I'm a doctor. Your doctor. And I'm just telling you a possibility of what could happen if you don't let me look at your wound." He didn't even acknowledging your existence.

He was just a frustrating as you remembered. You pushed through the heavy door, nearly running to keep up pace with his long strides. "Please! I'll get fired."

"That is no concern of mine," he retorted. 

You stopped in the middle of the hall and stomped your feet. Huffing, hands on your hips, you stared up at him. "You're such an unbelievable ass!" you yelled in frustration.

Instant regret. 

Yeah, that's what that feeling was that coursed through you as he turned around fast enough to make you take an instinctual step back. You couldn't see his eyes through the mask, but you knew they'd seen death, probably a lot of it, and he would have no problem killing you right then and there.

"What," he said, glove connecting with your throat, "did you," he twisted your body around in his grip, "say to me?" He pushed you into the wall, your head screaming in pain as it collided with the hard surface behind you. His gloved fingers squeezed, still allowing you air, but making you light headed.

"Nothing, I'm sorry," you choked out under his tight grasp, fingers clawing at his hand with no success. 

He growled menacingly through the mask, sending spiked of unparalleled fear through every nerve in your body. "Apparently I mislabeled you yesterday. Along with being stupid, you must be suicidal as well. Is that it? You want to die?"

You tried to shake your head, but his tight grip wouldn't allow it, and he seemed to enjoy that fact.

"Don't worry," he said, his voice cutting into you. "I can help with that." He pulled back slightly as his fingers tightened around your neck, efficiently cutting off blood and oxygen flow to your head. You vision started blurring, and you wondered if that's how you were going to die. At the hands of a temper tantrum throwing beast. You thought bitterly about how Maddox would be happy that she sent a resident to do the job. With the last shred of strength you could manage, you reached out to where the holopad said his wound would be on his arm, gripping with all your strength.

It wasn't much, but it was enough to get him to loosen his grip enough for you to breath again.

"See," you choked out. "You need stitches!" You gasped, still coughing and attempting to catch your breath.

"Don't presume to tell me what I need, you stupid girl," he growled angrily, but his fingers hadn't tightened back yet.

"Please, I'm just doing my job!" You gave him a pleading look, hoping he'd take mercy on you. But you had no such luck.

"To annoy the hell out of me?"

"To make sure the Commander of the First Order doesn't get an infection and fucking die!" you sputtered. 

He made a sound that almost sounded like a chuckle. "And you're going to do that drunk?"

Your eyes widened in surprise. You'd left in a hurry that morning without time to brush your teeth, but there was no way he could smell the residual beer through his mask.

"Hungover," you corrected. "Barely. Sir," as if that made a difference. After this encounter, you were suddenly wide awake with adrenaline.

He sighed. After what seemed like hours, he released you, leaving you to double over and pant for air. Oxygen had never tasted so sweet. Once you recovered, he stepped back up to you, pulling his sleeve up ever so slightly. You gazed down at his bare arm. It was just a couple of inches, but your breath caught in your throat.

Skin. Proof that he was human.

"What were you expecting?" he asked.

You cursed mentally, forgetting he could hear you. You hated the Force. 

"Robot," you suggested.

"Cute," he replied, unamused. "Lucky for you, everyone in the First Order is human. If that were not true, there would be no use for you."

You ignored his jab. "Can I please take a look at your arm? Then you can go back to passing out death threats, good as new."

He didn't answer, probably for the best, but he did hold his arm out to you, giving you a good look at a four inch wound...

That was already sutured.

"Who did that?" you asked. He grunted noncommittally. "Did you suture your own arm?" you asked, appalled and impressed simultaneously.

"Obviously," he said. You studied the threading, clearly not the work of a doctor, but still straight and holding the wound together, doing its job. 

Without thought, your hand reached out to him. Your index finger made contact with his forearm, and next thing you knew, his hand flew out, not making contact with you, but your body flew back into the very hard wall. You collapsed to the ground with a groan, rubbing your ass that would definitely sport a bruise tomorrow. 

"What the-" you grumbled, straining your neck to look up at Ren. You glared, but he was unaffected.

"Tell your superior whatever you want about my wound. Tell them you saved my life for all I care," he said, turning in a dramatic twirl of black robes. "And don't ever touch me again."

You groaned, holding a hand to your now throbbing head. "You definitely don't have to worry about that," you spit. If he heard you, he didn't acknowledge it.


	3. Creative ways to kill people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You day goes from bad to worse after a round of drinks with Victor and Cora.

When you finally got to the bar to meet your friends, you sunk into your chair, defeated. "Someone buy me a drink. I definitely won today." 

Victor gave you a skeptical look, but something in your expression made him believe you. "A round, please," he mouthed to the bartender, and he nodded, pouring your drinks.

After you'd plucked yourself off the cold, unforgiving floor from where Kylo Ren had left you, you filled out a very fake, very illegal report about you stitching up his wounds flawlessly. For some reason you knew that no one would check up on it, and even if he tried, he probably wouldn't let them. The rest of the day went by slowly in the emergency room, thank goodness. You were basically useless. Scared about Maddox knowing you faked a report because a patient had rather done his own sutures with one arm than let you, you couldn't relax all day. You were happy to have proved that he wouldn't kill you, but were still upset she'd gambled with your life like that. If you didn't get chief resident after that, you didn't know what else you could do to prove you were capable. 

The bartender brought a round of beer along with the appetizers your group had asked for, and you'd never been so happy to see a drink in your life. You'd chugged half the glass before even making eye contact with either of them.

"Okay," Cora said, eyes wide. "Give us the details, please," she asked, munching on some nachos. 

You grimaced, thinking back to when Ren had you seconds from death. 

"I'd rather not."

Victor shook his head, taking a sip from his mug. "That's not how that works! You have to tell us a cool story if drinks are on us."

"Ugh," you let out, taking another long chug of your drink. "I had Kylo Ren as a patient today."

The two burst out laughing, slapping the table, amused until they saw that you were completely serious. Your expression sobered them up quickly. You could still feel the press of his fingers around your throat. 

"Oh shit," Cora breathed out. "Seriously?"

You nodded. "Yes, and I'm breaking a million laws telling you this." They knew that talking about a named patient could result in my license being revoked it said patient was so inclined. Which based on today, he might be.

"Okay, so what happened?" Victor said. You ran the story through your mind, grimacing at the memory.

"He, uh, came in for a forearm laceration," you told them, not believing the conversation you were having. Your words were mundane enough, but they'd both heard enough about the Commander of the First Order to know this was not a routine check up.

"Kylo Ren can get hurt?" Cora laughed, still not quite believing you. "I assumed he was made of metal and junk parts."

You scoffed, remembering your words earlier, accusing him of being a robot. "He sure acts like that."

"Well what was the cut from?"

"I dunno. He didn't say." I was too busy provoking him into choking me to asked how he'd cut himself! you thought bitterly.

"Well what'd you do?" 

You debated whether you should tell them the truth or not.

"Honestly," you started, "nothing. By the time I got there, he was gone. Had to chase him down like 4 flights of stairs to look at the wound, but he'd already sutured himself. One handed!"

They shared your same expression of being impressed. "One handed?" Cora asked, and you nodded.

"Then what?" Victor prodded, intrigued.

You sighed, digging into the cheese sticks in front of you. "Well... He tried to kill me, found it wasn't worth it, then went off to go ruin someone else's day, I guess. Or to go eat puppies for breakfast, I don't know."

They both leaned back in their chairs, expressions in various stages of disbelief. You couldn't blame them. "Phew, okay yeah, you definitely win," Victor conceded, holding his glass up before taking a chug. You followed suit. 

"Wait, if he wasn't going to let anyone else sew him up, why'd he even come in to the med bay at all?" Cora asked.

"Wouldn't I like to know," you grumbled. "I just hope I never have to deal with him again." You chugged the rest of your drink, trying to shake away the feeling of constant unease you've had since meeting Ren. Not even your thoughts were safe, and that was a sickening realization. Maybe drowning them with alcohol would help. He couldn't accuse you of treasonous thoughts if he couldn't make any sense of them.

"Hey, slow down there," Victor cautioned you. You'd tried before, but you could never keep up with your friends, and they knew it. 

You signaled the bar tender for another round. "Day off tomorrow, remember?"

They nodded, remembering. "Thank goodness. I'm exhausted," Cora said.

"Next week is going to be much worse," Victor stated, as the barkeep placed another three drinks in front of you. 

"Why's that?" you asked, frowning into your drink. You couldn't really imagine a worse week than what you'd just had.

"Next week they start giving us individual assignments. Sending us off base for a ton of First Order missions all over the galaxy," he told you. "They say the next couple of weeks is how they choose chief resident." 

You eyes widened at that. "It's so going to be me."

"Whatever. You're so bad your patients would rather stitch themselves up!" He chuckled. You rolled your eyes, but laughed along with him.

A few drinks later, the three of you had said your sloppy goodbyes, and you were stumbling down the clean corridors which were completely quiet except for the occasional trooper on watch. When you got home, you were going to take a hot shower, devour some hangover preventative meds, and have the best sleep of the week.

You fumbled around in your pockets for your key card. You bent over, trying in vain to swipe the card through the high tech card slot correctly. 

"Fuck this," you grumbled quietly to your door.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway around you, spooking you into dropping your card. You bent to pick it up, head spinning, and when you righted yourself, you turned to see none other than Kylo Ren. There was no way that your luck was this bad. You blinked a few times, hoping to ban the hallucination from your thoughts, but unfortunately, he still stood in front of you, towering over you in a bundle of black cloth and metal.

"Commander Ren," you greeted, hoping you sounded more sober to him than you did yourself.

His hand tugged the collar of you white coat, and your breath caught in your throat. 

"Hm, Doctor," he read off your last name that was stitched on your coat, testing your name on his tongue. It sounded weird through the mask, and you fought the urge to laugh. Even in your inebriated state, you knew that was probably not a good idea. "Is this what the esteemed medical staff of the First Order does on their time off? Get belligerently drunk?"

You pushed his hand off of your collar, which you were surprised actually got him off of you. You crossed your arms over your chest, glaring up at him. "I'm not drunk. Even if I were, it shouldn't be a problem because, apparently, my stubborn patients prefer treating themselves anyways." His mask, of course, showed to hint of emotion, making you uneasy and bold in the same instant. 

"Plus," you added sloppily, "I needed a drink after almost getting fired because some barbarian decided to run out of the hospital before being treated, then do his own sutures!"

"Barbarian," he repeated, almost amused, but not quite. "You need to watch that mouth of yours."

The drinks must have really gotten to you, because his last words sent a shock through your lower abdomen, making your thighs clench.

You stared into the black slits in his mask, hoping to see anything human, even just a glimpse, but being disappointed when you came up empty. If not for seeing his very human skin earlier, you'd probably still be convinced he was part robot. Maybe he was, put not the part that you'd seen. That would be really interesting to study.

"Really?" he asked, voice heavy through his modulator. "This robot stuff again?"

Letting out a breath, you turned your nose up, refusing to be intimidated by his size... And the fact he could very easily kill you with his mind if he wanted.

"Maybe if you showed me proof that you were human, I'd believe it," you said, surprised by your boldness, challenging him, but curiosity was biting at you. "Take off the mask."

He let out a breath. "No."

Your dumb brain commanded your arms to reach up slowly, their only purpose was to either side of the mask. It was like his mask was a magnet, and your small hands steel. An inch before you made contact, his gloved hands snapped out, fingers curling around both of your wrists. His fingers tightened punishingly as he shoved your hands back down to your sides, and you grumbled in disappointment.

"I told you earlier. Do. Not. Touch. Me." His grip tightened painfully. Your breath caught in your throat as you stared up at him in fear, anger, and... desire? 

No, that was your drunk barbarian brain--what a hypocrite you were. There was no way you were feeling any type of desire for a man who passed out death threats like candy.

Your heart was beating so hard you were sure he could hear it. He probably could. Through the Force.

"Let go of me, you humongous ass," you spat, needing his hands off of you before you turned to goo. You didn't want him to, but he released you, taking a small step back.

"I'm an ass?" he asked. "When every time I see you, you insult me. I've had people executed for less," his voice stern. He wasn't used to people talking to him like that. You were surprised he hadn't killed you already.

Hands on your hips, you said, "Then fucking do it, you coward."

As expected, his hand flew out, and once again, you were held back against the cold door by an invisible hand, tightening around your throat with the strength of a python. Your hands clawed at your throat as if there was actually a hand their, trying to pry it from your skin, but it was futile. You gasped for air while he stood in front of you, useless as a sack of bricks

"I would," he cooed, his fingers closing, and with it, the grip around your neck as well. "But I like the way your eyes look when you're wondering if I'm going to kill you or not."

If you could move, you would have tried to kick him, but the invisible force seemed to be holding your whole body captive, not giving an inch.

"Fuck... you," you choked out around the Force grip on your throat. This choking thing was getting old fast. 

His hand fell to his side, and the invisible grip around your throat fell with it. You fell to the ground again, clutching your throat.

"Not in your distasteful condition, doctor," he said plainly through the mask, causing your cheeks to redden. "I suggest you stop getting drunk to the point of thinking that insulting your Commander will go unpunished. And to the point you can't even open your own door." 

At his words, you glared, but with the effort it took to keep your eyes open, it probably wasn't very intimidating. He waved his hand, and the door creaked open, and you fell into your room, stumbling.

"Good night," he snapped at you callously. By the time you righted yourself and peeked out past your door, he was already meters away from you, storming down the hall.

"Wait," you called after him, remembering Cora's question from earlier, your own curiosity burning. "Why did you even come to the med bay if you were just going to stitch your arm yourself," you asked, arm still supporting you on the wall. The floor swayed back and forth under you, but you needed to know the answer.

He paused briefly to turn halfway back towards you. "Because I needed a needle and sutures," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. As a doctor, you had to admit that was hot. You were sure he hadn't had a numbing pad to dull the sting of the sutures, and to stitch himself one handed shot a pang of lust to the apex of your thighs.

Stupid barbarian hormones. 

You really needed to rub one out. You pushed up to your feet and made your way to the bed, stripping out of your scrubs and changing into a large tee that you used as a nightgown. Hands sliding down between your legs, you tried to push the Commander out of your head. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing the aching of your clit was because of him. Realistically, he probably wouldn't be able to read your thoughts from wherever he was heading, but it was a risk that was not worth taking. Your fingers danced around your slick opening in that way you liked them too, causing you to moan into your pillow. You rubbed harder and faster ad you tried to make your mind completely blank.

You felt yourself nearing the edge, the precipice of relief you so desperately needed, but you couldn't get all the way there. Every time you got near, it was as if something pulled you further back. You rubbed faster and harder, back arching off of your bed, hips tilting into your fingers in an attempt to hit the spot that usually made you quake, but still, nothing.

"Fuck!" you screamed in neglected frustration.

Images of black robes and leather gloves and menacing masks flashed through your mind against your best efforts. Those gloves running up and down your body, hard enough to bruise, than lightly enough to second guess if they were even there, squeezing in all the right places and making you moan. Sliding up your shaking body until they reached and wrapped around your neck.

And squeezed tightly until you choked against his strong fingers.

Your vision went black, and every muscle in you clenched in pleasure as you came on your fingers, hard, finally pushing you to your much needed climax. 

After catching your breath, you walked to the bathroom to wash your hands. The reflection in the mirror made you gasp. There were red marks around your neck, clearly the shape of fingers. You looked abused. 

"I hate him," you muttered to yourself before washing your hands and returning to bed. 

When you woke up the next morning, you felt a little better. Your head rang a little bit from the hangover, but it was manageable. You got dressed, in just jeans and a sweater, thankful to not have to wear scrubs today. 

After looking in the mirror again, you groaned in anger. The marks on your neck were even worse than the day before. You cursed Kylo Ren internally as you used concealer to cover it up. It covered the marks sufficiently, but not all the way. You wrapped a bulky scarf around your neck before heading to the medical section of the library. It was always cold in there so no one would question the scarf. 

Even though you'd been studying at the library for years, it never failed to amuse you that the deadly First Order had rooms full of books; textbooks, cookbooks, history books, and even works of fiction. The thought was preposterous.

You grabbed a case study book and took a seat in a cozy table in the middle of the main atrium. Images of Ren holding you flashed in your mind against your will. You clutched onto your textbook, hoping that you could bore yourself out of your horniness, and for the most part it worked. 

Around noon, Cora came and brought you lunch, settling into the chair across from you, tossing you a sandwich. She was dressed similarly to you, minus the scarf.

"How's the reading going?" she asked, biting into her food.

You smiled, putting the book down. "Intriguing as always."

She chuckled. "I don't know why you still read all of this stuff. We graduated years ago, you know."

You shrugged. "Keeps me sharp, I guess. And it'll be the reason I get chief resident over you."

Cora rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair and propping her boots on the table. The two of you relaxed, enjoying your day off. After a couple of hours, Cora looked behind you and gasped. Her eyes went wide.

She quickly put her feet on the floor and sat straighter than you'd ever seen. 

"What-" you started.

"Commander Ren," she said, making you turn to watch him stride directly to your table. He towered over the two of you. She was a messy mix of shock and admiration and fear, while you were just annoyed. But your stomach twisted in knots as you realized with perfect clarity that you had not imagined your interaction with Ren yesterday. And now that you weren't drunk, there was nothing holding him back from making good on his threats. Well, hopefully the fact that you were in a semi-crowded library would stop him, but you couldn't be sure.

Please walk somewhere else, anywhere else, you pleaded, but apparently the was the one time he decided not to invade your mind. He stopped a foot from your table, his presence imposing and demanding attention.

"What are you doing here?" you asked. Cora choked on her sandwich at your rude tone. You turned to her, and her eyes were bulging out of her head.

She cleared her throat. "What she means Commander, is to what do we owe the pleasure?" She gritted her teeth at you.

Despite her speaking, his mask never turned from your face. "What am I doing here? At the library of the base I work at?" he asked, voice harsh through that stupid mask, and you nodded stupidly. "I'm getting a book," he said as if you were an idiot.

Your face felt flushed. Of course he hadn't come here to see you.

You were also taken aback. Kylo Ren knew how to read? You pictured him curled up in a lounge chair, reading a romance novel in the sun by a pool. Mask and robes on of course. It was ridiculous.

He let out a breath that almost sounded like a chuckle, but through the mask, you couldn't tell. 

"And what kind of book would that be?" you asked. A book on how to saute babies to eat for dinner?

"It just came out," he said. "It's called 'creative ways to kill people'." Cora's face turned stark white at his implication, but you were unimpressed. He could kill you with one swing of his lazer sword, right in your seat, with no consequences. He wouldn't even have to clean up the mess, but he hadn't. You remembered his words from yesterday with a grimace. I like the way your eyes look when you're wondering if I'm going to kill you or not. When that small source of entertainment started to get old, he'd probably kill you just to see how your blood splattered on the floor.

You huffed. "It sounds terribly boring."

"I can assure you, it is quite enticing," he let out. A threat. He was almost enjoying himself. "That's a nice scarf you're wearing," he said.

Your fists clenched in anger as you remembered his hands on your throat, threatening to kill you not once, but three times now. And the marks he'd left behind to remind you of his capability to do so. You resisted the urge to jump up and do the same to his throat, but it probably wouldn't do much expect piss him off. Also, if you were going to provoke him into killing you, you didn't want Cora anywhere near it.

"Thank you, sir," you said, teeth clenched. Every eye in the library was on you and the Commander. You wouldn't let him embarrass you by exposing the reason for the scarf. "It's a bit chilly in here."

"Hmm, is that so?" he asked, taunting. Annoying. You nodded sharply. An invisible hand gripped your throat-not tight, but tight enough to let you know it was there, unmistakably his influence over the Force. "I'll have maintenance fix the air condition so you'll no longer need it." You could hear the smirk in his voice, and it made your blood boil.

In a blur, he spun, walking away. He held out his arm to the side, and a heavy looking book flew into his hand. His murder book. He shut the door as he left, and the pressure on your neck disappeared.

You let out a shaky breath. The audacity! To do that in front of everyone. You'd kill him. Maybe read that murder book he was reading to get some ideas.

Cora leaned over the table, resting her weight on the elbows, color still drained from her face. 

"What the fuck was that about?" she asked, intrigued and concerned. 

You shrugged, looking back to your book. "No fucking idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my lovelies! If you've read this far, thank you so much!! I really hope that you're enjoying it! I have a few more chapters written, just needing editing, so the next few updates should be quick, but after that, I'll be updating on a weekly basis.
> 
> Please please please drop a comment below and let me know what you think! It's my first public work ever, so I'd really like to know your all's thoughts on it :)


	4. They're not as friendly as I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're excited to get your new assignment, but you find out quickly that it's going to be much more difficult than you were expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with the story! The comments I've gotten so far were so sweet, which has really been motivating me, so thank you to everyone who has left comments or Kudos!
> 
> I didn't add any tags for this chapter, but there is a mention of blood and light suturing near the end (you are a doctor lol), but it's not graphic, I promise!
> 
> Enjoy! :)

The rest of the day studying flew by peacefully. You didn't see Ren again, which you thanked the gods for. You weren't sure how much you could take before you tried to kill him, Commander or not. Or how much he would tolerate before killing you.

Cora kept glancing at you between pages like she wanted to ask you more, which you knew she did, but thankfully she didn't pry. What would she even ask anyway? Hey, what was with that pissing contest between you and Commander Ren?

And even if she did ask, what would you tell her? Oh, by the way, Kylo Ren and I have run ins everyday that always end with him choking and threatening me and I get profoundly turned on by it.

Yeah, you were going to keep that bit of information to yourself. You did feel bad for not telling her what was going on between you and Ren, but she'd just worry about you. And you didn't want him hearing any of her thoughts about it. And you really didn't want Victor knowing about your erotic confrontations with him. Besides, you probably weren't going to see him again anyway. Starkiller was huge, and your past encounters with him could just be chalked up to coincidence. Well, more realistically, just incredibly bad luck.

After a few hours, you stood from the table, yawning. "I'm gonna head back to my room. I'm exhausted," you told her. 

She nodded, giving you a smile. Hopefully she'd forgotten about your run in with Ren. "Okay, we should probably get some rest before work tomorrow."

You went back to your room, scanning the halls, for some dumb reason on the look out for Commander Ren. You cringed when you swiped your key card and remembered how he'd pressed you against the door with his fingers around your throat just the day before. You went to the bathroom and peeled off your scarf. The marks were there, but you'd have to be looking for them to notice them. You were definitely going to have a talk with him about that.

You weren't sure how a talk about boundaries would go over with the Commander of the First Order, but he couldn't just keep going around choking you and leaving bruises whenever he got angry or bored. Especially not where people could see them.

Turning on a movie on the holopad, you tucked yourself into bed, hoping to get a good night's rest before the new assignments tomorrow. After a few minutes, you fell asleep picturing Kylo Ren reading a book, as if it wasn't the craziest thing you've imagined recently.

When you woke, you felt refreshed, ready for a long day at work. You dressed into your scrubs and put a generous amount of concealer on your neck, which seemed to do the job today. That wouldn't be any fun to explain to whoever your new supervisor would be, and definitely not a good luck for chief resident.

"Fucking Kylo Ren," you grunted to yourself. You made your way to the cafeteria where the other residents were eating, along with a few guards getting off the night shift. After picking up your bland tray of standard First Order food, you took a seat with your friends. After a quick breakfast, you all made your way to the med bay to receive your new assignments.

"Good morning," Maddox said, terse and stressed as always. "I'm sure you all have heard that you'll each be going on different assignments to better assess your skills and give you more real life experience," she said. "These could range anywhere from battlefield assistance, teaching medical classes to younger students, or being stationed somewhere off base. These assignments are, for one, to help your attendings with their work, but mostly their to assess your developing skills as surgeons: making your own decisions, working under pressure, and creative problem solving. And of course, to determine chief resident," she said, eliciting excited murmurs from around the room.

"Hush, hush," she said. "There are twenty pieces of paper in this bowl with different assignments. These will be your assignments for the next three days. Some might take you away from base for the duration of it. No complaining, no trading. Line up."

The group did so.

"Yes!" Cora gleamed, pulling a piece of paper from the bowl and unfolding it. "Medical relief in Pasaana," she said. 

"Nice. I got battle medic on the front lines in Dressel," Victor said. That would surely be an exciting three days.

You hoped for an equally as exciting assignment as you dipped your hand into the ceramic bowl and plucked out a small strip of paper. 

"Well?" Cora prodded. 

"Oh you've got to be kidding me," you groaned, glaring down at the paper.

"What?"

And you showed them.

Medical assist to the Knights of Ren during training.

They gave you a look of pity which somehow made you even more upset. Assisting the Knight during training? "Oh that blows," Victor told you.

You shrugged trying not to glare at your supervisor for even putting down such a waste-of-time assignment. "Could be worse," you muttered, but it really probably couldn't. 

"Anyone leaving the base has one hour to pack and meet in the main hangar," Dr. Maddox announced. "Everyone else, get to your assignment immediately."

You turned and pulled Cora and Victor into a tight hug. "Have fun, you guys. Be safe! I'm so jealous. You all better come back with some interesting stories, because I'm definitely not going to have them."

They gave you one last pitying look as you went your separate ways. You heart dropped watching them leave. Since starting medical school, the three of you hadn't spent much time apart, so three days would be hard. There were holopads to send messages, but it wasn't the same.

You had no idea where the Knights of Ren trained, so you had to pull up a map on your holopad. It was quite a walk, but you were glad to delay your arrival as much as possible. You'd only seen the Knights in passing a couple of times, and you really didn't know what to expect. They were always sporting masks and black, intimidating armor, and they showed off their weapons any chance they got. You tried not to think about the many things that could go wrong on your assignment. After about fifteen minutes, you finally got to an unmarked door at the end of a deserted. That had to be it. Not creepy at all.

You held your breath as you pushed through the door, trying to prepare yourself for anything. The room was cold and vast. The dark walls were stony, a stark contrast to the bright, sterile white of the rest of the base. On one side of the room, there were racks of metal weapons, anywhere from small knives to axes that were taller than you. Beside that was a small row of metal bleachers. For spectating, you assumed.

Men in black armor were fighting loudly in the middle of the room on a wide training mat, shouting and laughing loudly like animals. You were surprised to see they didn't have their masks on as they fought. 

Before you could react, one of them turned to you, pulling his arm back, and launching whatever was in his hand towards you.

You froze, heart stopping as a dagger flew right by your head, close enough for you to feel the air it displaced. It took a few seconds to even register what had happened. Apparently, it hadn't taken long for you day to turn ugly. You didn't dare move in case another one of them wanted to try their luck.

"Who are you?" one of them asked, his deep voice echoing across the room.

"I-" you choked out, still trying to right your breathing from your near death experience. Apparently the Knights and Commander Ren shared a love for being unnecessarily violent and terrifying. "I'm from medical." It was barely more than a whisper.

Another man punched the one who threw the dagger at you. "Ushar, you dick," he chastised him. The man, Ushar, just shrugged, uninterested. 

"My bad," he said, turning his back to you.

The man who punched him nodded toward the dagger in the door. "Bring that back over here." When he sensed your hesitation, he smiled. "I promise we'll be on our best behavior." 

With a shaky hand, you pulled the dagger free, having to use both hands. You walked to the middle of the room. If you thought Kylo was scary, walking up to these giants equipped with weapons bigger than you, was enough to give you nightmares for years. It was unnerving to see them without their masks. It was almost like giving demons a face. But you couldn't deny their was something handsome about their features. The had sharp jawlines a confidence that would probably be attractive under different circumstances. They all had different features, of course, but they were all tall and bulked with muscle, and they all held themselves in the same confident and intimidating way.

When you reached the middle of the room where the men were standing, you raised your arm, trying in vain for it to stop shaking as you held it out to the man. 

"Vicrul," the man said, taking the knife from you and pushing it under his thick belt. He went around introducing the others. "Ushar, Cando, Ap'lek, Kuruk, and Trudgen."

You introduced yourself, faking a aura of authority that they probably didn't fall for. "I'm an orthopedic surgeon. I'll here for the next three days while you all are training in case any of you need any medical assistance."

Vicrul laughed, which echoed through the whole room. "I won't need you, but these dumb bricks might," he said, referring to the rest of the knights. That quickly lead to smack talk and some shouting, which was kind of amusing, but when one of them swung an ax, you scampered away quickly, desperate to leave the mat.

"I'll, uh, just be over here, then" you said stupidly as you pointed to the bleachers at the side of the room, but no one was listening.

You settled into your seat, still upset about your assignment but determined to make the best of it. You rifled through your pockets, pulling out your holopad as you leaned back into the cool wall behind you. 

Did these six massive men really need a surgeon present for their training?

As you watched, you quickly realized the answer was yes.

They moved with the strength of gorillas but with the speed and agility of a cat. It was unlike anything you'd ever seen before. Graceful yet wild. Terrifying to watch, but you couldn't turn away from their dance with death. They swung and prodded and threw their weapons at each other with force that would certainly kill most other humans.

It was beautiful.

But you saw why they needed you here. Within the first hour or so, one of the knights swung at another who was preoccupied fighting off an attack in front. The ax dug so far into his back that when he fell forward onto the floor, the ax stayed lodged in his body. 

You gasped and jumped up to your feet, running towards him. "Don't move!" you yelled, but by the time you reached him, he had already pushed himself into a seated position, laughing with the rest of the knights.

"I told you not to move," you grumbled, kneeling behind him. "You could bleed out."

"Thanks for the concern," Trudgen said, "But we've had much worse, and we didn't have cute doctors to stitch us up before."

You blushed, but didn't respond. This was the first time they'd had a doctor here? You'd surely done something to piss off some higher power because it would be your luck to get this assignment that probably didn't even exist before.

His arm reached around him, hand on the handle of the ax. You realized too late what he was doing. "No don't!" you yelled, falling forward to stop him, but he had already pulled the blade from his back and let it clatter to the ground.

To your immediate relief, you realized his armor was what had been holding the ax up, not his bones, but he wasn't in the clear. You put one hand on his back, assessing the damage. "I need to take a look at this," you said, which of course, he ignored. First Ren and now Trudgen denying medical assistance? With how they fought, it was a wonder they were all alive.

"I'm fine," he said, pushing himself up to his feet and swinging his arm around, testing its range. You stood in front of him, hands on your hips, keeping him in place.

You should have been terrified of him, but you were much more terrified of losing your job, which is what would happen if Maddox found out one of them had been hurt and wouldn't even let you look at the wound. 

You gave him the most intimidating look you could manage. "Sit down over there so I can take a look at it." You nodded towards the bleachers behind him.

He chuckled, picking his dagger up from the floor. "Thanks for the concern, hun, but I'm fine." He stepped to the side, and you moved with him, blocking his path. Physically, it probably wasn't very effective, but he paused anyway.

"I'm not concerned about you, I'm concerned about my job," you told him plainly. "Sit down, please," you said as sweetly as you could. 

"Sugar, you're interrupting my training," he said, trying once again to step around you. 

You grunted loudly, reaching forward to snatch the dagger from his hand. You were sure he could have gutted you in a second with it, but he let you take it, probably out of curiosity. You held it up to his throat. Whistles and a couple of chuckles echoed behind you from the other Knights, but you ignored them.

"Sit the fuck down," you said, voice steady, but the anger in it was not lost on him.

His eyes widened as he looked down at the knife. Shocked. Confused. Impressed? "Okay then. Doctor's orders," he said, holding his hands up in defeat. 

He definitely could have killed you, but he decided to humor you instead.

"I'm gonna get checked out," he told the rest of them without breaking eye contact with you. His gaze sent a shiver down your spine, but you pushed it back. "Don't have too much fun without me," he called over his shoulder. It wasn't long until that were back to their game of dangerous blows.

You finally got him to sit down on the bleacher row below yours, but his head was still the same height as yours. Where did these men all come from? They were practically giants.

Getting to work, you pulled on a pair of gloves and examined the wound more carefully now that he was still. It was dripping blood down his armor. 

"You definitely need surgery," you told him. It wasn't as deep as you'd first thought, but still deep enough to worry about.

He blew out a breath and chuckled. "Not gonna happen."

"You need it. If it doesn't heal properly, you could lose a lot of movement in your shoulder," you explained. Explaining to someone who needed medical attention that they needed medical attention was not a challenge you expecting to face, but you'd been getting plenty of it the past few days. Stubborn oafs.

"I won't," he said confidently. 

"Yes, you-" you started, but he turned to glare.

"Fine, if it'll shut you up, then make sure I don't bleed out, Doc," he said, cutting you off. The tension between you too would have weakened your knees if you were standing. "I'll give you ten minutes, then I'm going back to training."

You sighed, but you would take what you could get, and with them, you figured it wasn't much. He indulged you by letting you threaten him to sit down before, but getting him to the med bay and agree to surgery? Not going to happen.

Pulling out a suture kit that you were eternally thankful for slipping in your coat pocket, you got to work threading the needle. You sanitized the wound the best you could, placing the needle near his back.

"This might hurt," you said, pushing the needle through his thick skin.

He didn't even flinch. "That's cute."

You tried not to be impressed. Did these men not feel pain or something?

"Are you going to be here everyday?" he asked, breaking the silence and offering a surrender.

"No," you said, pulling through again. "Just for the next couple days until I get my next assignment."

"How'd you get stuck down here?" he asked, watching the Knights fighting without him.

You sighed. "Pulled it out of a hat."

"Lucky you," he said.

"Lucky me." The sarcasm in your voice was nearly tangible. A thought crossed your mind as you stitched him up. "Wait, what did you do before I got here? They just started giving out assignments to the residents today."

He chuckled. You waited for him to still before penetrating his skin again. "We used to have a young bloke come down everyday, for maybe six months. Not the fancy surgeon type like you, but he was some kind of doctor."

"What happened?" you asked slowly, scared to hear the answer. 

"Ren killed him," he said as casually as if he were talking about the weather, and your stomach dropped. "He tried to inject him with a sedative after he got cut up pretty bad during training. Ren Force threw him into a wall so hard it snapped his neck. Then he just sewed himself up before getting back to training."

You scoffed. Of course he did. "Sounds about right. Pointless murder then stitching himself up."

"Eh, I mean, the kid should have known better," he said. You froze, mulling over his words. A doctor getting murdered for trying to help Ren after getting stabbed? Your throat tightened. 

"He was trying to help you all," you pointed out, disgusted.

He turned to look at me, eyes wide. "Hey, I know that. Plus, we wouldn't do that to you. You're too cute for that. Ren might though."

"Wow. Thanks," you snapped. "I'm glad you think I'm cute enough not to murder while I'm doing my damn job." You shouldn't be cussing on the job, but you had a feeling Trudgen wasn't going to complain to anyone about it.

His words were worrisome. Would Kylo really kill you? After your past encounters, you didn't doubt that he would if provoked.

He rolled his eyes and turned back around. "Keep stitching," he said playfully. "I promise I won't kill you for it."

You got back to work, still upset, but the sickening clenching of your stomach lessened a bit. 

Another realization hit you. "Kylo-Commander Ren... Does he train with you?"

"Of course," Trudgen said. "Whenever he has time."

Of course he did. Your luck apparently wouldn't have allowed for a peaceful day without him. You should have put it together earlier. It did make sense. The tacky black robes and armor, the stubbornness, the absolutely terrifying demeanor. And the name Ren that they shared. But the thought of having to see him during work hadn't crossed your mind.

You finished the sutures and placed a bacta pad over the wound for a quicker recovery. It wasn't the perfect fix, but it was the best you were going to get from him.

"Alright, finished," you told him, putting your things back in the suture kit. "Thank you for indulging me." He stood, turning to you. He swung his arm around a couple of times and nodded in satisfaction. 

He chuckled. "Don't try that knife stunt on the others. They're not as friendly as I am."

You eyes widened, but you nodded. "Take it easy on the arm for the rest of the day," you told him.

"Sure thing," he said, winking before he went back to training. He definitely did not take it easy for the rest of the day, but his stitches didn't rip, and he had not had any trouble keeping up with the rest of them. He probably needed surgery, but your quick stitch up would have to do.

"I'm so going to lose my job because of them," you muttered to yourself miserably. 

The rest of the day thankfully went without incident. Cando got knocked flat on his back and definitely had a concussion. You talked him into sitting out for five minutes instead of the suggested twenty-four hours, but it was still better than nothing.

When they all inevitably died from preventable reasons, you were going to be pissed. You logged the incidents into your holopad, emphasizing the fact that they blatantly ignored your orders. You couldn't have been the first it had happened to. And you hadn't been murdered, so you were already doing better than the previous doctor.

Finally they started packing up their stuff and putting away their weapons, and you felt like you could finally breathe again, no chance of them accidentally decapitating each other. They peeled out of them room quickly, a couple of them nodding at you before they disappeared through the door. 

They were definitely going to get you fired.

You packed up your stuff and made your way to the door, relieved to be done with your stressful day. But fate had other plans, of course. When you opened the door, there stood none other than your favorite Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really excited about this chapter! I've always been super obsessed with the Knights of Ren, and I wanted to add them to the story. Let me know what you think!


	5. For a doctor, you're pretty stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought you day couldn't get any worse, but an unexpected run in with Ren proves you wrong quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Thank you so much for anyone still keeping up with the story, and to those leaving comments! I love hearing what you guys think. 
> 
> Slight warning for this chapter; tags have been added. I don't want to spoil anything in the notes, so please check the tags! Kylo Ren is NOT nice--keep that in mind. Also, this is the first smut I've ever attempted to write so please take it easy on me! Thoughts, tips, and advice is greatly appreciated! :)

Your breath caught in your throat as you stumbled back, retreating from Kylo Ren's towering frame. You caught yourself, heart rate quickening as you realized that the two of you were alone yet again, in a room full of weapons no less. Not that he would need any of them to do any of the harm he had threatened.

"You're fucking everywhere," you groaned, straining your neck to look up at him.

His arms crossed over his massive cheat, mask staring down at you.

"If you're referring to me being in the place where I always train, you're certainly correct," he said, unamused. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

You crossed your arms too, hoping to look as intimidating as he did, but surely failing miserably. "I had the absolute pleasure of babysitting your block headed friends," you snapped, still upset about getting the worst assignment of your entire class and upset at having to spend another second with Ren. "They're just as fucking stubborn as you are by the way."

"What did I say about that filthy mouth of yours," he said calmly, but his fists clenched in his gloves, indication of his anger.

You rolled your eyes, fed up after an already incredibly long day. "I can't quite remember which death threat you gave me which time, Commander," you said, putting as much malice into the last word as you could.

And then a force was pushing you back, like a fist to the chest, with enough power to knock you harshly to the ground. You groaned as your head whipped back and collided with the cold, stone floor, vision blurring. Your entire backside screamed in pain. He'd actually used the Force to knock you down. You really did hate the Force. On shaking arms, you pushed up to spit every curse word you knew at him, and his hand snapped to his waist and unclipped his lightsaber. 

Oh you'd done it this time. He was actually going to kill you. What a stupid way to die. At the hands of a homicidal maniac.

The saber ignited, sending a heated red glow throughout the room. Somehow it made him look even more menacing. He could kill you with his mind if he wanted to, but something about actually seeing his live weapon sent a shot of nausea to your stomach. 

He lifted the weapon, and you closed your eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing the fear in your eyes before he took your life. 

A crash echoed through the room, and you tensed, trying to hold back a scream. The sound continued, the sound of the saber slicing through air, then making contact with... not you. Your eyes flew open to see him attacking the wooden door he'd come through in a red haze, sending sparks from the entrance. 

He hadn't killed you. You were too surprised by that to even be grateful. You watched in awe as his lightsaber shredded through the door as if it were made of paper. The assault on the door lasted for about a minute, and he didn't take a breath the entire time. Every second the saber pierced the innocent slab of wood was a second that it wasn't disemboweling you.

Finally, he re-sheathed his saber with a menacing grumble through his mask. He turned back to your trembling figure. You didn't move a muscle, not wanting to remind him that you were a possible target. And probably much more interesting to slice open than a door.

With one gloved finger pointing down at you, he said, "You will not speak to me in that manner, girl."

You nodded, retreating from his gaze on your hands. "Yes, sir," you said, trying to sound as contrite as possible. Fucking asshole.

"I fucking heard that," he growled, bending down to grip your arm and jerk you to your feet, nearly ripping the limb out of socket. He pulled you close until your face was inches from his mask. Even in his fit of rage, some part of you wanted to reach up and pull off the stupid mask. You at least wanted to see the man who was likely to kill you.

You huffed, pulling back on your arm with no success. Then don't listen to my thought, genius.

His grip on your arm tightened, and your face pinched. "Your thoughts scream at me whenever I'm near you. And your thoughts are just as crude and discourteous as that smart little mouth of yours," he said. He'd heard that mental remark as well.

"I can't control my fucking thoughts!" you yelled, stomping your foot. "Short of putting myself in a coma, there's not much I can do."

He let out a breath. "That can be arranged."

You stared right into the black slits on his mask that were where his eyes should be, frustrated beyond belief. Your fists twitched, itching to hit him, but even in your fit of rage you knew that wouldn't end well. 

"If you don't like what you hear, figure out how to stay out of my damn head," you hissed up at him. "You're really fucking sensitive for a mass murderer."

In a blur, he had spun you around and pinned you into the cold stone wall behind you, the sharp bone of his forearm digging deep into your throat. At least he'd chosen a new body part to choke you with. 

"You think you're funny don't you," he said, fury barely contained in his voice. You wondered how his face pinched up under that mask whenever you made him angry. He must have been hideous to have to wear that thing all the time.

But the way he was cutting off your air, and his angry breaths through the modulator sent chills down your spine, real fear in your eyes. You shook your head as best you could under the pressure of his arm. "No, sir," you choked out, any bit of confidence you'd had before washed away.

"Do you think I want to hear your traitorous, proletariat thoughts?" he demanded.

Now he was just being rude, but you shook your head.

He sighed, but it didn't relieve any of the tension in your body, although he did relieve a fraction of the pressure from your neck. You took a deep breath, eyes searching him frantically for any hint of what he'd do next. He was calm. Too calm.

"I know what you think about me," he said. "You think I'm a brute. A monster. And you're right." His free hand landed lightly on your hip, and you tensed under his touch but stayed still. "But you're a hypocrite."

You let in a small breath of air, brows pinched in confusion. "What?"

He leaned in closer, and it set every inch of your skin on fire. You were sure he could hear your pulse from where he was.

"I know that you think about me when you touch yourself," he whispered, and you choked back a gasp. He couldn't know that. Well maybe he could, but he'd have to be near you to hear your thoughts... Right? 

He pressed his hips into yours, pinning you effectively to the wall. You could feel his hardening erection press into your mound, even through his excessive amount of layers. "You think about this monster," he sneered at the word, "ravaging that little cunt of yours, don't you?" 

You scoffed, but it left your throat as a whine. "Don't flatter yourself."

You tried to push him off of you, but hips pressed further into yours, and a sigh slipped through your mouth as his hardness brushed your throbbing clit. One of his massive feet slid between yours and pushed outwards, opening you up to him. You couldn't have fought his strength even if you wanted to.

"It's okay," he said, his cool mask grazing your cheek before pulling back. You were paralyzed. "I think about you too." He rolled his hips into yours rhythmically, forceful and demanding. You couldn't ignore the arousal pooling between your thighs. 

"I don't-"

He cut you off when his hard cock brushed your wet slit through your thin scrubs. You let out a moan, eyes drooping, and you mentally cursed your traitorous, horny body. You could practically hear his smirk through his mask, and you wanted to slap it off his face. 

"What was that you were you saying, slut?"

"I would never-" you pushed out, and he brushed up against your now sensitive clit again, sending shock waves of pleasure through your lower body, "-be attracted-" a moan, "-to a man-" another thrust, "-who's so ugly he has to wear a mask!" you finally got out. The back of your neck was dampening with sweat.

Against your will, your fingers wrapped themselves around his biceps to hold yourself steady. They were huge, and hard, and could easily snap you in half. Or throw you onto the floor to fuck-

No, you had to lose that train of thought. You couldn't let him win.

"You probably look like an ugly gungan under there!" you yelled out. 

He almost laughed, entirely unbothered by your taunts. You were halfway hoping you could challenge him into taking off the mask, but of course he saw through you.

"Hmm. I bet if I put my hands between your legs, you'd be soaking those cute little scrubs of yours, wouldn't you?" he hummed in your ear as he slammed his hard dick through your slit again, making your eyes roll back in your head.

You practically mewled. 

"No," you lied, voice shaky, trying to push him off of you with your hands before he found out for himself that he was correct. In an instant, your wrists were pinned to the wall beside your head by an invisible body, leaving you completely helpless against him.

You glared at him. You really hated the Force.

He pulled back slowly, his arm finally dislodging itself from your throat. You couldn't see through the mask, but you know his eyes were trailing down your body.

And then so did his hand. He brushed a strand of hair from your neck with detached precision. He teased your pulse with his glove, squeezing lightly once before palming your breast, hard. The pressure sent a spasm of arousal to your lower abdomen. You almost screamed when he pinched your nipple through your thin shirt, causing the bud to harden under his touch almost painfully.

"Hmm," he let out. He dragged a single finger down your sternum, over your quaking abdomen, and stopped, letting that single finger dip slightly into the waistband of your panties. He dragged that finger left and right under the band, causing shivers to run through your body. It was infuriatingly humiliating. And arousing.

You didn't know if he'd paralyzed the rest of your body with the Force also, but you didn't move a muscle to find out. Your eyes rolled back in your head as his hand slipped down to your heat, the rough leather seam skimming your clit as his fingers made their way further down to your core.

He hummed in mocking amusement as his fingers rubbed between your lower lips, not penetrating you, but leaving you breathless all the same. You hated to watch, but you couldn't look away as he teased you until you were dizzy under his touch.

"Turns out someone is a liar," he said, pulling his hand from your pants. You groaned at the lack of contact, thighs clenching to replace the sweet pleasure he'd just taken from you, but it was a weak substitute. 

He held his hand up straight between the two of you, twisting his wrist slowly so you could see every angle. The shine of your wetness was unmistakable on his gloves. 

He chuckled darkly. "Have a fetish for gungans then, do you?" he asked, amused. 

"Oh, fuck off," you spat, even though your cheeks heated under his discovery. Huffing, you turned your head away from him. His other hand reached out and pinched your jaw hard enough that your lips parted. He demanded your gaze, and you couldn't fight him off.

"For a doctor, you're pretty fucking stupid," he hissed, your eyes wide. "I told you to watch that fucking mouth around me."

You opened your mouth to let him hear a string a profanity your mouth was itching to spit out, but his fingers plunged into your mouth, depressing your tongue and preventing words you knew he'd make you regret.

His thick fingers pushed to the back of your throat, and you gagged around the leather, throat clenching. The gloves were salty and slick with your liquid arousal, and it made your head dizzy with lust. 

He bent so his eyes were level with yours. "Something you wanted to say?" he taunted, enjoying this. You just glared in response. "That's what I thought," he smirked under his mask.

His fingers pulled back just enough so you weren't gagging on them anymore. "Clean them off," he said. Your eyes widened in shock and embarrassment, and you stayed still under him. His fingers on your jaw pinched harder until you let out a whine. "I will not ask again," he warned.

With a painful sigh, you let your tongue swirl around his wet fingers, pushing between them to clean your taste off of him. To your surprise, the taste wasn't bad. Salty and sweet. When he finally pulled his fingers out, a string of saliva fell down your chin. You glared, and he dropped his grip on your jaw as well. 

"How does it taste?" he asked. 

You scoffed, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "Why don't you bend over and find out?" you challenged. 

Before you had time to blink, his hand was once again at your throat, pressing down on your pulse and the other was shoving its way back into your panties. Your breath stuck in your throat and your body trembled.

"Oh, I'm going to have so much fun breaking you," he said. Your eyes widened, and he started rubbing your neglected clit, and if he wasn't holding you up, your legs would have given out. You wanted to pull him further into you, but your arms still wouldn't budge. 

His fingers moved down, sliding through your slit and back before plunging two fingers deep in you. Your walls clenched around the sudden intrusion of his thick fingers, and the touch sent sparks through your every nerve. If that's how his fingers felt, you couldn't even imagine how his cock would feel inside of you.

He chuckled darkly. "You don't deserve to have my cock inside of you," he said. You cursed him and whatever gods gave him the power to see inside your thoughts. Maybe slipping into a coma would be a better alternative.

His fingers plunged in and out, curling up to his that spot that made your knees weaken, stretching you around his tight leather gloves. When he added a third finger, you wailed into the empty room. Your fingers twitched, needing to grab onto something, but you were still immobilized.

He circled harder and faster around your nub, stretching your walls by inserting a third finger. Your every muscle strained with need. You bit down on your lower lip to stop an unwanted moan from slipping out, and your head fell back into the wall, your eyes pressing closed. You were so close to reaching your orgasm. Your mouth went dry.

"Oh gods," you mewled to the sky.

His hand stopped moving entirely, his fingers froze on your clit and inside your spasming cunt, leaving you painfully on the precipice of release.

You let out a scream. "What the fuck!" you yelled at him, mind blurring in the throws of your near orgasm, teetering on the edge of a knife. Just a little more pressure is all it would take to send you over the edge. 

With all the strength you had, you rocked your hips down on his fingers, but halfway through one stroke, before you could get yourself off, your body froze completely.

You couldn't even form words to tell him to keep going.

"Beg for it," he said, his voice sounded impossibly bored through his mask, but you knew he was enjoying this sick game.

Your head spun from the painful denial. "What?" you managed to spit out.

His grip tightened around your throat, building up your arousal even more. "You fucking heard me. If you want to come, beg for it."

You shook your head once, vision blurring from both your unreleased build up and the lack of oxygen reaching your brain. Fury ripped through your body, but your desire won out.

He bent down, mask so close that it almost brushed your nose, and your eyes crossed to stay focused on him. "I'll give you once more chance."

"Fuck... you," you choked out against his hand. 

Faster than you thought possible, his hands slipped out of your pants and off your neck, nothing but the Force holding you up against the wall. He took a step back and scanned your body. You were sure you looked pathetic. Cheeks flushed, hair out of place, pants pulled down slightly.

"What the fuck!" you screamed at him again, clit and cunt in agony over the slowly receding orgasm. You shuddered as your arousal dissipated throughout you like melting lava.

His arms crossed over his chest once more. "I'm sure I remember telling you that you needed to start respecting me. Next time, I trust you'll remember that."

You lashed out at him, but barely moved an inch against your invisible restraints. If looks could kill, he'd certainly be dead. 

"I'll fucking kill you," you groaned at him, sounding more pitiful than intimidating.

He made a tsk sound through his mask. "And here you are calling me--what was it--a homicidal maniac?" he said, amused at himself as he recited your thoughts from just minutes ago.

His fists loosened, and the invisible hands holding you up disappeared. You dropped painfully to your hands and knees on the floor, out of breath. That was definitely going to leave a bruise. 

Your head snapped up to glare at him, still panting. You were going to have to jack off for at least half an hour to make up for the teasing he just put you through.

He crouched down so that he was at eye level with you, and what came next tied your stomach in knots. "You can certainly try," he said, and your eyes widened. "Touch yourself tonight as much as you want, tomorrow, whatever. But every time you come without me, you will be completely unsatisfied."

And then he was on his feet and out the door before you could move a muscle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you all think! Also, I'll be upping the chapter count a little bit since my outline is a little longer than I was originally expecting.


	6. I'd be willing to help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend the day on edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sorry for the late update, I've been really caught up with work this week, but I should be updating again soon! Of course, I had to add a little more Knight content, so I hope you all enjoy! Thanks again to all you wonderful people leaving comments and kudos! You all make my day :')

As it turns out, Kylo Ren was right. No matter what you tried, you were left, completely and painfully unsatisfied.

You had jacked off three times before falling asleep, each orgasm even more unsatisfying than the last. You tried all your favorite positions, and even your favorite toy that you kept for special occasions, but nothing worked. You'd even taken a cold shower to relax, but it only made it worse, your body craving his heat. Nothing could get the thought--and feel--of his massive fingers out of your head. He'd barely even touched you in the gym, and you nearly crumbled to pieces.

You fell onto the bed, burying your face in the pillow, and you screamed until your throat cracked, frustrated beyond belief. 

If you could punch Ren in the face without the promise of sudden death, you would do it with a smile. Or maybe you'd even trade death for the delicious feeling of hurting him. The feeling of your fingers colliding with his jaw would be so satisfying. Or the feeling on his fingers on your-

"FUCK!" you screamed, punching the bed once in an attempt to let out your frustration. You flipped over and rubbed yourself every way you knew how, but this time you couldn't even bring yourself to orgasm at all, almost like your body was incapable of even reacting to your touch. 

You thought back to what he'd said with a taste of disdain. 'You can touch yourself, but you without me you won't be satisfied'.

Did he use the Force on you to make sure you'd never enjoy it without him? Would he do that? Is that even how the Force worked? At this point, you wouldn't put anything past him. After all, this was the man who threatened execution for treason over your thoughts.

"I could kick him in the dick!" you yelled to your ceiling, your anger and physical frustration bringing out some glimpse of immaturity, but your need for an orgasm basically turned you into a neanderthal.

You clicked off the lights with the switch beside the bed, and finally forced yourself to sleep, dreaming of punching Kylo Ren across the face. You didn't know what his face looked like under the mask, but he had to be hideous. Why else would he wear it?

When you woke, your whole lower body ached in need. It was like something was stepping on your abdomen, and it wouldn't leave you be until you came. Debating whether trying again would hurt or help, you decided it was worth it to try. You rubbed out another unsatisfying orgasm before getting dressed for work and gathering some medical supplies. You decided to bring more equipment today, not knowing how many injuries would occur or to what magnitude. Based on how the Knights liked to fight, you figured most of their injuries would be a little more serious than just some cuts and bruises. You skipped breakfast in the cafeteria since Cora and Victor were both gone on their assignments, plus your pent up frustration left you hungry for something other than food.

You silently cursed your friends in jealousy. You were happy that they got cool assignments, of course, but you'd literally kill to trade assignments with them.

And you know who you would kill to do it. You chewed on a granola bar on the way to the Knights' training room, upset with the world. 

When you rounded the corner to the room, you stopped. The door was still in pieces, some shreds and pieces of wood hanging on to the hinges and scattered around the floor, a reminder of Ren's temper and your punishment from yesterday. That fucker.

You walked through the door, slowly this time as to not have any more dangerous weapons thrown at you today. You let out a sigh of relief to see that their master was not in the room.

The knight, Cando, chuckled as you walked through the door. "Don't worry, no missiles today!" he yelled at you. You instantly relaxed as you made your way over to the set of bleachers in the corner of the room. 

One of them nodded toward the utterly destroyed door. "You know anything about that, doc?"

You sat down and shrugged. "Probably just one of Ren's charming temper tantrums," you replied flatly, keeping any emotion out of your voice, hoping you succeeded. Thinking of him sent a wave of rage through your mind, and a wave of arousal through your lower abdomen. You squeezed your legs together to create friction, but as expected, it was just a thrumming dull ache. Maybe one of them would teach you a way to kill Ren.

"You play a dangerous game talking about him like that," Vicrul warned.

Rolling your eyes, you leaned back into the wall behind you. "Let's talk about dangerous games when you guys are finished trying to kill each other, hmm?" A couple of them chuckled before turning back to each other, weapons clashing, sweat dripping.

Didn't they ever get bored of just fighting?

The answer was no. They absolutely loved it. Thrived on it even. You watched in awe, perhaps understanding the appeal of just swinging a heavy object until you hit something. That even sounded nice right now. 

Your fists tightened at the thought of Ren. Had he used the Force to make your peaks lower than they'd ever been? Could you convince him to reverse it?

Thankfully, the morning passed without incident. It was a good thing too, because you were so horny you could barely form thoughts. If you had to sew someone up in this state, you'd probably end up making it worse. 

Around noon, you stood up, stretching, joints popping from sitting for so long on the hard metal bench. 

"Lunch time already?" Ap'lek said, as the Knights walked to the weapons rack beside you to stow their equipment.

"Apparently," said Cando, placing his weapon back on the rack.

Trudgen grinned at you as he followed suit. "Look at that. Already lunch time, and none of us have a single scratch."

You gave him a sarcastic smile. "How thoughtful of you all." You nodded toward him. "How's that shoulder holding up?"

"Better than brand new," he said. You separated for lunch with a promise to be back in an hour. You wanted to go back to your room to rub out another one, but the walk to the cafeteria took half your break. You grabbed a sandwich and headed back to the arena. Just one and a half more days until you'd be given a real assignment. You felt sorry for the poor person who got assigned to these men next.

When you rounded the corner and walked through the still busted door, you almost dropped your sandwich in shock. 

Kylo Ren was standing near the weapons rack, polishing a deadly looking ax, and he was alone. His size alone was enough to fill your body with dread, but seeing him wielding one of those terrifying weapons was another experience entirely.

You turned on your heal, deciding to wait outside until the rest of the knights returned, but Ren had other plans.

"Come," a deep voice echoed from inside the room. You froze. You could walk away, but that probably wouldn't end well. Not that you had much to lose though. At this point with him, it just seemed like your death was on an alarm that he snoozed when he pleased.

You turned toward him, eyes shooting daggers, fingers smashing the innocent sandwich in your hand. "I'm fine right here, thank you."

He wasn't even facing you. "Come here, or I'll drag you." He sounded bored, but you shivered, knowing he meant it. 

On the walk over to him, you decided to be civil. You'd danced with death one too many times this week. 

Plus, you weren't sure if you could handle another punishment like yesterday's. 

"Did you have a nice evening yesterday?" he asked smugly, still focused on his weapon. 

You could hit him. You breathed slowly out your nose. "Yes, thank you."

"Are your fingers sore?" he asked, smirk clear in his voice.

There went your fleeting motivation to be civil. In a flash of anger, you pulled back your arm and launched the rest of your sandwich at the back of his head.

In an instant, he had turned toward you, sandwich frozen in the air halfway between you. Your jaw dropped in awe. As much as you hated the Force, it was really cool to see. He flicked his wrist and it flew to the floor a few feet away.

"Something the matter, miss?" he asked innocently.

"Doctor," you corrected through gritted teeth, and he shrugged as if it was of no importance. "And no, everything is perfectly fine," you lied.

He nodded once. You could hear the smirk in his voice under the mask, and it made you want to bash his skull in with it. "Good," he said. "But if something were wrong, you know I'd be willing to help."

Resisting the urge to run and tackle him, you smiled tensely, fists tightening at your side. "For a price," you reminded him. 'Beg for it', you remembered with a shudder.

"A fair price," he corrected you. 

Anger surged through your body, and you stomped towards him, closing the gap between you in seconds. You index finger wagged in his face. The audacity. A commanding officer of The First Order, acting like a fucking child fighting over a toy. 

"You're a fucking ass," you told him, wagging your finger in his face. "Fix what you did."

He breathed an amused sound. "You already know what you need to do for that to happen."

Throwing your arms up in frustration, you yelled, "The Force! I know you used it to fuck with my head so I can't have a good orgasm!" You'd be embarrassed by the words if you weren't so upset. Your head spun with rage. 

This time, he actually did chuckle. Under different circumstances, it would have been a sound that you liked, even through the mask. 

"If you're having trouble pleasing yourself, it's not my fault."

"It is!" you screamed. "You used the Force to fuck me up, and now you need to fix it."

He shook his head, taking a menacing step towards you. Your heart raced. If you took a deep enough breath, your chests would touch. 

"I didn't use the Force," he said, voice low. "I merely stated that you wouldn't be satisfied having an orgasm without me. Which by the looks of you, was true."

You seethed, ears ringing. "I fucking hate you," you grumbled, childishly. You still couldn't believe this was a real conversation you were having with Commander Ren.

"Your wet little pussy yesterday begs to differ," he teased, further fueling your rage.

Your jaw clenched, glaring up at him. "I don't know what they taught you in murder school, but in biology class we learned that if you touch a woman's clit, she's going to get wet," you lectured him, knowing good and well that you wouldn't have reacted quite like that for anyone else. 

"Don't fucking flatter yourself," you added, nails biting into the heel of your palm.

Before you could flinch, he bridged the gap between you two, large arm wrapping under your white coat and around you to palm your ass and squeeze, causing you to jump further into his chest. "Don't worry. The way your body reacts to me flatters me enough," he growled, his words sending sparks to the apex of your thighs against your will. 

Your hands fisted into his cloak, wanting to push him away, but they stayed still. "I'm not going to beg," you said through gritted teeth. 

"Then you'll be left in this charming, pent up state you're in for a while," he retorted, tightening his grip on your ass. You let out a sigh, fists tightening on his cloak to keep you upright. One million thoughts ran through your head, which you were sure he could hear. Would it be worth it? No way. You're weren't going to give up your pride to a gungan in a mask. For what? Because you were horny? You'd figure it out somehow.

His other hand brushed your nipple lightly through your scrubs, the bud responding immediately, hardening for both of you too see. He pulled your hips into his, and his erection prodded your stomach. Your back arched and lips parted. 

"I-" you started, but he pushed you away sharply, turning back to the rack of deadly weapons. You regained your balance right as the Knights strutted through the door, loud and laughing. Fuming, you scurried back to your seat on the bleachers. Your interaction with Ren had left you even more confused and pent up. Treason or not, you wanted to kill him.

"Kylo!" Vicrul cheered, patting him on the back as the rest of the men reached the weapons rack. "You joining us today?"

He shook his head. His voice was normal, but his fists clenched at his side, annoyed with their intrusion. "No not today, Snoke summoned me, but I'll be here next week." The crew nodded. 

"Perfect. We've missed training with you," he replied. "We've got ourselves a doctor know, so I won't have to hold back when kicking your ass anymore," he said, and they all laughed. Even Kylo's shoulders shook with amusement. You almost couldn't believe your eyes. He and the Knights were... friends? It was a thought you couldn't wrap your head around. Kylo Ren had friends. Well it did make sense; all they really did was fight and threaten people. They were perfect for each other. Plus they probably weren't any more innocent than him.

Ushar nodded towards the ground with a look of light disgust. "Whose sandwich?" he asked.

Kylo jerked a gloved thumb towards you, and you flinched. He whipped his head to look back at you. "Hers."

"Pity," he replied.

Kylo hummed. "I guess she'll just be... unsatisfied for the rest of the day." 

Your blood boiled, jaw tight as he turned away from you. The double meaning was lost on the men.

Ushar shrugged. "How's she going to patch us up if she passes out from starvation?"

Taking a deep breath, you gave him a pressed smile. "Just don't let your guard down again today and hopefully you don't get chopped in half," you said bitterly, and he let out a hearty laugh.

"This girl isn't half bad," Ushar said to Kylo as he took his weapon and made his way to the middle of the room with the rest of the Knights, ready for another round of training. Without a word, Kylo walked out of the room, not sparing you an ounce of attention. You could finally relax, but the ache in your lower body felt no relief. 

The rest of the day went by slowly except for, of course, another concussion and a couple of scratches from the daggers. Even though you knew they were all ridiculously strong and could probably survive a lot of damage, your heart beat faster with every swing they took at each other.

But then again, if they got hurt badly enough, you would get a cool surgery from it and a chance to impress Dr. Maddox for chief resident.

Or, more likely, the injured Knight would die, stubbornly bleeding out before agreeing to go to the med bay, and you would get your ass handed to you by Maddox. 

It was an annoying situation. There was no way you were ever going to get chief resident like this. You prayed to any gods who would listen that you would get a better assignment at the next drawing and have a chance to use some of the skills you'd been working towards for a decade. 

The rest of the day went by slowly. And the next, thank goodness. 

No accidental run-ins with Ren. Also, no halfway decent orgasms, but you'd take the little victories where you could.

You were utterly grateful when you got the holonote from Cora and Victor that they were back and heading to the bar. You quickly walked to meet them, pulling them both into a tight hug.

"Ugh, I missed you both so much," you said, genuinely glad to see them but also so happy to have a distraction from constantly thinking about Ren. There was no way it was good for your mental health.

They pulled back smiling, taking their seats are the bar. "Long three days?" Cora asked. 

You nodded, sinking back into your chair. "Unbelievably."

"How were the freaking Knights of Ren?" Victor asked, barely containing his excitement and curiosity. It annoyed you

"They were..." you thought it over. "Not the absolute worst thing in the world. But close."

He huffed. "Please give us more details than that."

You rolled your eyes. "I really just watched them train and waited to check their concussions are stitch up some some cuts from their fighting. Which they usually didn't even let me treat anyway."

"Nothing too interesting?"

Shaking your head, you said, "No, thank goodness. These men are animal... Absolute beasts. They're so strong. Every time one of them moves I'm afraid they're going to decapitate each other."

Victor laughed. "That would be a pretty cool surgery though," he pointed out.

"But likely not one that would have a good outcome," you said, and he agreed with you.

He got the bar tender's attention. "Three please," he said.

"Two please," you cut in, and he nodded. 

"You okay?" Cora asked, and you nodded. You were afraid drinking would make you hornier, but you weren't going to tell either of them that.

As it turned out, you definitely pulled the short end of the stick with your group. Cora had gotten to reattach sawed off fingers on a stormtrooper, and Victor had an in-battle amputation. While you patched up booboos that members of the First Order had given themselves. 

Awesome. You wanted to hit something.

You waited, knee bouncing until it was a reasonable time to leave. It was really nice catching up with friends, but going twenty-fours hours completely on edge and unsatisfied was exhausting.

"Goodnight. I'm going to get some sleep," you finally told them as a yawn overtook you. 

"Bed already?" Victor asked, somehow still full of energy.

You nodded. "Yeah, I want to be fresh for tomorrow in case I have patients that actually let me treat them." You tried to keep the bitterness from your voice, but failed.

Cora gave you a half smile. "I really hope you get a better assignment tomorrow."

"Me too," you grumbled.


	7. Your thoughts are boring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm so sorry it's been so long, things have been really crazy at home, but everything has been calming down now, so I'll be posting a lot more regularly now! I have a few more chapters roughly drafted, so I'll be posting those quickly after editing, and after that, I'll be posting every Saturday, if not more often, I promise! Oh and I outlined the rest of the book, so I'm upping the chapter count again.
> 
> If anyone is still keeping up with this, thank you so much! I've been having so much fun writing this, and I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> ADDED NOTE: I've been trying to keep this really vague on physical descriptions of the reader as to not make anyone feel left out, but in addition to the reader having female genitalia, this chapter does kind of assume we (you, idk lol) have titties big enough to grab (?) Someone mentioned it, so I wanted to put it here in case anyone wouldn't want to read that.

As it turned out, you did get a much better assignment the next day. 

Soon, you were going to be on a transport to Dressel to preform surgeries on soldiers who were wounded during battle on the planet. Dressel was near Hosnian Prime, where a lot of the Resistance resided, meaning it had plenty of people willing to fight the First Order. There was a well established medical bay there that most of the First Order soldiers would go to for medical care. You'd be leading all of the cases by yourself, and you were ecstatic. 

But that giddy feeling disappeared as Dr. Maddox asked you to stay behind after the meeting. Cora and Victor gave you a thumbs up as they left to get to their own assignments. 

'Good luck!' Cora mouthed to you, and you gave her a tight smile.

"Yes, Dr. Maddox," you asked nervously once the two of you were alone. She was in a sour mood, but that seemed to be the norm for her. It didn't make you feel any better though.

"You were assigned to the Knight of Ren, yes?" she asked. You nodded slowly. Had they complained about you? The thought of them coming up here to talk to anyone and complain seemed ridiculous, but you wouldn't put anything past them. "According to your charting, you reported some serious injuries that were not brought up here to the hospital."

You gulped, fingers toying with the hem of your white coat. "Yes, but it also says in the charts-"

"That you let the Knights keep training even after assessing some as critical injuries?"

"Yes, but the Knights-"

"The Knights were your responsibility to treat, right?" she finished for you.

Your cheeks flushed with annoyance and embarrassment. "The Knights absolutely would not come!" you insisted loudly. "Ma'am," you added respectfully. 

She peered down at you, face pinched in a frown. "Yes. I can see that. I hope you do better on Dressel."

You nodded in defeat. At that moment, you hated the knight and their stubbornness. "I will. I'm sorry," you forced out.

Nodding once, she looked back at the holo. "I hope you have more luck convincing patients there to let you save their lives... Which is your job after all, doctor." Your fists clenched. You bit your tongue to keep silent as she walked out of the room. 

You hoped the Knights would hack each other to bits while you were away. Then they wouldn't be your problem anymore.

Silently cursing them as you walked back to your room, you tried to forget about it. It was just one crappy assignment, it couldn't affect you that much. You were still on of the best surgeons in the class, and with the highest success rate. When you got back to your room, you quickly packed a bag with a couple sets of scrubs, pajamas, a couple medical books on battle injuries, and toiletries, then made your way to the main hangar. A ding on your holopad indicated which ship was your transport, and you made your way to it.

"Hello," you called out, walking up the ramp into the ship. It was a small transport with just a storage room filled with carts of medical supplies, a bathroom, and through a small hallway was the cockpit.

When you saw who was in the ship with you, you grimaced. 

"You've got to be kidding me." You turned on your heel to exit to ship, but right before you reached the ramp, it started to pull up, closing you in. "Very mature, Commander," you called back, grudgingly making your way back into the cockpit. You stood behind the passenger seat, resting your arms on the back, glaring down at your flight companion.

"Right. And leaving your assigned post without notice is mature," Kylo Ren asked, unamused as he flipped some switches on the control panel.

Anger rolled through your body. As if it wasn't bad enough what he'd did, now he arranged for the two of you to be stuck together inside a pod for hours, so he could torment you. He really hated you so much that he'd bother with flight pairings? Your fingers gripped the back of the seat until your knuckles turned white.

"Contrary to what you might believe," he started, "I do not interfere with First Order affairs to, what were your words... Torment you?" 

You flushed red. Of course he hadn't. A new wave of anger took over, remembering he could hear your every thought. The stupid Force.

"Now are you going to sit down, miss?" he asked, fiddling with the steering wheel. The ship vibrated slightly, indicating it was ready for take off.

You seethed, fingers tightening on the back of the chair. "It's doctor," you reminded him through gritted teeth.

He waved a gloved hand, brushing you off. "It doesn't matter."

"It does. I learned way too much fucking biology for you to not at least use that title," you told him. There were some things you'd let him win, but this was not one of them. Especially when plenty of men assumed you of a lesser title solely for the fact that you were a woman. 

When he answered, you were expecting a little bit of a fight, but instead, he answered plainly. "What did I say about that filthy mouth?"

You rolled your eyes, glad his mask was turned ahead so he couldn't see. "'Watch your mouth'," you recited. "'Respect me'. Blah, blah, blah. Respect goes both ways, Commander," you snapped. "If you could spare me a sliver of human decency, I would do the same."

"I don't take demands from you," he reminded you harshly, his voice sending waves of unwanted lust to the apex of your thighs. You swallowed a groan as you pushed your thighs together, trying to ignore the need in your lower belly. He let out an amused breath. "But if I remember correctly, you had a favor to ask of me."

You shot daggers into the back of his head with your eyes, remembering the days of unsatisfied torture he'd put you through. "No, sir, I don't."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Very well," he conceded. "Then sit down. We're about to take off."

Your mouth opened slightly to tell him to fuck off, but his head whipped around, his mask staring you down as if anticipating an outburst. He probably even wanted you to throw a tantrum and give him an excuse to murder you--as if he needed on. Fear moved your body to sit down in the passenger seat a couple feet to the right of him. You put your bag in the slot for it under the chair and buckled in.

"You're piloting?" you asked him. 

"Obviously," he said, pulling a lever that caused the pod to rumble. 

Your brows knit in confusion. "You know how to fly a ship?" you asked as his hands jerked up on what you assumed was the steering lever. 

"You're not very smart, are you?" he asked. "Obviously I know how to fly a ship." To prove it, the ship pulled up and out of the hangar and into space. Your cheeks reddened at his words. You couldn't help but be a little bit impressed. 

Your eyes widened as the ship broke the atmosphere and pulled into space. You'd been in space just three times. Once when you were little, once on your way to medical school, and once on your way to Starkiller. The expanse of sky and stars never failed to amaze you. It was almost enough to make you forget about the horrible man sitting next to you.

Almost.

He flipped a switch, leaning back a little into his seat. "I trust you had an enjoyable night?" he asked smugly, his voice insinuating.

You glared ahead of you at his choice of words. You ignored him completely. "How long is the ride there?"

"With light speed, about two hours," he said, flipping the switch to light speed as he spoke. You watch his arms reach out over the panels, pressing buttons, and the way his shoulders tensed and jerked as he steered. You couldn't keep your eyes off of him. You must have been really horny because even the way he leaned back in his chair turned you on. He was so big, and confident, and-

You cleared your throat, shaking those thoughts from your head.

"Can I drive?"

"No," he grumbled through his mask. 

"Why?" you pouted.

"I don't fancy dying today."

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. "What are you even doing on Dressel anyway?"

"I have business to attend to on a nearby planet," he said plainly. He flipped a switch that you hoped was autopilot, because he then leaned back into his seat, hands resting on his thighs. His thick, muscular-

You blinked. "Murder business?" you asked. 

"What else would it be?" he asked, neither laughing or angry, making you pause to wonder if he was serious or not. He probably was. Whenever he wasn't edging you in the gym, he was busy murdering innocent people most likely. That thought made it easier for you to hate him.

But your traitorous cunt disagreed. To your horror, you could feel arousal pooling between your legs. 

Kylo turned his head towards you, mask tilted. He knew. The fucker.

You crossed your legs tightly and bent over to pull out one of your textbooks. If he was going to snoop through your mind, he was going to be bored doing it. You started reading, putting every modicum of focus you had into reading your book.

Battlefield amputations. Interesting.

Kylo Ren tapping his long fingers--that had been inside you--on his armrest. Not interesting. 

Blaster wound treatment. Interesting.

Kylo Ren kicking his long black legs up onto the ledge in front of him, stretching out in the chair that could hold the both of you. Not interesting. 

You flipped through your pages, anger rising with every page. Even you were getting bored, but you absolutely weren't going to let him win. 

And you definitely weren't going to watch as he pulled his arms behind him, resting his head on his forearms, or his tight torso, clad in black, exposed from his robes.

Fuck. 

This was absolute torture, and according to your watch, you still had at least forty-five minutes left of the ride.

"Your thoughts are boring," he said, breaking the silence.

"Then stay the fuck out of them," you snapped. Usually those words would have resulted in you thrown against a wall with the life being choked out of you, but he must have known you were already being tortured from your last encounter, so he let it go.

He sighed, mask still facing out the window. "You're certainly a bold one, aren't you?" 

"Only when I'm forced to spend time with the biggest asshole in the galaxy."

"I'm going to have so much fun breaking you," he said so plainly that you had to run his words through your mind a couple of times to make sure you'd heard him correctly. He said them as casually as someone would comment on the weather.

"What?" you scoffed. 

He turned to face you, his mask unnerving as always. "Don't act like you didn't hear me. And don't act like you don't want me to." 

Your cunt spazzed under his gaze. How was someone whose face you hadn't even seen turning you on like this?

You slammed your book shut, turning in your seat to glare at him. "You are absolutely-"

Before you got a chance to scold him, you felt a force on your clit feeling like a lubed finger, causing you to gasp in surprise and pleasure. 

"What the-" you choked out, but the invisible finger circled your hardening nub.

You looked to Kylo, eyes wide, but he was still leaned back in his relaxed position, not moving a muscle. 

Fuck the Force.

"What were you saying?" he asked innocently.

You opened your mouth to speak, but the pressure increased, and all that came out of you was a choked moan. 

Your hands slapped over your mouth to keep you quiet, eyes wide, and he laughed. "I don't know why you're embarrassed. I've already seen every nasty fantasy you've had about me."

Another moaned escaped your lips. You wanted to fight your arousal, but you'd been unsatisfied for days, and you were a horny mess falling apart under his fingers.

Not even his fingers. His fucking mind. You wanted to hit him.

"I don't know why you're fighting it," he said casually, unaffected by your interaction. "I will win. I will break you, and you will learn to respect me. Give in, and this will be so much more enjoyable for both of us."

You threw a glare at him, trying to look angry, which you were sure didn't work out.

"Never," you said, head snapping back as another invisible finger plunged deep between your wet folds. 

He shrugged, uninterested. "Sure." And it pushed your walls open, overtaking you with pleasure. "Put your legs up on the dash in front of you." You shook your head, stubbornly. "Do it, or you'll regret it." Too lost in pleasure to ponder his threat, and too desperate for release to fight with him, you obliged him, leaning back in the chair so you could put your feet on the ledge.

The change in position had your legs quaking as he increased the speed on your clit, rubbing hard shapes into you. Pressure hammered down on a spot deep inside of you, and your jaw went slack.

"Touch yourself," he said.

"What?" you spit out, voice weak.

"You heard me. I want to see you squeezing those adorable little tits," he said, clearly enjoying himself.

You shook your head. "Fuck off."

He sighed. "Do it or I'll stop." Your eyes widened. Your head wanted him off of you, but you knew your body would cry out for him until he gave you what it wanted. And whether you wanted to admit it or not, you were miserably horny since your last encounter with him.

Despite your best effort, your hand flew to your breast, squeezing and kneading it between your slim fingers. You didn't know if the Force had done it, or if it was your own free will, but it didn't matter. Your index finger and thumb pinched and twisted your already hard nipple, and you both watched as it peaked through your shirt. Between that and the pressure on your clit, your head almost exploded. Your other hand gripped the armrest so tightly you were sure that your fingernails would cut into the leather.

Breath quickening, hand pulling on your breast, your hips rolled into the force in your cunt, and you let out wail.

You were so close to the edge. After days you were finally going to-

"No!" you screamed as the pressure disappeared entirely from your body, leaving you stranded at the edge.

Kylo's hand were now relaxing on his armrests, mask still facing you. He was tense, but no where near where you were. Your muscles were about to explode. "You know what I want," he said roughly.

You doubled over, almost in pain from your loss. You were sure your anger was enough to blow up the ship right then and there. And you hoped it did. Then you'd be out of your misery, and he'd be out of your life forever.

"I won't-" you started, but the pressure returned on your clit and inside of you, stretching you out in intense ripples. Once again, he brought you to the edge before completely pulling back, leaving you screaming for release, every muscle in your body tensing up.

Tears started to dribble down your cheeks as your head fell back onto the head rest. You shut your eyes, hoping if you closed them hard enough, that pain would overtake what you were feeling in your lower abdomen. He built you up again, a floodgate of arousal threatening to spill out, and when he pulled back this time, you bit down on your fist to keep from screaming. 

"Please!" you yelled finally, quaking in anger and need. You weren't sure if your body would ever work properly again after this. 

He shook his head. "Not good enough." The pressure returned this time only to your clit; not enough to drive you over the edge but to keep you shivering in a miserable state of limbo.

You groaned, choking back tears, too horny to bother with embarrassment. "Dear gods, please, Kylo make me come!" you sobbed to the ceiling as the circles around your clit grew faster and harder. "I need it so fucking bad, I'll explode. I'm begging you, please!" you gave in, all dignity you had exiting your body.

He purred in his mask, satisfied. "Hmm. No, I don't think I will." And the pressure disappeared once more.

"AH I WILL KILL YOU! KYLO, I SWEAR-" you screamed so hard your throat would be sore the next day. You were cut off when the pressure on your clit returned, along with the Force inside of you, slamming against your walls. Your brain turned to mush.

"Fine," he said. "Do it." 

And you came. Hard. You saw stars behind your eyes and screamed. Your cunt clenched in strong waves around the pressure in you, soaking your panties in a tidal wave of pent up frustration and arousal. Your entire body shook so hard that you were sure your shook the ship. 

When you finally came down from your long awaited orgasm, you slumped into your chair, feet falling to the floor. You couldn't have moved a single muscle if you tried.

"Holy fuck..." you breathed out as your pants slowly turned back into regular breaths. You could still feel your heart beat in your cunt as aftershocks pulsed through you.

You'd just had the best orgasm of your life, and he hadn't even laid a finger on you.

When you could open your eyes again, they glanced at him. His mask was on you. 

"I can make your life much harder, or much easier," he said. "And that decision is entirely up to you."

You groaned, but it was a satisfied noise. 

"Make yourself presentable," he ordered. "We're almost there."


	8. Saving lives, being very heroic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! I skimmed over it so please go easy on me if there are any grammatical or spelling mistakes :)

When your body finally solidified again, you pushed yourself out of your seat, grabbed your backpack and went the the bathroom, very actively avoiding his gaze. You were eternally grateful that you'd brought a few extra pairs of panties with you for the trip. 

You were shocked at you reflection. Dried tears stained your cheeks and chin, and your face was still blotchy and red from your intense orgasm. You quickly splashed cold water on your face, which did little for your appearance, but you felt a little better afterwards.

Walking back to the cockpit, you shuddered. You didn't know how to face him. At the time, you would have done or said anything for an orgasm, but now with a clear head and happy cunt, you regretted your grovelling. And you were sure he enjoyed it. The memory was hugely humiliating.

Whatever. He could do what he wanted with that. You probably weren't going to see anymore of him for a long time, unless he was seriously injured. 

Now that was a fun thought. 

You sat back in your chair, not even glancing his way as you strapped back in. But your entire body was very aware of his presence, all hulking and brooding beside you in the cockpit. What was he thinking? Did the encounter affect him at all? How many people did he do that with?

Luckily, before you could drive yourself mad with any other questions, the ship breached the atmosphere, and you smiled in delight. It was a vast, beautiful green planet with colorful trees and plants and large sparkling bodies of water. It was gorgeous, and a very welcome change from the cold, snowy, unwelcoming environment on Starkiller. You focused on that instead of the man beside you.

"Feeling better, I presume, my slutty doctor?" he asked, and you grimaced, him reminding you of what had just happened. You'd begged--actually begged--for him to make you cum, crying, and he did. Without even touching you. And you still hadn't even see his face. He was right, and the thought enraged you.

"Oh, fuck you, you gungan monster," you snapped back, your energy returning along with your sass apparently. 

He let out a breath, pulling up on the steering mechanism and landing the ship gracefully in a small opening in the dense forest. It must have been the First Order medical bay for this planet. The thought of a new assignment, not with the Knights of Ren, was exciting, and you were itching to get back into an operating room.

Without warning, he sprung from his seat and lunged, planting himself right in front of you. His hand slithered behind your head, twisting his fingers into your hair and pulling back so you were forced to look at him, neck craning, eyes wide.

"Since I made you come, you assume I'll start tolerating your blatant disrespect?" he growled. You tried to shake you head but his grip held you in place. "Answer me!" His voice reverberated through your entire body. 

"No-no, sir," you answered, voice shaking. 

He was still as a statue for a moment, regarding you. "Watch that fucking mouth of yours," he said, "or next time I see you, I'll pound my cock into it so hard the only thing coming out is going to be my cum," he threatened, arousal already pooling up again between your legs. "Understood?"

"Yes, Commander," you answered, and he pulled back, releasing you. 

He flipped a switch on the wall beside you and you heard the ramp behind you start to open. A whiff of fresh air flooded your nose. You rubbed the back of your head in an attempt to relieve some of the pain from his rough grip.

He took a seat. "You're lucky we're here. That is the only reason I'm not taking you over my knee and spanking you until you can't walk," he said, fiddling with the controls. 

You stood on shaking legs, grabbing your bag and nearly sprinting off the ship, trying to pretend that you didn't want him to enact that fantasy. 

Making your way to the building, you didn't look back at the ship at all. The building was big, sterile, and practical. It was hastily built, but it would do the job. There were soldiers in the hospital beds and some nurses scattered about the front room, which was the size of a regular emergency room. 

"Oh, doctor," one of the nurses smiled tensely walking over to you. "I'm so glad you're here." 

You smiled back. "Yeah, why don't you catch me up to speed?" you asked, the excitement of you being in the room extinguishing any thoughts you could have had about Ren.

"So, most urgently, we have two femur breaks, a shattered elbow, and a-"

"A wicked vertebrae misalignment," someone finished for her.

You smiled. "Bradley. Good to see you," you greeted him. You hadn't seen him since the first day when you two were stationed at the training facility.

"Same to you. I could really use an ortho assist on this neck injury," he told you.

"I thought I was going to be the only doctor stationed here," you said.

There was some commotion behind you, and the nurse started running towards it. "Thank you for your help! Dr. Mercer can help you orient yourself!"

A couple of troopers were holding up another between them, blood trickling down his white armor. You grimaced, but nurses surrounded him as he laid on the bed, well taken care of. 

"Um, yeah," Bradley said, pulling back your attention. "I was supposed to leave yesterday, but I was working on a skull fracture that took all night, then the misalignment came in, so I'm waiting for the swelling to go down before putting it back into place, then I'll head back to Starkiller with you."

You nodded. "Sounds like a plan. When are you expecting the swelling to go down?"

"Probably by tomorrow morning. Until then I can help with some lacerations and such if you want to get started on the surgeries," he offered.

"That'd be great," you told him.

He motioned toward the door in the back. "Surgical patients are through there, and the operating rooms are the next room." You made your way toward the back. "Let me know if you need any help!" he called after you. 

"Thanks," you said. When you got through the door, a surgical nurse greeted you, introducing you to the patients. They were groggy with pain meds, but they explained their situations, and you were able to explain their injuries and course of action individually. After taking a look at all of their scans, you decided to take the patient with the higher femur fracture first since it had the highest probability of complications if you waited too long. 

Within a few minutes, he was set up in the operating room, anesthetized by First Order automatic technology, and you were scrubbed in.

You took a scalpel and took a deep breath. You'd performed plenty of solo surgeries before, but never when your attendings were on another planet. It was comforting to know Bradley was outside if you needed help. You'd hate asking him for it though. Neurosurgeons were so cocky.

The surgeries went well, all three patients wrapped up, pins and screws in the right places, and they'd be coming back to the world soon. Discarding your slightly bloody surgical gown, you stretched out, walking back to the emergency room in the front.

Bradley was finishing up sutures on a woman's leg who'd been grazed with a blaster. "How'd they go, champ?" he asked.

"Perfectly," you beamed. 

He put a patch over the woman's wound with instructions on how to keep it clean. "And come find me if you have any problems," he told her.

The woman blushed at him before pushing out of the bed and limping off. It wasn't a mystery as to what had her all flustered. Bradley was an insanely attractive man. Blond shaggy hair, glistening blue eyes, broad shoulders, and a wicked smile. And add the fact he's a doctor? Apparently women love that.

He turned back to you and gave you a smile. "Love to hear it," he said, holding out his fist that you bumped with your own. "Let's celebrate!"

You let out a cynical chuckle. "And what are we going to celebrate with?"

He thought it over. "Well for dinner, I can treat you to mush from the cafeteria here, or mush from the cafeteria back on Starkiller that I brought here."

"An impossible decision, but I'll take the mush from here," you said, following him out the door. He grabbed a commlink from the wall and nodded towards one of the nurses.

"We're gonna grab some dinner. Let us know if you need us here?" he asked, and she nodded before getting back to work.

He held the door open for you, and you grinned. "A gentleman," you complimented. A welcome change from the men you'd been with the past few days, especially Ren.

Bradley led the way to a small tent about a fifty yard walk from the makeshift hospital. Employees were handing out trays of food to nurses, scouts, and soldiers that were here.

"Can we sit outside?" you asked after getting your food. He raised a brow. "We never really get to see outdoors on Starkiller," you reminded him. "It'll be a nice change."

He nodded. "Sure thing." The two of you walked outside, taking a seat on a fallen log beside the tent. 

"How were the past few days for you?" you asked him, making conversation.

"Good, good," he said, taking a bite of an unnamed soup on his plate. "Saving lives, you know. Being very heroic."

You let out an amused breath. "Yeah, I'm sure."

He chuckled. "It's been good. I've done some really cool surgeries, and I really feel like I became a better doctor on this assignment."

You snorted. That made one of you. You briefly wondered how the Knights were doing with their new doctor. Had they cut each others limbs off yet? With Kylo gone, the new doctor was probably still alive, but you couldn't be sure. 

It was a waste to station a doctor there everyday, but General Hux had insisted, and no one could deny him. Except maybe Ren, but it was in his interest to have a doctor there to make sure none of his Knights bled out during their training exercises.

"How about you?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"Your assignment before this."

You nodded. "Right. Honestly, it sucked. I just babysat the Knights of Ren during training."

His jaw dropped. "That's so incredibly cool," he said. You rolled your eyes at his excitement. He'd have that assignment one day, and feel the same distaste for them that you did. "I didn't even know that was an option."

Pinching off another piece of bread, you grumbled, "It shouldn't be."

"What do you mean?" he asked with genuine curiosity.

Your shrugged. "It was a dumb assignment. They just hurt each other with dangerous weapons and all but straight out refused any treatment at all."

He let out a chuckle. "You're joking."

Shaking your head, you turned back to him. "I wish I was. One of them got stabbed in the leg with a dagger and wouldn't even let me look at it before getting back to training."

"Wow," Bradley blew out a breath. "Bad ass."

"No," you grumbled. "Annoying." He laughed heartily this time, and you gave him a confused look. "What?" you asked. 

He held out a hand as if it were obvious. "Come on. The thought of a Knight of Ren sitting in one of our little hospital beds getting stitched up is pretty funny."

The image did bring a smile to your face. "Okay, it's kind of funny. But Maddox sure gave me a talking to for it this morning! Basically called me incompetent," you told him, but he was still laughing. "Hey, you won't think it's funny when one of them would rather bleed out than let you treat him."

"Okay, okay," he said, surrendering with a smile. You couldn't help but notice it was a cute smile. He held up his glass of water, clinking it against yours in your hand. "Here's to you never having to work with the Knights of Ren again."

"I'll definitely drink to that," you said. When you finished your meal, you dropped off your trays in the tent and walked back to the hospital. It was quiet now, most of the patients sleeping while the night nurses bustled around, making sure everyone was healthy and taken care of. 

You did a once over on your three surgical patients, making sure their vitals were stable and incisions looked good. Once satisfied, you turned back to Bradley. 

"Where do we sleep?" you asked, retrieving your bag from the surgical prep room. 

"Oh you'll love it," he said.

"Really? Thank goodness because I'm exhaust-Oh... you're joking," you let out, unamused.

He gave you a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Of course I am." As you two exited, he jerked his thumb, pointing to the back of the building. "There's a couple of small huts out back. There's an empty one for you. I'll show you."

You followed him around, and he walked you to a small, stone hut in a circle of about twenty of them, one for each of the nurses and doctors, you assumed. Inside there was just a small cot with one blanket and one flat looking pillow. 

Turning back to him, you asked, "What if I need to use the restroom?"

"Hold it," he suggested. 

You breathed out a laugh, dropping your bag to the dirt floor. "Asshole."

He gave you a shining smile. "See you in the morning," he said, turning and closing the door behind him on his way out. 

When you sat down on the uncomfortable thing, you realized you still had a smile on your face.


	9. Pays to save lives around here

You woke up refreshed, stretching as you got up to change into a new set of scrubs. After leaving the hut, you took in a deep breath of fresh air, smiling, the change of scenery invigorating. Then you ate some barely-tolerable breakfast before heading back to the emergency room.

When you entered, it was still pretty empty except for your patients from yesterday and a couple of nurses. Bradley was in the back of the room at a small desk looking over some papers. Your patients were still asleep so you sauntered to the back of the room. 

He smiled when you reached the deck. "Morning, sunshine. I got you something." He pulled something from behind a stack of papers and handled it to you.

"Chocolate!" you beamed at him. "My favorite. Where did you get this?" You turned and seated yourself on an empty section of the desk, swinging your legs as you opened the treat. 

"Pays to save lives around here, I guess. One of my patients swung by and brought it in this morning," he told you.

Turning back to him, you smiled hugely. "Thank you so much." His eyes twinkled up at you for a moment before he got back to reading his charts. "Any update on the spinal patient?"

He handed you a sheet with the patient's medical imaging on it. You held it up to the light, examining it as you ate your treat. 

"What are you thinking?" he asked. 

You squinted at the image. "It looks like the swelling has gone down enough. If we wait much longer, I'm afraid we'll miss the window to prevent paralysis." 

He took the image when you held it back out to him. He nodded, looking at you through his glasses that he hadn't been wearing yesterday. He looked absolutely adorable in them. 

"I agree," he said.

"Hmm."

"What?"

You shook your head, taking another bite. "Nothing. It's just interesting to see a neuro asking someone's opinion on a surgery."

His eyes widened in amusement, leaning back into his chair. "Oh, you think we're arrogant, do you?"

You shrugged, teasing. "Something like that."

He snorted. "Well, we are arrogant, but I like to ask other's medical advice, even if I don't need it."

"Is that so?" you raised an eyebrow, finishing off you chocolate. 

Bradley nodded his head confidently. "Yep. And that's why I'll be getting chief resident in a few weeks."

You grinned, popping your thumb in your mouth to lick off some melted candy. His eyes watched your every move. It was strangely arousing.

Turning around, you jumped up from the desk. "Sure, not arrogant at all."

He chuckled, rising from his seat. "I'm gonna prep the patient. Come on in whenever you're ready." You nodded, taking his seat and combing through his files before the surgery. Once you felt confident in your knowledge, you scrubbed in, joining him in the operating room.

The patient was already hooked into a pulley system what was meant to realign the vertebrae.

"Ready?" Bradley asked, and you nodded. The surgery was long and exhausting, but the xrays taken afterwards proved the surgery was successful, and it was the coolest surgery you'd done in a while.

"Good work in there," you told him as the two of you scrubbed out. "Maybe you are chief resident material." He smirked at you. The rest of the day went quickly. You checked up on your patients, discharging them after going over post-surgical protocol. You and Bradley split treatment of some major lacerations, but you handled all the bone realignments and splinting that came in from the battles many miles away.

By the time the day was over you were ready to get off your feet. You were on your way to get some food when a nurse stopped you. "Doctor, we have another transport coming in with some people who need your attention."

You nodded, then turned to Bradley. "Go ahead without me. Both of us don't need to be here."

"No way," he said. "I'll help out, of course."

Shaking your head, you pushed him through the door. "Go on. It's supposed to be my assignment anyway."

"Fine. You have all the fun," he groaned playfully. "I'll drop you off some dinner."

Within minutes the transport had gotten there. Nothing too serious, but you knew you'd be up for a long time treating these soldiers. When you peeped Bradley coming back towards the med bay, you walked out and shut the door behind you. 

He handed you a bag of food, which you gratefully took, and gave you a quizzical look. "Everything good?" he asked.

You nodded, smiling up at him sweetly. "Yeah, just a couple more then I'll head back to my hut."

He looked suspicious, but nodded. "Okay. Have a good one," he said before leaving you. You sighed. You didn't want to lie, but you would have felt bad about him staying up helping you when he wasn't even supposed to be here. He'd been so sweet to you already. The time would have passed much more quickly--and enjoyably--with him, but you hated asking for help, and he really had been good to you.

You quickly scarfed down your dinner outside before heading back to work. After a few more hours of sutures, casts, and splints, you were exhausted, and there were at least five patients to go.

"What the hell are you doing?" a voice said behind you.

You turned to see Bradley, arms crossed on his chest. He looked angry.

Turning, you focused on the sutures you were doing. "Treating patients."

"Yes I see that," he said, his footsteps approaching you. "Why didn't you ask me for help?" He sounded offended. 

You shrugged. "I felt bad. This is supposed to be my job. You shouldn't have to help me."

He laughed, but it was a dark sound. "Don't be ridiculous, I would have helped in a heart beat."

"I know," you said. "That's why I didn't tell you."

A hand fell gently on your shoulder, making you flinch. "Come on, give me that," he motioned towards the needle and stitches. "Go to bed. It's three in the morning."

Shaking your head, you said, "I'm not even tired."

He laughed out loud as you let out a yawn.

"Okay, fine, I'm a little tired," you admitted. He put on a pair of gloves and took the supplies from you, hands brushing yours through the gloves, causing your heartbeat to quicken. 

"Come on, let me. You're not any good to these people if you fall asleep on the job," he told you. 

"Are you sure?" you asked through another nod. 

He nodded. "Yes. Go get some sleep."

"Thanks, Bradley. I owe you one," you told him. 

Snorting, he said, "Buy me a beer when we're back on Starkiller." He bent to start on the sutures that you'd left unfinished.

"Deal," you muttered, walking sleepily back to your hut. You felt bad about leaving him the patients, but you were about to collapse. He was so sweet doing that for you. And he was right; you were hardly any good to your patients in this state. 

As soon as your head hit your flat, hard pillow, you fell asleep immediately into a dreamless sleep. 

When you woke the next morning, you groaned, still tired, but feeling much better. You changed out of your dirty scrubs and went to the cafeteria, stomach growling. 

After grabbing your food, you took a seat by Bradley, who looked much better than you felt. 

"You look much better than I do," you told him, taking a bite of an apple.

He smirked. "Doubtful."

"You know what I mean."

"Eh. Yeah, it took me about an hour with those patients, then I went back to bed," he said, explaining his lack of bags under his eyes. 

You gave him a weak smile. "Thank you for helping me," you said, biting into some plain toast. You couldn't wait to be back at Starkiller. The food there was nothing special, but at least it had some taste. "How'd you know I was still there?" you asked.

"Oh, some nurses out back were talking pretty loud. They said the doctor was still in the ER, so I had to come check," he said, finishing up his food. 

"Well thank you," you said sincerely. "I really appreciated it."

He gave you a gleaming smile that sent a wave of something through your lower body. "I couldn't have the second best surgeon in our class pulling all nighters, could I?" he teased.

You smiled, throwing a piece of toast at him which he easily dodged. 

"Oh, Maddox messaged," he told you. "We're staying here tonight, and transport is going to pick us up tomorrow morning and take us back to base."

You groaned. "Ugh." Another night on those awful cots would for sure be giving you back problems. 

"I know," he agreed. "But at least were not here alone."

Eyes widening, you looked at him. You realized that you had really been enjoying your time here with him, working beside him and getting to know him. He was sweet, and respectful, and that was something you could use some more of from men, especially after how you let Kylo treat you.

"I'm... I'm glad you're here, Bradley," you said to him.

He smiled sweetly before nodding. "Come on, let's get to the med bay." You followed him there. Thankfully, it was a much calmer day. You only had two surgical patients, and they went very smoothly. Other than that, it was just minor injuries that were very easily treated. 

Every so often, you'd catch yourself staring at Bradley. He worked with efficiency, grace, and compassion, always so reassuring to his patients. The nurses fawned over him, and you could easily see why. 

You shook the thoughts from your head.

As taken as you were with Bradley, the mysterious and threatening Commander of the First Order still plagued your mind. You knew almost nothing about him except that he kept you on edge and he was intimidating as hell. 

Oh, and that he gave you the best orgasm of your life.

When the day ended, you were both relived and a little upset. You liked it on Dressel. The staff was nice, you liked being completely in charge of your patients, and there was none of the constant competition between you and your colleagues. Well except for Bradley, but you found that his confidence was part of his charm.

After dinner, he said, "Let me walk you back to your hut."

"Okay," you smiled, feeling something in your gut that you hadn't felt in a long while. Passing through trees, you were relaxed. Being on this planet was incredibly relaxing. You didn't want to leave, but you didn't know if it was because the terrain, or the man standing next to you.

"You know," he said, pulling back a branch for you to continue down the path, "I'm really glad you were here with me these past couple of days."

Your cheeks flushed. "Yeah, it's a good thing I was here so you didn't kill your patients."

"Funny." He gave you a grin as the two of you emerged from the trees. "But I'm serious. It was nice being with you. For an ortho, you're not bad company."

"Well, despite my better judgement, I enjoyed being here with you too," you told him, and you meant it.

When you finally made it back to the circle of huts, you stopped outside of your and turned to face him.

There was mischief in his eyes, and perhaps another emotion you couldn't quite place. He took a step forward, and you stayed put, letting him lessen the distance between you. 

He said your name softly, and hand reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear. The motion sent a shiver down your spine. "You're so beautiful," he breathed out, almost as if he didn't even realize it.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, looking down at you. His bluntness made you blush, but you appreciated it. You would have been lying if you said you hadn't thought about it before. His lips on yours in the med bay when you were alone. 

You nodded, and he grinned. He slowly bent down to you, and your lips parted in anticipation.

He pressed his full lips down onto yours, and you gasped. It'd been months since anyone has kissed you. 

His hands slid tenderly to your cheeks, pulling you into him. You pushed your tongue past his lips and teeth, where his met yours with enthusiasm. Your head went dizzy with want. Something about the kiss felt more intimate than just kissing a friend... Almost special. You circled tongue around his, and he moaned into you. One arm slid around your lower back, pulling your hips into his. The other arm shot behind you, reaching for the wall of the hut. He took a step forward, pushing you into the wall. Your hand reached out to tangle in his locks at the back of his neck, and your lips moved against each others, sloppy and slow, as if you were savoring each other. 

Chatter to the left of the huts pulled him away. You both looked, and there were two nurses walking back to their huts. They hadn't seen anything, and to keep it that way, you gripped his hand, tugging Bradley into your hut with you.

You smiled up at him, feeling like a teenager. You were giddy and excited and your arms wrapped around his neck and pulled his lips back down. When you tugged on his bottom lips with your teeth, he let out a groan and twisted an arm around you, bending down, holding you until you were laid on your small cot with him spread on top of you. 

He propped himself up on his elbows at either side of you, sparing you from some of his weight. 

The kiss was passionate and gentle. This was the type of man you should be with. Smart, attractive, encouraging.

But thoughts of how your legs shook for hours after one orgasm with Kylo slipped to the front of your mind. 

You pulled Bradley in tighter, kissing him with ferocity, pushing thoughts of Kylo away entirely. He moaned into your mouth and one hand trailed your waist lightly, sending shivers through your whole body.

But you tensed and pulled away from. He gave you a look of confusion.

"I'm sorry," he said, pushing himself off of your chest. "I should have asked-"

You smiled, cutting him off. "No, you're fine. I just don't think we should be doing this while on assignment."

He nodded, immediately rolling off of you and sitting himself on the side of the cot. 

"You're probably right," he said, shy and out of breath.

"Plus," you said, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "I don't want you to get too attached to me right before I get chief resident," you teased. "It'll just hurt your feelings even more."

He rolled his eyes with a smile. "How very kind of you." He adjusted his wrinkled shirt and flattened his hair. Placing his hands on his knees, he asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

It took you so long to answer that his face started to fall. Did you? The cot was small but it would be nice to have him in it with you. He was a really good guy, and you deserved that.

"No," you said, and his frown disappeared. "Stay."

He smiled, taking his shoes off before laying in the cot, snuggling up behind you. He pulled the blanket over you and let his muscular arm wrap around your torso, pulling your back into his chest. You snuggled closely into him, falling asleep almost instantly with a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me this far! Update coming later tonight!


	10. Proving my theory

When you woke, your head was resting on Bradley's forearm, and you smiled to yourself. It was the best night of sleep you'd gotten in days. You sat up slowly, trying not to wake him, but he stirred. His blue eyes sparkled as they flitted open and looked up at you.

"Good morning," he mumbled through his drowsiness.

"Morning," you replied. 

His hand trailed softly over yours. "How'd you sleep?"

"Honestly? Best night of sleep I've had in a while," you said, pulling your hand away to put your shoes on.

He grinned. "I was about to say the same." His words warmed your heart.

You wanted to ask him more, about what would happen when you got back to base, but a message on the holo pulled you from your bubble. "Transport should be here soon," you said.

He nodded, pushing himself up. "We should probably get going soon, huh?"

"Yeah," you agreed, not bothering to hide any disappointment.

"I'm glad I stayed," he said, stretching out and slipping on his sneakers.

You hummed in agreement, and he gave you a quick peck on the lips before standing up. It felt normal and natural. Healthy.

During the walk to the transport pickup, you decided that you were going to tell Kylo that things were over with you two. You felt stupid even thinking that though. What was going on with you two anyway? He finger blasted you once, and made you come once without even touching you. You didn't owe him anything. There wasn't even anything to 'end' with him.

And he probably wouldn't even care if he did find out about you and Bradley. You probably hadn't even crossed his mind since he dropped you off on Dressel. 

A sick feeling rolled through you. What if he was the one picking you up. Having to be on a two hour flight with him and Bradley would be torture. And unbelievably awkward.

Your stomach clenched in unwelcome disappointment when you and Bradley boarded the ship and Kylo Ren was not in the cockpit, but you shook the feeling. The ride back was pleasant with Bradley making small talk. He actually was very interesting. He was from a mining planet in the Outer Rim and joined the First Order so he could support his family who still lived there. You liked him more by the minute.

When the ship landed, you were a little upset to be back, but excited to get your new assignment.

Walking down the ramp, Bradley asked, "Dinner soon?" You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and nodded. 

The two of you got your assignments and went to work. The next two days passed in a blur of surgeries. Both days, you were on your feet for over sixteen hours, much too tired to meet with your friends or Bradley afterwards. The third and final day of that rotation, you finished around 5pm. Cora had sent a holo threatening you to meet at the bar at 8 o'clock. Or else, she'd said. 

So after a quick nap, you put on a casual black dress that cinched at the waist and stopped a few inches below the knees. Once satisfied with the reflection in the mirror, you made your way to the bar.

"Finally, she has arisen from the dead!" Victor applauded as you took a seat across the round table from him and Cora.

It was really good to see your friends. You hadn't talked to them in days. They quickly filled you in on their past two assignments, and you did the same, leaving out any details of any men that weren't patients. You didn't want them knowing about Bradley yet, especially because you didn't know what was going on with him, but you really didn't want them knowing about Kylo Ren. 

You were pulled out of your conversation by two male residents from your class. One of them said your name as they approached the table. "That's you right?"

"Yes," you said, voice turning up as if a question.

One of them let out a heavy breath. He had a wicked black eye that looked like it was a few days healed. "Phew, what's your secret with Ren?"

Your heart stopped beating. There's no way anyone could know. Right? "Wh-what are you talking... I don't-I don't have a-"

Luckily, he cut you off. "With the Knights of Ren?" he specified, and you let out a relieved breath, heart slowing back to normal. "Maddox said they were difficult to treat but we had no clue how bad it'd be! I tried to sew up a knife cut, and one of those animals clobbered me in the face!" he said pointing to his badly bruised face. You grimaced at the thought.

The other one crossed his arms over his chest, giving his friend a sympathetic look. "I had them the last three days, and they wouldn't even let me in the training room. They barricaded the doors whenever they were in."

You held in a laugh. "Obviously," you pointed to his friends eye, "you didn't miss out on much."

He rolled his eyes. "We both got quite the scolding from Maddox."

Leaning back in your chair, you nodded. "I'm very familiar with it."

He leaned over the table, eyes wide. "Seriously though, what's the secret?"

"I really have no idea what you're talking about. They hardly let me even touch them," you told them, confused.

"Yeah right," the one with the busted eye chimed in. "We read the files before. They actually let you stitch them up. A little."

You sat back in your chair, fingers rapping on the wooden table, contemplating. They hadn't given you great treatment, but at least they let you in the room. And no one had punched you, so that was nice. 

Maddox definitely owed you an apology. 

"Sorry, but I really can't help you." They grumbled and walked away, unsatisfied.

"Wow, and you thought you had it bad," said Cora. 

"No kidding," you said, letting out a sigh.

After finishing the meal, you told them goodnight. "I need to stop by the med bay to get some fresh scrubs," you told them.

The walk was quiet and relaxing, and you felt refreshed after your nap. You decided to take the long way, knowing you wouldn't be able to sleep for a while. 

You were walking down the redundant monochromatic hallways, walking through an intersection, when a black wall appeared out of no where, blocking your path. 

Stumbling back, you cursed. "Kylo?"

With his arms crossed over his chest, he looked intimidating as ever with his hood up around his mask. "Commander," he corrected you in a voice that left no room for argument.

"Right. Commander," you let out, not in the mood for a fight. You hadn't seen him in days, and your cunt ached immediately when you saw him. He was somehow even larger than you remembered.

He let out a frustrated sigh, shoulders tense. After a beat, he said "What are you doing here?"

"Heading to the hospital. I need some more scrubs," you told him, feeling dumb. He didn't really care.

"You're nowhere near the med bay."

"Yes, I am," you said, looking around the hallway. It looked familiar, but when everything on the whole base looked the same, it wasn't particularly helpful.

He huffed, annoyed. "You're proving my theory."

"What theory?" you snapped, fists on your hips, neck craning to glare up at him. 

"That you're not very intelligent," he said plainly through his mask.

Your blood boiled. Your hand balled into a fist to swing at him, which he caught effortlessly. The change in his breathing chilled you to the bone. 

"Like I said. Proving my point," he grumbled. He tugged on your hand, pulling you into him. You chest rose and fell quickly, but he was perfectly calm. "If you ever get violent with me again, you will not like the result." He spoke slowly, as if speaking to a child, which further fueled your rage.

Maybe your stupid cunt took over your thought process, turning you into a neanderthal, or maybe you were just as dumb as he says you were, but your free hand pulled up and rammed itself into his chest in an attempt to get him to back off. 

He didn't even budge, but his attitude sure did. His anger rippled through the hall around you, nearly tangible.

Although his fist around yours was shaking in fury, his voice was the epitome of controlled, which sent a chill through your bones and a wave of arousal to your lower belly. 

"Do you think me a liar?" he asked, adding your name to the end, causing you to tremble. You shook your head slowly. "Hmm. So you know what happens now?" he asked. 

You paused a beat, then nodded once, afraid if you moved too much you would send him into another fit of rage. 

In a second, he had your wrist locked in a vice grip, pulling you behind him as he stormed in one direction from the intersection. Before you could even register what was happening, he pulled open a door and pushed you in. He followed, his massive frame blocking the exit. Dropping your hand, he flipped on a light switch near the door, revealing to you a supply closet filled with old files and old furniture.

He spun you around easily, wrapping his arm tightly across your torso, pulling you into his large chest. He took two steps forward-you had no choice but to move with him-until he reached an old metal desk with office supplies and paper scattered across it. In an instant, the items were flying towards the wall and dropping to the floor, victims of the Force. His arm released you as his other hand collided with the back of your neck, fingers curling around it.

"You insolent girl," he growled, "you think that you can challenge me and get away with it?" You attempted to shake your head, but his fingers tightened. "Answer me."

"No, I don't."

"Is that how you address me?" He pulled you back against him by your neck so that you were forced to stare at the ceiling as he bent over you. His helmet brushed over your cheek, the cool metal sending shivers through you.

"No... Commander."

You gasped as he bent you over and shoved you by the neck down onto the cool metal desk. You didn't even have time to be embarrassed by your position before he crashed his hips into your ass, his erection already evident through his thick leather pants.

He kept you in that position for a minute, leaned over you, still clutching your neck as he grinded against you. He was letting you fully accept what was about to happen, and the part that made you shudder the most was that you wanted it. His other hand, still gloved, trailed up the side of your thigh, causing you to shiver under him as he slowly-agonizingly slowly-pulled the hem of your dress up with his fingers, just slightly. The dress was still covering your ass, but you could feel the cold air of the room on your sensitive areas.

"Look at you in your slutty little dress," he cooed behind you. "You're practically begging me to fuck you, huh?"

You nodded pitifully, eyes closed. 

"Answer me," he demanded, pulling his hips back and slamming into you. Your hips hit the edge of the metal desk, and you whimpered, knowing there'd be bruises tomorrow. 

"Yes, Commander, I do," you said. He seemed satisfied as he rolled his hips in waves into you. His erection grew by the second. In one thrust, his cock slid over your clit through your dress, and you drew in a sharp gasp.

He kept pulling back and hitting that spot, sending shocks of electricity through every nerve in your lower body. You were mewling.

"You like that, whore?" he asked. 

You were too far gone in the throws of pleasure and anticipation to even try to deny it. "Oh gods yes," you groaned out.

He pulled back immediately, and your eyes flew open. Your hands shot back to grab him, but he quickly twisted your arms behind your back, holding both wrists in one hand. 

"This is a punishment. You don't have any power here," he reminded you sternly, your core grow wetter and hotter by the second. His other hand pulled your dress up to your back, and he tore your panties down to your knees. He hummed in satisfaction as he took in your naked cunt. 

He slid a foot between yours and pushed your legs apart until you felt your pussy open up to the cold air. The shame in knowing you were spread out for him only added to your inevitable arousal. 

Your eyes scanned over his helmet, desperate to see any reaction from him, but he still had on the stupid mask.

"Please take off the mask," you pleaded, voice heavy with lust. "Commander," you added.

He shook his head. "Bad girls don't get to ask favors," he told you, and you whined. "But if you behave, maybe I'll let you come."

That shut you up quickly. You couldn't handle him edging you again, and he knew it.

"Are you going to be good for me?" he asked. You nodded furiously, too drunk on lust to even think of denying him.

"Yes, Commander," you said. He nodded, scanning over your body once more. Without warning, his free hand pulled back and descended on your ass with a sickening crack. You let out a scream as your hips slammed forward into the desk, ass jiggling from the strike.

Your chest was heaving. You were terrified and aroused beyond belief.

He sighed. "We can't have anyone hearing you, can we?" he said, and you shook your head, dizzy with need. He pulled off one of his gloves, and your eyes widened. It was the first time you'd seen his hand. Pale skin and pronounced veins traveled toward your face, shoving the glove into your mouth.

You tried to push it out with your tongue as he stood, but it wouldn't budge. The taste of leather danced over your taste buds. 

He spanked you once again, skin on skin making it hurt even worse, and you yelped, but the sound was muffled by the glove. "Hmm. Much better."

His bare hand drew circles on your pulsing cheek, causing your whole lower body to clench, spilling your juices down your inner thighs. 

"Look at you," he practically purred. "You're already fucking soaked for me." He slammed his hips back into yours, grinding his tented cock through your folds. If he cared about your liquid arousal on the crotch of his pants, it didn't show. If anything, it seemed to turn him on more, his thrusts getting harder and harder. 

The seam over his zipper slid over your clit, and your eyes rolled back in your head.

"I've been thinking about this ass for days now," he groaned, slowly losing control. The fingers of his free hand dug into your abused ass cheek, fingernails biting the already red skin. You tried to pull back your arms, needing to grab onto something to let out some pressure, but he tightened his grip on your wrists. 

You heard his zipper unzip and the rustling of clothes behind you. You turned your head to look, but before you could see anything, he leaned forward, his bare hand colliding with your face, pushing it into the cold metal, so you couldn't see anything. 

"No, you'll stay right there," he gritted out.

Every inch of your body was shaking with need when you heard him start to pump himself into his fist a couple of times. 

The tip of his cock drew circles over your clit, and all feeling in your legs disappeared, the only nerve endings functioning were the ones in your clit, and they were on fire. If you weren't bent over the table, you would have fallen flat on the floor. Globs of saliva spilled out of your mouth around the gloves. 

He lined himself against your core, sliding his tip up and down your folds, getting his dick nice and wet before up and down between your lower lips, coming unbearably close to penetrating you, but never actually going in. The teasing made every muscle in your body clench. His wet tip dragged around your clit, avoiding it completely but still lighting every nerve around it. You whimpered against the glove. 

"What do you want, slut?" he asked. You tried to scream at him to fuck you until you couldn't breathe, but through the glove, all he heard was weak mumbles, and he chuckled. "You want my cock inside you?"

You nearly screamed as he trailed straight over your clit. Yes yes yes!

Finally, the very tip of him breached your folds with a sloshing wet sound, and your breath caught in your throat. He repeated the movement over and over, never going deeper than just an inch. You were so close and so far from getting what you wanted. It drove you crazy, and you were whining and moaning around the glove. Fucking asshole.

"I heard that," he said. His fingers dug into your hips and he slammed himself all the way inside of you to his hilt in one swift move. You let out a muffled scream as he hit your cervix, your walls spasming around him.

He let you adjust to his massive size for a second before pulling almost all the way out and ramming into you again, pushing your juices out and even further down your thighs. His hand released you and fell to your hips as he slammed into you over and over, each thrust driving you crazier. His fingers bit into you, punishingly tight, and you welcomed it.

The sound of his hips slamming into yours and his balls bouncing onto your mound filled the room, the filthy chorus skyrocketing your arousal.

"Your nasty little cunt feels so good on my cock," he breathed out, increasing his pace. "I've been wanting to tear you apart for days." There was a pool of saliva on the table below your face. He pounded deep inside of you, filling you up like no one ever had before, stretching you more than you even thought possible. He tilted his hips down so every stroke brushed over that spot, and you saw stars. Your hands gripped the edge of the table beside your hips and you pushed yourself back onto him.

He let out an animalistic groan as he dug his fingers even further into your skin. You could feel his legs shaking behind you, and in that moment you wanted him to shoot his seed inside you.

"Are you gonna be a good girl?" he breathed out between groans. You nodded so hard your neck hurt. 

"You're gonna start respecting your Commander?" he asked, and you kept nodding. 

He grunted in satisfaction as one arm slithered under you. When his finger hit your clit, you almost came right then.

"I want to feel you come on my cock," he said, out of breath. 

Two of his fingers made a V around your clit, exposing it from its hood. He moved that V up and down until every nerve in your body was tingling. You felt your orgasm build in every muscle until it finally came. Your eyes blacked out as you came apart around him, screaming into his glove. Your body tensed and unraveling, turning to jello under him. 

"Oh fuck," he gasped. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." His cock twitched inside of you as he blew his cum into your pussy, fucking you through your after shocks. He had pumped you so full that your intermingled cum gushed out around you both, dripping to your knees.

He pulled back out of you, and you felt a string of cum break between the two of you. Your vision finally returned back to normal, and by the time you could push yourself into a standing position, he had already tucked himself away, looking as if nothing had happened. 

You turned slowly, pulling his soaking wet glove out of your mouth and handing it to him. If he thought it was gross, he didn't show it, just shoving the thing in his pocket. With shaky legs, you bent down to pull your panties up, disgusted and aroused by the excessive amount of cum dripping out of you and down your legs. 

Smoothing out your hair and dress best you could, you looked up at him, trying to keep your face blank.

Before you could say anything, he turned and opened the door, leaving the small closet. You rushed out after him, watching as he walked down the hall. 

You almost expected him to turn around and say something. Please, say something. He turned as if he'd heard you. Which he might have. He jerked a finger down one of the halls of the intersection. 

"The med bay is that way."


	11. Your secret's safe with me

In the morning, you looked at your naked body in the mirror and cringed. Purple and blue marks covered your lower half, little reminders of Ren's hands all over you. As if you needed a reminder. The outline of his fingers was clear on your body, along with the bruises on your front from him ramming you into the desk. There were marks from his finger on your wrists and the back of your neck also, but luckily the sleeves of your lab coat and your hair would cover them. 

Pulling on your clothes, you groaned, every muscle in your lower body aching. With little success, you made your way to the med bay for your new assignment, too tired to answer inevitable questions from Cora and Victor about your sorry state. They'd notice something was up in a heartbeat, and you weren't keen on telling them how the Commander of the First Order split you apart in a dusty supply closet while you slobbered all over a desk.

Right outside the door to the conference room where residents always met, Maddox stopped you. You froze, freaking out, not sure what you had done this time. If it was another scolding about the Knights, you were going to be pissed. Maybe she knew about Ren. No, no there was no way.

She said your name sharply, and you held your breath, awaiting her lecture. "It seems I owe you an apology."

You were taken aback. No words out of her mouth could have surprised you more. "An apology ma'am?"

Nodding stubbornly, she explained. "Doctors Torrid and Halenburg, as you may or may not already know, worked with the Knights of Ren this past week." You nodded, encouraging her to continue. "As it turns out, they had even less success than you did, if even possible, so I'm afraid my words to you last week were misjudged and out of place." 

You almost couldn't believe what you were hearing. She did not seem one to hand out apologies. But based on their stories to you of their treatment from the Knights, she definitely owed you one. "Um, wow, thank you, Doctor, I appreciate it." 

She nodded once before walking into the room, and you took a moment to wipe your expression of pure shock off. When you wobbled over to Cora and Victor in the back corner, they gave you a worried look. 

"Did you fall down the stairs or something?" Victor asked. You shot him a confused look. "You're walking like your legs don't work."

Cheeks red, you turned away from them. "It's nothing." 

"Doesn't look like nothing," he pressed on.

You shot him a glare, making it clear to drop the subject. Across the room, Bradley caught your eye and smiled. You returned the smile even though your stomach clenched in guilt. You'd promised to go on a date with him soon, then got spanked and pounded by Commander of the First Order in a supply closet less than three days later. 

There was really no reason to feel guilty though. You two hadn't gone on a date yet. Plus it was a one time thing with Kylo. Really, you were just fucking him to get it over with and to get him out of your head. Whether or not you were successful was still up for debate.

Luckily, Maddox making morning announcements took his attention. When it got to be your turn in line, Maddox took the bowl out of your reach. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. General Hux requested your presence in one of the conference rooms upstairs. I'll send you the room number."

Your jaw dropped to your chest. Apparently Maddox could say something that shocked you more. 

"Gen-General Hux?" you repeated, sure there must have been some mistake. He would have no reason to even know who you were.

She nodded. "Yes, he'll explain what he wants from you." You nodded shakily. Using you holopad to navigate to the conference room, you waited outside, trying to muster the strength to go in. There had to be some mistake. You didn't know much about General Armitage Hux,--you'd only even glimpsed him a handful of times--but you knew he had a reputation of being ruthless. You'd survived Ren's fury just to be potentially killed by Hux instead. Awesome. 

When the anxiety of not knowing overtook the fear of what it could be, you finally knocked on the door, knuckles white.

"Come in,"a voice came. When you walked in, a very clean, sharp looking man was already seated at the table. He had red hair and pale skin. He was flipping through his holopad with one hand and petting a fluffy cat with his other, but that didn't make him any less intimidating. Your mind had to do a double take to register that General Hux had a pet. It almost seemed wrong. Maybe he wasn't as bad as everyone said.

He looked up at you, bored but focused. "Doctor," he said your last name as a question. You nodded. "Sit down."

Putting a safe couple of chairs between you and him at the head of the long table, you took a seat. 

"You're currently in your last year of residency, doctor?" he asked plainly.

"Yes, sir," you said, almost a question, every muscle tense.

"And that's been going well?"

"Yes, sir," you repeated. "I believe so." 

"And you've been learning a lot?"

"Um, yes, sir. The First Order medical program is the best in the galaxy." 

He hummed. "Yes, yes. Good."

More and more confused, you said, "Excuse me, sir, but you didn't ask me here to talk about my medical curriculum, did you?"

He raised an eyebrow at you, shaking his head slightly. His slicked down hair didn't budge. "Yes, of course, you're correct. Dr. Maddox told me you worked with the Knights?"

You gulped, stomach clenching, preparing to get chewed out by General Hux because of those dumb brutes. Even a week after seeing them, they were still managing to interfere with your residency. "Well, yes, but none of it was my fault-"

He cut you off with a wave of his hand. "It's been decided that you will be assigned to them exclusively until further notice."

Your jaw nearly dropped to the table. Your mind must have short circuited--there was no way he just said what you thought he just said. "Um, I-what... Exclusively?"

"Yes. Hopefully you're more capable with a scalpel than you are articulate." Your cheeks flushed at his words. "The Knights of Ren are very important to some of our... less public dalliances, and they must be in good health. Your surgical record is almost spotless, and they could benefit from having a physician on standby," he explained.

"I could be on standby from the hospital. Like we are for our other emergency patients," you suggested, trying painfully to keep your tone polite.

"The Knights are a little more vital to the functionality of this organization than some stormtroopers."

"I understand that, but there are twenty other residents in my year alone that you could choose from. Or we could rotate," you told him.

"You've had the most luck with them."

You huffed. "And now I'm getting punished for it?"

He shot you a glare that made your heart nearly stop. "It is a privilege to serve the First Order in any ways you can, is it not, doctor?"

Your face paled. You'd upset him. "Yes, sir."

"So this is an honor, not a punishment."

It was dumb, but you were so mad, you could barely think. To be forced to sit around and watch them hurt each other for fun for the rest of the year? Your hands slammed down on the table. "General, there's no way-"

"Apparently doctors aren't trained to take orders from their superiors, but here, I am not questioned." He shot up from his seat, hands planting on the table as his cat scurried away, like you wished you could. "I suggest you choose your next words carefully, doctor," he growled, causing you to lean back in your seat to escape his wrath. When he saw your softening temperament, he calmed slightly--enough for you to know you were out of danger. "These orders are from higher up than me. I couldn't change them if I wanted to."

Higher up than him? How did he even know about all this to begin with? Who above him would care at all what a resident did?

He stood up and waved a hand, dismissing you. "Your supervisors have already been informed about this arrangement. I'll let you know if anything changes. That will be all, thank you."

"But-"

"That will be all, doctor," he said, leaving no room for argument. 

With no other choice, you left, confused, perplexed, and absolutely outraged. You took the longest time possible walking back to the training room. You would follow Hux's orders--not to would be treason--but you weren't going to enjoy it.

When you got to the arena, you shoved the door open, feeling better when it snapped against the wall with a crash, and you stomped over to your regular seat. 

"Hey, hey, look who's back!" Vicrul shouted, pulling out of the fight, smiling with a grin that could melt girl's panties if they weren't all such idiots.

Trudgen waved with a knife. "Good to see ya, doc." 

"Wish I could say the same," you grumbled to yourself, sitting down and crossing your legs angrily. 

"Hey, what's your problem?" Vicrul asked, brows pinching together.

You rolled your eyes, pulling out your holopad. "What's it matter to you guys? Don't you just care about beating each other up?"

Before he could respond, Ap'lek swung, resuming the six way battle. They didn't bother to question your mood anymore after that. You didn't watch a second of it, just pulling out your holopad to play games and try not to plot their deaths.

Hux's higher ups had ordered this. Did that mean... Did Kylo...? You shook your head, blocking the thought. If after one night with him he started interfering with your work--your career--you would use your advanced surgical skills to kill him in the most creative way possible.

Luckily, before you could start planning the Commander's murder, Trudgen jogged over, stopping in front of you.

"What?" you snapped, maybe a little more harshly than he deserved, but he could handle it. He motioned to a cut on his forearm that was dripping blood onto the ground below. It was nothing compared to the cut you'd sewn on his back the first day here. You'd be surprised if he even considered it an injury. Giving him a pinched look, you said, "Oh, so now you'll let me stitch you up without me having to threaten you?"

He grinned, which only fueled your anger. "I mean, I could leave it to get infected if you'd prefer? But I don't think your boss would like that very much." He had a smug smile that you wanted to slap off.

You groaned and nodded for him to sit down on the lower bench as you pulled out your suture kit and got to work, pulling on gloves, sterilizing the cut, and beginning the sutures. You were trying to get it over with, not bothering to be gentle. If you had been even half that rough in the med bay with another patient, you'd be suspended for weeks, but you had a feeling he didn't even notice.

"What's got you all riled up today?" he asked casually, watching your face as you focused on his cut.

"Seriously?" you asked, and he nodded, prompting you to go on. "I'm back here."

"Yeah, and?" he prompted, confused.

Huffing, you nearly shouted, "I'm here permanently!"

"That's great," he said, half grinning. When he saw your expression, his face fell and he said, "Or not great." There was silence as you kept stitching his arm, not wanting to make eye contact with the man. "What, you don't like it here?"

You sighed, anger slowly--very slowly--receding at his innocent tone. "It's fine. It's just dumb to be in charge of men who just try to hurt each other all day every day. And then when they do, they won't let you help!"

He laughed, looking down at you working on his arm. "I'm not letting you?"

You rolled your eyes, focusing back on your hands. "You know what I mean."

He shrugged his shoulders. "What if we started to hurt each other more, but promised to let you stitch up our nasty wounds after?Get some extra practice in. Would you like that?"

Despite your anger, you let out an honest laugh. "Yes, I think I might."

"Your boss said you had to work with us?" he asked, and you shook your head.

"No, Hux said it was someone higher than him who ordered it." Your next question, you didn't want to ask, but curiosity was going to tear you apart. "Did Kylo...?"

Trudgen looked at you with a curious expression. He paused a moment before answering, and the quick silence unnerved you completely. You were glad that you got to see the Knights without their typical excessive armor and masks--like everyone else did outside this room--but sometimes you wished they wore them, so they would just be a group of menacing men instead of patients who sometimes pretended to care about your existence.

"Highly doubt it. He's not around enough to care about which doctor is forced to watch us."

The next question came out before you could stop it. "How often does he train with you guys?" He pulled back, staring at you with his mouth slightly open. "What?" you snapped forcefully, regretting the question instantly. 

"You're the girl," he said, not a question.

You kept your gaze strictly on his arm and the work you were doing. "Excuse me?"

"Hmm okay, you're going to try to deny it too. That's cute," he said, amusement clear in his voice. It almost felt like he was teasing you.

Heat spread across your cheeks, and you looked up at him, confused. Kylo had told his Knights about you? About how you cried when he'd edged you? Or about how he pounded you from behind in a storage closet? 

You wanted to barf.

"He said something-" you started.

"Oh no, it's nothing like that!" he said, a reassuring hand raising between you too. You weren't sure if that made it better or worse. You gave him a waiting look, and he explained. "We're Force sensitive," he said, nodding to the Knights who were still fighting, as if that explained anything. 

You leaned back in surprise. "All of you?" He nodded, and your head started spinning. Not only did you have to watch your thoughts around Kylo, but now every second of your work day? 

This was just getting worse by the second. There was no way this was going to end well for you.

Had they seen you all having sex in Kylo's mind? You weren't sure if you could survive the embarrassment from that.

"You're freaking out?" he asked, a curious expression on his face, as if it was his first time feeling that emotion of pure dread. "I can feel that."

You scooted back, taking your hands off of him, letting the needle hang off of his arm by a thin thread, which of course, he didn't notice. 

"All of you can read my mind?" you asked in bewilderment.

He laughed, and your stomach rolled. "No, no, we Knights can't do that. Just feelings and emotions really, and we have to be close to do it. We can communicate through it if we try. It mostly just improves our reflexes and helps us help each other in battles," he explained. "So to answer your question, we know when he's getting laid, but not much more than that. Only Ren can actually read thoughts."

You nodded, still feeling sick but slightly better. Resuming your sutures, you said, "There's nothing going on between me and Ren."

But your cheeks flushed. 

"You're blushing... " he said, amused, and you ignored him. "You like him," he said very matter of factly. It felt like you two were in primary school gossiping about a boy. Which you were...

You snapped a glare at him. "I certainly do not."

"You do," he smirked, and you wanted to slap it off of him. "But don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

You gave him a pointed look. "Kylo can literally read minds," you reminded him.

Trudgen shrugged. "Okay, your secret is not safe with me then," he said, and you couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. 

After a moment, you continued. "I don't like him. I'm just curious about him... Is he ugly?" you asked, a little too interested in the answer.

"Absolutely hideous," he said, and you were unsure if it was a joke or not.

"If he looks anything like the lot of you, then it must be true."

His jaw dropped, but playfully. "I'm pretty sure doctors aren't supposed to be insulting their patients."

You rolled your eyes. "I think you'll survive." Taking a glance at them, you realized they were all pretty attractive, with strong frames and bold features. If they weren't Knights of Ren, you could see yourself being drawn to them if you ever met them at a bar. 

After a moment, you finished the sutures and bandaged it. "There you go."

He stood, smiling at you. "Thanks, sweetheart. For the record, I'm glad you're back. You're a lot more fun to look at than those other weirdos that were here." He turned to walk away, but you called him back.

"Trudgen?" 

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you let me help you without putting up a fight today?" you asked, not used to not having to force them to let you help them. You wondered how they'd survived before you got there.

He shrugged his shoulders casually. "You were upset. I wanted to make you smile again."

When he turned, surely enough, you found yourself grinning. 

And then stopped. What the fuck? Did a Knight of Ren just flirt with you?

Your life was getting weirder by the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so apparently I'm a little obsessed with the Knights. I'm thinking about writing another story (with a female OC, not a reader insert) that would match this timeline and have someone involved with one of the Knights... What do you all think about that? It'd probably be a lot shorter than this will be, but I LOVE the Knights, and we didn't get hardly any screentime for them in Rise of Skywalker :(
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading this far! I hope you all enjoy :)


	12. I'll be the epitome of respectful

After another quiet, surprisingly uneventful day, you left the training arena a few minutes early. The Knights probably wouldn't get themselves hurt, and even if they did, most of them wouldn't let you touch them anyway. Pulling open the door, you quite literally ran into Kylo Ren, chest hitting his as he tried to walk into the training room. You stumbled back, taking a minute to process that you didn't run straight into a wall, but a human.

Flustered, you pulled back, and he pushed passed you. Fury lit your bones as he walked away. First he'd gotten you stuck on this awful assignment--you didn't know how, but you knew it was his fault--and now he acted like you don't even exist. 

Your hand shot out, grabbing his clothed wrist. "Hey, I need to-"

He snatched his hand back, not even turning all the way to face you. "Not now." Something in his voice made you take a step back, unable to formulate a response. 

When the Knights felt his presence, they stopped fighting, waiting for him in the middle of the room. They spoke for a few moments, and your ears strained to hear--it had to be important. 

Finally, he turned back. "Within the week," he said to them, and they nodded. He made his way to the door, once again walking past you. You followed, like an idiot of course.

"Hey," you called after him, his long strides putting him feet ahead of you, already in the hallway. "Hey, your Lordship, can you spare a minute to talk to a lowly peasant now?" 

Your voice dripped malice. At first, you thought he was going to ignore you, but after a moment, his stride shortened, slightly enough that you could have missed it, but enough to give you time to catch up.

"What do you want, miss?" he asked as you caught up to him, still having to speed walk to keep up. 

Your ears pinked in anger. "Doctor," you said through gritted teeth. At this point you knew he was just doing it to annoy you. "You act very impersonal for someone who is ruining my career!" you yelled up at him. 

He didn't even flinch. "Doctor, you cannot blame me for your shortcomings in your profession."

Which heated you to your core in anger. "The fuck I can't! I know it's your fault that I'm stuck babysitting your Knights instead of doing real work."

A noise came from his mask that sounded like a snort. "And how, pray tell, could that be my fault?"

You scoffed. "I don't know, but I know it's your fault."

He turned a corner and you followed. His billowing cloak brushed your leg, causing you to double take. Any touch from any part of his had you wound up

"Do us both a favor, and don't throw baseless accusations at me," he said. "And please don't presume I care enough about you to interfere with any aspect of your life."

At that your jaw dropped, cheeks reddening in embarrassment and rejection. Of course he didn't. You knew that. But the words still stung. The man who'd given you orgasms that weakened your bones just said you didn't matter to him at all. One night stand or not, it pained you. 

"Well, if I'm so insignificant, than I don't deserve the honor of patching up your idiot Knights. You should rid them of the burden of me and get me transferred."

He let out a breath. The two of you walked the length of an entire corridor in silence. Your out of shape muscles screamed from the exercise of keeping up with him, but desperation and rage gave you energy. 

Finally, he responded. "I thought that your assignments were random."

"They are."

He waved a hand, wanting a better response. 

"They're random for everyone else," you explained as you rounded another corner. "Hux told me this morning that I had to work with the Knights for the rest of my residency."

"So you think you're above obeying General Hux's orders?"

"No, I-" you groaned. "He said the orders were from above him."

He shook his head, still not looking at you, frustrated. "Then you should definitely obey those orders. To do otherwise would be treason." 

You fought the urge to stomp your foot like a child.He loved to throw that word around like it was nothing. You decided to do the one thing that might actually shock him at this point. "Kylo... Commander... I'm sorry," you choked out.

He slowed to almost a stop. Finally, he looked down at you, for the first time since you'd collided into him. "Sorry?"

"Yes," you said. "I'm sorry that I've been disrespectful. I really am, but if this assignment is punishment for me mouthing off, can you please fix it?" He didn't answer, prompting you to babble. "I promise I won't mouth off anymore. I'll be the epitome of respectful."

You smiled sweetly up at him, and you were met with an expressionless mask. He hadn't softened, but he hadn't threatened to kill you yet, so it was a good interaction so far.

You stammered on. "Plus, I'm a really good doctor. Like really good. Having me down there all day is a waste of my talents. I think the First Order deserves-"

"Fine," he breathed out. "I'll ask Hux about it, but don't expect much." Your stomach fluttered in victory, even if you did annoy him into it. 

"But I do expect you to keep your word about being respectful to me," he continued. "My Knights might like that pretty little mouth of yours, but I do not. Make sure I like what comes out of it, or I'll be using it how I please."

Your eyes widened at his inappropriate threat, sending unwanted waves of arousal through you. Images of the Commander's cock in your mouth flashed through your mind. You blinked, banishing the thoughts.

"You really are despicable," you said, hands on hips. You hadn't noticed that he'd stopped walking, and you had stopped with him. 

He was standing a foot away from a large black door. He waved a hand and it flew up, opening your view to a short white hallway with another door at the end.

"Is that why you followed me to my chambers?" he asked.

"I-I didn't... Why would I-" you sputtered out.

"There's really no point in denying that you want me. I can practically hear you begging for it in your head," he said, smirk audible in his annoyingly attractive modulated voice.

You turned your head, suddenly finding a spot on the wall very interesting. "That is not true."

He took a step forward until his smell was surrounding you, spice and leather and pure power. "Isn't it though?" 

The words sent a sharp shock of lust to the apex of your thighs, further fueling your rage. Your head snapped up to glare at him.

"You talk a lot of shit for a man too ugly to take off his mask." 

In an instant, he dragged you by the hair through the hallway, tossing you into a room. Your scalp burnt, hands thrashing at his as you followed after him. He threw you into his bedroom. It was clean and white and depressing. No personal touches at all, to which you were not surprised. There was a large black bed on one wall-larger than you were used to, a door which you assumed lead to a restroom, and a small kitchen and dining table in one corner. 

The thought of Kylo Ren cooking in a kitchen was the most ridiculous thing you'd ever imagined. 

You were really in Kylo Ren's room. This was not how you were expecting your last year of residency to go.

He stood tall between you and the door--your only escape. His fists were clenched at his side as he stared down at you. "Strip." His voice was full of authority and dominance and man. It took all your will power to not brainlessly do anything he asked.

You laughed shakily, unamused, turning back to face him. "Absolutely not."

"I could make you," he said, deadpan.

Although you wanted nothing more than for him to tear your clothes off with his lightsaber and pound you into the bed, you argued. "But where's the fun in that?"

He took a moment to contemplate, standing more still than a statue. "Okay, I'll make you a deal." You stayed quiet, genuinely intrigued, allowing him to continue. With a wave of your hand, you prompted him to continue. "For everything you take off, so will I."

You considered it, not giving in too easily. "The mask too?" you asked, a tad too anxiously. The image of this hulking man naked with just the mask on was kind of amusing though. 

"The mask too," he confirmed to your excitement. 

Huffing, you crossed your arms. "That's hardly fair considering the excessive amount of ridiculous layers you wear."

He let out a breath that almost sounded like a laugh. "Deal?"

"Deal," you said through clenched teeth, using all your willpower not to strip all the way for him right then and there. You stare him right in the eye--well mask--not wanting to give him the satisfaction of making you self conscious. Slowly, your hands brushed your white coat off, landing on the floor with a soft thud.

In a quick movement, he had tugged his gloves off and thrown them down.

"That so doesn't count," you told him, taking a deep breath. Even seeing that small amount of his skin drove you wild with desire. His hands were veiny and hot and huge-a promise of all the ways he could pleasure you and a threat of all the ways he could hurt you. And you were throbbing for it.

"Is your curiosity not overtaking your incessantly annoying need to be right constantly?" he asked, knowing he was entirely correct. Your body was humming in anticipation.

With a glare, you tore off your shoes and socks, and he followed suit. It was your turn. After the next piece there was no turning back, and the thought equally terrified you and turned you on. Before you could come to your senses and think better of it, your fingers trailed to the bottom hem of your scrub top and pulled it over your head. 

Your bra was sheer, perfectly showing your nipples hardening in the cold air. You could feel his eyes roaming over your chest.

One of his arms came up, his long fingers unclasping the hook on his cowl, letting it fall to the ground in ripples. Without the cloak, his figure was somehow even bigger. Just the outline of him made your cunt drip, and you hadn't even seen his body yet. If you saw him naked, you'd probably orgasm on the spot.

Staying true to your deal, you bent at the waist, pushing down your loose pants to the floor and stepping out of them. Your bra and underwear were old and plain, and you were suddenly aware of how unimpressive you might look, but the speed at which he unzipped his outer shirt and pushed it off his shoulders gave you confidence. 

The anticipation was stupefying your brain and soaking your panties. It was without a doubt, the most erotic thing that had ever happened to you, and you weren't even naked yet--hadn't even seen his damn face yet. And yet, you felt like you'd pass out at any moment from the sheer intensity of it. Without hesitating, you pulled one hand behind your back, unclasping your bra and shaking it off. Definitely no turning back now. 

The fact that you couldn't see him was both infuriating and invigorating at the same time. You almost didn't want the mystery to be over, but you felt like you'd explode in seconds if you didn't see him.

His ungloved hands traveled up, stopping briefly on either side of his mask.

A shiver rippled through you, and it wasn't because of the cold.

This was so much more intimate than the time in the closet. That had been dirty, quick, and impersonal. There was barely any time to even contemplate what was happening. Now, you consciously made every single move--made a conscious decision with every piece of clothing you took off. Taken every step with excessive caution. You were facing each other. He could read every emotion on your face, and in a moment, you'd be able to do the same.

The helmet hissed, and he pulled it off, bending to place it on his pile of clothing. 

When he stood to his full height and you could finally see him, you gasped. He definitely did not look like a gungan at all.

He shook out wavy, raven black hair that fell at his shoulders, framing a pale, freckled face with a strong jawline. Dark lashes surrounded hypnotizing eyes that were staring at you-hesitant and confident simultaneously. You understood why he wore the mask. No one would ever be able to get anything done around him without it. 

In short, he was fucking gorgeous. Maybe the most beautiful man you'd ever seen.

"Fuck," you whispered.

Without skipping a beat, you hooked your fingers under the hem out your panties and pushed them down to your feet, nearly jumping out of them.

Any fragment of pride or stubbornness you had disappeared along with his mask.

You didn't care that he was still fully dressed in his long sleeved shirt and leather pants, you closed the distance between you two.

Standing in front of him, fully naked, you took in his features, eyes darting between the beauty marks kissing his face. You longed to kiss everyone of them. And do much more than that.

As if they were an independent entity, your hands landed lightly on his abdomen. They glided over his thin shirt, groping the hard muscles beneath. They traveled slowly up his torso and to his chest. He sucked in a breath as your nails raked over his nipples. Your eyes came up to meet his, but they displayed no emotion. He let your hands run up over his collarbone, caressing over his neck and up.

When your hands stopped on either side of his smooth cheeks, his eyes searched yours, baring though to your soul and reading you every thought-which he probably was. His gaze unnerved you, looking at you like you were everything and nothing at all. 

You used your hands to pull him down to you, bouncing up onto your tip-toes to meet him halfway. You pressed forward to touch your lips to his, but he pulled back an inch. 

Your stomach clenched in rejection. Your hands dropped from his face, but his quicker, stronger ones gripped yours, holding them between your chests. His eyes bore into yours. Questioning. "Is this what you want?" he asked, his breath tickling your face.

You nodded once, and his mouth was on yours in an instant, pulling your lips into his plump, soft ones. You felt as if you might explode at any second. After the petty fights, death threats, constant sexual tension--and actual sex--you finally kissed him. And it was exquisite. His lips curled over yours, sucking you lower lip between his, pulling an almost inhuman sound from you as fire pooled in your belly.

"Open up for me," he pulled back momentarily, and you did, lips parting. Your arms wrapped up around his neck as his lips descended on yours again, his tongue pushing passed to wrap around yours, hot and wet and dirty. And absolutely mind blowing.

Your fingers twisted into his soft, gorgeous hair, pulling him further into you. Your teeth clanked against each others as he wrapped one strong arm around your lower back, forcing you into him so that your hips pressed into his. Your nipples brushed against the course fabric of his shirt, causing you to gasp into him, allowing him to push his tongue deeper into your mouth, running over your teeth. You nearly collapsed, but his strong held you against his still fully clothed body. His other hand traced up and down your spine, weakening your legs, his skin leaving sparks on yours as his fingers passed over it.

Arousal was pooling between your legs, and your lower abdomen started to tighten with need. In one stroke of his hand down your back, his fingers traced over your ass, not stopping until they were cupping your sex. Instinctively, your legs spread open for him, giving him access to whatever he wanted. In that moment, you would have done anything for a brief touch from him. And he knew it. 

His fingers brushed through your folds, and when they felt your slick, he moaned into your mouth, encouraging you. "Gods, you're so fucking wet." His naked voice, no mask, was without a doubt the sexiest thing you'd ever heard. Him whispering dirty promises in you ear could probably bring you to orgasm. Luckily, he did much more than that.

Your hands traveled down his broad chest and over his thick muscles, fingers clenching around the wide expanse of his biceps. He had to have the best body in the galaxy. If only you could get him to take off his damn shirt. 

Slowly, your fingers gripped the bottom hem of his shirt. You got it up a couple inches before his hands grabbed yours, holding them in place. He pulled back just slightly, enough for you to see his darkening eyes. 

"I'm in charge in here," he nearly growled, the low timbre of his voice causing the hairs on your neck to stand straight. As if to prove his point, one hand curled around you, landing on your ass with a crack.

You squealed in surprise and delight, the strike pushing your hips into his so you could feel his erection tenting his pants. 

"Yes, sir," you practically drooled over the feel of him on your torso. He pulled you with one arm over his shoulder, walking until his boots hit the side of the bed. He threw you down onto your back on the comfortable mattress, but you hardly noticed because this giant--attractive--beast of a man was looking down at you like you were a meal. You could already feel your slick dripping down your thighs.

Slowly, he leaned over you, putting a knee between your legs before laying on you, elbows on either side of your head as not to crush you with his weight.

He bent, pressing his full lips to your collar bone in an open mouthed kiss. He'd barely touched you, and you were soaking the leg of his pants resting between yours. His tongue ran up the side of your neck, stopping to suck bruises into the tender skin. You tilted your head to give him better access, and he sucked hard, causing you to squeal. 

"You're gonna be a good girl from now on?" he asked, lips brushing your skin with every word.

You nodded. He ran his teeth over the spot, threatening, teasing, then sucked harder. He was definitely bursting blood vessels, and it would show, but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

"Answer me," he growled.

Your eyes tilted up in embarrassment. No one had ever talked to you like that in bed and it aroused you beyond belief. When you didn't answer at first he started to pull away.

"Yes!" you practically screamed. "Yes, I'll be a good girl." Your cheeks flushed bright red at the words, but his hips rolled into one side of your pelvis, his cock hard through his pants. You could barely think. From below him, you started humping at his leg, gritting your teeth in pleasure and torment as the rough fabric slid over your throbbing clit.

Between that, and the marks he was leaving on your neck, it was almost unbearable. Apparently, he agreed, because he pushed himself up onto his knees. His fingers fumbled with his belt, and your thighs clenched around his knee, needing friction between your legs. You were about to get fucked by Commander Ren.

Without his helmet on this time.

The thought frizzled the nerves in your cunt. You surprised the both of you when you said, "Wait."

He raised an eyebrow in confusion, but his hands froze, respecting your wishes.

"Can you put on a condom?" you whispered, almost too afraid to ask.

The only reason you knew he'd heard was because his laugh. He looked so gorgeous that your stomach clenched. You almost forgot your request. Almost.

"I'm not wearing a condom," he said.

You pursed your lips. "You are if you want your dick to go anywhere near any of my holes."

"You're joking right?" he said, eyebrow raised. He looked so commanding and so beautiful, you almost shoved him into you right then. "You're not on birth control?"

"I'm a doctor. Of course I am," you reminded him and yourself. "Do you know how many classes we take on STDs? I don't want you to give me anything."

He sighed. "Is this your clever way of asking me if I'm sleeping with anyone else?" he asked.

You turned your gaze, staring at the wall instead of him.

"Because if it is, that's cute, but you're the only woman I'm with right now." He sounded sincere, which surprised you. But of course he could be a good liar, because of the Force.

He rolled his eyes. "That's not how the Force works."

You forgotten he could read your every thought. You tried to push him off of you, but when he didn't budge, you pulled your arms over your chest, covering yourself from his gaze. 

He let out a sigh. "I'm clean."

"Well I'm not just going to take your word for it."

"You should."

You slithered out from under him, rolling off the bed with what little decency you could in your naked state.

"Get back here," he growled, a plea more than a threat. His eyes followed you, full of surprise. You pulled on your underwear from the pile of clothes on the ground. It did little to catch your liquid arousal.

"Commander, unless that's an official order, I'm not sleeping with you until you have a condom on or take an STD test," you said, voice shaking but your posture firm and unyielding. 

His eyes raked over your body. Your thighs clench at your abandoned cunt. You tried to look intimidating, but you were too turned on, and anxious for his answer, for that to work. As beautiful as he was, and as much as your pussy throbbed for him, you were holding your ground. Out of safety or stubbornness, you weren't sure, but it didn't matter.

Finally, finally, he buckled his belt back and pushed off the bed. He held out a hand and his mask flew into it, then his clothes as he covered himself back up.

"Let's go," he growled, shocking you into moving and dressing also. "I hate wearing condoms."


	13. You have some explaining to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't reread this, but wanted to post so here it is! Thank you all for all your sweet and hilarious comments!! You all keep me laughing so hard! Should have another update tomorrow. Enjoy!

You still couldn't wrap your head around the thought. Giving the Kylo Ren an STD test. It almost made you want to laugh.

But he was much too frustrated for you to feel any real kind of amusement. You could feel his rough emotions rolling off of him as you walked to the hospital, but he hadn't tried to kill you, and he seemed to still be into you.

His erection was barely noticeable under all his layers, but knowing it was there filled you with excitement.

Checking the holopad, you pulled him into an open patient room and locked the door. His massive size made the room you'd been in hundreds of times feel almost unbearably small. You nodded to the seat beside the thin hospital bed, and he sat with a grunt.

"Take off the mask," you said as you gathered the supplies needed for the tests.

"No."

You pulled on a set of gloves. "It's hospital policy."

He let out a breath. "No, it's not."

You shrugged, letting him know he was right, but you still wanted the mask off. You were about to have sex with him for gods' sake, and he wanted to keep the stupid thing on? Unthinkingly, you muttered, "I'll let you fuck me in whatever position you want later if you take it off."

"You were going to do that anyways though," he said, but he humored you nonetheless, making a show of setting the mask on the table beside him. You paused, staring at him, still in awe of how gorgeous he was. You had a feeling you'd never get used to it. He was right. "You're a good doctor, but obviously not a very good business woman."

The corners of your mouth tilting up at his words.

"Will you pull up your sleeve?" you asked him, holding out a needle and alcohol pad.

He did so, and held it out for you to sanitize. His forearm was thick and muscular, as expected. You brought the needle to the crook of his arm. Your hands were shaking, even though you'd done this a million times. 

"Problem, doctor?" he smirked. You huffed, and pushed the needle into his vein. The collection tube filled with his blood, and you pulled the needle out of his arm. You turned to put a bandage on the spot, but he'd already pulled his shirt back down. You held out the bandage to him and he just laughed. "That's cute."

When you held out a second set of supplies to him, he raised a brow. You shrugged. "If you're getting tested, I'll give you the courtesy of having peace of mind as well."

He took the tools from you, and you shrugged off your lab coat. He repeated the process on you. Somehow you'd known he'd be able to draw the blood without hurting you. When the tubes were put in the little slot in the wall for testing, you turned back to him.

"Okay, so it should only be a couple of hours for the results to get back-"

He cut you off with a hand to your neck, tight, but not restricting the airflow Just enough pressure to shut you up and keep your mouth agape. "Hmm, you see, I don't want to wait a couple of hours," he growled in your ear, stepping forward with you until your backside hit the edge of the firm hospital bed. 

Your eyes widened in fear as he pushed you back so you were leaning back on your elbows. Was he going to... There was no way he'd just let you take his blood if you he was going to-

"Relax," he said. "I wouldn't do that." And for some reason, you believed him. His hands hitched under you, cupping your thighs as he lifted you so you were laying sideways across the bed, thighs perched on either side of his waist. He breathed in, and you knew he could smell your arousal from earlier between his legs. He held out a hand, and a stethoscope from the counter flew into his gloved hand.

Before you could ask what he was doing, he had your wrists tied with it. He bent over you, erection prodding into your core through the scrub pants. He stared down at you, chests nearly touching as his arms pulled yours off the other side of the bed.

His hair fell in waves, and he was so close that it tickled your face. You wanted to close the small gap between you and kiss him, but his eyes entranced you.

When he pulled back, standing up, you tried to follow, but you couldn't move more than a couple of inches. He'd tied your hands to the handle on the far side of the bed. The bed wasn't very long in width, so you had to cross your legs behind his back to keep from your arms being pulled too tightly by his impromptu ropes. He stared down at you amused, watching you squirm. 

"You know you could just use the Force to keep my arms still, right?" you asked him, face pinched in annoyance and undeniable arousal.

He traced on finger up your outer thigh, causing goosebumps to rise under his touch. "Hm, yes, but this is more fun, isn't it?"

You were sure you'd never been so turned on in your life. He slowly dragged his hips over yours, tracing circles with his hardening dick into your core. Your eyes rolled back into your head at the friction.

He pulled back, causing you to whine. His fingers trailed down one leg, and he pulled your shoe off along with the sock. He pressed a kiss to the arch of your foot that you felt all over your body, especially in your cunt. By the time he repeated the process on the other leg, you were trembling. He effortlessly looped his fingers under the hem of your pants, and pulled them and your panties over your feet and completely off your body, letting the cool air kiss your lower half. 

You felt a little ridiculous half exposed and tied up on a hospital bed for Commander Ren, but the hunger in his eyes dismissed the thought. 

When your bottom started to slip off the bed, he caught your legs, and placed your feet on each of his pectorals for you to balance. He stepped toward the bed so that your knees pressed over your chest, almost completely exposing you to him.

A shiver wracked your spine as your cunt opened up to the room, and you pressed your knees together in an attempt to obstruct his view.

"Open," he said, his voice lower than you'd heard before. You shook your head. A single finger pressed into you, dragging tantalizingly slowly through your folds. Just a bit more pressure and it'd be inside of you. You pushed your hips down in an attempt to pull it deeper into you, but he pulled back. Your head was dizzy with need, your ignored arousal from earlier frying your brain.

"Open," he repeated, and you let you knees fall open for him. His gaze ran over your pink flesh, visually eating you up. You could feel your slick drip out and down, and he watched every single drop of it.

His tongue ran over his lips, and you wanted to pull it into your mouth. But he had other ideas. 

"Gods, you look delicious," he mumbled as he threw your legs over his shoulders and bent to one knee.

You sucked in a breath as his lips pressed to the inside of one thigh, sucking love marks into your skin. You spasmed, almost unable to take the pleasure, and he wrapped his fingers around your thigh, holding it to his torturous mouth. 

He bit into the soft flesh, leaving indentions of his teeth. "Oh fucking hell," you yelled out, unable to care that your colleagues could be right outside your door. He pulled back, leaving your body relieved and desperate for his touch simultaneously.

"What did I say about keeping quiet?" he said, standing. He rammed his erection into you, and you gasped as the tough leather slid over your clit. His hands gripped the bottom of your shirt, and he pulled up, letting his knuckles glide gently over your torso. Your nipples perked up against his touch as he trailed over the buds through your thin bra.

You thought he was going to pull it over your head, but he stopped when he got to your arms that were still tied above your head. Your eyes widened as he bunched it and pushed your shirt past your teeth, stuffing your mouth with it. 

The only thing covering your body was your bra. He pulled off his gloves and threw them onto the bed beside you. You wished he'd gagged you with those instead, not wanting to slobber on your shirt.

You trembled as his bare hands reached under your bra and freed your tits, pulling the cloth under them to press them up higher on your chest. He pressed his erection into you once more, making you aware of the fact he was still fully clothed. 

You were laid out bare in front of the Commander of the First Order, for him to do as he pleased. 

The thought was utterly humiliating and arousing.

The only covering any part of you was your bra below your tits and you shirt stuffed in your mouth, holding your arms to the side of your head. 

His eyes raked over you, and his hands followed. It was the first time he'd seen your breasts, and they seemed to be aware of it, nipples hardening under his gaze. You could feel yourself dripping onto his pants. His hands trailed up your sides as if trying to memorize your shape. Your whole body was freezing and boiling at the same time, as if any second you might combust. 

In sync, his fingers pinched your nipples, pulling up until it almost hurt. Your tits jiggled as he released them, nipples stinging in the cool air, the sensation running straight between your thighs.

"Perfect," he mumbled, pleased with his handiwork. He knelt between your legs again. He'd already been inside of you, but the fact that Kylo Ren was kneeling on the floor in front of you, staring at your dripping cunt made you dizzy. 

"Look at me," he growled, eyes popping up over your mound. He was the one on his knees, but somehow still held all the power. Your eyes bore into his, pleading.

And he obliged you.

His thumbs pressed inside your sopping wet lower lips and pushed out, completely opening you up to him.

He pursed his lips and blew a cool breath of air straight into your pussy. Your eyes rolled back in your head at the foreign sensation, your thighs closing around his head. His arms wrapped under and over your thighs, pulling them apart with his massive hands.

"You smell so fucking good." He inhaled your scent.

His nose pressed down into your soaked core, traveling left to right over your lips. Your thighs were already quaking, unable to stop themselves. His lips bore down into you, and he sucked your juices from your opening, wet and messy. The sound of him drinking you in sent another wave of arousal onto his face. His hair fell, tickling your already oversensitive thighs causing your head to fall back once again.

"Look at me, or I'll unlock the door," he said. "I don't care if these people see me feasting on you." The threat kept your eyes locked on him, but you couldn't deny the rush of arousal that flowed through you, thinking that anyone would be able to walk in.

His tongue started lower, making its way between your folds, tracing between your inner and outer lips, and you groaned into the shirt, wet with your drool. This feeling was almost worth all the crap you'd been through because of him. 

You needed him inside of you. Needed it so bad your pussy might collapse in on itself if you didn't get him in you soon.

Spitting the cloth out of your mouth, you said, "Fuck the condom. Get inside of me."

The shirt found its way back into your mouth--you really hated the Force--silencing you once again. He smiled at you, your slick dripping from his lips, making light glint off the entire lower half of his face. You were soaking wet--wetter than you'd ever been in your life.

"Oh no, little whore, it's too late for that. I'm afraid you don't deserve it anymore." You whined into the shirt as he went back down on you. His nails dug into your thighs as his tongue pressed through your folds and into you. Your walls clenched around him, pushing more slick onto him. His nose ran over your neglected clit, and you let out a sound that you didn't even know you could make.

His mouth pulled back, and one hand bore down on you, spanking your wet, aching cunt with enough force to rock your entire body. It sent sparks through your nerves that transversed your whole body, clenching every muscle. You screamed into your shirt as you head fell back onto the hard bed. 

Your cunt was spazzing now, still stinging from the slap but needing his touch. You felt dirty, and nasty, and you were in absolute euphoria, this man sending your body to places you didn't know it could reach. A dribble of sweat slid down your temple, your whole body getting sticky with exhaustion.

"I meant it," he said, nails digging further into your skin. "Look at me." You followed his instructions, wide eyes staring into his, perfectly in control. The sight of his wet mouth and chin was enough to almost send you to the edge. He snapped his fingers, and the door unlocked. Your eyes widened, your face reddened. Anyone could walk through that door and see Kylo Ren eating you out.

And the thought turned you on like crazy.

The view from his angle was probably a wicked one; your come dripping down to the floor, tits out, nipples hard and aching, your shirt wet, slick with slobber, your face flushed red, sweat dripping from your hairline.

His nose suck into your skin, traveling down your mound, and your heels dug into his back. He circumvented your clit, making you cry out with need. You wanted to arch back and stare at the ceiling, but you didn't want to know what he'd do if you stopped watching--you knew you wouldn't be able to take it.

And you didn't want to stop watching. Seeing this god of a man between your legs made you feel holy. Powerful, even as your whole body shook with pleasure.

His tongue slid over your lips, and he sucked, making them swell. He turned his head slightly sideways and his teeth wrapped themselves around one of your swollen lips, canines digging into the sensitive flesh, scratching as he pulled back. It was the best and worst feeling you'd ever experienced, and it brought tears to your eyes. You pulled up on your arms, needing to release pressure, but they held you tight.

He released you before repeating the maddening process. There was a sound of skin slapping skin, and you realized he was stroking himself with one hand. You longed to see, and your empty cunt was spazzing with need.

As if he could hear you, his tongue dug roughly back into you, nose driving into your clit, making you nearly jump of the bed. His nose dragged circles around your clit. That, with his tongue inside you was pushing you closely to the edge, your whole body feeling like a taut bowstring, ready to release at any second. Or snap painfully, which you might do also.

Based on his quickening strokes, he was nearing his precipice as well. He groaned into your cunt, vibrations coursing through every inch of you.

As your whole body started shaking with pleasure, you knew you were close. One right stroke and you'd burst.

"Go ahead. Come," he said. His teeth clenched down on your clit, and that sent you over the edge, shattering your bones into a million shards, leaving your muscles to melt into the bed. Your vision blurred as your back arched completely off the bed, pulling your shoulders back. Your cunt clenched so hard you were sure you wouldn't be able to walk, your pulse still throbbing in your clit.

Your vision returned as he stood, after shocks still paralyzing you. He kept pumping himself, and your jaw dropped, releasing the now soaked shirt. He was impossibly long, and the sight of his hand pumping over his thick, throbbing length shook you to your core. You wanted it inside of you, stretching you impossibly.

"Oh gods," you whimpered.

His other hand fell to your hip, gripping it with punishing strength. You knew it would bruise. His body shook, thighs shaking on your ass, and his hand pumped faster, the sound bouncing off the walls. His head fell back. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck."

Hot balls of his cum squirted all the way up your mound, your stomach, and your tits as he pumped himself through his orgasm. 

You couldn't help but watch the way his muscles tensed, like solid rocks under his skin, veins pulsing with his quickened heartbeat. He could tear you apart, and it felt like he had.

His hands landed on either side of your hips on the bed, supporting his weight. His softening cock laid flat on your stomach, still impossibly large, and still red and pulsing from his release, sticking out sorely from his still covered body.

He was so incredibly beautiful. You couldn't understand at all why he would ever cover his face. Maybe one day you would ask him.

Finally, he pushed up off the bed, tucking himself back into his pants. He wiped his nose and mouth and chin with the sleeve of his shirt, which was now glinting with your come. He ran his fingers through his hair. The only evidence of the recent debauchery was his flushed cheeks.

You were a completely different story. Come covering your cunt and thighs. Drool hanging from your chin. Tits out. Completely naked and still tied up.

To which you cleared your throat at him, who was already putting his gloves back on. "Wanna untie me?" you said, voice still unsteady from your earth shattering release.

"No, I don't think I do," he said, smirking at your open, ruined cunt. 

"Oh fuck you," you spit out. You tugged on your restraints, which didn't give, and one foot shot out to kick him in the chest.

His hand caught your ankle with ease, holding it in a punishing grip. He threw it too the side, causing your arms to strain as your lower body fell with it. Like a predator, he leaned over your body, tall and careful enough to not touch any part of you. Face mere inches from yours he glared down at you.

"I thought you said you were going to be good today," he said.

Your mouth opened to respond, but two of his fingers pinched around your nipple, twisting and pulling. You gasped, every nerve on edge. He released it, letting it bounce under him as he watched. He slapped the very top of it sideways, causing your vision to temporarily white out, the feeling impossibly painful, but turning you on all the same.

His hand reached over you, pulling on the stethoscope, hands lightly brushing over yours.

"It's only because I have somewhere to be that I don't keep you there all night and watch you squirm while I get myself off," he growled in your ear. Your thighs clenched at the thought of that.

He pulled back, leaving you feeling empty, but at least your arms were now free. With shaking hands, you covered your tits and pulled your shirt down, wetness dragging along your torso. You tugged on your white coat to cover the mess. 

When you reached down to grab your panties, his hand was already there, snatching them away from you. 

"Hey!" you said, reaching for them fruitlessly, he was much too quick. "Give those back."

His eyes bore down into you, chilling you to the bone. "How many times do I have to tell you? You're not in charge here."

In one swift motion, he put on his mask and opened the door, panties still hanging in his hand. You gasped, rushing to pull on your scrubs to cover yourself. Your shoes went on without your socks as you ran after him. He was already halfway down the hall.

"Hey, asshole!" you said, hopefully, only loudly enough for him to hear. "Give those back."

In a whirl, his hand was at your throat, pushing you back into the cold, plain wall. It knocked the breath out of you and sent shivers down to your thighs.

"Address me like that again, and you will sorely regret it," he growled through the mask, paralyzing you in fear. He was back to the monster you knew and hated, no matter how hard he made you come. 

"Ummm," someone coughed out your name and your head snapped to look. His eyes stayed on you, not even sparing a glance to whoever was interrupting. It was Cora and Victor. Your eyes nearly popped out of your head.

You slapped Kylo's hand away from your neck. He must have felt bad for you enough to not want to discipline you for it, because he simply leaned his mask down to your ear.

"When the test comes back negative, I'll expect you in my room. You can get these then," he said, shoving the panties into his front pocket. He stormed off as was gone in a blur of black.

You turned back to your friends, legs still shaking.

"You have some explaining to do."


	14. As per your plea agreement

"That's the craziest shit I've ever heard," Cora muttered into her drink. 

"And way more than I wanted to hear," Victor grumbled.

After going back to your room to change and take a much needed shower, you'd met your friends at the bar. You'd told them everything... Well almost. Not how he'd given you orgasms that rocked your world and made you contemplate your existence, but you told them what they needed to know. The Knights. Hux's orders. The fact that you were fucking the fucking Commander.

"Was it good?" she asked.

You rolled your eyes. "Not answering that."

"Please."

"No.

"That means it was bad."

You shrugged.

"When we saw you with him in the hall, we thought he was going to kill you," Victor said much too casually. 

"Well I'm glad you two cared enough to help!" you said in disbelief.

Cora chuckled. "What were we supposed to do against Kylo Ren?"

You huffed. "Okay, that's fair." Your holo flashed with a notification. 

"Are those the test results?" Victor asked, and you nodded. Before you could check the status, he added, "anyone wanna take bets on how many he has?"

You punched him in the shoulder. "It better be zero, because that's how many I'd have too now." You let out a sigh as you scrolled through the report. "Zero."

Really you couldn't believe it. You knew you were safe, but the breath of relief that came from knowing he was too was better than any orgasm he could have given you.

Eh, well that was a lie.

"So are you going to go to his room tonight?" Cora asked.

"No freaking way. He's a total dick wad."

"Because he stole your panties?" Victor asked, teasing.

You crossed your arms over your chest. "No. Because he's a terrible human being. He's threatened my life more times than I can count. He's the reason I'm stuck with the Knights. He's rude, and condescending, and... and a murderer!" 

Victor shrugged. "Okay, yeah that's fair."

When you all had finished your meal, you parted ways for bed. "I better not see you coming back this way!" Cora said as she took the turn to her room. 

Once she'd rounded the corner, you stood in place. Should you go? He'd told you to. You didn't care much for those panties, so he could keep them. But a part of you--you knew very well which part--was pulling you towards his room. You didn't want to see the smug look on his face when you would get back. But you were sure he'd rock your world--again. But he'd been an ass. Pulling a stunt like that in the hospital! He could have gotten you fired.

Thighs clenching in betrayal, you made your way home for the night. You fell asleep wondering what Kylo had done with the panties he stole. 

The next morning, you woke groggily, pulling on some clean scrubs. The horrific reflection in the mirror was no surprise, but you hated it all the same. The red outlines of his fingers were prominent on your throat, along with the nasty hickies and indentions of his teeth on the side of your neck. Luckily, concealer worked wonders.

When you arrived at the training area, Kylo was already perched at the door, arms crossed, waiting for you. He held the door open for you in mocking display of chivalry and followed as you stepped into the vast room. The Knights, of course, were already fighting. You wondered if they ever did anything else. 

"You didn't come to my chambers last night," he said, voice plain through the mask.

You came to a halt a couple feet ahead of him, not sparing him a glance. "You know, strangely enough, I just wasn't in the mood to get threatened by a galactic murderer again."

If the words bothered him, it didn't show. "Hm, it's too bad you didn't come," he purred from behind you. "I had good news I was going to share with you regarding your job, but now I'm disinclined to do so."

You spun, craning your neck to glare up at him, curious. "That's not how good news works."

"Oh, darling, I assure you, I can quickly change it to very bad news if you provoke me." His words, as usual, elicited two emotions: anger and arousal. Apparently those were very common for you lately. 

"What is it?" you asked, attempting to keep a calm, steady tone.

He nodded towards the holopad you were carrying. "How about you share your good news with me, doctor?" he said condescendingly. 

You gritted your teeth, knowing what he wanted. "Congratulations, you're STD free, oh Supreme Leader." If you weren't so mad, you would have taken a moment to realize that that sentence was one that you never thought you'd say to present company. "Will you tell me now?"

"Will you come to my room tonight?"

You took a step back, appalled. "Of course not. I don't appreciate you threatening my job just to get your dick wet!" Horrified at your outburst, you turned back to the Knights, afraid they'd heard. Apparently it took more than a lewd comment to distract them from their fighting. Plus, it was nothing compared to the tantrums they'd surely seen Kylo throw.

He took a step forward, looming over you menacingly. "I assure you, I have no trouble... How did you phrase it? 'Getting my dick wet'," he said. "You have yet to respect the fact that I am your Commander. It's a part of my duty to ensure that all employees are used where their mental and emotional capabilities," he stressed the word, making you grind your teeth harder--he was insulting you now, calling you incompetent, "are most effective. If I deem a subordinate incapable of following simple orders and showing respect to their superiors, it's my job to take action."

Your hand shot out into his chest. He didn't budge, but it made you feel better. "Then fucking do it, you absolute coward," you snarled.

"Commander," a voice from behind him came. He stiffened his back, turning to whoever had come through the door. "Doctor," Hux greeted you both, Dr. Maddox at his side. Your back straightened, eyes widening as you prayed to every god that they hadn't seen you hit and cuss out your Commander.

"Hux. Doctor," he nodded at them. Dr. Maddox was clearly put off by his undeniably terrifying presence. 

"Good morning," she glanced at me. "We were just stopping by to see how everything's going with your new physician," she said. 

He didn't even glance at you as he tried to ruin your career. "Actually, I did have a problem." His words turned your blood to ice. You'd have tried to strangle him right then and there. "Yesterday, I had a very important, time crucial blood test administered." You were frozen in place-couldn't have done anything. "And my new doctor-" the way he emphasized 'my' made you want to slap him "-failed to give me the results until just a few moments ago."

All eyes turned to you. "Is that true?" Dr. Maddox asked.

"Well, yes but-"

"No buts. That is completely unacceptable," she scolded.

Kylo held a hand up, drawing everyone's attention back. "But it's okay. She was just distracted," he let out slowly. Only you could hear the smugness in his voice. He was going to tell her about the hospital room yesterday.

Your stomach nearly dropped out of your body. 

He wouldn't dare.

Well, he probably would. He had absolutely nothing to lose. No one could touch him or his reputation. He probably thought ruining lives was just a fun pastime.

"Distracted by what?" she asked. 

Don't, you pleaded in your head, not sure if he could hear. He was about to ruin your career. Don't, please I am begging you, you tried to scream it.

"Well," he started. 

Your stomach dropped to the floor. If it weren't for the anger entangled with your dread, you surely would have collapsed. You knew being with Ren was not going to end well, you just didn't think you'd come to hate yourself for it so soon. 

Without your job, you had no place in the First Order, and without the First Order, you didn't have a place in the galaxy. You'd spent nearly a decade working your ass off to get to where you were, and now it was going to be ruined by a child's temper tantrum.

You'd almost rather die.

I'll do anything, you thought. The only indication that he'd heard at all was the slight shift in his mask. He'd heard you, and you didn't know whether to be grateful or sickened by the fact.

"She was helping one of the Knights with a back injury," he finally finished.

Maddox looked over you, and you nodded once. Your fingernails cut crescents into the heels of your palms.

"Very well then," she finally let out, and you let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding. The air seemed lighter, but not for long.

"But other than that, my Knights, and I especially, have been very satisfied with her," he said, rolling the words over his tongue smoothly. Your cheeks flushed at his convenient choice of words.

Hux nodded. "Snoke will be pleased to hear that," he said, sharp tone and business as always.

When the two of them finally left the arena, you slumped over in relief and defeat.

When you could breathe normally, you turned to him, curiosity won out over the urge to scream at him for what had just almost happened. "Snoke?" you asked. What could the Supreme Leader have to do with any of this?

"Yes," he said shortly, patience wearing thin. "That's what I would have told you yesterday. Snoke was the one who'd ordered you to attend to my Knights and me. Apparently he found you a good fit."

You rolled it over in your head. It made sense as to why Hux couldn't over turn the assignment, but what didn't make sense is why Snoke would care, or even know, anything about you. It also meant Kylo had nothing to do with it, and you weren't sure how to feel about that either. He hadn't made the effort to have you spend more time with him, but that also meant he didn't meddle with your job.

"You could have just said that," you snapped a finger up at him, heart still racing from your near-exposure with Maddox. "I could have lost my fucking job because you wanted to act like a petty brat!"

He bent down to your level, somehow making him even more intimidating. The sound of his breath through the mask made goosebumps rise over your arms. It was a sickening sound that would make most people cower. "Do not try to challenge me again, girl" he growled. "You will not win, and you will not like the consequences."

His words made you take a step back. He stood to his full height, towering over you again. "Try to behave yourself today," he said. He halfway turned to walk away, but changed his mind, facing you. "And as per your plea agreement, I will see tonight in my chambers. Eight o'clock sharp." He turned away from you.

"Where are you going?" you snapped, still wanting to yell at him.

"I'm going to do my job, doctor. I suggest you do yours and make sure my Knights don't accidentally kill each other." He stepped away from you, leaving you frozen in place as he took a step towards the door. 

Enraged, you yelled. "At least if they all killed each other I'd be able to do something more interesting than babysit your group of oafs!"

"Eight o'clock tonight." He kept walking, ignoring your outburst. "Oh, and don't forget," he called over his shoulder. "You did say anything."

The rest of the day, your stomach tied in knots. You couldn't eat a thing and felt on the precipice of vomiting. What had you gotten yourself into? As planet-shattering as your sexcapades with Ren had been so far, he probably hadn't even breached the surface of his twisted imagination.

Your fingers tapped against the cool metal of the bench under you. 

Anything. Really, you should have just let yourself get fired. You probably should have promised much less. It might have worked, but you had a feeling it was uncharacteristic of Kylo to return any favors without complete and total submission. 

For Commander of the First Order, he really was a brat.

You went to the med bay after the shift with the Knights to see if there was any work to do distract yourself and to keep Ren in the most minuscule corner in the back of your mind. 

A wave of calm brushed over you when you saw Bradley, looking dashing as ever leaned over a desk reading charts, arms supporting his weight as he hunched, giving you a clear view of his very sculpted ass. You'd barely even glimpsed him since that shared mission so long ago, and he did look good. 

"Hey, stranger," you said, approaching him. 

He turned, eyes lighting up when he saw you. "Hey there! Long time no see." He stood, facing you at full attention. "How's everything been with you?"

You shrugged, not much good to say. "I've been pretty good. Glad to be on base again, but not loving my new full time nanny position."

He made a pitying face as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "I'd heard you got permanently assigned to the Knights. I was really hoping it wasn't true."

"You were?" you asked, suprised.

Nodding, he leaned back so that he was propped on the desk behind him. "Of course. I knew you didn't want that job. You're much too smart to be spending your time outside of an OR." Your face heated at his kind words. "Plus, that means we won't have any more assignments together."

You smiled at that, teasing. "You miss working with me?"

His mouth turned up at one corner. "Maybe. Maybe the only thing getting me through the day is waiting for that date you promised me."

"Well someone hasn't asked me since getting back to civilization," you reminded him.

Arms crossing over his chest he said, "Well it sounds like someone was an idiot. And wants to rectify that immediately."

You couldn't help but smile as he held out one hand, gripping your small fingers, brushing a thumb over the back of your hand. His touch was warm, and soft, and you felt yourself taking a small step towards him.

"Would you consider grabbing dinner with said idiot this week?" he asked, blue eyes crashing into yours from under his thick lashes. You melted.

"Depends. Does he have anything interesting in that file?" you asked, nodding towards the papers beside him. "Anything more interesting than watching brutes try to kill each other for sport?"

You'd been itching to get back into an actual medical routine, and he knew that. Three days during your first assignment had nearly drove you mad. If you didn't use your brain on a complex case soon, it might just disintegrate. 

He chuckled, and the sound brought out a smile in you, probably your first for the entire day. "Hopefully you'd find me slightly more interesting than that on our date." You thought about that night he'd kissed you and held you in the hut on Dressel. You hadn't felt comfort like that for months, and did not forget it. "Oh, actually I wanted to talk to you," he said, dropping your hand to offer out the file he'd been reading. "I have a spinal patient that I could really use an ortho perspective on."

You beamed at both his charm, and the promise of using at least some of the knowledge a decade of studying had gotten you, which is more than you'd had in a week. 

"You just made my day," you said, smiling as you took the file.

The next couple of hours were spent with Bradley, discussing the best approach for how to treat the patient. Honestly, it was pretty enjoyable too, doing what you loved with a gorgeous man who seemed to cling to every word you said.

But the ticking in the back of your mind kept your muscles tight. It was almost 8 o'clock. You weren't ready to see Ren. Sure, the sex was great, but you regretted the deal you'd made with the devil.

Anything, you'd told him.

The thought equally terrified and aroused you.

But mostly pissed you off. Sure, you shouldn't have done all that with him during work, but he definitely shouldn't have either. And then he threatened your job over it.

Fury rattled your bones. The audacity of that man. You had half a mind to just not show up. The thought of him furious when you wouldn't show would be enough for you to fall asleep smiling. But you had a feeling he wouldn't let it go. 

You were going to go. No matter how you'd gotten into the situation, you made a deal, and that meant something. 

But mostly, you didn't want him having the satisfaction of knowing he could scare you off like that. You'd go, do whatever he said, and not show any weakness.

He'd be able to read every thought, but it was the principle that mattered.

You stood from the table that you and Bradley had been studying on and gave him a smile, hoping he couldn't sense any nervousness.

"Thank you for the most interesting day I've had in way too long," you told him. He stood, the perfect gentleman.

"Hopefully, I can beat it this weekend," he said, taking a step toward you.

You tried to hide your guilt as you looked up at him. "I'd like that."

He bent slowly, eyes on you, gauging your reaction. Your heart pattered in your rib cage as his lips parted, just inches from yours. He kissed you gently, just for a moment before pulling back and smiling at you. 

"It's a date then," he said. "I'll send you a holo this weekend?"

You nodded, giving him one last look before walking through the door, heart fluttering. You were actually looking forward to the weekend where you could hopefully get to know this amazing guy. He's so sweet and kind and thoughtful. And it didn't hurt that he was insanely attractive. 

A pang of guilt stabbed you as you turned the corner towards Ren's chambers instead of your own. Each step became harder to take. 

This was so not a good idea.

But you had to go. He was not going to intimidate you. And maybe if you were good, you could convince him to talk to Snoke about your assignment. 

Probably not, but it didn't hurt to kill two profoundly annoying birds with one stone.

Stopped outside his chambers, your breath hitched in your throat.

Were you supposed to knock? It seemed so ridiculous.

Shaking out your muscles, you lifted a hand to knock on the high tech door, but inches away, the door slid open. You stepped through into the hallway, looking around. The other doors were closed. 

"Kylo?" you called out stupidly. He'd told you to come, and then wasn't even here at the specified time? "Asshole," you muttered.

Something was hanging on the far door where his bedroom was. A piece of paper with elegant writing.

_Bed. Naked. No excuses._

_-K_

You were surprised your anger didn't incinerate the paper in an instant. You weren't surprised, but furious nonetheless. A quick push on the handle revealed an empty room. No personal touches. No Ren.

The room felt impossibly cold as you walked to the massive bed and slumped down on it. It was probably the most comfortable bed. Sex on it would be amaz-

No. There was no room for thoughts like that. Sex on the bed with him would be terrible and nasty because he's terrible and nasty.

But your clenching thighs thought differently.

He really expected you to strip down naked and wait for him on his bed like a dog? There was no way keeping your job was worth it.

Yes it was. 

With a heavy sigh, you slipped off your clothing. You debated whether or not to leave on the panties and bra, but didn't want to provoke anything worse than he was already planning so stripped those off to. 

And you waited. Five minutes had passed and nothing. No Ren.

You looked around the room, wondering if there were cameras and he was watching you wait in agony for his arrival. After folding your clothes, you sat on the edge of the bed. 

You felt silly for feeling exposed--he'd already seen all of you. But something about your pebbled nipples in the cool air and the way his soft comforter felt under you had you breathing hard with anxiety.

Another five minutes of torture. Time was standing still and traveling at hyperspeed simultaneously.

You decided in that moment you hated Ren. You hated his temper, his arrogance, his entitlement, his manners. 

But mostly you hated the fact that while you'd been sitting on the bed, a puddle of your arousal had pooled on the blanket in that amount of time. 

"Fuck this," you said, standing to gather your clothes from the neat pile on the ground. The hiss of the outer door had you seated back on the bed in an instant, stomach clenching in anticipation. You crossed your arms over your chest as his unmistakable footsteps echoed through the hallway.

The handle of the door shifted slightly, and you held your breath.


	15. No sense of self preservation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, no rereading this one, I wanted to post before I fell asleep!! LMK what you all think. Thoughts, suggestions, what you like and hate??
> 
> ALSO a couple people asked if I had a tiktok, and I do! Follow me @stilldepressedbcbensolo ! message me that you're from ao3 and I'll follow back! <3

When Kylo Ren stepped through the door in all of his dark, masked, broody glory, your stomach clenched. He looked like an avenging angel, and he was surely just as capable. The door closed behind him, leaving you trapped with him in his quarters. 

Your heart pounded out of your naked chest. He was still wearing the mask, but you knew his eyes were raking over your bare body perched on his bed, as instructed.

Tensed, you waited for him to find something to scold you for. Time between your gazes seemed to stand still, and you waited like a frightened deer, anticipating the brutal bite of an inevitable predator.

He nodded once at you. "Good, you're here." You watched him with equal parts dread and fascination as he turned to the dining room table and placed his mask on it. Your thighs clenched together as he turned toward you, running a gloved hand through his hair, shaking it out after a long day in the mask. 

He took an annoyingly long amount of time stripping his gloves and taking the cowl from his neck, dropping it to the table. At the sight of his large, capable hands, you almost started salivating. The last time you'd seen those hands, they were-

"Hmm, yes, a fond memory of mine as well," he said, back still turned to you. You flushed in anger and embarrassment that he'd been listening to your thoughts again. The asshole. 

"Stay out of my head," you grumbled as he turned to face you.

The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement. "As I've said before, and as you've so deliciously proven," he said, eyes raking over your naked body. "You are not in charge here."

The low tone of his voice sent sparks straight to the apex of your thighs. And based on the look he gave you, he knew it too. 

"I'm here because I made a deal to save my job. Do not confuse that with anything else," you said sharply, wanting nothing more than to bend over and grab your clothes from the floor.

"And yet," he said, taking a slow step towards you, "you're dripping onto my comforter right now, aren't you?"

You eyes widened. "How dare you-" you said, knowing full well that he was right.

He held up a hand, silencing you. "Show me," he said coolly.

"What?" you choked out, further pulling your arms together to cover your top half.

He looked over you with heated precision. "Put your hands on the bed behind you. And open your fucking legs to show me how wet you got while waiting for me," he said, eyes darkening with each word. He stayed a few feet in front of the bed, giving you space. When you finally obeyed, he wanted it to be completely of your own will, no strength or intimidation involved.

You were mortified. And aroused.

"I'm not..." you trailed off, looking around the room as if a way out of this would somehow appear on the walls.

"Anything," he snapped, arms folded over his chest in impatience, and anticipation. The tension between you two was nearly palpable. 

You exhaled sharply through your nose, sending him the harshest glare possible, that, of course, didn't phase him one bit. He lifted an eyebrow as if to challenge you. He was enjoying this.

Finally, not giving him the satisfaction of you looking away, you pulled yours arms down, laying your palms behind you on the bed and leaning back slightly onto them. Your naked chest was completely exposed to him, nipples hardening under his cool stare. It was painfully arousing.

He looked down at your still-crossed legs, prompting you on.

"I hate you," you snapped at him, but gave into him all the same. Slowly, you pulled your legs apart, cunt clenching as it felt the cool air of the room.

You felt the warm caress of your arousal pooled between your legs, and based on the glint of amusement in his eyes, he saw it. The thought made another wave of arousal drip from you onto the bed.

"It looks like one part of you doesn't hate me," he said smugly.

All this and he hadn't even touched you. But you wanted him to.

No one had ever pushed you like he had before. You were sure there was no one in the world you'd spread yourself out for like this, him still fully clothed. And the ache in your lower abdomen didn't even let you feel bad about it. As much as you'd like kissing Bradley, he could never get this kind of physical reaction out of you.

You needed Kylo Ren inside you, and your cunt ached like if he didn't get inside you soon, you might collapse into nothingness.

He took slow, methodical steps towards the bed, and your breath stuck in your throat. Standing in front of you, he reached out. He stared down at you with the heat of one million suns as he dragged a knuckle slowly down the side of your cheek. You resisted the urge to lean into his touch. His grip landed on your chin, pulling your eyes up to meet his.

His thumb stroked your jawline in an uncharacteristically gentle manner, and you melted.

"You want me?" he asked.

Dumbly and unthinkingly, you nodded. "Yes."

"Yes what?" he asked tauntingly.

"Yes, Commander," you added, to which he nodded, pleased.

He dropped his hand back to his side. You leaned back further on your arms, waiting for what he'd do next. 

He nodded to the door. "You're dismissed."

You gaped up at him, sure you'd misheard. "What?"

"You can go," he said slowly, as if you were dumb. "I have no use for you right now."

"No use for me?" you muttered angrily at his chest before glaring daggers into him. "I'm not a fucking object."

He looked completely disinterested. "Then you should have no problem getting dressed and leaving."

You couldn't believe it. You were lying naked on his bed and he was dismissing you like an unwanted intruder. You were livid, and if you weren't so shocked might have tried to hit him. 

At least that would probably anger him into fucking the life out of you. But you weren't that desperate for him. Yet.

"Then what was the point of all this?" you glowered, waving vaguely around the room.

"The point," he said, speaking to you like a parent scolds a child, "Is that you need to learn to respect me. You need to know who's in charge here."

You resisted the urge to spit in his face. 

"And," he added, "I wanted you to know how much you like submitting to me."

"So you just wanted to humiliate me?" you snapped at him, neck straining to make eye contact with him.

He bent over you, placing a hand on either side of your hips on the bed, supporting his massive form. You leaned, but he followed, lips brushing your ear as his breath tickled your neck. It was a false intimacy that made your head spin with want and confusion.

"You have no idea what I want, but you will soon enough," he whispered, sending a chill through your spine. 

Pulling back, he waved a hand and your clothes flew into your arms. The message was clear. He'd gotten what he wanted--your utter humiliation and surrender--and now he was done with you. 

"I fucking hate you," you spit, pushing him away from you and jumping off the bed. You pulled your clothes back on, but the thin armor did little to help your pride. Every inch of your skin was flushed with embarrassment. He'd called you into the room in exchange to keep his mouth shut about your interaction at the hospital, had you naked on the bed, and what? Didn't even want sex? 

He was an infuriating puzzle. One that you didn't have the time, energy, or willpower to solve. You stormed out, but when your hand hit the door to leave, he called your name. 

Against your will, you turned to face him. He was lying on his bed, legs propped up with his hands resting behind his head on the head board. He looked comfortable and smug, and you wanted to slap the look right off his perfect face.

"What?" you snapped. 

"You'll now be allowed one day a week in the operating room per week, assuming that it doesn't interfere with your responsibilities towards me and my Knights," he told you. You almost just with excitement.

"Really?" you asked, all anger disappearing. Well almost.

He nodded once. "Yes." 

You weren't going to thank him, but you shot him a genuine smile--probably the first you'd given him--before leaving his quarters. You left in a decent mood, but the more you thought about the interaction, the angrier you were. 

He'd gotten you all hot and bothered before kicking you out of his room, still horny and embarrassed. What was the point of all that? What could he have possibly gained from that? Did he just want to prove he was the alpha dog or something? He's Kylo Fucking Ren. What, he had a self esteem issue? 

Fucking asshole. 

But he did say you could be in the hospital one day a week. Not much, but better than nothing. You were almost certain that if you hadn't shown up to his room to respect the deal that he wouldn't have allowed that. And you were sure he'd hold it over your head too. 

Residency was supposed to be a stressful year, but this was getting to be too much.

You needed to find a way out of the situation.

He'd given you a fraction of your old job back, and he could take it away just as easily, you were sure. 

You weren't going to let him touch you again. It didn't matter if it got you demoted or fired. The back and forth games were exhausting. He had all the power in the world, but he was not getting anywhere near the inside of your pants again. 

Before going to bed, you rubbed yourself to completion three times to lessen the unwanted arousal that Ren's encounter had prompted, but it did little to help except for putting you to sleep earlier. 

When you met Cora and Victor for breakfast the next morning, they knew instantly your mood was sour. 

"What's got your panties all bunched up?" Victor asked as you took a seat at the cafeteria table with them, drink splattering on the table.

Unfortunately nothing, you thought angrily.

"Just upset about work, that's all."

They both gave pitying looks. "Still stuck with the Knights?" Victor asked.

You nodded miserably. "For forever, it looks like. But Ren did say I could do surgeries once a week," you said, trying to act happier than you actually felt.

"Well that's great!" Cora said, smiling as she scarfed down the tasteless oatmeal they'd been serving. 

You shrugged. "How's everything with you guys?" The two of them exchanged a glance, and you groaned. "Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not," Victor said.

"Spit it out," you groaned.

"Were both going to base in the Outer Rim to teach surgical techniques to the first years there."

"Are you serious? That's awesome for you guys!" you said, trying to sound happy for them.

Cora laughed. "We know your jealous as hell. You don't have to pretend."

You let out a sigh, happy for them, but still upset about the cards you'd been played. "No I am happy for you guys. I'm just so tired of the Knights that I considered stabbing myself just to get back in the OR."

They chuckled as you all made your way to the main hangar. Their ship was nearly packed with everything they needed for the journey, and they were expected to be there in the next couple of hours. You had time before you actually needed to be at work and accompanied them. Even if the Knights got seriously injured in the next few minutes, they probably wouldn't let you treat them anyway. 

"I can't believe it. You two are going to be training the future doctors of the First Order while I'm watching their best fighters hurt each other for fun," you said, helping them push a cart of medical supplies up the ramp into the ship.

"So we're all doing very important work then," Victor chuckled as the three of you huddled outside the ship.

"We'll miss you," Cora said, pulling you in for a hug. You felt like they had just gotten back from their last assignment and they were leaving again. You should have been going with them.

You gripped her tight. "Do you think Maddox would be mad if I ditched and went with you guys?" 

She laughed and pulled back. "Probably."

Victor wrapped his arms around your neck as you buried your face in his chest. "I can't believe you guys are leaving me again."

"Don't worry, we'll try to not have too much fun without you while you're with those glorified jocks," he said into your hair.

You let out a chuckle that was quickly interrupted by a presence you felt before you saw.

"I'd appreciate it if you two didn't grope each other during official First Order work hours," Kylo Ren said, a few feet to the side.

You snapped your head to look at him, furious at his interruption. First he forces you to strip in his room, kicks you out of his room, then has the nerve to scold you in public about hugging a friend? His nerves must be built of stone. 

"We're not groping, Commander," you snapped from Victor's embrace, but he pulled back immediately. Coward.

"My apologies, Commander," he said. Bootlicker. You glared up at Ren, unimpressed.

"It's highly unprofessional and inappropriate," Ren said, only sign of emotion were his fists tight at his sides.

Inappropriate? He had the guts to even speak that word to you? Fury rippled in waves inside of you.

"Inappropriate?" you nearly shouted. "That was a hug. Or is that mask blocking your view?"

Cora gasped beside you, terrified, but you continued. "Besides, I'd never be so unprofessional as to have any physical relationship with a colleague," you smiled sweetly, challenging him.

Victor took a step between you two, hopefully in an attempt to take your attention off of each other, but you glared at Ren from behind Victor.

"Excuse us, Commander," he said, voice shaky but strong. "We were just saying goodbye before leaving for our assignment."

Ren didn't even acknowledge Victor, just looking at you. "Aren't you late for your assignment?"

Before you could answer, Victor said, "She's on her way right there." He turned to look at you, pleading with his eyes for you to behave. "Isn't that right?"

Victor and Cora had obviously never felt so uncomfortable in their lives. You decided for their sake to be nice.

You smiled sweetly at Ren. "Yes, sir. I'm on my way now."

He nodded once, pleased with your answer. "I suggest you take your leave then, miss," he said, emphasizing the last word. Your cheeks flamed at his words, him refusing to use the title you'd worked so hard to earn. But the worst part was that he knew it pissed you off, and he seemed to even enjoy it.

The tension between you was enough to make Cora and Victor shrink back. Cora hissed your name under her breath, trying to get you to snap out of the staring match with the Commander.

"It's 'doctor', you ignorant cow," you growled at him, jaw tight in anger. In an instant, his saber was ignited, heat prickling the air. Victor and Cora fell back in fear as he raised the fiery blade, but you held your ground. Cora screamed as he brought it down on the cart behind him, cutting through metal, sparks flying as he unleashed his rage on the innocent cart. 

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. He scared the shit out of you sometimes, but he was not going to strike you down in the middle of the hangar, now with everyone's eyes fixated on him.

He was definitely going to take his anger out on you later--privately--and seeing him in this state made it worth it. 

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Cora snapped from behind you.

After the offending chunk of metal was destroyed to his liking, he whirled back at you, lightsaber inches from your face. The rumbling heat kissed your skin painfully, and your eyes went wide. Maybe he would kill you here. You really hoped Vic and Cora wouldn't have to see him decapitate you.

Ren stared down at you, anger rolling off of him in waves. You were in deep shit.

"Don't make me use this on you," he said. You knew his voice well enough to know his teeth were clenched tight under that mask as he threatened you.

Cora's eyes almost bugged out of her head. Victor shot you a very worried warning look, but you were too enraged to use any ounce of reason. 

"I'll show you where you can shove that lightsaber, Commander," you sneered at him.

For a moment, everything in the world came to a standstill. Your friends were sure you were going to die, and in that moment, you thought so too, but didn't care. Ren had bullied you enough, and you weren't going to take it anymore. 

He let out a laugh from under his mask, but he was not amused. "I forgot, doctor," he nearly spit the word, "that you have no sense of self preservation."

Much to Cora and Victor's horror, Ren sheathed his lightsaber on his side and leaned forward, wrapping his impossibly strong fingers around your wrist and tugging you away from the ship. Everyone's eyes were on you as he stormed through the busy hangar, you nearly running to keep up. You tried tugging your wrist from his grip, but you had a feeling you'd sooner pull your arm out of socket.

"Let me go, you brute!" you yelled as he pulled you into a hallway, not slowing his pace at all. You brought your other fist down on his forearm, punching him, hoping he would let go, but no such thing happened. He probably didn't even notice as he took his long angry strides. 

"Hey!" you said as he pulled open a door and shoved you into a small conference room. He released you, sending you nearly crashing into the floor. "What the fuck-"

Your words were cut off by his grip on your throat, eyes bugging as he pulled you up to look at him. 

"I thought you'd learned your lessons in manners already," he snarled. Adrenaline pumped through you, realizing that you'd never heard his voice that angry before.

You were in deep shit.


	16. No sense of self preservation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets rougher than usual. Kylo is an ass! It's mild compared to many things I've read, but rougher than anything you've read in my fanfic so far, so I wanted to warn you. There is face slapping and punching in this chapter. It's mild, and will be the only chapter with it, but some people may not like it, and that's fine! You can stop reading, or skip this chapter. Please remember that everything that happens is consensual though! That's very important to me.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Kylo Ren's thumb dug deep into your throat, depressing your artery and blurring your vision. His hand around your neck was just loose enough to keep you from passing out. If you'd ever been scared of him before, that was nothing compared to this.

He tore off his mask with his other hand and let it drop to the ground. The fury in his eyes would have buckled your knees if you wasn't holding you up by the throat. He was furious, and he wanted you to know that.

"Are you kidding me?" he growled--actually growled--as he twisted his body and shoved your back into the wall behind you. You groaned as your head slammed against the hard surface. His face was inches from yours, tinged red with anger. Every encounter you'd had with him before this seemed like a play date at the park. 

"Get off of me!" you choked out, but the words barely formed under the pressure he maintained on your neck. 

He didn't even acknowledge you as he leaned in close.

"You stupid, stupid woman," he spit, fingers tightening their grip on you. "You think that you can disrespect me? In front of the whole hangar?"

His words caused every muscle to tighten in your body. You gasped for air, your hands wrapping around his arm to push him back with no success.

"Do you?" he roared, pulling you off the wall just to shove you back into it even harder. You kept trying to push him, but you may as well have been hitting a wall. "Answer me!"

You gasped. "No-no, sir!" you cried out. 

"You think that there won't be consequences to you acting like a brat, ignoring every lesson I've taught you so far?" he asked, fingers twitching towards his saber. 

"No!" you screamed. His hand raised a few inches, pushing you up the wall until your toes barely grazed the floor. Your lungs cried out for air, and you knew his fingers would leave marks. If you were alive after this...

You thrashed and kicked at his shins and he grunted when your shoe made contact. His pelvis slammed into yours, pushing his entire lower body forward to keep you still. His erection prodded your stomach, and you groaned.

"You insolent girl, think that you can defy me?" He sighed, as if genuinely disappointed. "Well don't worry. We'll rectify that way of thinking soon enough."

He released his hold on your throat, and you dropped to the hard floor below you on your hands and knees, which cracked in pain. You heaved, trying to fill your lungs with oxygen. Before you could recover, a hand twisted into your hair, pulling you to your knees and yanking your head to look at him. He was livid. A beautiful angel of destruction glaring down at you, eyes dark. Your neck strained at the rough angle, but you didn't dare try to pull away.

His erection strained against his tight pants, just inches in front of your face. His anger and desire were one in the same. You cunt throbbed at the thought of having him inside of you again, leaking in pure desire. 

"I should slap the shit out of you right know," he said. "Maybe that would shut you up."

"Do your fucking worst, Commander," you glared up at him. You barely had time to register his arm pulling back before the crack of leather on skin echoed through the room. Your head snapped to the side with the force of his slap, forming stars behind your eyes as your hand pulled up to grasp your stinging cheek. A flood of arousal pooled in your pants. 

You shot a sinful smile up at him. "That's the best you got?" you asked him.

"You want more?" he asked fuming. He was practically shaking with anger, but his voice hinted at something else. You leaned back slightly, contemplating. 

Was he... asking permission?

It was unlike anything you'd ever experienced, but you'd be lying if you said it wasn't the most turned on you've ever been. 

Slowly, you looked up at him and nodded.

His eyes flashed black as he backhanded you on the other cheek with more strength than you thought possible. His knuckles slammed into you jaw, your vision going black for a moment. A trickle of bloody spit dripped down your chin. You wiped it off with your sleeve.

You tried to push yourself onto your feet, but one hand shoved you back down into the floor, your limbs groaning in pain. He glowered down at you, arousal evident on his face along with something much more sinister.

"I told you once that your mouth was going to get you in trouble," he said, voice so calm it sent a chill down your spine.

His hands fell to his hips, unbuckling his pants with precision. You were frozen in place as he unfastened his pants and pulled down. His erection sprung free from his pants, and you started salivating at the picture of his swollen, red cock hanging in front of you. 

He must have seen the desire in your eyes because he stared down at you mockingly. "You think you deserve this, whore?" He plucked his gloves off, throwing them down on the floor beside his mask.

You nodded up at him, pleading. "Yes, sir," you whispered. 

His palm bore down on you again, this time even harder than before. You fell sideways, bracing yourself of your hands, steadying yourself before pushing back up into a kneeling position in front of him. The sound of his skin colliding against your cheek was loud enough for the entire base to hear. Your hand went to your assaulted cheek to comfort it.

"You think you deserve anything from me?" One hand gripped himself, pumping slowly up and down his pulsing cock. You leaned forward, hands reaching to grab him, needing his cock in your mouth. But an invisible being pulled you back, as always, arms pinned at your side as you watched him start to pleasure himself. 

A trickle of precome had leaked out of his slit, and he used a skilled hand to rub it over his head. You fought against your invisible restraints, but barely moved an inch. One finger trailed up the underside of him, and his dick twitched, sending a wave of arousal to your lower belly like a bullet. You groaned, your panties were soaked, and you couldn't move at all to satisfy either of you. 

He bent slightly, his free hand gripping your cheeks roughly, pushing his fingers into your face until your mouth opened. You winced at the hard pressure on your already bruised cheeks, and it sent another flood of arousal through you.

"I'll show you what you deserve," he said, eyes boring down into yours. He had a wicked twinkle in his eyes. He stood to his full height, stepping forward until the head head of his dick was right in front of your mouth. You opened your mouth to take him, and he smirked. "I'm gonna pump you so full of my come it'll be the only thing coming out of your smart little mouth for a week."

You actually groaned as he leaned forward and laid the head on your outstretched tongue. 

"Suck it," he sneered, and you obeyed. You circled your tongue around his head. The taste of his intermingled precome with your blood made you dizzy with desire. He'd released the hold on you, and your hands fell onto his thick thighs as you leaned forward. You bent under him and licked up the underside of his length. His dick spasmed on your tongue and his hands flew into your hair, tangling themselves in it. 

You repeated the motion, but this time, ran your tongue over the seam between his swollen sack. "Oh, fuck," he gasped at the sensation. One hand peeled off his thigh to wrap around the base of him. You kissed a trail up from your hand until you reached his leaking slit. You gave him a long, wet, open mouth kiss, sucking lightly on his juices.

"Tongue out," he snapped, and you obeyed. He pushed into you until his dick was touching the back of your throat, and you both moaned. He started pulsing into you, and your hand pumped him in rhythm with his hips. "No hands," he said, and your hand flew back to his thigh, held in place their by the Force. He smiled down at you, and you knew you were still in trouble. 

His hand pushed you forward onto his massive length, and he bottomed out in one stroke, dick prodding the back of your throat. You gagged around him, and his thighs shook. 

"Fuck, that feels so good," he said before pulling all the way out and ramming into you again. One untangled from your hair and gripped your jaw around him. "You're gonna be a good girl and suck this cock?" he asked. 

Drool was already dripping from your mouth as you tried to nod at him the best you could. 

"Good," he said before releasing your face and shoving even deeper into you. He pistoned into your mouth, and the sounds you made around his dick were wet and sloppy and nasty. Your lips slipped over your teeth as he pushed through them. He filled every inch of your mouth, and your sore cheeks sucked him as he deeper into you.

You felt absolutely filthy and used. And you loved every thrust of it.

Your empty cunt clenched with need, and one hand trailed down his leg and to the hem of your scrubs, reaching for your clit to relieve the agony of neglect making it pulse with your heartbeat. In an instant, both hand were secured behind your back with the Force.

"Don't even fucking think about it, whore. You'll come when I let you," he growled, and you whimpered, stuck in place. He rammed himself into you until your nose repeatedly hit the skin above his shaft, causing you to gargle under the rough intrusion. He groaned, pulling you into him. He pushed one hand between you two, letting it rest on your throat, not choking you, but feeling himself push deep down into your throat. He quaked with pleasure as his hand tangled further into your hair. Your cheeks burned from the force of his hits, and your knees cried out in pain from being pressed on the unforgiving floor, but all you could think about was pulling him deeper into you.

He pinched your nose between two strong fingers, effectively blocking any air from entering your lungs. You choked around his dick, tears pooling in your eyes, causing him to moan against the vibrations. His thighs shuddered, and his cock throbbed in your mouth.

"Oh fuck, fuck," he gasped as rockets of his come shot past your throat. He fucked your face through his orgasm, not pulling back until he emptied his seed inside of you. When he did, he crouched down in front of you, pushing your mouth shut with a rough hand. "Swallow it," he said, and you did, wincing as the salty stream slid down your throat. He pinched your bruised cheeks, causing you to flinch. "Good girl," he cooed, standing to his full height.

You were dizzy with what had just happened, trying hard to catch your breath. Your panties were soaked and your pussy cried out for his touch.

He stared down at your trembling form. "Isn't that a much better use of that pretty mouth of yours?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," you said solemnly, still heaving, voice hoarse. 

He smiled cruelly. "Do you think you learned your lesson?" You nodded, glancing up at him from under your eyelashes. He took a slow step toward you, index finger tapping slowly on his jawline. "See, the thing is, you've said that before, haven't you? This time, I'm going to make it sticks."

With a wave of his hand, you were flying back, and you hit the wall hard, spread against it a foot off the ground. You struggled against the invisible restraints fruitlessly.

He strutted toward you with the grace and purpose of a predator. 

"You're really going to regret the way you spoke to me today," he said, and your heart quickened with both fear and arousal. He ignited his lightsaber for the second time today, resting it inches from your neck. The heat of it frizzled the thin hairs on your neck, and you tried to pull away. His eyes glinted, amused at your struggling.

You'd handled a lot from him, but you weren't sure you could handle the touch of his saber.

"No, no, no," you pleaded, tears falling down your face. He reared up, and you closed your eyes, bracing for impact, but in one swift strike, he brought it down on your loose top, tearing it straight down the middle. You gasped in surprise and relief, and he dropped the saber to his belt. You let out a strong exhale, taking in his unforgiving expression. His hands wrapped around either side of the shirt, pulling it off your shoulders and dropping it to the side.

You gasped as his hands curled under your bra, pulling apart and ripping the fabric as easily as paper. He tossed your ruined bra to the side, and his hands groped your breasts, prodding and kneading until you were putty under his touch. His index fingers and thumbs pinched your nipples between them, twisting until you nearly screamed.

He let them fall, aching in relief and need simultaneously, and you groaned in frustration. "You fucking asshole," you muttered through your teeth.

His nostrils flared. He bent over, pulling your shoes off quickly, and then your pants. When he straightened up, he glared so intensely you would have collapsed if the Force wasn't holding you in place.

"You really don't learn, do you?" he sighed. His fingers went straight to the apex of your thighs. You shivered as he rubbed a single finger through your slit, the slight pressure driving you mad with lust. He pulled back and gave you a condescending smirk, showing you your wetness of him. "You fucking like this," he sneered. "You like being punished don't you?"

He was right of course, and all it would take was the shortest peek into your mind to know that, so you didn't answer. He already knew. 

Yes.

His lips curled up in a devastatingly handsome smile as his fingers slid back to their favorite place--your throat. His grip tightened, causing you to gasp and your thighs to clench together, desperate for any friction.

"Don't worry. I'll oblige you," he said, releasing the grip the Force had on you. You fell into his chest, and he picked you up with ease. You fought and kicked against him, but it was no match for his strength. He walked you over to the table, slamming your back against it so that you were laying down, looking at him looming over you at the edge of the table. 

You were sore all over, cheeks burning, completely exposed... and entirely aroused.

You clenched your thighs together in an attempt to maintain a semblance of dignity, but he pushed his thumbs between your knees and spread your legs for him. He stared at your pink throbbing cunt and grunted in pleasure, his cock hardening again at the view. You could feel your juices dripping onto the table. 

He bent, swiping his tongue through your folds in one fell swoop. Your eyes rolled back, your body tensing under his quick touch. When he pulled back, you groaned. 

"You didn't think that you were out of trouble yet, did you?" he asked, spreading your thighs even wider with his strong grip. He gripped his dick, sliding the tip of it up and down you sopping folds. The feeling sent sparks through every nerve.

"No-no, Commander," you said, giving him the most contrite look you could manage.

"Good," he grunted. He pushed deep into you, bottoming out in one thrust. You wailed, pushing up the table away from him, put his hands gripped your waist punishingly, pulling you down onto him, forbidding any escape. The pain of being stretched so suddenly contracted your chest and left you gasping, drooling, tears trickling, but you let out a moan as your walls clench around his impossible length. 

He looked you up and down once, and when he was sure you could take it, he pulled out and did it again, impaling you, knocking the breath out of you before pounding into you rhythmically. With each thrust, he pulled you down onto hip, your hips meeting in a sloppy wet symphony that echoed off the walls. His grip would for sure leave bruises, but you couldn't think of anything other than your release.

"You're gonna fucking respect me from now on?" he growled over you, fingers tightening around you even more.

"Yes, yes!" you screamed at the ceiling. He was reducing you to a slobbering mess, reaching so far into you. Your hand landed on your stomach, feeling him prodding you with every thrust. The feeling made you clench around him.

He doubled over, one hand leaving your side so he could dig that forearm into your throat, pushing down until you were nearly choking. "Fuck... shit! Your pussy feels so fucking good when you're choking."

He pushed down farther, stealing your air and sending your cunt into a rhythm of contractions around him, and he kept pushing into you, his tip crashing into your cervix. With one hand, he tilted up your ass so that with every stroke he brushed against that spot that made you wail with pleasure.

"Oh, fuck, Kylo!" you gasped under his hold. His face was inches above yours, and you couldn't take your eyes off of him. Unthinking, you tilted your neck to press your lips against his. He froze for a moment, and you regretted making a move like that, but then he moaned into your mouth, tongue parting your lips. The taste of his cum, your blood, and your tongues was enough to push you to the edge, especially the way he was stroking into you, balls slapping your ass. His tongue swirled around yours before pulling your lower lip between his teeth and biting hard. You gasped into his mouth. It was too much. 

Your hand slid down your torso, two fingers circling your hard clit. You cunt clenched around him.

Suddenly, his other hand wrapped around your wrist, tugging it and slamming it into the table beside your head, tendons straining under his impossible strength. 

"If you fucking come before I tell you, I'll tie you to this table and leave you for the next meeting," he grunted between strokes. You groaned, and the thought of being tied up again under him sent another wave of arousal dripping down your thighs. Every nerve in your body felt like it had been plucked raw and might combust at any moment.

You were tipping on the edge of release, pain and pleasure equal parts wracking through your body. His mouth crashed down on you again, teeth clacking as he started pounding even harder. His strokes were wild and messy, and you knew he was getting close. Your stomach clenched in pain with your near release.

"Gods, I fucking love this pussy," he growled into your ear, his forearm still cutting off your airway.

"Kylo, please!" you choked under him, eyes pleading into his. 

He looked feral as he continued his assault on you. "Please what?" he smirked above you, before bending his head down. He replaced his forearm for his fingers around your neck, liking the way your throat felt while you gasped desperately for air. He licked a hot trail up your neck stopping at your ear. When he sucked your earlobe between his teeth, you were sure your soul had left your body. 

You were so close to tipping over the edge that it was painful. Every cell in your body cried out for one thing, and he was denying you.

"Please, Kylo," you cried out, clenching every muscle in your body to keeping from coming prematurely. The sound of him slamming into you made you drunk with need, and his cock was trembling inside of you. You had to make him change his mind before he found his release and left you hanging again. "Please let me come, I need to come. I want to come all over your fucking cock and feel you fill me up-"

He released your wrist and pushed two fingers into your mouth. Your hands gripped his biceps as you sucked on his fingers, knowing what he wanted. He hummed in your ear as you twisted your tongue around him.

His fingers left your mouth with a pop, and finally, finally found their way to your clit. The pressure build up was exponential as his wet fingers circled your swollen nub.

"Do it," he snarled, and the response was instant. Stars flashed before your eyes as every muscle in your body clenched. Your pussy spasmed around his dick, and he grunted profanities in your ear. You felt like a supernova had exploded in your lower abdomen, and you screamed in pleasure and pain as your orgasm wracked your every nerve. Your back arched off the table, nipples grazing his chest, and your nails dug into his arms, breaking the skin. 

Your happy cunt milked him, and he thrusted into you as he found his own release, hot cum shooting into you. He purred, and the vibrations of his chest shook you to your core. Each stroke pushed a mixture of your fluids out of you and down to the table.

He collapsed his upper body onto yours, his fingers loosening their hold on your throat and falling to your hip where he stroked lazy circles with his fingers. His dick twitched inside you, aftershocks sending waves of pleasure through you both as you both fought to catch your breath. 

"Holy fuck," you breathed out, completely spent. One arm wound around his neck, holding him to you as he pressed soft open mouth kisses to the junction between your shoulder and your neck. Your head spun, and your body felt like it had been run over.

It could have been seconds or hours, but finally, he stood, and wrapped an arm gently around the small of your back, pulling you into a sitting position. You winced at your sore lower half, and he pulled back slightly, watching your expression with brows furrowed in concentration--almost worried. You were aware of your very different states of dress, but couldn't bring yourself to care. All that mattered was him standing in front of you, pulling you softly into him.

When he decided you weren't going to collapse, he brushed a finger over your hairline, wiping your sweat off, and you leaned into his touch, exhausted. The tenderness of his touch surprised you, and it sent a shiver of contentment down your spine. He watched you intensely, maybe expecting you to break down. Using his soft cowl, he wiped your face, your neck, and between your legs with precision, cleaning you off. 

You leaned your forehead into his chest, unable to do much more than keep yourself upright, and you placed your hands on his hips, wanting to feel closer to him. He tensed and froze for a moment, before placing a hand softly on your shoulder. His thumb grazed back and forth over your collarbone in a comforting motion. 

The feeling was completely foreign, especially from him, but you felt yourself relaxing into his touch. You let out a sigh, enjoying this new kind of embrace as your heart slowed back to a normal pace. You stayed like that for a while, in comfortable silence, recovering from the scene that just happened. Every inch of your body felt like goo. He let you lay your head on him until you had the energy to sit back up on your own. 

His hand that was on your shoulder trailed up your neck and over until his thumb grazed your throbbing cheek. He ran his finger over the spot once, gauging your reaction. You flinched slightly, and he pulled back.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and you nodded groggily. 

"I feel good... And weird," you admitted to him, surprised by your words, but even more, surprised by the fact that they were true. 

When he saw that you were telling the truth, he smirked. "So you learned how to control that mouth of yours near me?"

You rolled your eyes. "Don't hold your breath," you said. Thankfully, he ignored your sass, holding out his arm and grasping your pants as they flew into his hand from across the room. He bent down, pulling your loose pants up over your legs. You slid to your feet so he could pull them up over your hips. His fingers trailed up your sides, hands holding you steady to make sure you wouldn't fall. You nodded at him, and he let you go, letting you push by him to grab the rest of your belongings.

You tugged on your shoes glaring at your shredded clothing beside you on the floor. You had a long walk back to your room.

"Kylo, how do you expect me to walk out of here like this?" you asked, hands covering your exposed breasts. 

He shrugged. "That is of no concern to me." He was tucking himself back into his pants.

Your cheeks flared, mouth opening to yell obscenities at him, but he laughed, stopping you in your tracks. It was a real, hearty laugh, and you'd never heard it before. You didn't even know he was capable of it. It was such a gorgeous, heart-wrenching sound, and he looked so beautiful that you forgot why you were mad at all. 

"What..." you whispered, confused yet entranced by him. Kylo Ren was laughing.

He looked at you with an intensity that made your thighs clench, pushing his seed out and further soaking your panties. "You think I'd let anyone see you? My pet?" he said, rolling the word over his tongue.

You hated the fact that you liked that word. But alas, you said, "I'm not your fucking pet."

He smirked. "Okay, sure," he indulged you. In one quick motion, he unhooked his cowl and pulled it around you. You looked up at him, eyes tracing his features as he fastened it around your neck and pulled it over your chest, covering you. He looked down at you with an expression you hadn't seen on him before. Curiosity? It wasn't quite affection, but it was the softest he'd probably been with you since you met. Your heart quickened. 

"Um... thank you," you finally said, pulling the fabric more tightly around you. It was too long, but still much better than walking back to your room with no shirt or bra on. You turned back to him. "If you're going to go animal mode and rip all my clothes, you'd better start replacing my bras and panties," you told him sternly. They'd been cheap, but you were still a resident and didn't make much money.

He let out a breath. "Thank goodness. I'll tear up every single one of your granny panties and replace them with something better." You jaw dropped to your chest, cheeks red. "Maybe I'll get you one of those sexy doctor outfits," he said, looking up as if he were imagining it.

You rolled your eyes. "No one actually wears those. That's just in holoporn."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Couldn't hurt to have though," he muttered, then patted your shoulder gently before stepping back. "Go to you room and get cleaned up. I'll have clothes sent to your room. You'll be needing a different outfit for today."

You brow furrowed. "Need a different outfit today? For the training center?" you asked him, straightening out your hair in a futile attempt to look presentable. I

"Oh the Knights didn't tell you?" he asked, already put together, of course, no indication of the debauchery that had just occurred in the conference room. You gave him a confused look, prompting him to explain. "We're going hunting," he said with a cruel smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first blow job scene I've ever written, and I'm sorry it sucks! I'm gay (Kylo Ren is my exception, obviously), so I really don't know anything about them lol. Any feedback is appreciated but keep my lack of experience in mind when reading!
> 
> Also, thank you all for your comments on my last chapter, I almost cried happy tears!! I love each and every one of you, and hope you love what's coming next! It's really different, and exciting (I think) and I hope you all love it!


	17. It'll make me do a lot of things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, sorry for the late update! It's a long chapter though with action to make up for it! I wanted this to be a smutty 'plot what plot' story, but alas, I wanted to add some. I love the Knights too much to not! I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> And yeah, I know this chapter wouldn't really fit in with the raid on Jakku from TFA, but there's not anything too contradictory!
> 
> And to all of you who found me on TikTok, thank you so much!!! Your sweet comments made my day and gave me motivation to keep writing. Love you all!

Kylo had told you to get cleaned up, so you made your way back to your room as quickly as possible. You were very aware of the abused state of your face, so you pulled his cowl over your head and avoided everyone's stares.

When you got back to your room, you stripped down and took a much needed shower, hot enough to wash the sex off of you. Unfortunately, the marks covering your face, neck, and hips did not come off with the water. Even the excessive amount of concealer couldn't completely cover the blotches of blue, purple, and red. 

You sighed and went out to your room. On the bed laid a set of folded clothing with Kylo's cloak still where you left it on the bed. You pulled on your thick black pants, black long sleeve shirt, and an sandy colored jacket with the First Order logo on the sleeve. It was a vast change from your usual scrubs, but you welcomed the difference. You felt strong in it.

Fingers trailing over the cloak on your bed, you sighed. Everything that had just happened was so confusing. It was clear that no one could change your mood like Kylo could... And it almost seemed that the same was true for him about you. He'd gone from slapping you, threatening you, and even pulling his saber on you to cradling you and making sure you were okay. 

Every interaction you had with him left you with whiplash.

You thought back to the way his fingers brushed your skin as he'd pulled the cloak around you, more tenderly than you thought possible. 

The stinging of your cheeks pulled you out of the memory.

You sent Victor and Cora a message on the holo. 'Don't worry guys! I'm not dead, just got beaten bloody by Commander of the First Order and dicked down in a conference room! '

Well you paraphrased. 

Kylo had told you to be on the ship at noon to depart with him and the Knights. You didn't know where they were going, but it was dangerous enough that you might need to be there. You wondered under whose orders that you had to go on the journey. It definitely wasn't the Knights. Snoke? Kylo?

Probably Snoke, but it didn't matter. 

What mattered was that you'd be stuck on a small transport with him for however long, with his come probably still dripping out of you.

You grabbed a quick bite to eat and made your way to the hangar about fifteen minutes early. When you got to the ship, a platoon of stormtroopers were loading themselves in, weapons in hand. So this was going to be a dangerous assignment. Your stomach clenched in fear and excitement. It was sick, but people would probably get hurt, and you'd finally get some hands on experience, which you'd been sorely deprived of. 

The Knights were circled around the ramp, waiting for the troopers to get in. It was kind of a funny sight, the six of them gathered around like school boys gossiping. They had a ridiculous amount of layers on over their layers, and their masks, much like Kylo liked to sport. It was no wonder they all got along so well. Your eyes flicked from weapon to weapon. They were scary during their training, but out of the arena, they looked downright menacing.

"Hey, doc!" one of them called your name. You couldn't tell who it was since they all had their masks, but it sounded like Vicrul.

You shyly made your way over to them, feeling very uncomfortable with these murder machines outside of the usual casual environment.

"Um, hey guys," you muttered, fingers twisting awkwardly in Kylo's cloak that you'd brought with you. He didn't tell you to bring it, but the thought of it in your room elicited feelings in you that you weren't ready to confront. 

"Nice outfit," he said, nodding to your new clothes.

"Thanks," you said, feeling quite comfortable in them.

"You're coming with?"

You nodded. "Yeah, I guess it's my lucky day, huh?"

One of them laughed. "Awesome. Now this time when Ushar gets hit with a blaster, he won't have to cry like a baby." Another Knight--Ushar you assumed--punched him in the arm. 

"I was not," he said sternly. You couldn't help but laugh. These warriors sitting around, joking with each other like friends. It was such a crazy concept, but warmed your heart for some reason.

Another grunted from the far end of the group. "Come on, we should get settled in." Based on his sour demeanor, it was probably Ap'lek.

They nodded and made their way onto the ship. You trailed behind them, not quite sure what to do. Soldiers were seated in very standard looking rows of metal benches, and the Knights were ducking into a room near the cockpit. There was a lot of commotion, everyone getting ready for take off.

Thankfully, one Knight looked back at you and motioned you towards him. When you got to the door, you said, "You want me to come in there with you guys?" you asked, surprised.

"Sure thing, doc. Glad you're here," he said, opening the door for you to walk in. The room had a few couches and tables scattered about that the Knights were dropping their weapons on and sprawling out over. They took off their masks so you could finally tell them apart. Trudgen pulled off his mask at the door as he let you in. He held a hand out, brushing it lightly over your neck. His touch sent a shiver down your spine. "But it looks like you need a doctor more than we do," he chuckled. 

Eyes wide, you slapped his hand away. "Oh, fuck you, Trudgen," you said. In response, he raised an eyebrow, nodding towards Ren's cloak in your hands. You rolled your eyes and shoved the thing into his arms, then taking a seat on an empty couch. You felt on edge, but weirdly comfortable with the men around you. Except for Ap'lek, they'd all been pretty welcoming, and you'd even been able to joke around with some of them. You wondered if Hux had told them not to hurt you, which you knew they'd done to other physicians before you, but even if he had, you figured that wouldn't stop them if they wanted to.

But yet, you felt almost safe with them, even if their weapons took up most of the room. 

They got comfortable, indicating that the ride might be a long one.

"Where are we going?" you asked to no one in particular. 

"Jakku," Kuruk answered, propping his massive feet on the table in front of him.

"Jakku? That's the middle of nowhere. What could possibly be out there?" 

Vicrul shugged as he flopped onto the couch beside you. "Some droid that Ren's after."

You eyebrows knitted in confusion. The Knights and a whole transport of troopers for a droid. It seemed a little ridiculous. "All this for a droid?" you said, waving a hand vaguely. "I learned way too much biology for this dumb mission," you grumbled to yourself.

Trudgen fell into a seat across from you. "Eh, he's on a revenge mission against some washed up jedi scum. But we get to get out an fight for the first time in weeks. I'm not asking questions." The other Knights murmured in agreement. The thought of them fighting anyone besides themselves was terrifying. You'd seen the damage they could do, and to people untrained, it would be a blood bath.

"Well if at least one of you could get hurt so I can practice knowledge from my medical degree, that'd be awesome," you muttered. You were wasting at least a days journey to watch the First Order fight over a droid when you could be in surgery instead. You were livid. 

The Knights laughed. "Who let this girl be our doctor? You're not supposed to root for us to get hurt," Ushar said, and despite your annoyance, you found yourself smiling. You tossed a pillow at him which he blocked with ease.

"Snoke realized she was probably the only one we wouldn't want to kill for fun," Kuruk said, leaning back in his seat. 

"How very kind of you. Your halos must get heavy," you said sarcastically, smiling despite his violent words. You stomach fluttered with a feeling you couldn't quite recognize. "Why wouldn't you guys kill me though? It seems to be a hobby of yours."

"We would," Ap'lek grunted out from the corner. Vicrul shot him a glare, but said nothing. You rolled your eyes. If he was going to do something, he would have done it by now.

Trudgen shrugged his shoulders. "Eh, you're a lot cuter than the other doctors they sent us." You looked down at the floor and found yourself blushing. 

"Well I'm hope the fact you find me cute is worth all the medical training I'm not getting while I'm patching up you masochists," you grumbled. He smirked, and the Knights fell into comfortable chatter around you. It was such a surreal experience to hear the Knights of Ren joking around, teasing each other and fondly recalling memories they'd made with each other over the past years. It was cute, even if most of the stories involved brutal murder and torture. 

You actually almost enjoyed yourself. 

You dozed off after about a couple hours or so, exhausted from your crappy night of sleep and from the conference room with Ren earlier. A rough shake of your shoulder had you jolting out of sleep.

"I'm up!" you said groggily. You felt a small pool of drool on your face, and mortified, quickly wiped it before anyone could see, but a couple of them were already laughing. You rolled your eyes. "Why'd you all wake me up?"

"We're almost to Jakku," Ap'lek said, standing and armoring up. Around the room, they all followed suit, stretching and getting their weapons ready. The air sparked with excitement.

The door opened, and Kylo walked in, presence demanding attention. You knew he was on the ship, and that he would be there, but seeing him sent a jolt of excitement through you. He was in his mask, face covered, but you could feel that he was excited for the battle also. 

Children, all of them, you sighed.

Kylo turned to you, and your heart quickened, suddenly feeling naked again under his gaze. You looked away, but his eyes were on you the whole time he leaned and picked up his cowl from the table where Trudgen had put it. Something about seeing him put it on and watching it flutter around him felt intimate. You quickly shook the thought from your mind. 

The ship rattled, jolting you. You'd landed on Jakku. There was commotion outside of the room. Stormtroopers were hustling out of the ship.

Kylo addressed his Knights. "You all know what to do. Find the droid, intact if possible. No killing until after I've gotten the information I need," he said them, concise.

They nodded. "And after?" one asked.

"I don't care," he said, sending a chill through the air. "Let's go," he said, nodding to the door. You went to follow them, but he stepped into the frame, efficiently blocking you from exiting. 

You glared up at him. "Get out of my way, you asshole," you snapped, confident he wouldn't waste time reprimanding you.

"You're not going out there," he said with finality.

"The fuck I'm not!" you said, hands pushing into his chest to knock him back, but he didn't budge. "The whole point of having a physician here is to help people during a battle."

"Don't hit me again. You won't like what happens after," he chuckled, fueling your anger. There was no way you'd just wasted a whole day traveling to a trash desert planet and he wouldn't even let you help in the field. "The point of you being here is to sit your pretty ass in this room, and to help my Knights if they get hurt after."

You tried again to push past him, but he held a menacing finger in your face. "You will stay here," he said, voice harsh through the modulator. 

Your nostrils flared. "What, you're going to use the fucking Force to make me stay in here?"

"I wouldn't..." He straightened his back. "No, you're going to stay here because you have zero battlefield experience, and you're no good to me-the Knights... dead." 

His slip up of words did not go unnoticed, but you ignored it. "I do have experience!" you lied. 

The sharp breath that left him made it obvious he knew that wasn't true. "No you don't." 

You stomped your foot angrily. "What do you want me to do? Sit here and fucking knit?" you glowered.

He let out a chuckle. "If you're so inclined."

"I'm a doctor! I'm not going to just sit in here," you told him.

He said your first name, and you pulled back, surprised that he knew it, and that you realized you liked how it sounded on his tongue. "Stay here. Please," he said, voice annoyed but tinged with something else you couldn't pinpoint. 

You had a feeling he didn't say that word often. Eyes wide, you nodded. "Okay."

He took a breath like he was going to say something, but turned sharply on his heel. You stepped out of the room, watching him join his Knights and descend down the ramp. You couldn't help but to feel a tug of worry in the pit of your stomach for them as they disembarked from the ship and into the cool, dark desert night. It was silly, but you hoped they all came back alive.

"Great. What the hell am I gonna do now?" you muttered to yourself on the empty ship. You wandered for a while around the ship, desperate for anything to distract you from worrying.

If he didn't trust you to be useful, why would he even allow Snoke to appoint you as their official physician? It didn't make any sense.

Upset with his order, you made your way to the top of the ramp, wanting to watch the scene unfold. Troopers had rounded up a village of Resistance fighters, and one of them was having an intense conversation with Kylo. His posture was absolutely wicked--much worse than anything he'd ever shown you. The two bickered while his men stood at attention, ready for orders.

"You're so right," his voice reached you in the ship as he spoke down to the old man. You could only watch in awe as he ignited his saber, and slashed down on the traitor. He was a criminal, but it didn't making it any less shocking. 

A trooper in silver armor shouted an order at her troops, and they started firing on the villagers. All hell broke loose. There was screaming and fighting and running, but there was no chance for the villagers. 

One villager, a man a few years older than you bolted towards the ship, probably hoping to find cover. About twenty feet to the side of the ship, a blaster shot hit him straight in the shoulder, sending him sprawling on the sand, screaming in pain. 

In an instant, you grabbed a medical kit and ran towards him, wanting to help. He was rolling in agony, and you could help. 

Before you could reach the man, a strong arm wrapped itself around your waist, pulling you back. "Kylo, get the fuck off of me!" you screamed, punching and kicking, already knowing who was holding you. Your kit fell to the ground. "Let me go. I swear to the gods I'll kill you!" Your punches had no effect on him, but you weren't getting back on the ship without a struggle. You don't know how he reached you so quickly, but you were too pissed to care. A man was dying in front of you and he wanted you to sit in the lounge.

He carried you up the ramp and back into the room, tossing you onto the floor like trash. "I ask one thing of you and you're incapable of doing it?" he screams down at you like a disobedient child.

You push yourself back onto your feet, ignoring the pain in your knees. "You are not the boss of me, you shithead!" you scream over the sound of blaster fires outside. 

"I am quite literally the boss of you," he said. "Sit down before I have you fired and arrested for treason."

Your blood boiled as he turned back toward the door to leave. Without thinking, you grab a blaster from the table and point it at the back of his head, finger twitching on the trigger. It was probably the dumbest thing you'd ever done--it was definitely the dumbest thing you'd ever done--but the sound of that man screaming echoed in your ears.

His hand froze on the door knob, not bothering to face you.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, doctor?" he asked, voice dripping with anger.

You keep it pointed at him. "Will it make you let me out of here?" 

He exhaled and turned back to you, hands pulling off his mask and dropping it to the floor. His eyes sparkled with equal parts amusement and fury. "It'll make me do a lot of things, but letting you out of here is not one of them."

The low tenor of his voice made your stomach heat with arousal. 'Not the fucking time!' you chastised yourself. He walked towards you, teeth bared in a snarl. You took a step back, and he countered it. Your heart was racing, blood pulsing loud enough to hear.

Your finger pulled back the safety. Your knees knocked at the thought of a live weapon in your hand. 

"If you really try to shoot me, you best make the shot worth the punishment you'll get when we get back to base," he warned.

The intensity of his stare made you want to curl into a ball, but you held your ground. "I took an oath to help anyone who needed it!" you told him, begging him to understand. "It doesn't matter if they're First Order, or traitors, I have to help!" Your voice and hands were shaking as you pointed the gun to his chest as he took another step towards you. You jumped as your back hit the wall behind you. 

"Let me out," you told him, holding your breath.

"Not happening," he jeered. His arm reached up, and on instinct, you finger pulled back on the trigger. You screamed as the blaster reared up, and you dropped it. What had you done?

But the hot red flash of the blast was shuddering between the two of you, pulsing and shaking in mid air. He'd stopped the fucking blast, and he was holding it with the Force. You were too in awe of his raw power to be as terrified as you should have been.

He gave you a smile that could have stopped your heart. It was a smile the devil would give someone right after they signed away their soul.

"That was very, very stupid," he growled. "But I'll deal with you later." He flicked his wrist, and the blast flew up into the lights on the ceiling. They exploded with a crash, and your arms cradled your head as shard of glass rained down on both of you.

And then there was darkness. He took a step through the door, pulling it tight behind him. You blindly felt your way to the door, but as expected it didn't budge. You pushed your body weight against it, doing more damage to your shoulder than the door. 

"Let me out!" you screamed, pounding on the door with enough strength to bruise your wrists. "Let me out of here or I swear to everything in the galaxy that I'll never let you put your hands on me again!" You yelled through the door so loudly it hurt your throat. 

You tried again. "I swear on everything, Kylo, you let me out right now or I'm never sleeping with you again!" You felt like an idiot, yelling that, not knowing who else was out there. Or if he was out there at all. Whether or not he heard you, you meant it. If that injured man died because of Ren, you wouldn't ever let him touch you again. You'd request a transfer before he could meddle at all. Your cunt cried at the thought, but you truly meant it.

After what seemed like an eternity, the knob twisted, and the door slowly pulled open. Outside was a very, very angry Kylo, but you met his glare with equal intensity.

"Thank you," you snapped with enough malice to make a vein on his temple twitch.

He gripped your arm roughly enough that you could feel the outline of each of his fingers. His face was cold as ice. "Don't think that you gained any ground here. This is only because I'm horny."

You shivered at his words and jerked your arm away from him, not bothering with an answer as you ran back outside to the man. There was a pool of blood under him. He was pale as snow, but alive.

"Can you hear me?" you asked, kneeling beside and opening your med kit. He gave you an unintelligible response as you pressed gauze to his shoulder. It was a through-and-through wound. The blaster had cauterized most of the channel, but he was still groaning in pain. 

"Sir, I'm a doctor," you told him in the most comforting voice you could manage. "I'm going to try to wrap your wound. You're going to be okay," you said, unsure who the words were for. You worked diligently. Screaming and blasts rang around you, but you could only focus on the man in front of you.

Behind you, you heard someone shout your name. Your head whipped around to see Kylo about forty feet behind you. His hand jutted out to the left of you, and you followed his gaze. A man was sprinting towards you, blaster raised at you.

You didn't even have time to blink before the man pulled the trigger, a flash of red speeding toward you.

It stopped inches from your face, and you could barely comprehend. You looked at Kylo, whose fist was outstretched. In a heartbeat, the blaster fire pulled back, lodging itself in the man who'd tried to kill you. He fell sideways, limbs splayed out like a doll. His glassy eyes stared straight at you.

You fell forward, bracing yourself on your palms as you started to vomit. You'd seen death in almost every form as your time as a doctor, but never seen anyone's life ripped out of them with the quick embrace of a blaster right in front of you. You threw up every ounce of food in you, and kept heaving even after your stomach emptied. 

"Ap'lek, get her inside!" Kylo yelled to his Knight as he blocked a parade of shots from other villagers. Ap'lek, who you hadn't noticed was anywhere near you, gripped you under your arms and tried to pull you up, but you held onto the man that you were treating, the life leaving his eyes by the second. 

"Get off of me!" you thrashed against him. "I'm not leaving without him!"

"Shut up and come on," he grumbled. What happened next was nothing you could have predicted. 

The nearly dead man that you'd been treating reached to his side, pulled a blaster from the holster you hadn't noticed, and shot straight at the Knight behind you. 

"Fuck!" Ap'lek screamed as he fell to the ground, clutching his arm. He tried to push to his feet, but the man shot him again in the leg. Ap'lek groaned and cussed as he rolled back on the sand. The man didn't put up a fight when you lunged at him, ripping the weapon from his grip.

"We're helping you, you idiot!" you screamed at him. Your anger faded as the color in his face did. You looked around, needing to get him back into the ship where the most advanced medical equipment was stored. 

To your left, Ap'lek was still groaning on the ground. "You alright, Ap'lek?" you called to him.

"I'll kill you. I don't care what Kylo says," he grunted at you. You rolled your eyes. He was fine.

"Kylo!" you screamed. His head whipped toward you.

"What?" he snapped, still holding off a wave of blaster fire barreling towards him and you. 

You nodded toward the man. "Help me get him in the ship."

He huffed. "I'm a little busy," he said, his lightsaber whipping in a beautiful arc of destruction around him, each blast firing back toward the crowd and dropping a man.

"Help me!" You held the blaster out, pointing it up at him again. He had the audacity to actually laugh at you. 

"Sweetheart, haven't we established that won't do much except piss me off."

"Ugh!" you screamed, tossing it in the dirt. "Then help me because it's the right thing to do." He stared at you from across the plain, contemplating, still fighting off the villagers with his attention on you. "I meant what I said earlier," you said sternly. If he died, you weren't letting Kylo touch you again.

You could see in his eyes the second that he made his decision. His hand shot out at his assailants, and they flew back in the air, landing on the ground with a sickening cracking sound. He sheathed his saber and ran towards you, looking graceful even in the sand. He glared at you when he reached you, but bent to pick up the man. He threw him over his shoulders, grabbing an arm and a leg to keep him in place. 

"Grab that," he said, nodding toward the gun, and you did. "Ap'lek, you okay?" he yelled at his injured Knight, who grunted in response.

"Yeah," he groaned, and Kylo took off to the ship. Even carrying the man, you had to run to keep up. You held the blaster out, ready to fire, if needed, but luckily you made it back to the ship without incident. Kylo dropped the man on a couch in the lounge, still dark from where you'd blown the lights earlier. The only illumination were a couple of lamps scattered around the room. 

"You're really fucking annoying," Kylo said, stretching out his muscles before turning his eyes back to you. "And in a lot of trouble when we get back." 

You stepped back at his harsh tone, but decided against starting a fight with him. "Leave me alone, and go kill some people or something," you snapped. He glared, but the fact that his troops were outside pulled him out of the room, leaving you alone. 

Taking a deep breath, you turned back to the man. "You're going to be fine," you whispered. You moved in a blur, finding a real medical cart and getting to work on treating him. By the time the door opened again, his breathing started to even out. You wiped a bead of sweat from your brow, smearing blood across your forehead, but you were none the wiser. 

You turned to see who had come through the door. 

It was Ap'lek, and he was pissed.


	18. Ah damn, okay I like her

"He's fucking dead," Ap'lek growled, pointing a meaty finger at the wounded man laying on the couch, unconscious. He tore off his mask and threw it to the ground with a thud. Blood from the blaster hit was dripping down his arm and leg, but he didn't seem to notice at all. He charged towards the man on the couch, hatred in his eyes.

You jumped between the two of them, and he reared back, but not before pushing you back onto the couch, ass landing right beside your patient. You held up your hands, eyes pleading in an attempt to placate him. 

Of course Ap'lek would be mad about the man shooting him, but you were too busy saving his life to notice the brute coming into the lounge. 

He glared at you with barely restrained anger. "Get out of my way, girl, or you'll be joining him." 

His words shot daggers in your chest, but you didn't move. "Ap'lek, don't-" 

You screamed as his good arm flew towards you, twisting his hand roughly into your jacket and yanking you up off the couch, and off the ground until you were dangling in front of him, his eyes boring into yours. You struggled, but it was useless.

"Get... Off!" you choked, fists ramming into his arms, but he barely flinched. Even being hit with a blaster twice, you were no match for him. You'd gotten cocky and forgot that the Knights were your patients second, and killers first. This was it. You knew working for them would be the end of you, but you didn't imagine it like this.

"Ap'lek," a voice snapped from the doorway. You sighed with relief to see Trudgen entering the door with the rest of the Knights on his tail. "Put her down."

Ap'lek was shaking in anger, and you were unsure he'd heard the other Knight come in. You kicked your foot out, boot hitting him right in his bleeding wound. He cried out in pain, putting you back on the ground, but weaving a hand through your hair while his other went to put pressure on the wound.

"Let go!" you screamed, trying to get away, but he tugged harshly on your hair.

"Ap'lek!" Trudgen screamed. The look on his face was one of pure concentration, and you knew he was trying to get through to Ap'lek with the Force. Ap'lek blinked and looked between the two of you before sighing and relaxing his grip. "I'm gonna kill that bastard," he said, nodding toward the man on the couch. "He fucking shot me," he griped.

"No, you won't," Kylo said, pushing through the Knights, who parted to let him pass. Ap'lek released you completely and took a step away from you.

"Kylo-" he started, but Kylo raised a hand cutting him off. For the first time today, you were relieved to see him. It surprised you--the sigh of relief that left you when you saw all seven of them returned and out of the line of fire. They were dirty, and a little bloody, but otherwise unharmed.... Well most of them. 

Kylo dragged a hand through his hair, lifting the sweaty locks from his forehead. "He's with the Resistance. He can be of use to us." His voice was definitive, leaving no room for argument. Ap'lek glared at you, mumbling a pretty string of profanity at you before trudging to his spot in the back corner of the room.

"How is he?" Kylo asked you.

You grunted in annoyance. "He's going to be fine. Not that it actually matters to you," you said, knowing why he asked. If he didn't survive, you were cutting Kylo off. The thought that the threat had influenced him at all sent a funny warm feeling through you. But most likely, it's like he said; he's just horny. He didn't actually care about you at all or what you wanted. He definitely didn't care about your career. And after the stunts you'd pulled--shooting at him and threatening--it would be best if he completely forgot who you were.

Kylo shot you a look that told you to watch your tone. You rolled your eyes as he instructed a couple of Knights to take the resistance fighter to a holding cell in the back of the ship.

Avoiding his stare, you turned to the other Knights. "Okay, sit down. Let me take a look at you all." To your surprise, they obeyed and allowed you to do your job. Ushar and Trudgen were unscathed. Kuruk had a small cut that required stitches. You worked over him, glad to be helping someone, no matter how small. 

"How's that feel?" you asked him, placing a bandage over the cut that he probably would not have even given a second glance to if you weren't there. 

"Fine," he said. "But your breath fucking stinks, doc." To your surprise, you laughed, but grimaced when you remembered why. You'd thrown up the entire content of your stomach after that man had died five feet away from you. You shook your head, banishing the thought. 

You nudged him gently. "Well next time you can do your own damn stitches." You patched up the other two before making your way to Ap'lek. He glared daggers at you, but otherwise didn't stop you from approaching.

"May I?" you asked, nodding towards his wounds. He grunted and crossed his arms, which you took as a yes. You wiped a numbing cloth over the injury on his arm, which seemed to be worse. The blast had cauterized most of it, but he still needed deep stitches. He didn't even look at you as you started to push the needle through his tough skin. The tension between you two was nearly crippling, but you wouldn't let him know that--even though the stupid Force probably already told him how wound up you were. You wished that you didn't have to stitch up this particular Knight, but you'd done so little lately that you had to, whether he wanted you to or not. 

Relations between you and Ap'lek were strained at best, and that was before you'd prevented him from killing the man that shot him. And you were technically the reason he got shot...

You finished his arm and started on the wound on this leg as some of the Knights chattered around you. Someone had brought in food for them, and they'd offered you some, but you were still too uneasy from your early puking to even think about eating. Especially not when you were fingers deep in someone's thigh. 

"I heard you pulled some hero shit out there, doc," Kuruk said.

You shrugged. "I didn't think you guys would consider me helping a rebel hero shit."

"We don't," Ap'lek said plainly. Your eyes stayed focused on his leg, ignoring it. 

"Maybe next time we should give you a blaster and get you out there fighting with us," Ushar joked. 

You let out a light chuckle. "I don't think Dr. Maddox would appreciate my change in profession. Plus blasters aren't really my thing," you told him.

"Hmm... I heard that wasn't true," Trudgen said. "Isn't that right, Kylo?" he asked. You tensed at his words, not wanting Kylo to remember that particular part of the night. It'd be dumb to think that he could forget that though. He grunted noncommittally, which caused the others to laugh, but you knew you wouldn't be laughing when you were alone with him later.

You wanted to sink into the floor. 

"Hey, why don't you start training with us during your shifts, doc? You're there all day anyway," Ushar said. "It'd probably be more fun than playing on that holopad all day."

He did have a point. 

"No," Kylo grumbled from his seat, but you didn't even spare him a glance. 

"I'd love to, Ushar," you said. You were already in trouble with Kylo. One more offense couldn't do much. "And then I can sew you all back up after I kick your asses," you said, which warranted a series of whooping and whistling from the other Knights. You were surprised how comfortable you felt with them--Knight that you were stitching up excluded. Maybe your assignment hadn't been the worst thing in the world.

"Hey, how are you feeling, Ap?" Vicrul asked from across the room, tossing a grape up and catching it effortlessly in his mouth. 

His thigh tightened under your touch, and you flinched back. "I got shot for Kylo's whore because she wanted to help a traitor. How do you think I'm feeling?" he spat, looking straight at you. His words hit you in the gut. The air in the room instantly charged with tension, and if it was the Force, of just a figment of your imagination, you didn't know. 

"Dude," Vicrul snapped at him, glaring. 

"Don't be a dick," Ushar chimed in.

Your face flushed red in embarrassment, even if you were thankful for them coming to your defense. They knew... Of course they knew. There went any chance of them respecting you. But you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of watching you cower. 

To your side, you saw Kylo's eye twitch, and his fists tightened by his side on the couch. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, you returned Ap'lek's glare. You pressed your gloved fingers hard into his wound, causing him to flinch, which made you feel a little better.

"Shut the fuck up before I give you matching blaster shots on your other side," you retorted. The Trudgen and Vicrul laughed out loud, and the other Knights looked at you, impressed for a second before they went back to whatever they were doing. Kylo's face remained blank, and you wondered if you imagined his emotion a moment ago. You stared at him, and he tore his gaze from you, pretending to pay attention to the chatter of the other Knights. You tried to focus on your work, but you could feel Kylo's eyes burning holes through you and Ap'lek.

"Ah damn, okay I like her," Kuruk muttered.

You shook your head, turning back to Ap'lek's leg. Your suturing was much less gentle. He didn't notice, but it helped you release some of the tension. 

"You think you're cute, don't you?" he grumbled quietly, looking down at you. If he didn't spend all of his time frowning, he might have been attractive. 

"Yes, I do," you said, rolling yours eyes. There was still tension between the two of you, but you weren't afraid of him anymore. He'd done his worst, and there was no way he'd try anything else besides his biting words. 

Kylo wouldn't let him.

Probably.

Maybe.

Well, if there was one thing that you were pretty sure of was that Kylo was itching to punish you for your actions earlier, and there was no way he'd let anyone else do it before him. You slapped a bandage on his leg and stood. 

"I am sorry that you got shot," you said, and you meant it. He must have known that because he just grunted again, turning away from you, but you noticed his shoulders had relaxed a bit.

You walked towards Kylo, hesitantly. He stared at you as you approached him, keeping his face blank, and sending a feeling of unease through you, but it didn't stop you. You took a seat next to him, waiting for him to say something, but scared of anything he might say. 

To you annoyance and relief, he didn't say anything. 

A couple of the Knights' eyes flickered toward you and Kylo, but thankfully they never stayed for long.

"Are you hurt?" you asked, eyes raking over him in search of injury. He shook his head, and, slowly, his hand reached out towards you. You flinched as a bare finger ran across your forehead. When he pulled back, there was a blotch of red on the tip. "It's not mine," you told him, doubting he even cared. 

"You should have stayed on the ship," he said, voice low, eyes digging into yours.

You shook your head. "You know I couldn't." He sighed, leaning back into the couch and pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. "Were you... Were you worried?" you asked. You regretted the question instantly, and your whole body tensed in anticipation of his answer.

"Of course," he said, staring up a the ceiling. Your heart soared, but he continued. "You're a good doctor, and you're very useful to the First Order."

You leaned back, scooting as far from him as the couch would allow. He didn't move, but a flicker of his eyes said that he noticed your retreat.

"Useful to the First Order... Right, yeah," you said, pulling your legs up to your chest and leaning on the armrest of the couch. He'd only cared because you worked for him. Duh. Hux probably told him that he had to watch out for you or something. The thought made you want to vomit again, but you swallowed the feeling. 

He held out a napkin to you that you took with shaky hands. You tried to scrub the blood off of your face. You were surprised to find your cheeks sticky with dried tears. You religiously avoided his gaze.

"So did you find the droid?" you asked to the room in general. Their expressions said that they didn't.

"Guess you'll have to join us on another mission," Trudgen smirked at you. The thought terrified you. You weren't sure how many more of these 'missions' you could handle. The events of the night had energized the Knights, leaving them excited and alive. It very much had the opposite effect on you.

Your eyelids grew heavy, and it became harder and harder to keep them open. Trudgen noticed because he nodded at you. 

"Hey, doc, get some sleep. I'll make sure no one dies while you take a nap," he chuckled. All you could do was nod while leaning your head onto the armrest. Sleep over took you as the Knights chattered around you. You trusted they wouldn't let Ap'lek kill you in your sleep. You were aware of Kylo sitting just feet away, but eventually that feeling faded and you could fall into a light sleep for the ride back to base.

Like before, a hand gripped you shoulder and shook you gently out of your slumber. Kylo loomed over you. "Hey, we're back on base," he said. You blinked the sleep from your eyes and stared up at him. He looked tired too, but nothing like what you felt. He must be a machine or something. He watched as you rolled up, stretching your limbs while trying to orient yourself.

"I fell asleep," you mumbled, looking around the empty room.

"Yes, you did," he said, almost... amused?

"I'm sorry," you yawned.

He held his hand out for you to take. "It's okay. You had a long day." You really had. It started with a rough and dirty quickie in the conference room, and ended with you getting threatened by a fucking Knight of Ren. 

You gripped his hand and pushed yourself off the couch, but your weak knees buckled, sending you straight into his hard chest. 

"Sorry, sorry," you said, trying to right yourself, but he just sighed. He bent to hook one arm under your knees, and the other under your shoulders. In a smooth motion, he'd lifted you off the floor. You were cradled into his chest, and you let your head nuzzle into his neck. If he minded, he didn't let you know. He started walking off the ship. You were briefly aware of what a sight it would be to see a bruised and bloodied doctor in Kylo's arms, but it was late, and you didn't give it another thought. 

"Where are we going?" you asked into his neck. He just shushed you, and you enjoyed the vibrations rumbling through his chest. Your shoulder dug into his chest, and it could feel his heartbeat pulsing in time with yours. The feeling shocked you for some reason.

You smiled groggily. "You do have a heart," you mumbled. He let out a sound that sounded like a chuckle, but it was probably just your imagination. 

The hiss of an automatic door opening pulled your eyes open. You were in a dark room, but as your eyes adjusted, you realized with a start that it was Kylo's room. He made his way to the bed, and placed you gently on it in a seated position. He wasn't even breathing hard from carrying you all the way from the hangar. He walked to the other side of the room, dropping his cloak and gloves as he went.

Your eyes went wide, remembering everything you'd done on the ship. You tried to shoot him. Twice. You'd been a brat. 

"Yes, you have," he confirmed, listening to your sleepy thoughts. 

Was he going to punish you now? You weren't sure you could handle it at that moment. 

"No. Not tonight," he said, and your body relaxed, too tired to be annoyed that he was reading your mind. When he returned he had a damp towel in one hand and a large black tee shirt in the other, which he dropped on to the bed. He cupped the back of your neck with one hand as he ran the warm, wet cloth over your face. You actually moaned, it felt so good to get the blood, sweat, sand, and makeup off of your face. He ran a finger over the cheek that had taken the worse beating that morning, and you flinched slightly. He pulled back, unzipping your jacket and pulling it down your arms.

"Lift your arms," he said, and you obeyed. He tugged your dirty shirt over your head and let it join the jacket on the floor, but there was nothing sexual about it. He pulled his large shirt over your head and helped you pull your arms through it. 

He kneeled on the floor before you, untying your shoes and slipping them off of your feet. It was quite a sight to see--Commander Ren bending before, taking your shoes off, but you were too tired to fully appreciate the moment. He then lifted you with one arm and pulled your tight pants off with the other, leaving you covered with just your undergarments and his tee shirt, which landed at your thighs. 

Kylo walked to the head of the bed and pulled the covers down. He patted the spot on the bed for you to lie down.

"You want me to sleep here?" you asked confused. You hadn't done that before, and you didn't know what it meant. He probably thought you were gonna choke on your vomit or something. 

"Just for tonight," he said, nodding toward the bed.

You nodded. "Just for tonight," you muttered, crawling up and burrowing under the covers. His bed felt like heaven, softer than anything you'd ever laid on. You needed to ask for a raise so you could afford whatever mattress he had. 

The bed dipped on the other side as he sat down. He pulled off his shoes, then his crazy amount of layers until he was left in a black long sleeved shirt and his boxers. Your eyes bugged at the sight of his perfectly toned legs, but he slid under the covers too.

He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling as he propped his head on his arm.

Blame it of your tired, foggy brain, but you slid across the bed and rolled so that your ass was on the side of his hip. You bent your legs and pressed your toes to his bare leg. 

He sucked in a breath. "Good gods, woman, your toes are freezing," he said, but after a beat, he rolled over so that his arm was draped over your waist. He pulled back so that your back was tucked into his chest. You gasped as your backside settled into his hips, feeling a undeniable boner on your ass cheek. 

"How the hell are you hard right now?" you asked.

He breathed an indifferent breath into your hair. "Battles make me horny," he explained plainly. Of course they did. 

"Do you want to...?" you asked. You tried to turn to face him, but his arm tightened, keeping you in place. 

"Not tonight," he mumbled into your hair, sending a chill of pleasure through you. Your hands wrapped around his arm, and you snuggled further into him before succumbing to your exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about starting a Reylo story... It wouldn't be smutty but I think I'm coming up with a good plot. What would you all think?
> 
> Also! Thank you to anyone who's still keeping up with this story! You mean the world to me


	19. With a steak knife?

You woke up groggy and confused in a bed much too comfortable to be yours. Your arms stretched out to find the bed was also much bigger--in yours, you'd have hit the wall. You also found that you were alone. A long yawn escaped as you pushed into a seated position, rubbing sleep out of your eyes. 

"Good morning," a husky voice called from across that room, and you jumped. Kylo was seated at the table in the kitchen reading something on his holopad. He'd put on sweatpants, and was stretched out while drinking coffee. His hair fell in messy, sleep-kissed waves around his face. And he looked absolutely gorgeous.

"Um, good morning," you said, voice still tinged with sleep. That was definitely an interesting view to wake up to. You scanned the room for your clothes, but didn't find them. Your muscles were sore from yesterday, and you were still tired, but mostly you were hungry. Your stomach rumbled so loudly that they could probably hear it back on Jakku. 

The corner of his lip twitched. "Come, sit. There's breakfast." You slid out of the bed, aware of the fact that you were wearing just his tee shirt. You pulled it down further as you walked over to join him at the table. Surely enough, breakfast was spread out. Eggs, bacon, fruit, pancakes. Your mouth watered; it was much better than anything ever served at the cafeteria.

You sat down, looking in awe at the feast in front of you. Taking a sip of your coffee--which was delicious--you asked, "You made this?"

He huffed, amused. "Of course not." 

You leaned back into your chair. Of course he hadn't made it, that would just be too weird. Commander of The First Order hovered over the stove, cooking omelets in an apron while coffee brewed. 

"I very much can cook," he said, eyes raking over you, "but I don't wear an apron while doing it." Maybe it was your sleepy eyes, but it looked like his eyes were twinkling. 

Your eyes snapped to the coffee inside your mug, for some reason, still always surprised when he read your mind. "Stop doing that," you said, but it was much less harsh than usual. 

He shrugged as he picked up a piece of bacon and chewed on it. "That's really not how it works," he said.

"Then how?"

He put down his holopad, leaning back and looking at you. This felt too casual--too domestic--and it filled you with a range of emotions you didn't quite understand. You still couldn't believe you were eating breakfast with Commander Ren while wearing his tee shirt as a dress.

"I can't read every thought. In a room full of people, I catch snipets, feelings, emotions. When I'm alone with someone, their thoughts flow more freely. Yours," he said, lifting a finger off of his coffee mug to point at you, "are much louder than everyone else's."

You pulled back, confused. "Why?"

He sighed. "Wouldn't I like to know?"

You focused on loading up your plate with food. You filled it mostly with fruit, since it was rare in the cafeteria, and even when they did have it, it wasn't anywhere near as fresh as these. Your thoughts were loud to him? So that's why he'd heard you the first day you met, mentally cursing him in the training field.

The two of you sat in short silence while you stuffed your face, much too hungry to bother being embarrassed by your lack of manners. Besides, he'd quite literally seen inside you. He could see you chowing down on this delicious food that was such an upgrade from your usual that it was almost unfair. 

"Thank you for the food. It's really good," you said between bites of pancakes.

He nodded once, glancing back back up at you from his holo. "You needed it after your violent regurgitation yesterday." His eyes glittered with amusement, and your cheeks flushed red. Your breath still probably smelled like vomit, and you didn't even want to think about the state of your skin without make up on to cover your bruises.

"Okay, I vomited but that was my first time seeing-"

"A dead body?" he asked.

You shook your head. You'd seen plenty of dead bodies in your profession but never, "Someone getting shot right in front of me."

He thought it over. "You'd have preferred me to leave you to fight him yourself?"

"Of course not! I just... I don't know. It was weird, that's all." You felt silly telling him that. He'd probably murdered legions of people without blinking. "I guess I should thank you for that though. Saving me, and letting me save that man," you said grudgingly. 

"You're welcome," he said noncommittally. "But if you would have stayed on the ship like I told you, you could have avoided a lot of unpleasantness yesterday... And a lot of unpleasantness today," he said, voice low and suggestive.

Your eyes widened with his words. Of course, you'd been naive to think he'd let you off the hook from yesterday.

"What-what do you mean?" you asked, feigning innocence while you took another sip of your coffee. 

He gave you a mocking grin. "You didn't think I'd so easily forgive your appalling behavior yesterday?"

"I-I don't-"

"Disobeying an order from your Commander. Pointing a blaster at him. Twice. Attempted murder of your Commander," he offered. It did sound pretty bad when he put it that way. "Need I go on?"

You shook your head. "No, sir." You were suddenly very aware of your lack of clothing.

He stood from his seat, and held out a hand toward you, and his eyes told you to comply. He grabbed your wrists, pulling them both to his chest, immobilizing your arms against him. His breath was steady, but you couldn't say the same for yours. He took a step forward, and you took one back to keep from falling. 

He smiled at you wickedly, and it sent a pang of lust to the apex of your thighs. "You were very bad yesterday," he said.

"I'm sorry," you replied, contrite, while you both took another step out of the kitchen. 

"You could have killed me," he reminded you. It probably wasn't true, but you were guilty all the same.

Another step. Your hands were shaking against his chest.

"I'm really sorry," you tried, hoping it would placate him. It didn't.

"As your commanding officer, it would be awfully neglectful of me to leave you undisciplined," he said. You gasped as your calves hit the back of the bed.

Your heart was beating so hard it shook your chest. "I should really get to work," you told him, voice shaking. Your entire body was still sore from your punishment yesterday. 

"I think the Knights will be okay without you for a few minutes. Or hours," he scowled. You gulped, knees weak. 

You broke out of his grasp, and took off running toward the door. You made it a full two steps before a strong hand wrapped around your bicep. He turned, swinging you roughly onto his bed, and your head bounced off the mattress as you stared up at him. His eyes had turned predatory. Your fight or flight had definitely kicked in under his gaze. 

Before you could even sit up, he was crawling up the bed over you. You kicked and thrashed with all of your strength, but it was no use. In seconds, he had you pinned under his weight. He was seated on your upper thighs, trapping your legs, and his hands gripped your wrists. 

"Get off of me, you animal!" you screeched, trying to push him off of you with your hips, but he grinded into you. But you loved it. And he knew it too. He bent forward, pinning your hands to the bed beside your head. He stared down at you like an avenging angel, and wetness pooled between your thighs. He tilted his hips forward into yours, and his very prominent erection pressed into your mound, making you bite your lower lip to keep from moaning. In his sweatpants, you could feel the very outline of his hardness.

"Get the fuck off, Kylo!" you said, pulling your head up in an attempt to head butt him, but he pulled back with ease before slamming your wrists into the bed even harder, making you gasp.

He bared his teeth in a growl. You were truly amazed by his instant changes in mood. "You see, I would, but I don't think you've been punished for your very serious offenses yesterday."

If his punishment was anything like yesterday--and you assumed it'd be much worse--you were in for a world of hurt. You tried not to get excited thinking about it. You thrashed wildly as he bent, pressing his lips to your neck, but you were paralyzed when teeth found your pulse and bit down hard enough to make you see stars. You wailed at the deep imprints of his teeth, almost enough to break the skin, but he quickly licked the spot, sending a chill through you.

"I think you need another lesson. Don't you?" he whispered in your ear. His hands released your wrists, and you tried to move them, but they stayed locked in place. The fucking Force. 

"Yes, sir," you whimpered. His hands tangled in the bottom hem of your shirt, and your breath hitched in anticipation.

Across the room, his holopad beeped loudly, pulling a groan from him. He held out a hand, and the holo fell effortlessly into it. His eyes scanned the thing, and eventually he sighed.

"I guess you got lucky. For now," he mulled, rolling off of you and onto his feet. You let out a sigh of relief, eyes closing while you caught your breath. By the time you opened your eyes, he was nearly fully dressed. 

"Um, Kylo?" you said. He raised an eyebrow. "Where's my clothes?" You couldn't find them when you'd woken up, and they were still mysteriously gone. He wouldn't make you walk back to your room in just his tee shirt, would he? You were still in trouble, but that seemed crazy, even for him.

"You're right," he said plainly, and you gaped. "I'm not letting anyone else see you like that." You cheeks heated at his words. Before you could answer, he waved to the restroom at the other side of the room. "A clean pair of scrubs are in there for you."

You nodded, relieved. "Thank you."

He tugged on his gloves and mask, turning back into the intimidating monster that he loved to be, and your heart dropped slightly. "I have to go, but you can shower here before work," he said, his mechanic voice filling the room before leaving you along in his chambers. You looked around the plain room. Alone in Kylo Ren's room. You still couldn't believe it.

You took your time walking around, looking for any trace of sentiment--anything that could tell you more about the mysterious man in the mask--but you came up empty handed. The room could have belonged to anyone. For some reason, that made you sad. There were no pictures of him with family or friends, no colorful clothing that could hint at what he does in his free time, no decorations. Only a book on his nightstand. 

Making sure he hadn't magically come back, you picked the book up. It was the one he'd gotten from the library so many days ago. Chandrilla. You flipped through it. It seemed rather boring, mostly made up of a history of the planet and biographies of notable people who had lived there. Weird.

On page had the edge bent to mark the page. Leia Organa. You'd heard the name before, but couldn't remember from where. You shrugged and put it down before heading to the bathroom to get cleaned off. Surely enough, a pair of scrubs were folded neatly on the wide vanity, along with a toothbrush. He'd left you a toothbrush? A foreign feeling rushed through you, but it was eclipsed with disappointment when you realized it was a disposable one. Just for tonight, he'd said yesterday. He didn't want you there any longer than usual.

You took your time in the shower, having to shampoo a couple times to get all the sand out of your hair, and you took an extra five minutes just to enjoy the unlimited hot water that you definitely weren't afforded on your own room.

Grudgingly, you got out and got dressed, then brushed your teeth, feeling cleaner and more relaxed than you had in a while. Maybe you could make a deal with him to use his shower every couple of days. 

When you looked in the mirror, you groaned. The bruises on your neck were darker than the day before, and now they were joined by the red indentions of his teeth on your throat. It was definitely going to be a hair-down day. There were blue splotches on your cheeks from where his knuckles had hit you yesterday, and your cheeks were tinted with an ugly yellow color. You grimaced at the fact that he'd seen you like that all morning. No one at work could see you like this.

The clock on his nightstand showed that you were already an hour late, so what was another few minutes? You made your way back to your room to apply your makeup, covering your cheeks with your hands as best you could when people walked by. You sighed a breath of relief as you got to your room and covered your abused face and neck in a thick layer of foundation. The bottle was emptying much more quickly than usual, having to constantly cover the marks he'd given you. You'd add that to the list of stuff he owed you, along with new undergarments to replace the ones he'd ripped the day before. 

You double checked the foundation before heading to work. There was something that made you feel... a little sexy knowing that Kylo Ren had marked you.

"Ugh, what's wrong with me?" you whispered to yourself. He's an ass, you reminded yourself as you pushed through the doors of the training arena. 

The Knights were scattered on the bleachers, sharpening weapons and chattering. You smiled as you approached them.

"Ah, she finally showed!" Vicrul said, passing you a grin. 

You rolled your eyes. "I'm sure you all enjoyed the free time cutting yourselves without me meddling." You looked over the wounds you'd patched up yesterday before standing a healthy few feet in front of Ap'lek. "Are you healing up alright?" you asked.

He gave you an annoyed look. "Fine," he snapped, and you decided not to press the matter.

"Good. If you want me to look at it later, let me know," you told him. You'd tried every other tactic you could think of. Maybe a little bit of neglect would open him up to your treatment. It was probably bad medical practice, but you weren't in the mood to get killed by him just to check his stitches, especially if he was still mad about yesterday.

You turned to the rest of them, picking at your fingernails. "I'm glad you all are okay after yesterday."

They gave you mocking grins. "Because you'd get fired if we weren't?" Ushar asked.

You breathed out a chuckle. "I'm serious."

Trudgen jumped up, getting ready for training. He patted you on the shoulder almost amicably. "You're not getting sappy on us, are you doc?"

You pushed him off of you, glaring at the rest of them. "Go beat each other up or something. You're sitting in my seat."

The rest of them laughed, but joined Trudgen on the training mat. Ap'lek pushed up a little more slowly. He was favoring his good leg, but you weren't going to comment on it lest you unleash another burst of his terrifying wrath.

You flopped down onto the bench, pulling out your holo to pass the time. You sent Cora and Victor messages checking up on them. They were really enjoying their assignment, and you pushed down a pang of jealousy that threatened to emerge. They asked a hundred times about what had happened with Ren after his outburst yesterday, but you didn't give them any details. There were some things they didn't need to know.

You were surprised to see Bradley had sent a message. 

Bradley Karnes: 'Hi, beautiful. Can't stop thinking about you.'

Your fingers typed out a reply. 

'You've been on my mind too.'

Your heart fluttered at his simple but nice words. You had been thinking about him since the kiss in the med bay--well whenever Ren wasn't demanding your attention. Bradley was sweet, and attractive, and smart. He was a catch. You didn't miss the way the other women in the class watched him whenever he walked in a room. And you couldn't blame them.

That's the type of person you should be with. Not Kylo punish-you-before-work Ren. You'd be lying though if you said that the quick interaction didn't set your skin ablaze with lust.

Yes, lust. That's all it was with Ren. It'd had been a while before him since you'd been with anyone, so of course he would have that affect on you. Plus, he was probably using the Force or something to make you physically attracted to him at all. Well and the fact that he's gorgeous doesn't hurt. 

But you could never have any type of real relationship. The sex was great, but eventually you would need more emotionally, and it was pretty clear that he wouldn't. You needed someone who asked you to spend the night more than just one time ever. Someone who didn't threaten your career on a whim or drag you into a supply closet to spank you and fuck you over a desk. Even if the thought did make you wet. You needed someone like Bradley.

Bradley: 'Still on for dinner this weekend?'

You messaged back that you would love to meet for dinner. 

"What are you smiling at?" someone said a few feet in front of you. You jumped, staring up at Vicrul. You hadn't even noticed you were smiling.

"Nothing," you shook your head. 

He raised a brow, but didn't press on. He nodded towards the rest of the Knights who were heading out. "Wanna grab lunch?"

You leaned back, surprised. "You want me to get lunch with you all?"

He shrugged. "Why not? It's probably better than whatever you get from the mess hall."

"Anything is better than that."

"So it's settled. Come on," he nodded, walking to catch up with them. You followed beside him. "Plus, Ap'lek is always in a better mood when he's eating. He might even start to like you if dessert is good today."

You chuckled tightly. "I'm not holding my breath for that to happen."

He grinned down at you. "Don't sell yourself short. Besides yesterday, he never really felt inclined to kill you, which is quite an impressive feat if I do say so." He pushed open the door for you, and you walked through as he pulled on his mask. You noticed all of them had done the same. They were like Ren--no one could see their faces in public. You thought it was dumb, but didn't judge. You found yourself smiling, knowing you were someone who'd seen them all without the masks.

"Plus," he added, "you even got Ren to soften up a little, which is damn near impossible."

You looked down, not wanting him to see you blush. "I didn't... I don't-he and I aren't," you sputtered out. "What Ap'lek said yesterday was-"

"Completely out of line," he interrupted, giving you a serious look. Your chest tightened in... gratitude? You weren't sure.

"I was going to say 'not true'," you told him. You grimaced, remembering his words. Kylo's whore. 

He shrugged a shoulder as you turned down an unfamiliar hall. "Doesn't matter to us. Ap'lek's a dick, especially when he comes out of battle the most banged up, but he shouldn't have said that."

You gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you, Vicrul." He pushed open another door that lead into a very surprising room. It was a mostly wooden room with couches and beanbag chairs scattered around. The back end was a bar stocked with more liquor you'd ever seen before, and a buffet of food was laid out on the long table. There were holotellies on the wall to watch movies on, pingpong tables, pool tables, dartboards, and way more. It was their own personal bar and gameroom, and it was way nicer than the one you and your friends when to. 

You let out a low whistle. "Wow."

Vicrul smirked. "It's pretty cool, huh?" and you agreed. You had never really thought much about what the Knights did in their free time, but the fact that they probably spent a lot of time here playing games and drinking made you smile. Of course they did, they were men after all.

He nodded towards the food. "Grab something to eat, and make yourself comfortable." You made your way to the table and started filling your plate with better food than you'd ever seen in the cafeteria. It smelled incredible. 

If the Knights were surprised to see you in their private room, they didn't show it. They were all sitting around a table in the middle of the room, and you joined them. Seven chairs. You wondered if Kylo ate with them here. The thought of him playing fuzeball with the Knights flashed through your mind. They gave you a casual greeting as they devoured a ridiculous amount of food. After watching them train, it was no surprise that they ate like beasts, especially given their massive size. Vicrul must have been right about Ap'lek being in a better mood because he nodded in your direction as you sat down with no malice in his eyes, which was a nice change.

The food was really good. After the meal with Kylo and then with the Knights, you realized maybe your assignment wasn't the worst thing in the world if you'd get to keep eating like this.

After the journey yesterday, you did feel like your dynamics with them had changed. They joked around more, included you more, and were just more welcoming in general. Well except for Ap'lek, but five out of six wasn't bad. You weren't intimated by their size and strength anymore, and strangely, you found yourself relaxing in their presence, them accepting you even when not on duty.

You sighed. There was no way you were going to start caring about the Knights of Ren. If they didn't exist, you could be in the hospital practicing real medicine, not patching up little cuts.

Your head perked up when you realized someone had said your name at the table. They were all looking at you with curiosity. You wondered how much about you the Force could tell them.

"What?" you said. 

"I asked if you'd recovered from yesterday," Kuruk said. When you raised a brow, he said, "I heard you yakked on the battlefield."

You glared as they all started laughing. You wanted to deny it, but of course they'd already known. "Barely," you grumbled. 

"First time on the battlefield not as exciting as you were expecting?" Ushar asked.

"More like it was much too exciting. A Resistance fighter tried to kill me while I was trying to save another one of them!"

He rested an elbow on the table. "A waste of time if you ask me."

You gave him a pointed stare, your food forgotten on the table. "I'm a doctor. It's my job, It doesn't matter which side they fight for, I swore an oath to help anyone I can," you told them.

"No, no, not that," he said, pinching a piece of meat from his plate. "I just mean it's a waste of energy since Ren's probably torturing him for information as we speak. Then he'll dump him."

Your jaw dropped. "What did you just say?" you asked, a wave of nausea crashing through you. 

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I mean, come on. You were the one who insisted we brought him back here. What did you think was going to happen?"

The table spun below you and the room started to blur. The man who you'd fought so hard to save was getting tortured somewhere on base, and it was your fault. You'd pulled a gun on Ren to save him, and now he was just going to kill him? Ap'lek got shot protecting you while trying to save him. And for what?

"Oh fuck, she's gonna hurl again," one Knight said, grabbing my shoulder to turn me toward him. "You okay, doc?"

"Get off of me." You pushed him off you feebly, but he let you go. It was Trudgen, who was watching you with worried eyes. If you weren't feeling so bad, you might have found it funny that they were now making sure you were okay instead of the other way around. 

You shook your head out, trying to push back your dizziness. It became easy when anger started to fill your every cell. 

"Where is he?" you hissed. 

"He's probably on his way here for lunch. Why?"

You stood, hand wrapping around the knife you'd been using to eat. "Because I'm going to murder him."

He nodded at the knife in your hands. "With a steak knife?" he asked, incredulous and amused.

"Yes," you snapped, ignoring their stares. They obviously didn't find you a threat at all, because none of them moved a muscle to stop you from trying to kill their master. You stomped towards the door, with no plan, but willing to unleash hell.

When you were mere meters from the door, it swung open, revealing none other than the person your knife was meant for. Your arm raised to shove the weapon inches from his face.

His eyebrows flew up in surprise. "Well hello to you too, sweetheart," he cooed, lips curling up. "Happy to see me?"

"Did you torture the man from last night?" you almost screamed

"Put that knife down," he said, amused at your outburst. He held his hand out for the knife, but you kept it pointed up in his face.

"Is it true?" you demanded. 

He studied your face for a moment. He glanced behind you at the Knights, then back to. "Yes." His voice was darker now, no longer entertained by your anger.

"Why?" you demanded. 

His nostrils flared as his gaze turned into a scowl. "I don't have to explain First Order handlings to a doctor--a resident at that," he spat, putting salt in the wound. Your whole body felt like it was on fire. 

You inched closer to him with the knife. His eyes shot daggers at you, but he didn't move to take the weapon. "This doctor," you retorted, "knows how to kill you with one swipe of this fucking knife!"

He growled your name through gritted teeth. "Watch yourself."

But you ignored him. "You know how hard I worked saving his life last night! And then you just sit here and torture him while I'm patching up your Knights? That's so disrespectful."

He huffed a breath that pushed back your hair, fists clenching beside him. "Don't talk to me about disrespect, little girl. And don't assume that I care anything about what you do outside of the Knights." He was getting angry, but the thought of that man in a cell prevented you from caring to placate him at all, consequences not even crossing your mind. The 180 change in moods between last night and today was dizzying. 

"You sure did care when it involved getting inside my fucking pants," you hissed quietly. 

His eyes darkened as they bore into yours. Every muscle in you clenched in anger--and fear--but you weren't backing down. "I suggest that you watch your tone with me, unless you want your lesson repeated. But this time, I'll make sure it sticks," he threatened. 

"What? You're gonna fucking spank me in front of your fucking Knights, huh?"

Laughter. You head whipped around to glare at the men who'd just gotten a very entertaining, very humiliating show. "Well don't stop on our account," Trudgen said, hands raised in surrender. Red flashed behind your eyes, and without thinking, you launched the knife across the room at the table. 

He swatted it away with his bare hand, heightening their laughter and your anger. When you turned back to Kylo, he did not share the same amusement his Knights did.

"You're a fucking asshole!" you screamed, digging your shoulder into him as you pushed past him, leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks again for all the awesome comments! And sorry about grouchy Kylo coming back. I know a lot of you liked soft Kylo from last chapter but angry Kylo is too fun to write! Let me know what you all think and what you'd like to see coming up! I have about 10 more chapters planned out but might end up raising the chapter count again idk.
> 
> Love you all! <3


	20. But that's only like, a little bit of treason

You didn't know how yet, but you were going to save the man. You had no plan, and only a slight sense of direction, but you had plenty of determination, and just enough anger that you might actually be able to pull it off. Probably not, but you were going to try. 

Earlier, the Knights had said that Ren would be interrogating the frail man that you had saved, which would most likely be in the First Order jail. The holding cells weren't going to be listed on the map of Starkiller, so you needed an actual plan. The base was huge, and you couldn't just scour every hall until you found something. 

Hope sparked within you as you remembered the conversation you'd had with Bradley so many days before. 'Yeah, they sometimes ask cardio surgeons down there to make sure they don't accidentally kill them,' he'd said, talking about the prisoners. He'd have to know where the holding cells were. You practically sprinted to the hospital, where he'd likely be at this time. A few nurses glanced your way as you made your way through the halls, but they didn't stop you. 

You pulled to a halt at the view of Dr. Maddox strolling toward you with her nose in a holo. You tried to slow your breathing to a normal rate before she caught you running like a mad woman and asked what you were doing.

Which is exactly what she did. She snapped your name, glaring. "Why aren't you with the Knights?" she asked. 

"Lunch break," you told her, voice surprisingly calm. It wasn't a lie. "I'm looking for Dr. Mercer. I, uh, need to consult him on a case."

She looked you up and down with a skeptical glance, but didn't call you out. "He's in room 312 with a patient."

You thanked her before walking to the room as quickly as you could. You felt crazy as you pressed your ear to the door, but a wave off relief washed over you when you heard that he was in there. You were practically twitching with impatience by the time he opened the door.

When he saw you he froze, then gave you a smile. "The Knights let you out for today?"

You sighed. "I wish. That's actually what I came here to talk to you about." He raised an eyebrow so you continued. "You said you've treated some patients in the holding cells right?"

He nodded, then his eyes widened. "Why?" 

So you told him what had happened--leaving out some explicit parts with Ren that he probably didn't want to hear. You also left out the part that Ren would be super pissed about you finding the man. How did the day start with Ren making you breakfast, and now you were going behind his back and trying to free a prisoner against his wishes. Bradley would never put you through that kind of stress.

He let out a low whistle. "Wow."

"Yeah," you said, hand rubbing the back of your neck. "So do you know where it is?"

"You sure that's a good idea?"

You breathed out a dry laugh. "It's definitely not."

He ran a hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling before facing you again. "Are you going to get hurt if he finds out?"

You tensed. 'Yeah he'll hurt me, but I'll love every second of it then beg him to fuck me!'

"Um, no, I don't think so," you gave him a pleading stare. 

He sighed. "As hot as I think your bravery is, I really won't forgive myself if you get in trouble over this."

Your heart soared at his words, smiling up at him. "You're sweet, but I have to. It's my fault he's here at all." 

He chewed on his lower lip, and for a moment it looked like he wouldn't say, but he pulled up a map on the holo. It was a room on the bottom floor, a few stories under the main hangar. 

"How are you going to get in?" he asked.

Hm. "I hadn't thought that far, but I'll figure it out, I guess."

His hand reached out to grab yours, giving it a tight squeeze. "I know better than to try to talk you out of it, right?"

You let out a laugh. "Yeah."

"Let me come with you. I have surgery in a second, so I can't go right now, but get off in a couple hours and then I'll go. Please I'll be worrying about you."

You smiled up at him. "I really can't wait. I'll be fine though, I promise."

He looked thoughtful, then wrapped an arm around you, pulling your hips into his. He covered your mouth with his, kissing you tenderly until your lungs gasped for air. When he pulled back, you gaped.

"If you get hurt, I'm going to be pissed, okay?" he said. "Message me when you're back safe? Or if you need help?"

You nodded, rising on your tip toes to give him a peck on the lips. "I'll see you later," you said, slipping out of his grasp. You gave him one last lingering look before starting towards where he told you the cells would be.

After this, you were going to help this man--you were still working on a plan--and then you were cutting things off with Ren. As exciting as the past few weeks had been, it was unsustainable, and unrealistic. Of course you'd already heard about his monstrosities, and you'd glimpsed just a fraction of his wrath, but knowing he'd been torturing the man right under your feet after begging him to let you help, was painfully eye-opening. You shook the thought from your head. Yeah, after this you were finally going on that date with Bradley. Cora and Victor would be happy, and they wouldn't have to fear for your safety every time you were gone. 

Ren and the Knights must have not worried about you actually finding the man because despite the fact that they could track you down in seconds, no one came to stop you. 

When you reached the hall where the prisoners should be, you peeked out briefly from behind the wall to scout. There were plenty of plain doors that looked like cells, but only one of them with guards posted out front. 

You took a moment, fists tightening and loosening, while shaking out your limbs. "You've got this," you whispered.

Shoulders pulled back, you strutted towards the two stormtroopers standing guard. Everything was going to be fine. Worst case scenario, Ren finds out and murders you viciously with his laser sword. Or the troopers would shoot you before you got near them. Okay, it was a pretty bad worse case scenario.

Luckily that didn't happen though. You stood tall before before them, motioning toward the door, terrified, but steady. "I need to get in there to treat the prisoner.

"Ren said not to let anyone else in here," one trooper said, snorting.

You rolled your eyes up to the ceiling, willing your body not to tremble. "He told me to come check on him."

He shook his head. "Not going to happen, lady. He wouldn't be very happy with us."

"I am the personal physician of Commander Ren and his Knights, and I have direct orders from him to treat this man," you said, pointing to him through the small window. Your stomach clenched at the sight on him, drooping over from the interrogation stand. He looked even worse than he did the day before. You peeled your eyes away, trying to focus. "That man is with the Resistance, and he has information that is imperative to the mission of the First Order."

One of the troopers scoffed. "Yes, ma'am, we know that."

You gave him a look to ask what's not clicking? "Well he's no good to anyone dead!" you said as authoritatively as you could. 

They fidgeted, looking between each other, so you pressed on. 

"Or should I tell Commander Ren that the mission that he's been working towards for months has been set back because two dim-witted men in tin cans wouldn't let me in to treat the prisoner, and he died?" you snapped. "I guarantee Commander Ren won't be happy with you in that case."

They stood still for a moment, but finally, one pulled out a key card and swiped it into the slot, propping the door open with his foot. 

"Make it quick." He nodded into the room, and you scurried past them before they could see through the faux confidence. 

"Thank you," you muttered, shutting the door and trapping them outside. You pulled a set of blinds down, covering the windows from the inside.

You took a shaky step toward the man. He was one shade away from being as pale as the bright white hallways. His head was slumped forward as he stood, locked in by his hands and feet the the interrogation apparatus. The cuffs were the only things holding him up. 

Hesitantly, you reached an arm out to rest of his good shoulder, shaking lightly, trying to wake him up. 

This was not a good idea. Even if you could break him out of the chair, you couldn't carry him anywhere. And even if you could, there was no way to get him off of Starkiller.

Your stomach tightened. Should you have just let him die? You felt like an idiot. Of course they would use him for information. Looking over his bruised and beaten form, you wondered if you should do him the mercy of ending it for him now before Ren or the Knights could inflict any more pain.

Before you could make a decision, the door behind you clicked and creaked open. You didn't have to turn to know who it was. 

"You shouldn't be here," Kylo said tauntingly, voice unforgiving through the mask. You wondered if he used the mask while walking here so people wouldn't see his face or if he wanted to use it to intimidate you. Probably both.

You snapped around to look at him. "I shouldn't be here? He's my fucking patient!"

He shook his head once, tense. "He's a prisoner of the First Order."

You almost couldn't believe he could be so dense. Did he really not see a problem with what he was doing?

"Kylo," you breathed out, trying to stay calm. You wouldn't get the man out with force, so you had to try anything else. "Since I've known you, I've only ever asked you for one thing. One! To let me save this man, which you did yesterday, and I'm thankful... I shouldn't have had to specify this, but that included you not torturing him and killing him after."

He didn't say anything, but you knew that he was contemplating. Probably whether or not to gut you right there. 

Finally, so quietly you weren't sure you'd heard him, he said, "I didn't hurt him."

You scoffed, hand pointing out to the man. "He is unconscious and barely breathing! What do you mean you didn't hurt him?"

Ren stepped toward the man, pulling his limp head up to display. "Does he look scathed to you?"

Taking a breath, you examined his face. Although pale, he was unmarked except for the scratches he'd already had. You shook your head in confusion. "But... Why won't he wake up then?"

He let the man's head drop, and you flinched at the sound his neck made as his chin bounced off his chest. 

"I looked inside his mind less than 30 minutes ago. It's exhausting for them, but he's perfectly fine," he explained.

Your arms crossed over your chest. His words seemed to be true, as far as you could see. It was probably dumb, but you were feeling confident.

"I want you to let him go."

He chuckled. "No."

You glared, still pushing your luck. "Did you get the information you needed from him?"

"Yes."

"Then let him go! Ap'lek is fine, and he didn't hurt anyone else. If you don't need him anymore, let him go."

"I'm not going to do that. And you need to stop trying to argue with a Commanding officer of the First Order. I've been lenient with you before with your instances of treason, for obvious reasons, but that stops now. Unless you leave." His voice had dropped five octaves, and every cell in your body wanted you to flee, but you'd seen his wrath.

"Obvious reasons?" you scoffed. Sex. "Well, you don't have to worry about those reasons affecting our relationship anymore, Commander." You took a step towards him, not letting him intimidate you. "And treason?" you spit out. "I'm doing my fucking job checking on an injured man that I brought here!"

He huffed a breath, fists tightening at his sides. "Yes, treason. Threatening your Commander three times in the span of one rotation. Breaking into the holding cell of an important prisoner, and lying to well esteemed officers of the First Order to get in," he listed. Okay, maybe he had a point.

"But that's only like, a little bit of treason," you told him.

"I've had people executed for less."

You held out your hands. "Then why the fuck am I still here, Commander?"

Which was apparently the wrong thing to say. Kylo bore down on you, making you take an instinctual step back, fury rolling off of him in waves. You hated that he was wearing the mask with you after letting you see him so many times recently. It could have caused whiplash, the change from how the two of you had shared breakfast just hours ago, and now he was accusing you of treason. You'd really come full circle since the first time you'd met him. 

His hand twitched toward his lightsaber, and your adrenaline had made you so dumb that you laughed.

"If you're going to threaten me with that thing again, you'd better actually do something with it," you sneered certainly signing you own death sentence. You couldn't believe just yesterday you'd had sex with this man, and today he was about to kill you. You thought briefly that Bradley never would have done any of this. 

In an instant, he yelled and stepped back, turning, and when he faced you again, his saber was ignited inches from your face. You gulped, frozen. The stinging heat brought tears to your eyes, but it may have been the threat of impending death. The two of you stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. His stupid mask was still on, so you couldn't know at all what he was thinking, but of course, he could know your every thought. Your heart beat so hard it shook your body. Maybe you should just fall onto the saber and rid yourself of all the problems he'd caused. He might even feel a little bit bad about it, but you doubted it.

He inched the flaming weapon forward, and you screamed, falling back on your ass onto the hard floor, whimpering. The saber followed you, still pointed at your terrified face.

"Leave now, doctor," he rumbled, voice more demon than human. "Or I'll slice the man to pieces right in front of you."

Trembling with wide eyes, you scampered back on your hands, and pushed yourself to your feet. Your lower lip was quivering as you looked back up at him. Would he really-

"Now!" he roared, and you didn't hesitate as you spun and ran out of that awful room, faster than you'd ever ran before. Somehow, you'd found the way to your room in your frazzled state. It wasn't until you slammed the door shut behind you that tears spilled. You leaned back on the door, sinking slowly into the ground. 

Tears flowed freely, still staining your cheeks no matter how fast you tried to wipe them away. You cried for the man who was probably going to die because of you. For your career that was being ruined by this man. And mostly, you cried because even after everything, Ren had pulled his saber on you again. You wished he'd just run you through and get it over with. 

The holopad beeped, indicating a message, and with shaking hands, you launched it across the room with a scream, not even flinching when the sound of shattered glass rang through the room.

You fell to your side, curled in a ball, welcoming the chill of the cold floor on your heated cheeks, red from crying. You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, but you cried until your tears dried up and the only sounds you could make were choked sobs. 

When someone knocked on the door, you burst into tears again. Whoever it was--and you had a good idea--you didn't want to see them. Anger fueled you as you pushed weakly onto your feet, using the door handle to pull you up.

"If you're here to kill me, you'd better just fucking do it-" you cried, breath catching in your throat when you pulled open the door and saw who was there. "Bradley..."

His shoulders visibly dropped in relief when he saw you. "Oh, thank goodness you're..." He frowned at the state you were in, and you tried desperately to wipe your face of any evidence you'd been crying. "... you're not okay."

"Yes, I am. I am," you said, but your head was shaking side to side. He looked worried, but something was holding him back. You wrapped your arms around your stomach, trying to calm yourself. 

"What do you need? What can I do to help? Can I come in?"

You nodded once, weakly, and he stepped into the room, shutting the door behind you.

"What can I-" he started, but was cut off when you stepped forward, burying you face into his chest, elbows pressing into his stomach. He didn't hesitate before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into him. He laid his cheek on your hair, running his hands up your back. "Shhhh, it's okay. It's okay," he whispered. 

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop your sobbing. You were barely aware of the fact that you should have been embarrassed, crying like this in front of him, but something about the way he held you banished any thoughts like that. 

When you finally stopped shaking, he pulled back, hands on your shoulders as he examined you. His scrub top was soaked with tears, but he didn't seem to mind. 

"Are you okay?" he asked tenderly, eyes boring into yours. You nodded once, biting your lip. "Do you want to talk about it?"

You shook your head. "No." Your voice was shaky.

He nodded, standing, but keeping a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Do you want to go to sleep?"

You nodded, and he led you the bed in the corner of your small room. He sat you down, and bent down, peeling off your shoes and socks. You thought back to how Ren had done the same just the night before, but with Bradley, it didn't seem like such a weird gesture. It felt normal. Like something you could get used to. He pulled back your sheets and helped you into bed, tucking you in softly as you nuzzled into the pillow, turning toward the wall.

His footsteps retreated, and he switched off the lights, leaving you in darkness except for the light seeping in from the bathroom. 

"Do you need anything else?" he asked, hand on the door.

You surprised the both of you. "Stay," you said so quietly that you weren't sure he heard, but he rustled slowly across the room. 

"Are you sure?" he asked. You nodded, and he came back to the bed, taking off his shoes too before sliding into the bed with you. You pushed back into his heat and were asleep before he'd even laid his head on the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to anyone still reading this shitshow! It might take a couple days to update again because I'm trying to work out some plot stuff, but it shouldn't take too long! 
> 
> Also I've been working on some other Reylo stuff, and I'm drawing an outline up for another potential Knights story with an OC that I'm pretty excited about and would love to hear your opinions!!
> 
> ALSOOOO, I kind of want to start doing those one shot challenges where someone tells me a scenario and kink to write about if anyone wants to drop suggestions??
> 
> Anyway, once again, thanks for reading and I love you all!! I hope you all enjoyed :)


	21. These men are going to be the death of me

When you woke, you rolled over and found yourself alone in bed. Again. You wanted to be the kind of person who didn't care about things like that, but you couldn't help the wave of disappointment that followed. 

You knew you'd slept in, but the Knights didn't care and probably wouldn't even notice. Plus, it's no good for a doctor to be doing anything to a patient if they're too tired to function. You took a long shower, letting the warm streams of water relax your tight muscles until the water started to turn cold. You changed quickly, and grimaced when you picked up your holo and saw the damage from throwing it the night before. It still worked, but you had to squint to read. 

Bradley had sent a message. 'I'm so so sorry that I had to leave before you woke up. I wanted to say goodbye, but I figured you could use the rest. I really hope you're feeling better today, and please let me know if you need anything.' 

You smiled briefly to yourself before the inevitable feeling of dread settled back into you.

When you looked in the mirror, you groaned. You still had bruises all over your face and neck from your rough encounter with Ren. You really hoped Bradley didn't see them yesterday. You applied foundation before making your way to the training arena, already an hour late, but not caring at all.

"She's still alive!" Cando chuckled as you walked in. "Kuruk, you owe me ten credits."

You were too upset and exhausted to banter with them, so you just started walking towards the bleachers. You laid down on the cool metal, eyes pressed closed as you pinched the bridge of your nose.

After a minute, you were surprised to hear them stop rustling around. You opened your eyes and looked over at them, all of them walking towards you except Ap'lek, which you were grateful for anyway.

"What do you want?" you grumbled, staying laying down as the crowded around you. 

"What's wrong?" Cando said. "I was just joking a second ago. We didn't really make bets on whether you were still alive or not."

Ushar jabbed him in the ribs. "Yes we did, don't lie." 

Cando shrugged. "Okay, yeah we did. But that's not what's wrong is it?"

You just groaned, glaring up at them. When you didn't respond, Trudgen and Vicrul exchanged looks.

"Come on, doc. This isn't very professional behavior," Trudgen said, poking your shoulder, baiting you.

It worked. You pushed up into a sitting position and slapped his hand away from you. "Oh, fuck off. All of you," you grumbled. 

They frowned. 

You softened your gaze. "Please, just leave me alone right now." Something in your face must have made them feel bad for you, because three of them went back, leaving you with Trudgen and Vicrul. They sat on either side of you, sandwiching you between their huge frames. They each gave you a pointed look.

"What?" you snapped, but your voice wasn't harsh as you'd wanted. 

Trudgen raised a brow. "What's wrong with you today?" You groaned, still hugely upset with Ren, but also still a little upset with them. They'd known Ren was torturing the man yesterday, and they'd only mentioned it hours later as a passing thought, none of them were even going to tell you.

"Why do you care?" you frowned.

Vicrul nudged you gently with his shoulder. "We don't want our favorite doctor upset all day."

"Plus we can literally feel your emotions, and it's really bumming us out," Trudgen added. 

You couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. "How very kind of you," you said.

"Come on, kiddo. Tell us what's up," he said.

You sighed. "It's Ren. And you guys too," you told them. They both looked a little confused at your last statement, but didn't interrupt. "I worked really hard to keep that man alive, and then he just tortured him the next day." After sleeping cuddled behind you no less. "And you guys didn't say anything."

They both seemed taken aback by that. "You wanted us to tell you that he was being questioned?"

Shrugging, you said, "I dunno. Maybe if you guys would have told me earlier, I could have..."

"What? Stopped Ren from trying to get the information he wanted?" Vicrul suggested. "We both know that wouldn't have happened." You shrugged. He was right, of course.

You threw your hands up in frustration. "It was just shitty, okay?" 

They shrugged. "Yeah, it was shitty."

You glared between the two. "And now, Kylo's probably torturing him extra hard, even though he lied and said he didn't torture him yesterday."

Vicrul raised a brow. "He said that?"

"Yeah, but he was obviously lying. You can't get information that easy without torturing people," you grumbled. 

"Sure you can," he said. "It's pretty easy, especially for Ren. It's just more fun to actually torture them." 

You shuddered. That was disturbing "You think he was telling the truth?"

"He's got no reason to lie about it."

You relaxed a bit. Maybe he was telling the truth. But even if he did, he probably did hack him to bits after your outburst with him yesterday. How had you gone from starting your last year of residency, just wanting to practice medicine, and now you were caught in the middle of a pissing contest with the galaxy's most obnoxious space wizard?

"Okay," you breathed out, feeling a little better. "Go train."

Trudgen clapped you on the shoulder as they stood to join the other Knights. Know the Knights of Ren were trying to comfort you? 

"Oh, doc, we thought you'd be happy. Were practicing archery today, so you don't have to worry about us stabbing each other," Vicrul said, smiling. Your shoulders drooped a tad in relief. One less thing to worry about. 

Until they got to the middle of the room and started shooting straight at each other. Why use targets when you could just shoot at living humans, right?

"These men are going to be the death of me," you groaned, leaning back into the wall.

As it turns out, they were going to be the death of each other. Right before lunch, Ushar collapsed to the ground, clutching his arm. You paled when you realized a metal arrow was protruding from his bicep. You jumped to your feet and ran to him. 

He was laughing, but his face was pale, vein pulsing in his forehead. 

"Ushar, hold still!" you said, kneeling beside him to get a look at his wound. It was nasty, but you had trouble feeling sorry for him.

His other hand pulled up and wrapped around the shaft of the the arrow.

"Don't you dare pull that out," you hissed, hand gripping around his. Physically, you could never stop him. 

He pushed my hand off. "You're always so damn dramatic," he said.

You grunted. "You could do a lot of damage to the tissue if you pull it out wrong," you explained, though it should have been pretty clear. 

"It'll be fine, doc," he said, nonchalantly for a man with an arrow in him.

"Ugh!" you shouted like a child, but their stubbornness was really starting to piss you off. "My goodness, will you guys trust for once that I know a little more about this than you do?" you asked, voice raising in frustration.

You glared, not willing to let him yank the thing out and risk tearing the muscle. "Ushar, I'm in a bad fucking mood. If you pull that arrow out of your arm, I swear to the gods I will stab you in the eye with it," you said. His eyes widened. "Now come on. We're going to the hospital."

To your great surprise, he nodded. "Alright, doc. Let's go." A couple Knights helped him to his feet, blood dripping down his arm. You quickly wrapped gauze around the wound, not wanting to show up to the hospital with him in a puddle of blood.

"Can you walk?" you asked. He just laughed and followed you to the med bay.

All six of them came with you, which was interesting. When you got to the hospital, every eye in the lobby was on the group of you, which was understandable. One nurse vomited into the trash can when she saw the arrow sticking out of his arm.

You held a hand out to the nurses station, demanding a holopad. One of them handed it over and you flipped through it, looking for a spare room. 

"Come on, Ushar," you said, nodding towards a hallway. When the other five followed, you stopped. "You all don't have to come."

Kuruk laughed. "And miss you yanking this thing out of him? I don't think so."

You scowled. "I'm not yanking it out. I'm surgically removing it." But it didn't make a difference to them. You led them down the hallway, all eyes still on you, before leading them into an open room. Ushar sat on the edge of the bed while the rest of the Knights piled in. It would have been funny to see those six hulking men in the small room, but you were too stressed about getting this ting out of him.

Pulling on some gloves, you riffled through the cabinets, pulling out what you needed. "Excuse me," you said to Ap'lek, who was standing in front of a set of drawers. He glared, but moved out of your way.

"This is going to hurt a little," you said to Ushar before injecting some numbing medication into his arm. He didn't flinch, which wasn't surprising. 

The Knights weren't exactly worried for him, but they watched every move you made while treating him, a little tense. They'd surely all had worse, but they let you do what you needed, and they only teased him a little bit about getting shot.

You logged on to the holo and requested an operating room. When the form asked 'Cause of injury', you rolled your eyes. 

"What? Using actual targets is too much to ask from you all?" 

They shrugged. "It's more interesting that way," Cando said. "Plus it gives us better incentive to work on our speed."

You ignored them while you requested what you needed in the room, peeking up at Ushar every few seconds to make sure he wasn't messing with the arrow.

"Don't touch those," you snapped at Vicrul, who was toying with some tongue depressors. He looked at you, eyes wide, like a kid who'd just been scolded.

You turned back to Ushar, who was paler than usual, but still joking around with the rest of them like normal. 

"I'm taking you to surgery," you told him. When it looked like he was going to protest, your hand shot up, silencing him. "I have been very lenient with all of your treatments so far, letting a lot of stuff slide because apparently you brutes are all masochists." You scanned the room, glaring at each of them. "And I let you go home with your unchecked concussions, and your lacerations that aren't properly treated, but this could do real damage if you don't let me do my job. And I'm not taking 'no' for a fucking answer."

He made a face that looked like a pout, which was very out of place on this giant of a man. "I could get your fired for talking to a patient like that."

Your stomach clenched at the threat, but you glared. "You won't."

He shot you a smile. "Yeah you're right."

You let out a sigh of relief. He seemed compliant enough. You pulled out a surgical gown from a cabinet and handed it too him. It was an extra-large, but there was no way it would fit. It's all there was though.

"Put this on. I'll step outside and then take you to surgery." You stepped out of the room, leaving him to do as you asked. 

A nurse arrived with a wheelchair to take him to surgery when he was ready. After a few minutes, Trudgen peeked his head out, shit eating grin on his face. "He's dressed."

When you walked back in, your couldn't help the laugh that escaped your chest. You pulled the holo over your mouth to hide your smile. Ushar was standing, back turned to you, with half his ass showing through the back of the hospital gown. You couldn't help to notice that it was a nice-

No. Not letting that thought fully form. 

The Knights were all laughing, try to poke him through the open slit in the back, and he swatted them away.

"Oh piss off, all of you!" When he turned and saw you laughing, he glared. "This was your plan? Get me in this ridiculous outfit so you all can ogle my ass?" You giggled, trying to put on a straight face.

You nodded toward the wheelchair in the hallway for him to sit. "My plan was to take the arrow out of you safely so you can go back to being an idiot with full function in your arm... Unless you don't want that?"

His shoulders shrugged a little at your words, and the Knights' smiles faded.

"That's what I thought. Get in the chair. Please," you added, smiling sweetly. He grumbled a string of profanity under his breath, but finally sat down.

The Knights muttered some words of good luck, but called him a pansy for needing surgery at all, so it wasn't too sweet, but you had a feeling that that was as much of a man's version of 'I love you' to a brother that they could give. It made you smile either way.

"You guys can go back to training if you want," you told them. "I'll come get you guys when he's out if you want."

You turned to follow after the nurse who was taking him to the operating room, but were stopped by a rough hand on your arm. It was Ap'lek, who was stressed, but not glaring.

"Make sure he gets fixed up," he said.

You pulled your arm away. "Yeah, that's my job." Your voice didn't come out as harsh as you'd hoped. He stared down at you for a second, your heart racing, and then nodded once. You turned, shaking slightly. 

The nurse took him to the operating room, and you went into the scrub room to get ready.

You hated to admit it, but your hands were twitching with excitement to get back in the operating room. You'd barely gotten any OR time since your assignment started, and this was an exciting surgery. It's one that you, Cora, and Victor would have fought over if they were here. 

Pulling your hair into a scrub cap, you looked through the window into the operating room to see Ushar shoving away the nurse who was trying to get him onto the operating table.

"Fuck off, I'll snap you like a twig," he nearly shouted. You ran in, arms waving.

"Ushar, knock it off!" He dropped his arms at the sight of you. You stood above him, waiting to see what he'd do. You gave him a questioning look, and he nodded once. You gripped his good shoulder and hand, pulling him up. He didn't need your help, but it was an understanding between the two of you. He sat on the table, flinching when the cool surface made contact with his back side.

"You gonna be okay? Do you have any questions?"

He gulped, eyes wider than he'd care to admit. "You better not kill me, doc."

You chuckled. "Wasn't planning on it."

"If I die, the Knights will be really pissed."

The anesthesiologist was settling into his seat, preparing his machines while the rest of the nurses finished prepping the instrument table. Their eyes were fixed on him, but neither of you paid them attention.

"Ushar, if you die, your Knights will be the worst of my worries," you told him. Maddox would skin you alive and fire you, in no particular order. You gripped his hand, which he surprisingly didn't pull away. Holding a Knight of Ren's hand wasn't the craziest thing you'd done recently. 

He looked around the sterile room with distaste. "I've never done anything like this."

You gave him a comforting smile. "I'm pretty good at my job."

He nodded once. "Okay. Knock me out."

You raised an eyebrow. "What? You don't want to be awake to show how tough you are?"

"Cute," he glared. "If you tell them, I'll kill you."

You raised your hands in defense. "It's our secret. But you better tell my boss that I'm the best doctor you've had."

"You treated all six of us and haven't gotten killed yet? As far as I'm concerned, you're the best doctor in the galaxy," he said.

You gave a thumbs up to the anesthesiologist before turning back to him.

"Don't kill the good doctor," you told him sternly. "He's going to stick a small needle in you, then you'll be good to go, okay?"

He nodded, and with one last comforting smile, you left to get ready. You scrubbed in before walking into the cool, sterile room, mask hiding your smile. It was good to be back in an OR.

It was unnerving to see Ushar lying on the table in nothing but a hospital gown, anesthetized, but you didn't let it bother you.

You were quickly and diligently slipping back into your rhythm like no time had passed. You wanted to do a good job, especially because Maddox would be overseeing your results, but also, you wanted him to recover so he could go back to fighting like an idiot with the rest of them. A strange feeling pooled in your gut at the thought of him not being able to train anymore, but you shook it off. 

After about three hours, the arrow had been sawed and removed, and you were stitching up the far side of the wound when Maddox walked in, holding a mask over her face.

She said your name, and your gaze snapped to hers. "How is he?" she asked. 

You wondered with a flash of annoyance if she was checking in on everyone's surgeries, or just yours. But based on the fact that Supreme Leader Snoke was so interested in the Knights, it was probably orders from above her to monitor your work. 

"Almost finished. Getting the arrow out took a little longer than expected, but it looks like it'll heal nicely. Come take a look." You were confident in your technique.

She made her way to the table, eyes raking over his wound. She let out a satisfied grunt. 

"Flawless technique, doctor," she said, and your chest tightened with pride. You were definitely going to get chief resident. "Absolutely flawless."

"Thank you."

She turned, walking out of the room, leaving you to finish the sutures. "Keep me updated on his progress," she said before the door slid shut behind her. You finished in another few minutes and left the room, tearing off your gown and washing up. Checking a holo to stay updated on his vitals, you made your way to the nurses station.

You turned to one of the nurses. "Can you let Dr. Maddox know I'm out of surgery? I'm going to get the Knights from their training facility," you told one of them.

She nodded towards the waiting room. "They're in there."

Your brows knitted in confusion as you turned and walked to the room. When you opened the door, you stiffed a laugh at the sight of five Knights sitting in a hospital waiting room, barely fitting in the chairs, masks on, to the dismay of everyone else in the room. Everyone's attention seemed to follow them.

Their masks turned to you. 

"Just finished up with him. He's sleeping right now, and will probably come to in about an hour," you told them. It was weird talking to them with their masks on. Even in a hospital, they had to maintain their reputation of terrifying killers, and based on everyone else's face in the room, they were doing a good job.

Your eyebrows furrowed when you saw Ren standing in the corner of the room.

"What are you doing here?"

He sighed through the mask. "I'm getting really tired of you asking me that question," he said, but you crossed your arms over your chest, still wanting an answer. He shrugged his shoulders. "I had a few free minutes," he said casually. But you knew that he wanted to be there for Ushar. They all did. The thought warmed your heart, even if Ren's tone with you chilled your bones. He was still mad, and so were you, but this was not the place to start a fight.

You turned back to the rest of them. "I can take you all to his room if you want." They nodded, so you lead them to his recovery room. You'd requested the biggest room they had--for obvious reasons. 

Ushar was still asleep, face pinched as he snored. It was weird to see him so relaxed. It almost felt intimate, wrong, like it was something you shouldn't be seeing.

They all took a seat on the chairs and couches around the room as you typed out some notes on the holo. Only Ren stayed standing, and you kept your gaze from him. Unfortunately, you couldn't kick him out. And based on how conversation with him typically escalated, you knew better than to even try to speak to him in the state of rage you were in with him.

"How long until he's back on his feet, doc?" Kuruk asked. 

You turned to the Knights, eyes flitting between them. "One month, minimum," you said as authoritatively as possible. "I know better than to ask for anymore than that, but I'm serious, guys. One month."

Grumbles and protests erupted from around the room, which you expected. What you didn't expect is what came next.

"Shut up and listen to her."

Kylo was still standing in the corner, and if it weren't for the Knights' reactions, you would have thought you imagined the words. They replied with a couple 'okay's before shutting up. If you ever doubted who was in charge of them, you didn't anymore. Even if the thought of him at all made your blood boil. 

But in an instant, he was turning on his heel and walking out of them room, which made you even more mad somehow. You shook your head and ignored it. You didn't give fuck about him--you couldn't. Sure, you all had a rocky start, but after everything, for him to still treat you like that was not just a lack of affection. It was a lack of respect. You didn't need anyone--especially Kylo Fucking Ren--to treat you like that. You remembered how he'd threatened you just the day before, and the thought made you want to curl up into a ball and punch someone simultaneously. Maybe you would take the Knights up of that offer to train you soon. It wouldn't do much against Ren, but at least it would be a good physical outlet for your anger.

The Knights hung out in the room, watching tv, talking crap, and annoying the hell out of you while you tried to update Ushar's charts. Finally, he stirred in his bed, and you jumped up to see him. 

"Hey," you said as his eyes fluttered open. "How are you feeling?"

He groaned, glaring at you. "Like fucking shit."

You couldn't help but chuckle. "You've looked better."

He turned his head back and forth, trying to orient himself. "Did you fix me?"

"Sure did. You'll be back to getting shot by your friends in no time."

"Like tomorrow?" he slurred, and you bit back a frustrated chuckle.

Thankfully, Trudgen answered for you. "Next month."

"Not gonna happen."

"It will," he answered. "Doctor's orders. And Ren's."

Ushar rolled his eyes. "Fuck them both," he groaned. 

Someone rapped on the door, and you turned to look through the window. Bradley. You looked around the room to make sure everything was okay. 

"I'll probably discharge him in the morning. Let him sleep for now," you said before exiting, leaving them to make fun of their friend, half high on pain meds in the bed. When you walked outside, you gave Bradley a tense smile.

"I heard you were here. I wanted to come make sure everything was going alright," he said.

"You don't need to check on me. I'm a doctor too, you know."

He grimaced, eyes widening. "No, I didn't mean it like that! I just wanted to-"

You cut him off. "Sorry. Sorry, I'm just really tired."

His face softened. "I was hoping you'd be feeling better today," he said. You heart warmed at the memory of him holding you the night before, so tenderly in your bed. 

You blushed. "It was sweet of you to stay with me. Thank you."

He smiled, fingers fiddling with the bottom of his lab coat. "I'd do it anytime you need." But his expression darkened. "I wanted to see how everything went yesterday."

You shuddered at the thought of the prisoner, probably still wasting away under Ren's awful power. He was probably there in the cell right now torturing him. You hated Ren. 

"I am sorry about that. I just had a rough day," you explained. "I'd spent so much time on the way back from Jakku trying to save this man, and Ren tortures him the next day. I tried to get Ren to let him go, but he got mad, and the man is probably dead now." You were miserable. The thought tied your stomach in knots. 

Bradley's eyebrows furrowed. "The man from Jakku?" You nodded. "He was brought here this morning. We gave him a sedative and a pod shipped him back just a few hours ago."

"What?" you asked him, incredulous. 

"Yeah," he said, pulling out his holo and showing it to you. "This man?" You nodded. It was his picture. "Yeah, I discharged him myself. He was perfectly fine."

The world around you stopped. Were you hearing correctly?

"I, um... I have to go," you told him, back away hastily.

He frowned. "Where are you going?"

Kylo had let him go? It must have been someone else. Or your mind was just playing tricks. It didn't change anything, but you had to ask Ren to be sure.

"Um, message me about dinner! I have to go!" you called over your shoulder, basically powerwalking out of the med bay. Bradley said something after you, but you didn't hear. 

Had Kylo really let the man go? There was no way.

In minutes, you were outside of his chambers, heart racing from exertion and anticipation. You held your fist up to knock, which felt stupid because he would already be able to know you were there, but before you could, the door slid open. You took a tentative step in, then made your way into the main room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kylo and the Knights were a little out of character this chapter, put the thought of them in full gear in a hospital waiting room with a bunch of people terrified was too funny to not include.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone reading! It might take a little while to update again bc I'm working on a Reylo fic I might start posting soon, but it shouldn't be too long!
> 
> Love you all!


	22. You've gotten spoiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three updates in a row? I must be dreaming right?!
> 
> This is dedicated to all of you leaving sweet comments that make my day and give me the motivation to write! 
> 
> I'm super excited about this chapter, but check the tags!! They've been updated. Alsooooo, I love a little bit of Kylo/Yn mood whiplash, but I think this chapter has the most so far. Enjoy!! Love you all

When you entered his chambers, Kylo was sitting at an arm chair in the corner of his room, legs crossed while reading something on his holopad. His eyes snapped up to you, questioning.

"What are you do-" 

"Did you let that man go?" you blurted, taking a step forward and cutting him off.

He ran his fingers through his long hair, eyes falling back to whatever he was reading. "Why would I do that?" he asked, deadpan.

Your cheeks flushed at his lack of interest, but you pointed your chin up. "I don't know. Why would you do that, Commander?" you asked, taunting.

He took a deep breath. "You know why," he said, almost bored.

"No," you said. He raised an eyebrow. "No. I want you to say it."

It was probably dumb, and you were probably flattering yourself way too much, but you were tired after a long couple of days, and you were still dizzy with your post-surgery high.

"That's not how this works," he gave you a pointed look.

You crossed your arms. "Just tell me."

He shook his head. "I let you ignore direct orders from a Commanding officer, excused your pathetic attempt on my life, and got one of my men shot so you could save the man. I didn't lay a finger on him during his interrogation, and I used one of our own pods to send him back," he glared. "And you're still demanding things from me?"

Your gaze found the floor. His lack of answer was an answer, whether or not he would say the words you wanted him to.

He raised an eyebrow with an amused look on his face that made you want to scurry back to your room and never leave. 

"You want me to say it was for you?" he asked. You glared but didn't meet his gaze. "Well it was. You said you wouldn't let me touch you again if he died, so I mercifully let him live."

You felt dumb, taking a step back, wanting to be anywhere in the galaxy except his room. It was the answer you were expecting, not wanting, but hearing it out loud made you nauseous. Of course it was just sex. You were an idiot.

He stood from his chair, taking a step towards you like the predator he was.

"And now I plan to collect." His voice was chilling, lust, anger, and something else in his eyes.

You held out your palms, taking a step back. "I just wanted to thank you. Not get roped back into your sadist sex."

He smirked. "If I remembered correctly, you liked it. A lot. And that was nothing compared to what I want to do with you."

Your knees weakened at his words. But you took another step back. He'd behaved like a monster, threatening you with his saber twice in two days, and you weren't going to forget that.

"I'm not going to sleep with you just because you did one nice thing!" you told him. 

He cocked his head. "But you want to."

You couldn't deny it. You vaguely waved a hand between the two of you. "We're ending this."

He gave you a smile that chilled your bones. "You've gotten spoiled, little girl." Heat pooled between your thighs. "You don't think that I've forgotten your punishment?"

"P-punishment?" you asked. You took a step back, and he took a bigger step forward.

He sneered. "You don't think I already forgave you for trying to shoot me--twice--right?"

"Well, I..." Your fingers tapped against each other. 

"Come on, doctor. You're smarter than that," he said.

You grunted. "Well I wouldn't have tried to shoot you if you would have just let me do my job!"

"I wanted you to be safe," he said, adding, "For my Knights."

You blew a piece of hair out of your face angrily. "Sure. Safe. Thanks, dad."

His eyes darkened, and he took another step towards you. He smiled, but it was the smile of a beast before killing its prey. 

"You really don't want to be calling me that." The way he looked at you made your thighs clench. He took another step towards your, and you tried to retreat, but your back hit the cold wall behind you, and you jumped. He didn't waste a second before slamming his hips into yours, pinning you to the wall.

One hand slid up to your throat, thumb pressing down on your pulse as you stared up at him, eyes wide, hands trembling. "You acted like a real bitch on the mission. Ignoring my commands. Shooting at me." He almost laughed. "As your commanding officer, I need to make sure that you know that behavior will not be tolerated," he said, his grip tightening.

"I won't," you choked against his hand. "I promise."

He gave you a nerve wracking smile, and you tried to disappear into the wall. "Oh, I know you won't. I'm going to make sure of it." Your stomach clenched.

"I-You don't-" you stuttered, but his nails biting into your neck cut you off.

"Take off all of your clothes and bend over the bed. I might go easy on you," his voice had dropped ten octaves. Your heart quickened as he bent over, brushing his lips against your ear before biting down on the lobe. You mewled. "Now," he snapped. You slid out to the side, away from him and the wall, practically running towards the bed. You kicked off your shoes and socks, trembling in both fear and anticipation. 

You couldn't talk your way out of this punishment. You didn't even want to--couldn't even pretend you didn't want it.

In a second, you had you pants on the ground with the rest of your clothes. You pulled your shirt up your body, and jumped when Kylo's hand gripped your waist as you threw it to the ground. 

"That's good enough," he growled, fingers digging into your skin. He looked as intimidating as the devil himself, but you didn't shy away

"I thought you said you wanted me naked on the bed?" you said, turning in his grip to face him.

"We can skip the niceties."

You huffed. "What niceties? I must have missed that part."

But he ignored you, twisting around you until he was seated at the edge of the bed. He tugged on your wrist until you were lying over his lap, your stomach on his thighs, ass in the air. He pushed your panties down to your knees in one motion, and you writhed on his legs. His other arm fell on the small of your back, keeping you in place with little effort.

You realized too late what was happening. His hand shot down on your ass with a sickening crack that echoed through the room, making you slide up his legs and cry out in pain. Your skin tingled where he'd made contact, and your breathing hardened. You need a second to compose yourself, but he didn't give it before pulling back and repeating the motion on the other cheek, even harder. 

"Stop, stop!" you yelled, eyes rolling back into your head, thighs clenching. You didn't want him to.

He shook his head. "I don't think you've really learned your lesson yet."

You thrashed uselessly under his arm. "I did, I-" you yelped as he landed a blow on your upper thigh. One of your hands clutched his leg, nails digging into his calf, the other balling into a fist that you shoved in your mouth to bite down on as he did it again and again. At some point, your whines turned into moans.

Your behind was beginning to sting seriously, but you was loving every slap of his hand. When he was spanking you, you almost wished he would stop and soothe your sore ass, and when he was finally caressing your pulsing red cheeks, you longed for another round of hard slaps. Every blow delivered incredible vibrations to your pussy and clit, and in no time, you were squirming on his lap, trying to push your thighs together to relieve the pressure building in you, but with insignificant results. 

You were wailing and mewling, drool dripping down your chin, but he didn't seem to mind your mindless reactions. In fact, he loved it, and he kept spanking you on your ass and upper thighs. He spanked you a few more times, landing on your pussy, but you were sure that wasn't an accident. At one point, he hit the same exact place twice in a row, and your head lulled, your clit was on fire. You didn't try keep count of his blows, but after the fifteenth, or maybe twentieth, you were reduced to a slobbering mess, drooling onto the floor at every hit.

His palm ran over your butt cheeks, soothing the forming welts. You groaned in relief, pushing your ass into his hand.

"Do you think that this-" he drew his hand back before descending on your ass again, making you cry out, "-will remind you of your place here?"

You nodded frantically, unable to form words. He ran one finger up your sore, soaked slit, and you hissed.

He laughed, rubbing his wet finger on your back for you to feel your fluids. "You're fucking soaked. You like this, don't you?" All you could do was nod, hanging limply over him while your ass and thighs throbbed in pain, your clit burning, and your pussy crying for release. You knew better than to try to touch yourself right now; your punishment would just be that much worse. He had complete control over you then, and you both knew it. The thought was invigorating.

His hands slid under your arm pits, pushing you up to your feet. Somehow you managed to stand as he reached around your back, unclasping your bra and pulling it down your arms. He bent, pulling your underwear to the floor, tapping your feet one at a time for you to step out of them.

You were completely naked in front of him--again. It was humiliating, and exciting. You stared down at him through glassy eyes. His expression hadn't softened a bit. His hands reached out, kneading your breasts until you moaned, looking up at the ceiling. His fingers pinched your nipples, tugging and twisting until they felt like they might fall off, and you whined. Your body was on the brink of over stimulation, and he was barely getting started.

He released your throbbing buds, wrapping a hand around your wrists and tugging you to the floor in front of him, your knees slamming on the hard floor. You grunted, but pushed up, glaring at him, trying to display what little bit of strength you had left.

He nodded down to his evident erection, legs widening as he pulled you by the hair between them. "Take it out." You didn't wait for him to repeat himself. Your hands latched on to his belt buckle, hands shaking as you unfastened it. You unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, pulling his erection out. If possible, it was even bigger than the last time. Your mouth started watering despite the searing pain on your backside.

He wrapped a hand in your hair, pulling your towards his leaking cock. He pinched your jaw until your lips parted and slid your mouth down his length, making you choke. He gave you a few seconds to get used to his size before pulling your head up and down by your hair. You raked your tongue down the underside, and it twitched in your mouth as he pushed into you at a punishing pace. 

"Good gods, you feel so fucking good," he grunted.

In no time, you were gagging, slobbering on him as he pushed to the back of your throat. You choked, and he groaned, thighs shaking.

Suddenly, he pulled your hair back, lifting you with no effort and tossing you onto the bed so you landed on all fours.

He crawled up the bed, his hands landing on your hips. He bent down, licking a line up your dripping slit. You shuddered, cunt spasming. His teeth latched on to your throbbing clit, and you actually screamed at the sensation that seemed to shake your whole body. You saw black, and your arms gave out, and you collapsed onto the bed, face first. 

"Oh no you don't," he grumbled, nails digging into your hips, pulling your pelvic bone into his, your face still pressed into the soft blankets. One hand left your hips, bearing down on the side of your ass, and you cried out in pain. "You're gonna take my fucking cock, and you're going to remember to start respecting me."

Behind you, his pants dropped down to his knees. Kylo held his cock in his hand, pumping a couple times before bringing the head to your slit, running it up and down your lips until it was wet. You tried to push back onto it, but his other hand kept you in place. You groaned in need.

He lined up the head of his cock to your, and pushed all the way to the hilt in one aggressive stroke. Your thighs quivered and you bit down on the blanket to keep from screaming in pleasure. He pulled almost all the way out, then did it again, his head ramming into your cervix. You were already soaked, and so turned on from your spanking that he could start pistoning into you from behind with little resistance.

"You like that, don't you? My cock tearing your apart," he grunted between thrusts.

When you didn't answer, he spanked you again. "Yes! Yes!" you yelled into your fist, sating him. You were so full of him, and every inch of your body was on edge. Your hand traveled down to your clit, trying to relieve pressure. You got one second of pure bliss before your hand was ripped away, pinned to the bed with the Force.

"Please, please, please," you gasped, on the verge of tears. 

He rammed into you so hard that your vision blurred, and you moaned.

"Please what?" he breathed out, fingers tightening their grip on you.

You were dizzy with need. "Pleeeaaase, I need to come."

He chuckled, but the sound got lost in his groaning. "Yeah? You wanna come on this cock, my traitorous little pet?"

"Yes yes yes," you squeaked. Your wetness was pouring out of you, dripping down your thighs.

"Commander," he snapped.

You nodded. "Commander."

"Hmm," he mewled, one hand pulling off your waist to slide one finger to your rim, the tip of it lightly tracing the hole he hadn't touched yet. "I think you need one more thing to make sure you remember who is in charge here."

You gasped. "No-" but your words turned into a moan as he pushed into your ass, one joint deep. You were sure you lost the ability to breathe. Your hole tightened around him, and he groaned. 

"Relax," he hissed through his teeth, and somehow, you did. He pumped lightly a few times before pushing all the way to the muscle. It felt so foreign--like an intrusion almost--but when he pushed his finger down so it was mere centimetres from his dick pounding into you, tears of pleasure dripped from your eyes. You'd never felt so full.

Pressure built up inside of you like your intestines had turned to mush. You were panting like a dog, focusing on his finger in you newly penetrated hole.

"You like that, huh? My fucking finger in your ass?" he breathed, and you squealed in response. You were so close to coming, and so was he. His pace became erratic as he pushed inside of you. You felt so completely full, and if you didn't come soon, you'd explode. Your thighs shook as you fell over the brim, nails biting into your palms until they bleed. Your orgasm ripped through you like a tidal wave, cunt clenching harder than it ever had before, pulling Kylo into his own orgasm. You felt it in every inch of your body--the most intense orgasm you'd ever had. 

"Oh fuck," he nearly yelled as he pumped into you with all the strength he had. Your muscles went limp as he pulled his finger out of you, but kept pumping you both through a series of almost painful after shocks. You collapsed on the bed, completely spent as he pulled out.

You lied face down on the bed, his cum pouring out of you, as you tried to regain the ability to breathe. Eventually your vision returned, and you regained control over your weak limbs. You turned to Kylo, who of course, was already tucked back into his pants.

He smirked at your limp body. "Think you learned your lesson?"

You nodded slowly, unsure you could do anymore than that. "And it was much better than the execution you've highly considered for me."

He gave you a real smile, and it made your heart beat faster. "I debated." You let out a weak laugh, rolling over onto your back.

He held out your bra and panties to you. You reached to grab them, but he held tight, eyes serious as they glared into yours. His change of mood could cause physical whiplash.

"I'm serious," he panned. "If you ever pull any kind of weapon on me again, it will be the last thing you ever do. Understood?"

You nodded, his anger giving you strength. He released the clothing and you quickly pulled them on, rolling off the bed. Your thighs still trembled in the aftermath of your fierce orgasm.

He watched as you gathered the rest of your clothes from the floor and started dressing, laying your holopad on the kitchen table while you went to use the bathroom. It felt weird to leave the bathroom door open while you peed, but he'd just penetrated all three of your holes, so privacy shouldn't have been a concern. You tried to wipe away enough cum from your thighs so that the walk back to your room would be bearable. You walked to the mirror to check your reflection while washing your hands. You'd sweat off most of your makeup, so the bruises he'd left there the other day, mixed with the blossoming ones from your most recent interaction, were visible on your face. You didn't hate it.

You watched in the mirror as he toyed with your shattered holopad on the dining room table. 

"This isn't acceptable equipment for a First Order doctor," he frowned. "You can't even read through the cracks in this."

You snorted. "If you're offering to replace it, be my guest." It pinged in his hands, indicating a message. "Oh, could you read that to me?"

He was silent, and you glanced at him through the mirror. His expression nearly paralyzed you. Oh fuck.

"Who's Bradley?" he asked, voice pinched.

Deep breath. You tried to act nonchalant as you washed your hands. "A coworker."

He looked back at the holo. "'Can't stop thinking about you. Meet me for dinner tonight'," he read aloud, words clipped. "You go on dates with coworkers? Not very professional."

You stared him down. "Would you rather me go on dates with my supervisors?" you challenged, voice harsh. Bradley could give you a relationship and a life that Kylo never could. 

His knuckles were white as he clenched the holo. You just kept washing your hands, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. Apparently you weren't very good at learning your lessons.

"I don't think you seeing him is a good idea." His voice was level, but even through the mirror, you could see his eye twitch. You rolled your eyes. He's kicking you out of his room, but he's mad about you going out with another guy?

"Oh, get bent," you snapped at him from the bathroom. 

It was ironic. In seconds he'd spanned the room, and his hand pushed down between your shoulders, bending your over the cold marble vanity. He yanked your hands from the water, pinning them to the counter beside you. He bent over you, ramming his hips into your ass, keeping you flattened on the surface.

"What was that?" he snarled in your ear. He set a punishing pace into your backside, and your eyes rolled back in your head as his erection prodded at your wet slit. You head was spinning, and any confidence you'd had in your power in this relationship disintegrated.

"Nothing!"

His fingers squeezed yours tightly, and you whimpered in pain. "Say it!" he yelled. You shuddered at his tone. He was pissed, and you weren't getting out of this punishment.

You closed your eyes. "I told you to get bent," you whispered, shaking under him. He rammed his hips into you, pushing your hip bones painfully into the hard counter in front of you. Your eyes slammed shut in nervous anticipation. 

All this over Bradley? You'd barely even kissed him. It was what, like three times?

He growled, and you knew you fucked up.

"Three times?" he hissed in your ear, chest falling further on your back, the weight cutting off your air. Your heart was racing. You were gasping for air, his erection was pressed into your backside, terrified... And you loved it.

You cried out when he pulled up, fingers twisting in your hair and yanking up. You caught a quick glimpse of him in the mirror before he tugged you out of the bathroom. He was pissed.

He flung you onto the bed where you collapsed roughly. You fell spread eagle on the bed, your hand rubbing the back of your head to release some of the pain from where he'd pulled on the hair.

You tried to move, but invisible coils wrapped around your body, preventing any movement. Your breath picked up pace, and you glared at him. "Let me go!" You yelled and thrashed, but he just stared down at you with his arms crossed over his chest. "Let me go! I'll fucking kill you!" You put all you energy into fighting the unbeatable force for a few minutes before you wore yourself out.

Exhausted, staring up at him, you wanted to yell, but something in his expression kept you quiet. He wore a look of bitterness, confusion, and... Hurt? That couldn't be right. 

He took a deep breath, blowing out of his nostrils. His eyes paralyzed you.

"Is this where you want to be?"

You blinked. "What?"

He sighed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before glaring down at you. He waved a hand around the room noncommittally.

"Here. My quarters." His face paled. "Would you rather be at dinner with your subpar coworker?"

Your lungs must have stopped delivering oxygen to your head or something, because you had to be imagining the look of vulnerability on his face. It was a look he'd tried very hard to conceal around everyone for years, but it slipped through the cracks of his intimidating facade. You pressed your eyes shut, not able to look at him. Scared of his reaction, but more afraid of your answer.

Was he giving you an out if you wanted to go? Or did he want you to say you'd rather be with Bradley and he'd take you anyway? Or would you have outlived your usefulness and he'd simply kill you right there?

You weren't asking yourself the right questions though. Did you want to be there?

Really, you barely knew this man, and most of what you knew was all the rough, rude things he'd done, but sometimes you would see a sparkle of light in his eyes that made you forget all that. You'd done plenty of atrocious things to him also. Was it healthy? No. Was is sustainable? No. But he was the only man who knew how to light your nerves on fire and make you cry with pleasure. But it wasn't just sex. He challenged you. He made you push yourself and made you stronger.

Looking up at his dark, alluring eyes, you realized you would skip every dinner for the rest of your life if it meant you could stay right where you were.

Eyes closed, you shook your head, answering his question. You were right where you wanted to be. You briefly wondered if it was your head or your cunt that answered, but your thoughts halted when you felt the bed dip near your feet.

You eyes snapped open, and saw Kylo put one knee on the bed, halfway kneeling. He froze, eyes scanning your expression. You realized that you could move your limbs again, but stayed still anyway. 

"Say it," he said, no louder than a whisper. 

You took a deep breath. "I want to be here."

His other knee fell on the bed, and he rolled up your body, laying flat on top of you with his elbows on either side, supporting his weight. His face was directly above yours, eyes scanning. His lips were just inches away.

You strained your neck, placing your mouth on his. His response was instant. A knee came between your legs so that he was straddling one thigh, and his chest flattened onto yours. His hands traveled down your body, knuckles brushing over your breasts before trailing to your hips, where his huge hands wrapped around you. 

His tongue pushed forward, parting your lips, and you opened your mouth to him, letting his tongue flick over the roof of your mouth. His pace was unhurried, and there was none of the usual teeth-banging-teeth and urgency that usually happened.

You tugged on his hair, pulling him into you, and a hot moan left his mouth. You expected him to tighten his grip on your waist or start humping you into the bed, but it didn't happen. You just kept your soft, gentle pace.

Without breaking away, he rolled so that you were on top of him, knees straddling his waist, and he rolled your bottom lip through his teeth. Your hands laid on his chest, feeling his heartbeat as you continued kissing him. The area between your thighs started to throb, and you grinded your hips down onto his. His breath caught in his throat, and his hands moved from your hips to your shoulders and pushed back. You looked away to hide the sad look of rejection on your face.

"Do you want to sleep here tonight?" he asked.

"Just sleep?" you asked, confused. He stayed silent, but nodded. He looked as surprised by the question as you were. "Sure," you answered.

You rolled off of him, facing up towards the ceiling. Your cunt cried out in need, but your heart felt like it was flying. He pulled down the covers while you kicked off your shoes and socks. Before you could think better of it, you pushed your pants off too, letting them fall to the floor beside the bed. He glanced over, but didn't say anything. 

Sliding under the blankets, you rolled on your side to look at him. Your fingers danced at the hem of his shirt.

"Do you always sleep in all that clothes?" you asked. It felt unfair that he had quite literally seen every inch of you, and you hadn't even seen him without a shirt on yet. You wondered if the rest of him was as beautiful as his face. It probably was.

"Yes," he sighed, gripping your hand and pulling it away from his shirt. He didn't release it though--just let your conjoined hands fall between your chests. 

"Why?"

"It's cold in here," he said nonchalantly. You sighed, disappointed in his answer, but not enough to leave. You simply released his hand and rolled to your other side, not wanting him to see how much you wanted to see him. He could read it in your mind, of course, but looking at the far wall instead felt better.

His hand slithered over your body, wrapping around yours that was in front of your stomach. An apology. Despite your best efforts, you felt yourself curling back into him, clutching onto his hand.

It reminded you of your nights with Bradley. But they never felt like this. Like being near him could make your body explode at any moment, but knowing that he could put it back together too. 

You thought about something Kylo had said earlier. 

"You knew about Bradley and I?" The day that you went to his room after he threatened to tell Maddox about your indiscretions and you'd said you would do anything to keep his mouth shut. You'd shown up, done what he asked, but he sent you home without barely even looking at you. That was less than an hour after Bradley had kissed you in the hospital.

His chest rose and fell on your back. "Of course I did. I knew he'd kissed you that day before you came here. Why do you think I sent you away after that?"

You rolled the thought over in your head. He knew. And he'd sent you away. You wondered if it was because he wanted to be respectful or if he just didn't want used goods. 

He sighed behind you. "I don't think that you're used goods."

Your eyes widened. For the first time, you weren't upset that he'd been inside your mind. You tried to turn over to look at him, but his arm tightened around your stomach, keeping your back pressed to his chest.

"Go to sleep," he said into your hair. You were probably imagining things, but you could have sworn he kissed your head. You fell asleep with a grin on your face.


	23. Wouldn't that be a shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are going to hate me for this, but you know I love emotional roller coasters and bipolar Kylo and RC :)

This time when you woke in Kylo's bed, you were not alone. During the night, you both must have shifted, because now your cheek was pressed to his chest with one arm wrapped around his body and the other under the pillow. One of his arms was propping up his head, and the other was strung over you, hand cupping your ass. You purred into his chest, completely content in his warm embrace. You nuzzled deeper into his chest, trying to will yourself back to sleep, but his hand tightened reflexively on your behind, making you jump.

Kylo let out a moan before his eyes peeled open, landing on you. He shot you a lazy grin, pulling you closer. 

"You snore in your sleep," he mumbled.

Your cheeks heated. "I do not."

His chest rumbled in disagreement, but he didn't press the issue.

"Um... How'd you sleep?" you asked him, looking up into his groggy eyes. You didn't really know the protocol for waking up cuddled next to Kylo Ren. The idea that he slept at all was still preposterous to you.

"Good. Good, and you?"

You made eye contact with his chest, not wanting to admit it might have been the best night of sleep you ever had. "Good," you mumbled. 

What was pillow talk with Kylo Ren supposed to consist of? Who he was murdering and torturing that day? You grimaced. 

"What time is it?" you asked, painfully aware of his hand still resting on your ass. You fought the urge to press deeper into it. 

He shrugged. "I dunno. Probably nine."

You gasped, eyes flying open, completely awake. You pushed off of him, and he released you with a look of confusion of his face.

"What?" he asked, pulling himself into a sitting position on your side of the bed as you stood, pulling on your pants.

"I'm going to be late for work again!" You lifted a foot in the air, pulling on a sock with such haste that you wobbled. His hand wrapped around your arm to steady you, then pulled you to him, setting you down on his lap as he sat back on the bed. You struggled for a moment to get off, but his hands wrapped around your waist, and you slumped into him, shoulder on his chest.

He purred. "You can tell the Knights that their boss said it was okay."

You fought the urge to sink further into him, and you pulled back, defying every muscle in your body that wanted to stay near him.

"I have to back to my room before." You gestured to your face. "To cover these up."

His eyes raked over your face, and one finger followed, trailing over your tender bruises. He pushed into one of them, and you flinched.

"Leave them. I like it," he said.

You rolled your eyes, standing. "Yeah, not gonna fucking happen." His eye twitched, but didn't say anything. You pulled on your pants and shoes before grabbing your shattered holo from the kitchen table. Hopefully he would actually replace it. 

A pang of guilt shot through you when you remembered blowing off Bradley. The bliss that you still felt from your orgasm the night before did lessen that guilt. 

You took a deep breath, looking awkwardly at him. What were you supposed to say?

"Um, bye," you said stupidly, turning and walking to the door before you could see his expression. When you touched the handle, his low voice stopped you.

"Come back tonight?" he asked, too casually for him. When you turned back, his lips were pressed together. 

Your stomach tightened, and you fought the urge to smile. "Sure." And you left. You went back to your room to change into clean underwear and to cover the discoloration of your cheeks. You were on your way to the arena when you got a message from Maddox, a mass text.

'After much deliberation and consideration from the medical board and me, I am pleased to announce this year's chief resident as Dr. VICTOR HANNON. Congratulations to him, and to you all for your hard work.'

You smiled. Disappointed, but very happy for him. You sent him a congratulatory message before getting. You agreed to drinks with him and Cora later when they get back from their assignment.

You truly were happy for him. He was a great surgeon and a good leader. People liked him and respected him, and he would be great at the job. But you couldn't help thinking if not for your 'assignment' hindering your training that you might have had a chance. Your surgical record was practically flawless. You tried to choke down any bitterness. Better him bossing you around than anyone else.

You decided to skip work. Kylo and you were on good terms, so he wouldn't be upset about playing hookie. You went to the med bay instead, wanting answers as to why you didn't get the job. You hadn't been in many surgeries since you started with the Knights, but that wasn't your fault. Your record before that was incredible, and all your work with the Knights had been way more successful than anyone else could even dream of. She knew that. The ability to make them let me treat them, unlike the other doctor's who'd tried, proved that you had to authority and personality to elicit at least some obedience. Those were important things. 

When you got to the med bay, you went to Maddox's office and rapped on the door.

"Um, Dr. Maddox, can I talk to you?" you asked shyly, but determined. She raised an eyebrow, allowing you to continue. "I was wondering why I didn't get chief resident. I know I haven't been able to show much of my skill because of my assignment with the Knights, but before that, I was doing great work, and my surgical results were almost perfect. Higher than anyone else's."

She nodded once, and your stomach clenched in anticipation. "Yes, you did have the highest success rate," she confirmed, and you sighed, but she continued. "There's no denying that you are a very capable surgeon, and physically, the best in your class, honestly. It was a very very close call. But I'm afraid there were some things that indicated that you would not be a good fit for chief resident."

You blanched. "What?" you asked.

She cocked her head. "Well, your inappropriate relationship with Commander Ren."

It felt like she punched you in the throat. You took a step back.

"You know?" you asked, face paling as you fought the urge to vomit.

She nodded. "Of course. He's chosen not to report it, so there's no reason it should affect your job, but we can't have that behavior as chief resident. I'm sorry." 

Without another word, she walked away, leaving you wide eyed and slack jawed. She knew about you and Kylo? How? You had a feeling that he and the Knights weren't going around the First Order, gossiping about your escapades. 

Rage blinded you, and by the time you came to, you realized you were outside of Ren's room. 

This was all his fault. He could have gotten you a different assignment, but he was too stubborn. He made you look like an idiot when Maddox had visited at work a couple weeks ago. And if he wouldn't have edged you in the arena so many weeks ago, nothing would have happened with him, and Maddox wouldn't have had a reason to doubt my ability to be chief. 

When the door slid open, you were fuming. The door at the end of the hall opened, showing Kylo Ren waiting for you.

You stormed up to him, rearing back your arm before slapping him across the face. Luckily, he was too stunned to try to murder you. He stared at you with a look of shock and confusion.

"Fuck you!" you screamed in his now-reddening face before turning on your heel to stomp out. You made it one step before his strong hand wrapped around your wrist, tugging until you faced him.

He pulled your wrist, bringing you to his chest with your hand sandwiched between. He was seething.

Yeah, you were an idiot. But you were too upset to care.

"You stupid girl, you already forgot your lesson from last night?" he snarled. Your behind throbbed, definitely not forgetting. He was livid.

You tried to pull your arm back, but your strength was no match. 

"I didn't fucking forget! I hate you so much that I'd rather you kill me! At least then I wouldn't have to deal with you anymore," you screamed up in his face. Maybe a little melodramatic, but emotions overtook you.

"That can be arranged, don't worry," he gritted.

You tilted your head up. "Well get at it then. Your empty threats are getting really old."

His other hand wrapped around your throat, pushing you into the wall beside the door. Typical.

"I have better uses for you," he said, voice low. His hips pressed into yours, which you would usually welcomed, but today it made you sick. 

"Get off of me, you ass!" you shouted, struggling in his grasp. He ground his pelvic bone into your, his erection growing in his pants. His tip brushed against your clit and you groaned, but in anger, not arousal.

"Don't fucking touch me, Kylo! I swear to the gods I'll find a way to kill you," you said, pushing your fists into his chest with all your strength. Physically, it didn't do anything to him, but he stepped back anyway, fingers brushing your skin as he released you. 

He huffed, furious and confused, but he didn't try to touch you. "What is your problem?"

"My problem?" you snapped. "You! Ruining my career, my life!"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Your medical shortcomings are my fault?"

You fumed. "Yes. I didn't get chief resident because of you! Victor got it instead." You jabbed your finger into his chest.

"Me?"

"Yes. I asked you to get me transferred to back real jobs, but you wanted to have a pissing contest with me, forcing me to babysit your dumb Knights! And-"

He cut you off, holding up a hand. "I told you already, those were Snoke's orders."

"And..." you continued. Even if that was true, it wasn't the main reason. "Maddox found out about our 'relationship'," you spat, as if you were disgusted. And you were. Your career was suffering because you wanted to get laid. You couldn't tell if you hated him more, or yourself.

He didn't look phased. "What? You think I told her? I went out to lunch with your boss and told her over some crappy cafeteria food about us fucking?" 

You blushed. "I don't fucking know! Maybe. Maybe you got mad and wanted to be petty so she found out."

He rolled his eyes. "That wouldn't even be worth the effort." His words made your skin flame, and you glared. His cheek was still red from where you hit him, and it made you feel a little better. "What? do you want me to compel her to give it to you?"

You scoffed, offended. "Of course not! I don't want anything from you. This is all your fault. I never want to see you again!"

"You're being rash."

"Ha! Me? You pull out your lightsaber every time I look at you the wrong way!" You took a step toward him, head craning to make eye contact. "I fucking hate you."

His jaw clenched. He wasn't as in control as he wanted to be, but then again, that really wasn't either of your forte. 

"What? You didn't tell any of your friends about us?" he asked.

Your stomach dropped, but you shook your head. "They'd never tell anyone."

He sighed. "The same friend who was just awarded the position you wanted?"

You crossed your arms over you chest. You were getting really tired of fighting him constantly. You joined the First Order to be a doctor--to help people--but instead, you were constantly arguing with a man who has temper tantrums worse than a two year old's.

"I haven't said a word to anyone, and neither have the Knights."

"You're a liar."

He rolled his eyes, annoyed, but at least now his fists weren't clenching to keep from killing you. "I have absolutely no reason in the world to lie to you."

You took a step back. He looked completely genuine. Plus, he was right. There would be no reason to lie about anything. He threatened your life for fuck's sake, and you still slept with him. There wasn't a thing in the world that would benefit him to keep from you.

He took a step toward you, but your glare kept him at bay. Your head was running a million miles an hour. Kylo and the Knights didn't even talk to anyone else. Could Victor have told? No way. He did know you were a strong contender for the position.

You stomped your foot, and he gave you a once over. "I don't want to see you anymore." His eyes widened a bit, but you left before he could say anything. After walking down half the hallway, you looked back. He wasn't following you. That didn't make you feel any better.

You rubbed your hands over your face. When you'd woken up this morning, things were great with him. And now, in a fit of childish rage, had ruined that. 

Not that it mattered. You were done with him anyway. He didn't care about you. You were just someone who let him angry fuck you. And he didn't mean anything to you either. You were basically coerced into sleeping with him. He'd threatened your life almost every time, so you slept with him because you were scared. Right?

The way that your stomach turned at the thought of not seeing him again said differently. But it was for the best. You'd been slacking in your training since you met him. You constantly felt like you were on the verge of snapping. You were always on edge, having to calculate his every move. Plus you'd been living in fear of him taking your job. He'd already done that, even if it wasn't him who told. He'd forget about you soon enough anyway. Better for you to end things on your terms.

You hated him, truly.

You sent Bradley a message, apologizing for yesterday and explaining that you were really tired. You promised drinks for tomorrow, knowing that you were too upset to be any fun for the rest of the day. 

When you got to the bar, Cora and Victor were smiling... Until they saw your expression.

Cora patted the seat beside her, brows pinched in confusion. You ignored her, glaring at Victor.

"I hear congratulations are in order," you smiled cruelly.

His lips pressed together. "Thank you." He clearly didn't know what else to say.

"Hey, hey," Cora said. "I was upset that I didn't get it too, but I'm still happy for him."

"Good for you," you snapped like a child. Apparently Ren had rubbed off on you.

She placed a hand on yours but you tugged it away. "It's your fault," you said, eyes flitting between the two of them.

Victor was angry. He glared up at you. "Hey, don't be-"

"I didn't get it because Maddox found out about me and Commander Ren," you whispered harshly at them. 

His face softened a bit. "Oh," he started, but then his expression changed. "How the hell is that either of our fault?"

You rolled your eyes. "Someone told her. Considering you were the only two people who knew that have contact with Maddox..."

Cora's mouth dropped. "You think one of us told her?"

"Yes. No one else could have."

"Don't be ridiculous."

You glared at Victor. "It's not a little convenient for you that Maddox found out right before chief resident was picked?"

"Sit down, please," Cora pleaded. "Let's talk about this."

"Don't bother." Without sparing them another glance, you left the bar, almost in tears because of how angry you were. Things were over with you and Kylo, one of your best friends had betrayed you, and your career was quickly getting flushed down the toilet. How did your life fall apart this badly in just a few weeks. 

You went back to your room and watched holovids trying to fall asleep. You were too strung up and distracted to pay attention to anything, but eventually, you fell into a restless sleep. You woke, still tired, but feeling a little better. Today couldn't be any worse.

But you got a message from Maddox that made you question that statement.

She requested your presence in her office, and within minutes, you were there. When you entered, your eyes narrowed at Victor, already seated in a chair across from her desk. What was he doing there? He glared back. Were you both there because of a fight? Did he rat you out for that too?

She looked up and said your name. "You're here. Take a seat." Your heart rate quickened but did as she asked. When she clasped her hands together, your staring contest with Victor ended.

"Thank you both for coming. I won't waste your time." She looked at you. "You'll no longer be the full time physician for the Knights or Ren. A smile ripped across you face until she continued. "The two of you will be switching off days."

"What?" you two said in unison. 

She shrugged. "Every other day, Victor will be on Knight duty and vice versa. You weren't getting enough surgical time, so you'll be able to work as usual here."

It wasn't perfect, but it was a very welcome change. Victor obviously did not agree. His face was pinched in a scowl, but Maddox didn't notice. 

"Victor can start today with the Knights." With a wave of her hand, she dismissed us both, expression clear that we shouldn't argue. 

When you got into the hallway, Victor narrowed his eyes, arms crossed over his chest.

"Are you fucking serious?" he snapped.

"What?"

He snorted. "Right. Act like you didn't have anything to do with this. You're jealous about chief resident, so you got your space wizard boyfriend to pull strings to make sure my career suffers too."

You were shaking in anger. "First of all, he's not my boyfriend. We ended things. Second, even if I did ask him to do that, he absolutely would ignore me. And even if he did, why the hell would I request to still have to go half the time?" 

You did realize that you would miss seeing the Knights so often, but you were too excited about consistent surgeries to dwell on it.

He shook his head. "I can't believe you." He turned on his heel, and you fought the urge to follow him. You were still pissed at him too. It would be a great set up.

Someone called your name down the hallway, and you jumped. You plastered a fake smile on your face as he walked towards you. If he asked what was wrong, you'd have to lie.

"Hey, stranger," Bradley grinned at you. "Feeling better?"

"Huh?" you asked. Oh yeah, you'd told him you were sick. "Um, yeah, much better!"

He sighed. "If you blow me off anymore, I'm going to think you don't want to see me."

Guilt pulsed through you. "No, no, it's just been a really hectic couple of weeks." An understatement.

He raised an eyebrow. "So we're still on for tonight?"

You smiled. "Of course."

You felt Kylo long before you saw him. Bradley gasped as he approached, looming and brooding in his layers and mask.

"Commander Ren," Bradly said politely. "Good morning."

You didn't extend him the same courtesy.

Ren snapped your name so harshly that Bradley jumped. "Come with me please."

You crossed your arms over your chest. "I'd rather not, thank you." Bradley's eyes nearly popped out of his head at your response. You didn't flinch. He had made it clear that he had no interest in killing you. That didn't mean you were grateful about it, and you definitely didn't owe him anything for it.

His fist clenched tightly at his side, and you rolled your eyes.

"I'm at work right now," you said with faux politeness. "I'd be happy to speak to you if you ever have the misfortune of getting mortally wounded. Wouldn't that be a shame."

His hand wrapped around yours, tugging you roughly behind him. Bradley was wide eyed as Ren pulled you away, helpless. You fought him at every step until you were out of the med bay and in the plain white hallways. Deja vu hit you as he pulled you into another supply closet, but this one was filled with cleaning supplies instead of the old furniture that the other one contained. He shoved you in, standing between you and the door.

"Move," you grunted, trying to push him to the side. He swayed an inch.

"Did you really think that would work?" He took off his mask, giving you a tight lipped grin. He was angry too. Good. "Your still talking to Dr. Mercer." A statement.

"Obviously. We're coworkers," you snapped. "Plus it's not any of your damn business."

He grimaced. "He's very excited for your date tonight," he spat. "He has very inappropriate thoughts about you."

You pulled your shoulders back. "As opposed to your very pure thoughts about me? Give me a fucking break."

"I don't want you to see him anymore."

"I don't care. It's not your business anymore," you snapped. "You've made it very clear you don't care about, or even respect me. I don't have time for your games, and I deserve better."

He raised a brow. "And dear Doctor Mercer is going to give that you?"

You pointed your chin up, fists resting on your waste. "Maybe. I guess I'll find out tonight, huh?" His eye twitched. Was he jealous? It didn't matter. "He's nice. And his job doesn't include murder. AND he's not afraid to take his clothes off in front of me."

His face heated, and you were sure he was going to do something, but he just glared.

You sighed. "Kylo, you can't just pull me away like that. I'm at work. Doing actual surgery instead of babysitting your Knights today," you said smugly.

He laughed, but it was chilling. "So I've heard."

Your stomach dropped at your realization. "Did you..."

"Of course."

You wanted to scream. You finally were getting time in the OR, and of course, it was because of him. He'd hold it over your head, probably until you had sex with him again. He gave, and he could take away. Ass.

"I wouldn't take it away from you," he said. Right. The mind reading. You raked your eyes over him. He looked sincere. You shifted back and forth. He knew how much it meant to you. Any relief or gratitude that had been softening you to him disappeared when he added, "The First Order needs you properly trained. You should be getting more time in the operating room."

Of course he only cared about his precious First Order.

"You owe me a thank you," he said with no emotion.

"I don't owe you shit!"

You walked around him, hand of the doorknob before he drew you back. Your eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Don't see him tonight." He wore a pleading expression you'd never seen before on him. 

You laughed. "What? You're going to take me out instead?" you challenged. His lips pressed tightly together, staying silent. You sighed. "That's what I thought."

You tried to pull away, but his fingers didn't give. 

"Don't go tonight," he repeated.

"Is that a threat? Will you take away my surgeries if I go?"

An emotion you didn't recognize flashed across his face. "Of course not."

You sighed, one million words that you wanted to say. "Then let go of me." With your other hand, you peeled off his gloved fingers, then opened the door to leave him alone in the storage closet.


	24. We made a deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I needed to update the tags for this one, but PLEASE just remember that Kylo is an ass :) He seriously hurts someone (not us), so if that's not for you, I'd skip the chapter! But I have a feeling if you're on here, a little violence isn't going to scare you away lol
> 
> Enjoy!! :)

By the time you got off of work, you were ready for a drink. Surgery went well, but you'd gotten used to sitting most of the day, so your legs were sore. Luckily you'd avoided anymore encounters with Ren and Victor. You wondered how Victor's day went. Hopefully after hearing your horror stories, he would be smart enough not to get beat up like the other resident did.

After a quick shower to wash off the stench of sweat and chemicals, you got dressed in a pair of comfy, yet cute, jeans and your favorite blouse. You touched up your makeup, very careful to cover your slowly fading bruises in case anything were to happen with Bradley. Once you were satisfied with your reflection, you made your way to the bar. He'd seen you in your scrub cap, blood all over you before, so anything besides that is a step up.

The realization that you were nervous hit you right before you entered the bar. You hadn't been on a date in... well, way too long. What were people even supposed to do on dates? Luckily, Cora wasn't there either, but you did see some people from your class. Bradley was standing at the bar and he gave you a wave.

"Hey, rusty," he said, smiling as he pulled you in for a quick kiss.

You pulled back. "Rusty?" You blanched. "Did people say I didn't do well my first day back today?"

"Quite the opposite actually." You smiled to yourself as he ordered a couple of beers. You followed him to a table near the back of the room. It was the middle of the week, so the bar wasn't very busy. On the way back, plenty of people from your class said hi to him, shaking his hand and making quick conversation. He knew everyone's names and seemed close to each of them. It was really cute, and it made your chest swell with a little bit of pride. Everyone liked him, and he still wanted you? You also felt bad that you hardly knew some of these people.

When you sat down and drank half your beer in one gulp, he raised an eyebrow.

"Long day," you told him, and he nodded in total understanding.

"How'd you feel today?"

You shrugged. "Good. Really happy to be doing something besides putting bandaids on six foot tall men." He laughed.

"Well I'm glad Maddox is giving you some more time in the hospital. Hopefully it means I'll be seeing you more."

You blushed. "Hopefully. How was your week so far?"

"Beside being blown off by the smartest woman in our class everyday," he winked, "it was pretty good."

Conversation flowed easily between you two while you ordered food and another round of drinks. You were a little nervous, but after another beer, you were leaning your elbows on the table, enthralled with whatever he had to say. He'd become a doctor after watching his father die of heart failure. The First Order Medical School had accepted him, and he sent money back to his family whenever he could. 

When the check came, you tried to pay, but he wouldn't let you. "Absolutely not," he said, pulling credits out of his pockets to give to the waiter. You felt bad, but let him pay anyway. It made it easier when he smugly said, "Soon I'll be making more than you anyway." You rolled your eyes, but breathed out a laugh.

"Wanna get another round by the bar?" you asked. He nodded and took your hand as you both walked to stand at the bar. You both ordered something a little stronger than beer, and soon the two of you were laughing out loud at jokes that probably weren't even that funny.

After a while, he slid an arm over your shoulder. You flinched, but didn't pull back. He did though.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he said, taking a step back.

You shook your head. "No, it's not that, it's just..." you tried, but words escaped you.

"What?"

"It's been a long time since I've done this." You gestured between the two of you. 

"A date?" he asked, eyes sparkling with amusement. You stared down at the table, cheeks red. "Hey, hey," he said, wrapping a hand around yours. "Me too."

You looked up at him. "Yeah?"

He nodded. "That's why I'm laughing. I don't think I've been on a date since before medical school."

Your chest loosened. "I guess that explains why you're so bad at it then, huh?" Obviously a joke. You were having the most carefree fun you'd had in years.

"Hey, rude," he said, nudging your shoulder, laughing. You beamed up at him, sliding your arm around his waist. He took that as encouragement as slung his arm back over your shoulder, more confidently this time.

His company was so enjoyable that you didn't notice the bar starting to clear out. Soon it was just you, Bradley, and the bar keep.

After a while, his hand made it's way down to your ass, fingers resting in your back pocket to cup your cheek. It stung a little from the welts on your skin, but it ignited something in you also.

"Is this okay?" he asked, and you nodded, even pushing back a little into his hand. He stared down at you, giving you a look that you felt in your lower belly. You wanted to get to your tiptoes to kiss him, but the bartender was still right there.

He must have been following your logic because he said, "Let's go back to my place after these drinks?"

"Yes, please," you said, and he smirked. You had a sickening thought. The bruises. Makeup worked miracles on your face, but it wouldn't cover the nail marks on your hips or the red imprints of Ren's hand on your ass. Fuck.

You probably should have called it a night and just went home. But Bradley was so warm and comfortable, and you'd had so much fun with him. If you stayed on top and kept your shirt on, he wouldn't be able to see any of the marks. Yeah, that's what you would do.

No. That wouldn't be fair to either of you. You didn't want to half ass your first time with Bradley because you had marks from another man all over you.

You tried to pull away and tug his hand out of your back pocket, but he didn't budge. 

"What's up?" he asked, brows furrowed. 

You rested a hand on his forearm and tried to push him away, but he pulled you in closer. For one split second, you looked up at him with worry in your eyes. You tried again to push him off and come up with an excuse. Turns out, you didn't need to.

The alcohol must have gotten to your head because you didn't notice that terrifying presence until it was right behind you.

"Doctor Mercer, I suggest you remove your hand from your companion." 

You jumped in fear, not needing to turn to recognize the voice. With out his mask?

You spun, and surely enough, there stood Kylo Ren in the middle of a bar, no mask on. Just a pair of dark black jeans and a black leather jacket over a plain white tee shirt. The look alone was enough to practically make you salivate.

What the fuck was he doing in public? You'd had to beg him to take off the mask, and that was in private. The mask did afford him the luxury of walking in public without being noticed in this state. He could just be any attractive giant getting an after-work beer. It was obvious Bradley didn't recognize him by his next words.

"Back off. This doesn't concern you," Bradley said, arm still wrapped around you, not intimidated at all by Ren.

"It will," Kylo warned, "if you don't let go of her."

"Whatever," Bradley scoffed, throwing some bills onto the table before looking down at you. "Want to get out of here?"

Kylo's jaw clenched in that way you knew all too well. 'Don't', you yelled mentally at him. He didn't acknowledge it, just keeping his eyes fixed on your date.

"That's not going to happen," he growled, and Bradley chuckled. Bradley's confidence was attractive, and usually would have made you feel all warm and special. But now? It made you sick. He didn't know the monster he was staring at.

Bradley grabbed your hand, trying to get away from Kylo. "We're leaving. Have a good night," he snipped, pulling you from the bar.

Bad move. 

You could feel everything before it even happened. In one move, Kylo had his hand around Bradley's wrist, twisting until he released yours. His wrist made a sickening 'pop', and Bradley screamed, clutching it to his stomach.

"Knock it off, Kylo!" you screamed, standing between the two men. 

"Kylo?"Bradley muttered confusedly through a pain-riddled haze.

Kylo briefly regarded you before snapping his fingers. Bradley cried out behind you before dropping to the floor in a ball. His eyes were shut, and his face was paler than you thought possible. You bent down to help him, but Ren gripped your wrist and jerked you away from Bradley's limp body. 

"Let me go, you fucking monster!" you yelled. You were getting really sick of him grabbing you like that. You punched his shoulder repeatedly with your free hand. As always, nothing. 

"Hey!" the bartender yelled at him. Without looking back, Kylo waved a hand, and the bartender blinked, shook his head, and walked out the opposite door. What the fuck?

You were scared. Scared for Bradley. Scared of Kylo's fiery rage. You really couldn't handle a repeat of yesterday, and after what had just happened, you couldn't imagine being with him again without getting sick.

"Kylo, what did you do?" you demanded, twisting your wrist in his grip in an attempt to break free.

He shrugged, still pulling you along as you struggled to see if Bradley was still breathing. "Broke his wrist." 

You kicked him. "People don't get knocked unconscious by a broken wrist!"

"Eh, I might have tied his intestines in a knot," he said too casually.

You gasped. "Will he live?"

"You're the doctor. You tell me."

You dug your heels into the ground, refusing to leave without a fight. "You're a fucking psychopath!" you screamed.

"That is not news to either of us," he said, still pulling you along like it was nothing. You couldn't believe you'd ever slept with this man. Hatred, anger, and fear for Bradley's life mixed together into a once in a lifetime punch. Your fist collided with his stomach, and he released you, grunting. You probably hurt yourself more than him, considering his abs were nearly rock solid, but you didn't care.

You ran to Bradley's side, dropping to your knees beside him. His pulse was weak, but still there. His wrist was already shades of purple and blue, bent at a nasty angle, but that wasn't important. You pressed your palms to his abdomen, you own stomach tightening in response to the unnatural mounds of tissue protruding from his peritoneum. 

Kylo stormed up behind you, and you turned to hiss at him. His jaw was red, his eyes black with fury. You held your hands up in front of you in defense. 

"Kylo! Please stop!" you cried, tears dripping down your cheeks. You didn't even realize you were crying. Something in your expression must have struck a nerve, because he stopped a few feet away from you.

His expression didn't soften, but at least he was out of his rampage.

You looked up at him with pleading eyes. "I don't know what I mean to you," you choked out. "And that's okay. But if I mean anything at all to you, please fix him, and we can talk after he's okay." Bradley made a sickening gurgling sound, and tears flowed more freely. "Please!"

He looked between the two of you, contemplating. Bradley's breathing became even more shallow, and you panicked. 

"I swear, I'll never speak to him again. Please just help him," you choked out. "I'll sleep with you again. Whenever you want. Just help him!"

His expression was blank. For one moment, you thought he was going to let him die. But then he waved a hand. Something must have worked because Bradley breathing got stronger in just seconds. You ran a hand over his stomach, everything feeling normal. You could breathe once again. 

"Fix his wrist too."

"That's not how the Force works," he grumbled.

You turned back to Kylo. He was pissed, but Bradley's breathing returned close to normal.

"Thank you," you said, relieved that Bradley's color was returning to his face.

"Don't thank me," he said before turning to leave the bar.

~~~

The next few hours were exhausting, but you didn't slow down once. Once Bradley came to, he walked to the emergency room. He was in pain but trying desperately to hide it. You wondered if he remembered anything. He wasn't acting like it, but he was also on a lot of pain meds, probably unable to form many coherent thoughts.

"It's okay, Bradley. It's a broken wrist. You can admit it hurts," you told him while taking his xrays. 

He relaxed his shoulders a bit. "Nah. I've got to be tough in front of the cute doctor."

You laughed, looking over his scans. Then frowned. One; because his wrist was broken in three places. Two; because you were already breaking the deal you'd made with Kylo. He would understand, right? It was a part of the job to talk to the patients. You paled at the memory of the deal you'd made. That made two times now that you'd threatened to withhold, or traded sex for a favor from him. You sighed. Typical. You didn't understand why his behavior was even a surprise anymore.

After helping Bradley into a wheelchair, you showed him the scans. "Might be a little hard for a cardio to read these, but it's pretty broken."

He laughed. "Thanks for the diagnosis."

You made him get intestinal scans too. He was confused--you didn't need those for the wrist surgery--but he obliged. You were relieved to see that everything was where it should be. Kylo did make good on his end of the deal.

When he was on the operating table, his good arm reached out to you. "Kiss for good luck?"

You scoffed. "I don't need luck."

"I meant for me."

You shook your head grinning. It definitely went against the deal with Kylo, but you'd basically signed your soul away to him anyway. One measly little kiss couldn't hurt. You pressed your lips to his, and when you pulled back, he was smiling like an idiot. 

The surgery took a few hours. You thought about performing surgery after the couple of beers you had was a bad idea, but the interaction with Kylo sobered you up immediately. 

It took a long time to get all the screws and pins where they needed to be. Usually bones didn't break in three separate places, but around 2am, you were finished, Bradley was in a recovery room, and his post op scans looked just about perfect. You took a seat in the chair by his bed, propping your feet up and leaning your head back. You were seconds from sleep when you heard a knock at the door. 

Startled, you jumped. "Come in," you said, and the door slid open slowly. Kylo was outside, somber look on his face. You groaned and pushed to your feet, stomping towards him.

You opened the door, glaring. He was probably coming to break more of Bradley's bones since you kissed him. "I have to fucking talk to him until he's fully recovered because it's my job, so I don't want to hear about-" He held up his hand, holding a brown paper bag up, cutting you off. "What's that?"

He just held it out until you took it. Slowly, you opened it and peered inside. It was your favorite type of sandwich. You looked up at him, bewildered.

"You brought this for me?"

He shrugged. "Trudgen said you like it." As mad as you were, something about seeing him in regular clothes, in public, bringing you food for the late shift made you soften. But just a little bit. It almost felt like the two of you could have had a normal relationship. At that moment, he was just a guy bringing his girl food at work. Your stomach ached at the thought, and the realization that it could never be you two.

"Did you make it?"

"Of course not," he said. Of course not. You were mad, but couldn't deny that you were hungry.

He also held his hand out, offering you a can of some sugary energy drink you would never try. 

"No thanks," you said. He shrugged before opening it and taking a sip. Kylo Ren in a leather jacket, bringing you food, and drinking an energy drink. You had to be dreaming. You made a face at the drink. "You shouldn't drink those. They're really bad for you."

He glanced at you sideways. "Yes, it's by far my biggest flaw," he said dryly. You rolled your eyes. Good point. "You said you'd talk?" he asked, and you sighed. 

Right. The deal. You took a look through the small window to make sure Bradley was sleeping peacefully before motioning for Ren to follow you. There was a small break room for you two to sit and eat. It was meant for workers, but the hospital was pretty empty.

You pulled out your sandwich and took a bite. You could feel his eyes on you, but you didn't say anything. If he wanted to talk, he could make the effort.

"You're mad," he said, finally.

"Disappointed," you said, taking a minute to eat, but mostly to think about your next words. "Everytime I think that you're finally starting to let some goodness peak through, you turn around and ruin it," you told him, too tired to put any emotion in it. "I won't be making that mistake again."

He leaned back in his chair, sighing. "When we met, you called me a monster. You were right, and I never tried to hide that fact."

You pinched the bridge of your nose. He was right. "I know. And that was my fault."

"Why'd you go out with him?" he asked.

"You know why." He stayed silent, so you prompted, "Why'd you come try to get us apart?"

"He had his hands on you. You were clearly trying to get him off, and he wasn't letting go." he said, jaw tight.

You almost laughed. "That happened twenty seconds before you got there. So either you were there watching all night, or you were already on your way." You didn't know which option you preferred. 

He just repeated, "He wasn't letting go."

You rolled your eyes. Okay, sure, for one quick second, you were a little scared of Bradley at the bar, but so what? "So you did this for me out of the goodness of your heart? My white knight?" you scoffed.

He grimaced, looking like he was in physical pain. "You were going to sleep with him."

"Yeah?" you told him. "That's none of your business."

Running a hand through his hair, he glared. "Sure, but I didn't want to fucking hear it."

You leaned back. So that's why he came to stop you. Not because he was jealous but because he quite literally didn't want to hear it happening. He could hear in your thoughts that you were going to sleep with him. But Kylo's chambers were no where near the bar or Bradley's chambers. "How?" How can you hear me?

"Wouldn't I like to know."

You sighed. "I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but Kylo, it's really not my problem."

"It doesn't make me uncomfortable. It makes me..." he sighed, suddenly standing up from the table. "I just came to bring you a sandwich."

"Why?" you asked, not skipping a beat.

"You're no good to my Knights if you're dead."

You opened your mouth to challenge him, but you were too tired for a fight. Especially when there were things he'd never admit. "I can come to your room after I finish checking his incision site." 

His brows pinched together. "Why?"

You gave him an incredulous look. "We made a deal."

He sighed, shoulders sinking, waving a hand of indifference between you. "Absolved. You can continue dating to the scrawny doctor if you please. Even if he's incredibly dull and hideous." You rolled your eyes, but let him have the win. Just like that? He wasn't going to hold you to the deal? It seemed too good to be true. He was planning something.

"No ulterior motives," he said, hands up. "But if you ever come to your senses, you know where I'll be."

He turned, making it a few steps before you said, "Wait, Kylo." He looked back at you. "Will he remember... Everything?" you asked.

His face fell a bit, but he lifted a hand toward the room and waved it. "Not anymore," he said, and then he was gone.


	25. If by flirting, you mean doing my fucking job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly idk what this chapter is. Kylo's an ass, but I wanted to show more of her relationship with the Knights :) it's a filler chapter, but there's good stuff coming, I promise!

You slept in the chair in Bradley's room. His vitals stayed strong, and he woke a few minutes before your shift started. 

Pushing up to the bed, you smiled down at him. "How are you feeling?"

He rolled towards you groggily, muttering your name with affection. "You're here."

"Of course I am. I'm your doctor."

He gave you a look that might have been attractive if he wasn't so pale and exhausted. "That's the only reason?"

You shrugged playfully. "Well someone collapsed during our date last night. I figured I at least owed him the courtesy of making sure he didn't die."

He laughed, then immediately tensed, an expression of pain coating his features. Could there have been more damage from Kylo's outburst than previously shown? No, you checked his scans a million times. Somehow his intestines were perfectly back to normal.

"How embarrassing, right? Getting drunk and breaking my arm like that?" he groaned miserably. 

"I wouldn't worry too much about it." You smiled, but knew it looked fake. He didn't notice. You felt so bad. All this had happened because of you. And he didn't even get to know the truth of what had happened. You thought about telling him, but that wouldn't have benefited either of you. Better for him to think he tripped, knocking himself out and breaking his wrist.

"Do you think you'd give a poor, drunk idiot another chance?" he asked, eyes twinkling. He looked cute even in a hospital gown.

"Of course," you smiled. You felt sick with guilt. He reached for your hand, but grimaced when he saw the IV in his arm. He ripped it out.

"Hey, don't!" you tried to stop him, too late.

He raised an eyebrow. "I was a little drunk. I don't need an IV anymore." Maybe the IV was overkill, but you were really worried about him last night. And he drank enough that it definitely wouldn't have hurt to put one in, especially during his long surgery.

"Everyone does say that doctors make the worst patients," you surrendered.

He grinned. "Exactly. Oh hey, can I see my scans?" You pulled them up on the holo to show him. It was flawless of course. "Looks good. Thank you," he said.

You rolled your eyes. "Not like you'd be able to tell a difference, but you're welcome," you smirked, but his darkening expression made it disappear.

"How bad is it?" he asked, all seriousness. 

Frowning, you took his good hand. "You'll be able to operate eventually, but it'll be at least eight weeks before you're recovered. Even after that, you'll need weeks of physical therapy to regain all of the function."

"Weeks?"

You sighed. "Months."

His face fell, and you felt like your heart was getting stomped. This was your fault. All he wanted was to save lives and make enough money to send back to his family, and now that was at risk because you thought it'd be a good idea to sleep with Ren.

You squeezed his hand. "We'll get you back to normal. I promise."

He wrapped his hand around the back of your neck, pulling your lips onto his. The kiss was slow, and warm, and caring. It warmed you to the core. When you pulled back, he was smiling. You tried to imitate the look, but it felt fake. Remorse twisted your stomach in knots.

Luckily, the door behind you opened, and a couple others from your class walked in. They address you politely before making their way to Bradley's bed. 

"Dude! What happened?" one asked.

"We heard you got drunk and broke your fucking arm!" the other said. 

Bradley looked at you apologetically. You just smiled and left him with a promise of your return before heading to the arena. 

You were furious. You hated Ren for his unfair treatment of everyone. For hurting people whenever he was a little upset. For threatening you so many times. But you hated yourself too. Bradley was a great guy, and you'd gotten him roped into a sick triangle with yourself and the most dangerous man in the galaxy.

Shaking the repulsive thoughts from your mind, you ran straight into Victor when entering the arena. You took a step back, surprised, and annoyed. Alternating days was supposed to be good because you wouldn't have to see him. You were still upset with him, but concern for Bradley weakened the spiteful feelings.

"What are you doing here, chief?" You spit the word like it was something nasty.

His face pinched. "It's my job now, remember?" 

You gave him a look to prompt a better answer. 

"Delivering some pain meds to Ap'lek." What? He hadn't said anything about pain meds. It was normal to be taking them for a couple weeks after getting shot with a blaster, but taking them didn't seem to be his style. And why would he tell Victor? He hated you so much he'd rather be in physical pain than talk to you again? You didn't respond.

He continued. "This is fucking awful. He only took them because I told him it would make training easier, but the rest of them won't even look at me. How do you do it?

Even though he'd had more success with Ap'lek, the Knights at least tried to listen to you. "I dunno. We're kind of... becoming friends." The words sounded stupid as soon as they came out.

"Ah, finally!" Vicrul shouted across the room. "She's back!"

You turned your head towards them, giving a look that said 'cut it out'. 

"Thank the stars! We don't have to be left with that dimwit anymore," Cardo added, pointing to Victor.

Victor glared at you. "Great friends you're keeping now." 

"Victor, I-"

"I don't want to hear it. I can't believe you would do this to me."

You tried to reach out to him, but he was gone too fast. "I didn't do this!" you called. He didn't turn back.

Your shoulders sank when you walked over to them at the bleachers. Who cares if he was mad? Him and Cora screwed you over first

"So you're back, doc?" Ushar asked. He was sitting on the bleachers with no armor on. Was he really going to take your advice to sit out?

"Uh, no, just every other day now. Dr. Mercer will be with you the other days." They frowned. 

"Why?"

"Ask Ren," you told them distastefully. Trudgen raised an eye brow, but no one else commented.

Kuruk looked you up and down. "You look like crap." You glared, and he stepped back, putting his palms up.

"Look who's talking," Vicrul said, punching him in the shoulder.

You rolled your eyes. "Go hurt each other so I have something interesting to do please." A couple of them chuckled before bouncing off to the training mat. 

Before Ap'lek could get to far, you tugged on his arm. He turned, eye twitching. He was probably resisting the urge not to throw a punch, which you appreciated. "What?" he snapped.

You took a step back and stood tall. "Dr. Mercer told me he brought you pain meds?"

"And?"

Sighing, your arms fell to your side. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He glared. "I don't have to tell you shit."

"I'm your physician, you..." you sighed, expression softening. "Ap'lek, needing medical attention when you're hurt is not a weakness."

He rolled his eyes, turning back to the rest of them. You clenched your fists. Five out of six wasn't a bad ratio. Still better than any of the other residents.

When you took a seat by Ushar on the bleachers, he looked you over. "You do look like crap. What's up?"

You rolled your eyes, leaning into the wall behind you. "Up all night savings lives, you know the drill." Your body did seem to be weakening on you. The couple hours of sleep in that uncomfortable hospital chair was not enough. "How's your arm?"

"Never better," he shrugged, but winced as he did so. When you raised a knowing eyebrow, he turned away. "Okay, it hurts a little, but I could definitely be training right now."

"Healing is more important than a few weeks of training."

"Not if I lose all of my skills, and next mission I get myself killed. Or Ren." He turned to smirk at you. "You'd hate that, huh?"

You huffed. "If you lose all your skills as a fighter after taking a break for one month, you're probably just not a very good Knight. And as for Ren, if you got him killed you'd be doing me a favor."

His expression changed, curious as he scanned your face. "You mean that, don't you?"

Crossing your arms over your chest, you avoided his gaze. "Did the Force tell you that?"

"Yeah, basically," he admitted. "Am I wrong?"

You didn't answer. No matter what you said, it was wrong. Did you want him dead? Yes. It would make your life so much easier, and you wouldn't have to spend all your time wondering whether or not your actions would get you killed by him. But it was treason to say that. Another, much smaller, part of you disagreed, but you wouldn't let anyone know that.

"So what are you going to do for a month to keep yourself occupied?"

He grinned. "Annoy our cute physician." When you glared, his smile dropped. "Or take up knitting, I haven't decided yet." You laughed. That would be a site. 

"Either way, thank you for sitting out for the next few weeks."

He gave you a weird smile. "No offense, doc, but I'm sitting out because Kylo said if I didn't, he'd let you personally kill me."

Your eyes narrowed. "He said that?" Ushar nodded. It wasn't much, but it was probably the closest to an act of affection anyone would ever get from him. It didn't make up for anything. His first instinct was, and always would be, violence. At their core, all seven of them were inherently violent--Ren and the Knights. They had killed more people than you could imagine and they did it without blinking. Every day you sat in that arena and tended to them, you were one bad comment from getting seriously hurt. Or killed. 

But when Ushar asked you to take a walk with him, you didn't hesitate. 

"Hey!" Kuruk called from the middle of them room, chest heaving. "You want to take his place, doc? It's easier to train with even numbers."

You smiled, holding your hands up in the air, fingers wagging for them to see. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to risk the money makers just to beat you all up."

That earned you a couple of chuckles and you and Ushar strolled toward the door. He looked down at you seriously. "You should learn how to fight."

"Is that a threat?"

His eyes widened. "What, no of course not! People should know how to defend themselves. Especially here."

"Here with you guys?"

"The First Order, dummy. It's well established, but it is still a military operation at its core." 

He was right, of course. "You know what, I'd like that actually." Knowing how to throw a couple punches wouldn't hurt. It would do no good with Ren, who seemed to be the only danger you were facing lately, but it would make you feel better. Plus the First Order was a dangerous place for women, especially when off base.

"You guys won't protect me if I need it?" you asked, batting your eyelashes up at him.

"Of course we will." He looked at Ap'lek with a look of disgust. "Well most of us will. But, to your great pleasure, you aren't with us everyday," he told you, and you shrugged. It was a good point. "If you let me off bed rest, I could start teaching you," he offered. 

You chuckled. "I'd hardly call this bed rest," you told him, smiling fading. He was trying convince you to let up on his sentence. You turned on your heel, blocking his path so he couldn't get by. "This isn't a gateway to me letting you start training earlier," you told him. "I don't care if you can walk by yourself. Straining your arm too early can cause irreparable damage."

"I know, I know. I just don't want all of my muscles to deteriorate during my mandatory time out," he said, flexing his good arm.

You couldn't help but smile. "It would be a shame if those muscles disappeared."

He smiled down at you, but it quickly disappeared when he looked over your head. You spun to see what he was looking at. Ren, of course.

Kylo squinted at you. "If you insist on flirting with someone besides your little boyfriend, could you at least refrain from doing so with my Knights."

Your skin flushed, turning to see Kylo, who had snuck in somehow. Your jaw clenched. How much had he heard? It didn't matter. You'd made it very clear it wasn't any of his business anymore--even if it was true. And even if it was his Knights.

"If by flirting, you mean doing my fucking job and treating their potentially fatal wounds, then no, I won't stop," you spat. "But get me fired like you've been dying to do. Their stupidity will kill them, and the Knights of Ren won't be so intimidating when you're the only one left alive!" Melodramatic? Yeah, but you were annoyed.

"Be a floozy with someone other than my Knights, doctor. Your patients, might I add."

Your jaw practically hit the floor. "A floozy? You fucking jerk. You have the audacity-You're a fucking murder! You got angry and rerouted someones intestines yesterday!"

"Doesn't your entire career and income depend on people getting hurt?"

You scoffed. He was joking, right? 

Ushar was shifting his weight back and forth behind you. "Boss, come on. We weren't-"

"Back off, Ushar," Kylo snapped a finger out at him. You gave Ushar a look, begging him to stay. He shot you an apologetic frown as he backed away. 

"Coward," you spit at him.

Kylo's gloved fingers pinched your cheeks between them, pulling your gaze back to him. "Stop fucking flirting with everyone you lay eyes on."

You scowled, pushing him off of you. "Or what? You'll get me fired? Killed? That would be much preferred to dealing with your childish theatrics!"

He bared his teeth. "Maybe I'll just lock you in my room."

You took a step back. Could he? Yes. Would he? The look in his eyes left you uncertain. "You're fucking insane!" you yelled in his face.

"Maybe, but I still expect you to address me with respect, doctor."

"Well I expected to finish my residency in peace, without an astronomically infuriating commander with the temper of a toddler harassing me at work. I guess we'll both be disappointed." 

His nostrils flared. "How many times do I have to tell you to watch your damn mouth?"

"At least one more, Commander." You saw in his eyes that you'd pulled the last straw. Whatever leniency he'd been giving you before was gone as quickly as your words. His hand flew out, wrapping around your neck, crushing your windpipe. You choked and gagged, hitting his wrist in an attempt to loosen his grip, but it was no use. His eyes bore down on you, and his stare chilled you to the core.

"You stupid, stupid girl," he snarled. "One more word out of you, and I'll-"

Your body heated with anger--and, unfortunately, arousal--but his words were cut off by Vicrul across the room. "Yo, boss! Snoke is summoning!" he said, checking a fancy looking watch on his wrist. 

Kylo didn't take his eyes off you when he answered. "I'm a little busy right now," he said through gritted teeth, his grip tightening until your vision blurred.

"He said it's critical."

He grunted, contemplating. Was punishing you worth getting on his boss' bad side?

Apparently it was, because he threw you down on the ground, body crying in pain as it hit the floor, but you were too light-headed to fully feel it. His boot lodged itself on your neck, pushing down with enough pressure to make your eyes bulge out of their sockets. His teeth were bared, and real fear flashed in your eyes, which were now watering.

"He said NOW, Kylo," Vicrul called. Kylo clanched his jaw so hard that it was a surprise he hadn't cracked his teeth, but thankfully, he slid his foot away. You clawed at your throat, indentions from the sole of his shoe tangible on your skin. He gave you one soul snatching look before turning and stomped out of the room with all the power and predictability of a hurricane. He stormed past his Knights, picking up his mask from the floor and putting it on before pushing through the door so hard that you could feel the sound of it cracking.

Great. Two doors he'd ruined already because of you. He was erratic, and threatening, and he had the strength to make good on those threats. If Snoke hadn't summoned him, you weren't confident that Kylo wouldn't have killed you just then.

Somehow, your arms found the strength to push you into a sitting position. You glared at Vicrul.

"Great fucking timing," you glowered. You voice was cracked, and your throat burned.

He walked over with long strides, holding an arm out that you gratefully took. "It was an interesting show. But the thought of having Victor assigned to us everyday was sickening, so I figured I should probably do something."

Despite yourself, you laughed, which you instantly regretted. It felt like you'd swallowed a flaming piece of paper. 

"Was Snoke actually summoning him?" you asked as he pulled you to your feet.

"Oh yeah. He would actually kill me brutally if I lied about that." You thought he was exaggerating, but his expression said otherwise. Not a surprise though. He gave you a soft look. "Go grab some lunch, and just come back once you're feeling better, yeah?"

You smiled up at him and nodded. You took your time getting lunch, not in a hurry to return, but eventually you had to. When you got back, there was a note pinned to the door. Weird. Usually they were back from lunch and fighting by now, but there was no clanking of weapons or playful profanity like there usually was. You read the note.

'Left to Takodana, no time to get you. We don't know when we'll be back. We probably won't be needing your medical assistance. Probably.'

On the walk back to the room, you were surprised to realize the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach was worry. What could be so important that they left so suddenly? Whatever it was, it couldn't have been good.


	26. Did you miss us?

You spent the rest of the day on edge. For the Knights to leave so suddenly, it must have been something big. Even Ushar had went, and he was all but useless when it came to any kind of fighting right now. If he hurt himself, you were going to be pissed. But no anger could hold a candle to what you were feeling about Kylo right now. Everytime you thought you had him figured out, he proved you wrong. You could still feel the imprint of his boots on your neck, and whether it was physical or purely mental, you didn't know, and it didn't matter.

You spent the next couple of hours in Bradley's room, reading some medical journals while he slept peacefully. He rolled his head toward you, snoring, and you couldn't help but smile. You brushed a stray piece of hair out of his face, letting your fingers linger on his strong jawline. He shivered, but pressed up into your touch in his sleep. Your fingers fell back to your lap, but they were tingling where they had touched him. 

A knock at the door startled you, and Maddox entered. "Oh, you're here. Good, I wanted to speak with you."

"Is everything okay?"

"Hm? Oh yes. I heard the Knights left for the foreseeable future and was hoping you could take a couple surgeries this afternoon?"

Your brows pinched. "Foreseeable future?" you repeated. That couldn't be good. It wasn't like they were out casually sightseeing. They were doing dangerous things, and you couldn't quite relax because of it.

"Yes, why?" she asked.

You shook your head. "No reason."

She shrugged. "So can you take the surgeries or not?"

"Yes!" you almost yelled. "Yes, I can take them." She nodded, handing you some charts before leaving them room.

The surgeries were a very welcome distraction. It felt really good to be back in the OR for such a long time--and this time not on the man you'd just gone on a date with--but by the time night fell and there was no news from the Knights, you were twitching with anxiety. You didn't want to go to your room to worry alone, and you couldn't go to Cora or Victor--you were still cross with them. There was no more work to do, and no one else you wanted to see. Somehow, you'd found your way back to the Knights room--the one with the games and televisions. Surprisingly, when you gripped the knob, the door flung open. 

The room was quiet and eerie without the playful chatter and banter of the Knights, but it was comforting. The buffet of food left out for them was also highly comforting. It was probably set out for them during every meal, but this time, they were unable to collect. The food was cold, but delicious as you gorged yourself with it, much hungrier than you'd expected. 

You stuffed yourself and put on a random action movie to lull yourself to sleep. You laid down on a couch that was more comfortable than your bed, pulling a blanket over yourself to watch the movie. But every action sequence had you tense, imagining your familiar Knights in the place of the main characters. With a grunt, you turned off the film and rolled over, pulling the blanket over your head before falling into a much needed sleep. 

It was a fitful sleep, so you were almost thankful when the door slammed open and the lights switched on. You practically jumped out of your seat at the sound, only relaxing when you realized where you were and that it was just the Knights entering. For the most part, they looked fine, just a little dirty and bruised.

"Where the hell did you all go?" you asked, blinking up at them.

Cando gave you a kissy face from across the room, shucking his shoes off before going to grab a drink. "Did you miss us?"

You rolled your eyes. Yes. "Of course not."

"Are you drooling all over this couch too?" Trudgen joked, referring to your nap on the ship back from Jakku so many nights ago.

You stretched out, popping your back and rubbing the sleep from your eyes before addressing them. Across a short coffee table from you, Ap'lek and Cando helped Vicrul into the couch. He grunted, gripping a bleeding wound on his shoulder.

"How'd you guys know I was in here?" you asked, grabbing a first aid kit from behind the bar and sitting on the table in front of Vicrul.

"We didn't," Ap'lek said plainly, but not rudely.

Pulling on a pair of gloves, you raised an eyebrow, nodding toward Vicrul's injury. "Then what are you all doing here?"

Vicrul shrugged, letting you tear his hand away from his wound. "We were hungry," he said. Of course they were. Who needs medical attention while bleeding from their shoulder, right?Turning to Trudgen, who was already making a heaping plate of food, he said, "Bring me some of that!"

Trudgen snorted. "Get up and get it, you slow piece of crap."

Vicrul tossed a pillow at him, which he swatted away easily. "Oh fuck you! I got fucking shot pushing your dumbass out of the way."

Trudgen shot him a grin. "Sounds like you're the dumbass then." Vicrul was about to shout some curses at him until he brought him a plate of food.

You prodded at his back, and he winced. "Stars woman! Watch where you're putting those fingers."

You ignored him, examining the wound. "What happened? This is way too severe to be from a blaster."

"Damn right," he grunted, shoving some meat in his mouth. "Fucking X wing blast grazed me!"

"Oh that explains it," you muttered, pulling out a suture kit. 

He back away from you. "Hey, hey, watch it!"

You gripped his upper arm with as much force as you could, sitting him back in position. "I can't wait for the day you boys actually let me do my job instead of pretending somehow you're too good for medical attention," you groaned. You glared until he relaxed, letting you get to work. "Thank you."

The rest of them were talking about some kind of raid while you stitched up Vicrul. "How'd it go? I hope you didn't get him shot for no reason?"

Ushar grunted, sitting on the couch where you'd been sleeping just a moment ago. "Boring."

"You're just saying that because Kylo wouldn't let you off the ship," Kuruk said, turning the television on while he threw down a beer. 

Ushar groaned. "Fucking buzzkill."

"It's a rare day when Ren talks some sense into anyone," you mumbled bitterly, suddenly very focused on Vircul's shoulder. You made a face at the wound. "Vicrul, I need to cut your shirt off so I can get the whole thing, okay?"

As you pulled some scissors from your bag, he raised a brow at you. "How's your boyfriend going to feel about you trying to get me naked? And injured no less! Shame on you, doctor!"

Some of the boys chuckled, and you fought the urge to shove the scissors into his bicep. "Not my boyfriend," you said through gritted teeth.

"Whatever," he said as you unclasped his armor and started cutting the shirt off. You probably should have been used to the muscles on these men by now, but it really was a pleasant surprise any time that you saw them without a shirt on or felt their muscles under their clothing. They must have been something other than just human.

As you pulled the last of the fabric off, he looked up at you with a quizzical expression. "What were you doing in here anyway?"

You shrugged. "If figured one of you idiots would find a way to get shot by something-I'm just glad it was from someone besides yourselves this time." When he glared, you added, "Plus I wanted some free food."

He nodded. "Yeah, we have a pretty good set up." He didn't even flinch when you started suturing through his skin. Did they even have pain receptors anymore?

"Is, um, anyone else hurt from the raid?" you asked.

He had the audacity to laugh out loud. "If you want to know about Ren, just ask."

You let out a rough exhale, but your cheeks heated. "You mean do my job?"

He waved a hand like the clarification didn't matter. "Whatever. He's fine. Probably got his ego bruised by being outran by a droid, but he'll survive." You nodded, trying to look indifferent. Well, you were actually trying to be indifferent, but it was too late for that. You seemed to be in a constant state of wishing his TIE Fighter would blow up with him in it, or being unharmed after battle. Too bad you didn't study to be a psychiatrist.

Ap'lek was rustling behind the bar. "Hey, toss me a beer!" Vicrul shouted, almost making you mess up the stitching. He did so, and Vicrul popped the can noisily before chugging most of it.

You sighed. "I suppose it would be naive of me to think that I could convince you to not drink alcohol while bleeding out of an X wing wound?"

He smile, then chugged the rest. "You know me too well." Soon they were all drinking, laughing, and joking around like always. It was like they'd just won a basketball game, not come back from a raid where they'd probably killed people.

Once the sutures were finished, you patted him on the back. "You're good to go."

"Thanks, doc. What can I do to show my appreciation?"

You had finished patching him up and were putting away the equipment. "Let me eat your all's food whenever I feel like it?"

"Done, but that was already okay with us," he said, and Trudgen agreed on the couch beside him. "How about you let me take you out instead?"

You nearly choked on your saliva, hands freezing on his shoulder while checking the sutures. "What?"

"You heard me. Let me take you out on a date," he repeated too casually.

"Sure, when Mustafar freezes over," you said, taping a bandage over his large muscles.

He grinned. "So you're saying there's a chance."

Cando chuckled from across the room. "Are you suicidal or something? Ren would kill you."

Vicrul gave him a wicked smile. "Then our favorite physician would have to fix me back up, isn't that right?"

You rolled your eyes. "Yes, I would be legally required to help you."

He took your hand in his, batting his eyelashes at you. He really was attractive. They all were, in their unique, brutish ways, but he had a sparkle in his eyes and a tenderness in his touch that the others didn't have, making that much more appealing. And he'd been kind to you since the first day you were assigned to them. You could do worse. And you have. 

"See, look how romantic," he cooed, and you found yourself blushing against your will. He linked his fingers through yours, his warmth surrounding them, and you found yourself squeezing back. 

When you realized what you were doing, you pulled back.

"Um, so yeah, your shoulder looks like it's good to go," you sputtered out stupidly, but he smiled and thanked you.

You had all of one minute of peace before Kylo Ren came thundering through the door. You instantly tensed, torn between the feeling of unwanted relief of seeing that he was okay and the uncontainable rage from how he'd treated you earlier. Every muscle in your body tensed, and the Knights felt it too, their eyes shifting between the two of you as if waiting for a bomb to go off.

Kylo sat in a couch across the room, conveniently not looking your way at all. You muttered a quick goodbye to the Knights before collecting your things and scurrying towards the door while they gave you half confused, half pitying looks. 

Your hand was on the door knob when Kylo said your name. It was enough to stop you in your tracks. It was dumb, but you were almost expecting an apology when you turned towards him, but that thought was crushed when you saw he still had his mask on, fists tense as he looked at you. 

"What?" you almost snapped.

"I need you..." He paused a beat. "To look after a patient for me."

Your heart fell.

"I'm off the clock," you told him, voice more tense than you intended.

His shoulders straightened. "You're never off the clock," he said plainly.

Sighing, you turned all the way to face him. Chief resident had already been chosen, but you still had to do your job. 

"What patient?"

"A scavenger."

You waited for him to continue. He didn't.

"Are you being cryptic on purpose?"

He turned away from you. "I don't have time for this. Will someone take her to the girl?"

Ouch. Okay.

Vicrul nearly bounced up from his seat. "I'll take her boss." With nothing more than a nod from Kylo, Vicrul was leading you down the empty halls to whatever patient he was talking about. 

After a minute, you asked, "So who is this person?"

He looked down at you with an indifferent expression. "We were looking for a droid with a map. The scavenger has seen the map, so we brought a... guest aboard. Kylo knocked them out so we need to make sure they're okay."

You nodded. Great. Another prisoner. You hoped that he was unharmed, but if you were being brought to check on him, he probably wasn't. 

"How's the shoulder feeling?" you asked.

He rolled the arm in question. "Good, doc. Thanks. You're pretty incredible, you know that?"

You huffed. "People don't tell me that enough."

As you two turned a corner, he stared down at you with a serious expression. "I will." 

Vicrul spun, pushing you against a wall with one hand on your arm, the other trapping your head inches from his own. He smelled like leather and sweat and battle and... you liked it.

Your heart was beating frantically as you stared up at him, eyebrows raising. "Vicrul..." A million words ran through your head. What was he doing? He knew you were involved with Ren. But you weren't anymore. You couldn't deny that part of you wanted to lean up into his hard body.

But before you could do anything too stupid, his hand left your body, clicking something beside your hip.

"Here's your stop," he said, voice low. A door opened beside you, and your face heated. What had you been thinking?

Sliding as close to the wall, and as far from him as possible, you slipped into the room. "Um, thanks," you said before shutting the door on him. You clenched and unclenched your knuckles, trying to get the feel of Vicrul's hand on your body before helping the patient. When you turned, you could hardly contain your surprise.

The scavenger... was a woman. A beautiful woman. Strapped to an interrogation chair, the same as the last person Ren had brought for you to treat. Even asleep and in old, dirty clothing, she looked beautiful, with tan skin and her hair pulled back into three buns.

You hated it, but your stomach turned. Who was this girl? And why was she that important to Ren to bring here and have you check on her? What did she mean to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii so sorry again that it took so long to update! (I was moving then on vacation) I know some of you have been waiting for an update, so I'm sorry for this rushed POS chapter! It also took long because I didn't know how I wanted Rey to play into the story, and I still don't know! So lmk what y'all think and would like to see :)


	27. I'd put you first

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This doesn't 100% fit with the short time frame of The Force awakens, but everything will be fit in chronologically, just a little stretched out!

Putting away whatever feelings this girl made Kylo feel--and in turn, how you felt--you approached the girl. Except for some dirt and minor cuts, she seemed unscathed, but she was unconscious on the interrogation apparatus. Seeing that grown man on it was sickening enough, but seeing this small young girl on it was even worse. She was skinny as a rail and couldn't have been over 20 years old.

You slipped on your gloves and started the examination--always a strange thing to do when the other party wasn't awake, but unfortunately, that seemed to be becoming the norm for you. She had strong vitals, which Kylo would be happy to hear.

With a gasp, the girl's eyes flew open, sending you spiraling backwards to the ground in shock. Her eyes scanned the room as she tried tugging on her restraints. It was useless.

When she saw you, her eyebrows cinched. "Who are you?"

It took you a moment to catch your breath, still rattled from her abrupt awakening. "Um... I'm your doctor," you said gently, pushing to your feet. 

"Where is he?" she nearly growled.

"Kylo wanted me to check on you."

She rolled her eyes, seeming to calm down once she saw I wasn't a threat to her. "How kind of him." She tugged on the restraints again. "I'm guessing he didn't want you to take these off of me?" You shook your head. "Didn't think so."

You hated yourself, but you had to ask. "You met Kylo?"

Her expression turned to one you couldn't read. "Yes."

"You must be important to him if he wanted to get you medical assistance."

She grimaced. "I guess you could say that."

Your eyes left hers, trying not to let any jealousy show. You shouldn't be jealous. He didn't mean anything to you.

"What are you doing here?" you asked.

She glared. "I was captured by the First Order."

You shifted back and forth on your feet. Right. It wasn't any of your business as a doctor anyway. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

Her face softened. "You're fine." She huffed. "I have information from a droid. The First Order wants it."

You relaxed slightly. It must have been the droid that the Knights were talking about. 

"They sent Kylo to torture you for it?" 

Her eyes glazed slightly, as if deep in thought. "No, he didn't try that. Just tried to get in my head." Before you could say anything else, she said quietly, "We had this weird... connection," she said. You stared at her, too in shock to say anything. 

"Connection?" you asked with your best poker face. It probably wasn't working.

She nodded. "Like we could read each other's minds... Like the Force wanted us to." She shook her head, banishing the thought as you tried to pretend the information didn't hurt you. She had the Force then. Another reminder of how unevenly matched you and Ren were. Things never would have worked with you anyway. 

"You have the Force," you whispered, shielding your eyes from hers. That meant she could also try to use it on you. You'd had it done before, and you hated it. And this girl was technically your enemy--you had no idea what she would do.

"Please get me out of here," she pleaded, but you barely heard her. You shook your head, backing away from her. Suddenly it felt like the room was caving in, and you needed to get out of there.

"I'm sorry," you whispered as you left the room, leaving you both in a whirlwind of emotions.

The door slammed behind you and you made your way down the hall, away from the scavenger. Was this why he sent you down there? So she could tell you about their 'connection'? He wasn't even mature enough to end things with you properly, he had to get the scavenger to do it. You were fuming. 

You marched back to the Knights's game room to confront him about it. 

"Why, that immature, annoying, useless," you mumbled to yourself, kicking the door open once you got there. You relaxed a bit when you saw Kylo wasn't there; it was just the Knights, feet propped, beers open, relaxing after their mission.

"Whoa, what's with the mean mug?" Trudgen asked, staring at you in the door frame.

You let the tension in your shoulders go. "Where's Ren?"

"Talking to Snoke. Want a beer?" he asked?

"Sure." Might as well. You could confront the asshole later. The Knights turned their attention back to whatever movie they were watching as you made your way to the bar at the back of the room. You slumped on a barstool, popping open a beer and chugging the whole thing. You put the empty bottle down, flinching slightly as another landed in front of you. 

"Vicrul," you greeted him cautiously, watching as he opened your beer. Your emotions were all over the place: you were mad at Ren, curious about the scavenger, and confused about how your body was reacting to Vicrul's proximity to you.

You'd always found him attractive, but now, a little bloody and dirty from battle, throwing back a beer, he was almost irresistible. You shook the thought from your head, unsure of the extent of his mind reading capabilities. You didn't want him hearing your thoughts like Kylo could. 

"You looked like you could use it," he said, nodding towards the beer.

You took an angry swig. "Thanks," you said sarcastically.

"Hey, don't be like that," he said, his large hand landing on your knee. You tried not to react, but your body wanted to inch closer. "What's bothering you?" You looked away. "Was it the scavenger?"

You gave him a skeptical look. "You can read my mind?"

He chuckled, fingers tightening on your leg. "No, but I'm pretty good at reading you." You huffed. When you didn't answer, he continued. "You... are wondering what she means to Ren?" No answer. You just kept drinking your beer. "You wonder how the girl ties into everything and what it means for you." You stayed silent.

"You're jealous," he said.

Turning to glare, you said, "I'm not fucking jealous." You peeled his fingers off of you, and your body cried out for his touch. "You're a fucking idiot."

The corners of his mouth tilted up. He was amused, and it infuriated you. "Seems like I was right," he said, smugly. 

"You don't know anything," you said, finishing your drink, slamming the bottle on the table and walking away from him furiously. Before you got far, a warm hand wrapped around your wrist, tugging you back into him. You fell with a gasp between his legs, catching yourself on his chest. You tried to pull back, but his other arm wrapped around your lower back, pulling you into him. You slapped his chest, insisting he let you go, but you didn't try very hard to get away. You felt your body relaxing into his, and he felt it too.

"You really want me to let you go?" Vicrul asked, voice low as he looked down at you. He was smirking, but there was a vulnerability in his eyes you'd never seen before.

"Yes," you said, but the word was barely a whisper. He raised an eyebrow at you, and you whimpered under his gaze, one hand falling to his upper thigh. It was huge. "No," you whispered even more quietly.

His head dipped down, his lips brushing your ear. "I wouldn't treat you like Ren does," he said, lips tickling your ear. Your hand squeezed his leg as his brushed your hair behind your shoulder.

His nose ran down one side of your jaw. "I wouldn't make you second guess my feelings." His hot breath sent a shiver down your spine. 

"I'd treat you so well." He whispered your name, and your legs went weak, but he held you up, pulling you deep into his chest as he ran his lips over your hairline tenderly. His erection pressed lightly into your stomach, and you nearly moaned at the thought of him filling you with it. 

He pulled back, one hand cupping your cheek as you stared at him. He really was beautiful.

"I'd put you first. Never hiding behind the job, or expectations, or my own insecurities," he said. You tried to look away, overwhelmed with feelings, but he held your gaze. "I've liked you since the first day you walked into that training arena, scared but never afraid to call us out on our shit. You're smart, and beautiful, and funny, and strong, and... And I want you."

Your breath caught in your throat as you hung on to his every word. And before he could continue, you pressed your lips to his. He seemed as shocked as you were, but in an instant, closed his eyes and relaxed into the kiss, with one hand trailing up and down your spine as the other stayed on your cheek and kept you flush against him. Lightening sparked from your head to your toes, and he grounded you.

But you pulled back, short of breath. He looked confused until you whispered, "The others."

He looked over your head at the rest of the Knights, then smiled at you. "Come on." He gripped your wrist, tugging you behind the bar, opening a door you didn't know was there. Before he could close it behind you, Trudgen looked back from the couch, making kissy faces at you, teasing. You gave him the finger before kicking the door shut and falling back into Vicrul's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the late update but I should be posting again tomorrow! I really did have a lot of trouble trying to fit Rey in, and I finally wrote an outline that I like. I promise it's not going how you all are thinking!!!! (bear with me, I think you all will be happy with what I have planned, I really just added the quick petty jealousy so it'd make sense for her to try something with Vicrul).
> 
> ALSO lmk what you all think about Vicrul ;)


	28. I'm gonna put myself in a coma before I let him hear those thoughts

Vicrul spun the two of you so that, once again, your back was against the wall. His hips pressed forward as his hands fell on either side of your head. He caged you in, but you weren't trying to escape. Your hands slithered to his lower back, pulling his hips into yours, pinning you to the wall with his erection. You rolled your hips into his, and he groaned, eyes rolling back in his head as he grunted your name.

With a growl, he dipped his head to your neck, licking a stripe up your throat before sucking the skin right above your collar bone. His stubble scratched your skin, and it felt delicious. He bit down, causing you to jump. His hips slammed into you, not allowing you any room to squirm.

You pulled back, looking around the room. "What is this place?"

It was a dark room. All wood, and mostly empty except for a couple of large beds on the back wall.

"We nap here sometimes if we're too lazy to go back to our rooms," he said, teeth scraping the side of your neck.

"There's only two beds. Do you all cuddle or something?" you asked.

He pulled back, grinning at you. "Sometimes."

You giggled, imagining them all cuddling together after their training sessions. His hands trailed down your sides before sliding to your ass. His hands nearly covered it completely as his fingers kneaded it between them.

"Gods, I've wanted to do this for so long," he said against your throat. His cock hardened against your stomach. You were practically drooling.

You started unbuckling his pants as he kissed along your collarbone, rolling your skin through his teeth. It felt incredible. You tugged his pants down to his thighs, hand slipping into his boxers to pull out his erection.

"Kylo's going to kill me," he said. Your thumb trailed down the underside of his cock before wiping the precum from his slit and rubbing it gently around the head. He moaned. "It'll be worth it."

You chuckled, but his lips pressed down on yours. His lips were surprisingly soft as they rolled yours between them, pulling a groan from you. Your thighs pressed together as your cunt clenched down on nothing. Vicrul, as expected from his huge stature, was very well endowed. It had been days since you'd gotten laid, and your body was practically humming in bliss at his length.

Your tongue tracing his, you gripped his cock before gently moving your hand up and down. His fist hit the wall behind you as he cursed in pleasure.

"Shut the fuck up," you hissed under your breath, pulling your hand off of him. "I don't want them to hear us."

He pulled back, looking at you, amused. His cock twitched between your bodies. "You know we all sense everything the others feel, right?"

Your brows knitted in confusion. "Everything?"

"Everything," he smirked.

"So whenever I was with Kylo..."

He rolled his hips, and the underside of his cock brushed against your clit, sending shivers of pleasure through you. All that was separating you was your thin scrubs and panties.

"We were jealous as fuck," he said, pressing his lips back down to yours. The pace was fast this time, almost desperate, and you reciprocated, lips parting to let his tongue in. It ran over your teeth before curling across the roof of your mouth, leaving you breathless.

Needing more, you pushed on his chest, separating your bodies. He looked confused.

"Bed. Now," you snapped. He smirked, wrapping an arm around your waist and lifting you off the ground and into his chest. He spun, nosing your hair until your legs touched the edge of one of the beds. He tried to push you onto your back, but you spun so you landed on top of him. His huge hands landed on your waist, pulling your knees up so that you were strattling his hips with your hands on his hard abdomen.

In a flash of clarity, your eyes bore down onto his, which were darkening by the second. "Is this dumb?" you asked, hips grinding down on his.

"Definitely," he replied as his hands trailed under your shirt and up to your tits, cupping each in a palm. You arched your back, pushing them further into his hands. He rolled your nipples between his large fingers, and it sent floods of arousal through you. 

Your wetness was soaking your panties and scrubs, and you were sure he could feel it, even through his thick pants. 

You whined, nails digging into his chest. "... need you," you said. His hips slammed up into you, his cock pressing into your entrance through your thin clothing. Your eyes rolled back in your head.

"Yeah?" he asked, voice low. You nodded, eyes lidded. He slipped a hand from your hips and stuck a thumb in his mouth, releasing it with a 'pop' once it was as wet as he wanted. He sat up so your faces were just inches apart. 

"You want me?" he asked, his hand slowly trailing down your body.

"Yes. Yes!" you nearly screamed. Every inch of your skin was on fire, the need in your lower belly almost painful. 

Finally, his hand slipped past the stretchy hem of your pants. His fingers gripped your thigh as his thumb slipped under your panties. You made an inhuman sound when his wet thumb found your clit. 

"Gods, that feels so good," you said, grinding your hips lower onto his thickness. It pushed up into you, almost penetrating you through your clothing. The fabric rubbed with friction, making your toes curl on either side of him.

You hadn't realized your eyes were closed until his middle finger poked between your lips. His other hand was still tracing shapes on your clit. You gave him a look, but he smirked. 

"Suck on it. You'll want it wet," he said. You gave him a dirty look as you swirled your tongue around the finger and he pushed it deep into your mouth. You sucked hard on it, and he gulped, no doubt imagining what it would feel like on his cock. You were picturing it too.

He pulled it out when it was wet enough, and in seconds, his finger was rimming your other hole.

"Yeah?" he asked, waiting for permission.

"Fuck, yes, just-"

His finger penetrating your ass sucked the breath out of you. He was only one knuckle in, but the feeling of his dragging it in and out of you, his other thumb circling your clit, and his cock rubbing up into you, you couldn't hold back the moan that erupted from you. His dick wasn't even in you and you felt completely stuffed. Your hands gripped his shoulders like your life depended on it as you rocked back forth over his cock and fingers. You arched your back, pushing back further onto his finger in your ass, and you both gasped as your muscles clenched around his fingers. 

"Good gods, woman, you feel so good," he hissed, liking a stripe up your neck before pulling the tender skin through his teeth.

"And you're not even in me yet." He cut you off with a particularly aggressive thrust, and you made sounds you didn't know were humanly possible.

You were getting close now, overstimulated and practically drooling on Vicrul's lap, rocking your hips like a mad woman. Tension pooled in your belly as your vision started blurring. His thumb sped up its pace on your clit, and in seconds, you were biting down on his neck to hide your mewling. The sharp taste of copper filled your mouth as your orgasm ripped through you, shaking you to your core. Your muscles tightened around his fingers, and he cursed as he pulled it out of you.

Pulling away from him, you wiped your mouth sheepishly, flinching when you saw the blood dripping from his neck.

"Sorry," you muttered, still in a daze.

He shook his head, grinning up at you. "That was so fucking hot."

He leaned in to kiss you, but at the other side of the room, the door slammed open so hard it fell off of its hinges, the noise shaking you. Kylo was marching through the door frame and towards you. You were paralyzed in shock. 

"What-" you muttered. 

Vicrul's eyes widened. "Kylo-"

And then he was flying out of the back room and into the main one with a wave of Ren's hand. Vicrul hit the floor with a thud behind the rest of the Knights, his head rolling side to side as he groaned in pain. His neck was dripping blood onto the floor. A couple Knights jumped to their feet but didn't move any more than that. They looked as shocked as you were as you followed the two of them out of the room, frantically trying to adjust your clothing.

"Vicrul!" you shouted, running towards him, but after a step, you were frozen in place. 

You couldn't move your head, but you could hear footsteps approaching--Kylo. You were seething. 

"Let me fucking go, you vile-"

He cut off your words by gripping your jaw, hard. It had been a while since you'd seen him with his mask on, and it was just as terrifying as the first time. You tried to pull back from his gloved grip, with no luck, of course. You settled for glaring.

Kylo was shaking with tension. You could taste his anger. You looked around for help, but the Knights looked just as shocked as you.

"What did I fucking tell you?" he spat, the modulator in his mask making his words even more menacing. Somehow the fact that it was in front of the Knights made it so much worse. You felt stupid. Were they supposed to help? Of course not.

You tried to spit curses at him, but his grip kept you silent except for garbled gibberish. You were surprised your anger hadn't melted his stupid leather gloves. 

He bent so his mask was inches from you. He was under that mask. After everything, he was still acting like this. And in that moment you hated him.

He hissed, tightening his grip. "You couldn't just stick to the ridiculous doctor boy? He wasn't enough for you? You have to spread your legs for any fucking person who shows you an inch of attention?"

You were livid. Rage gave you the strength to push forward and bite the tender skin between his thumb and index finger. Too quickly to register, he groaned and threw you to the ground. You yelped as your head hit the couch while you crumpled. In a second he was over you, fist curling in your hair. You tried to turn away, but he kept your gaze on him.

"You have to whore around with my Knights too now?" he spat. Your lip trembled, but your eyes couldn't leave his mask. 

Someone cleared their throat across the room. "Kylo, leave her-"

Kylo's hand shot out, cutting Trudgen's sentence short. Your stomach rolled when you heard him choking. 

You screamed, trying to push him back. "Get off of me! Let him go, you monster!"

He bent closer, tightening his grip in your hair, making you whimper. "You don't get to make demands to me, woman." Tears welled in your eyes, and you hated it. Hated that he treated you like this, hated that the Knights didn't do anything, and mostly, hated that you'd upset him. But he was a monster. All this because what? You hadn't even fucked Vicrul, and even if you did, he made it clear he didn't care about you. Even if he did, it's none of his business. Every time you'd ever believed there was good in him, you'd been wrong. You hated him.

"There's no good in you," you whispered so quietly he probably didn't hear it.

But he bent so his mask rubbed your cheek. You shivered. "I've been telling you that for weeks, sweetheart." 

Your breath caught in your throat. "Then prove it." When he didn't move, you continued with a shaky voice. "Kill me now, or let me transfer jobs. End whatever this is and put me out of my misery." Finally a tear escaped the dam you'd tried to build. Every millimeter of skin it touched as it rolled down your face felt like it was on fire.

He stilled, even stopped breathing. There was no way to know what he was thinking. Was he deciding the best way to kill you?

You didn't wait to find out. Your hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling his fingers out of your hair with little resistance. You squirmed out from under him and pushed up to your feet. Trudgen's face was red, but he was breathing again. Vicrul was sitting, fine, but bleeding from his neck. His face was clouded with one million emotions. You could tell he wanted to reach out to you, but you both knew better. All eyes were on Ren.

You ran out of the room before Kylo changed his mind and tried to kill you. What the hell had just happened? Why was he there? And why was he so upset? Everything had happened so fast. Your feet moved you, shaky hands wiping tears from your face. You didn't even know where you were going. Somehow, you found yourself stopped outside of Bradley's hospital room. The lights were on, so hopefully you wouldn't be waking him. Drying your face, you took a few deep breaths.

You knocked lightly on the door. "Come in!" Bradley called, and you did. He was sitting up and smiling when you came in, charts and scans scattered around the bed. 

"Oh, Rusty," he grinned at his nickname for you that you did not find amusing. "How's your day going?" 

You ignored the question, but he didn't notice. "I didn't know you'd be awake. What's all that?" you asked, nodding to the mess of papers around him. 

He shrugged, shoulder sagging slightly. "Trying to reassign all my cases that require surgery." He held up his injured hand. Guilt pinched at your heart. 

You took a step toward him, fingers skimming the papers. "Anything I can help with?" 

He gave you a smile that wasn't supposed to be condescending, but almost came off that way. "Not much cardio stuff you could help with, right?"

"Right," you nodded. 

"Plus," he smirked. "I need you nursing me back to full health." His good hand wrapped around yours as he leaned in towards you. It was your fault he was in the bed in the first place.

Gasping, you took a step back. His eyes snapped open, unable to hide his expression of hurt. 

"We need to end things," you let out.

"Wait, what? Why?" he asked, face falling. "If it's because I can't handle my liquor, I promise you I won't drink like that ever again," he smiled up at you like you were joking, and it made your stomach drop.

You felt terrible. "No, no, it's not that. I'm just... I'm just caught up in a lot of stuff with work right now." It wasn't a lie. 

He puffed out a breath. "Rusty, come on, don't use that on me. That's the excuse doctors use on people who don't know better than to question it. I'm busy too. I know that we won't be able to see each other every day, and I know the job will always come first."

You frowned. "It's not an excuse. The stuff with the Knights has really turned my life upside down."

He shook his head, staring at the wall, jaw clenched. "If you're going to make up excuses, at least use a better one than that."

You took a deep breath. He was right. He deserved the truth. "I'm seeing someone else." It was a lie. You hated Ren now, and no matter what your feelings were for Vicrul, there was no way Ren would ever let you entertain it. He'd probably kill you, Vicrul, and Bradley for fun. This way, at least Bradley would be safe.

His gaze snapped back to yours. "What?"

"It, um..." you tried to find the right words. "It hasn't been going on long, and it started before you asked me out but-"

"Do you love him?"

You fought the urge to laugh. No, I hate him, you thought. But that wouldn't help you letting him down easily. "No"

He ran his hands over his face before meeting your gaze again. "Okay..."

"Okay?" you asked, and he didn't continue. "Bradley, I-"

He cut you off. "Thank you for fixing my wrist, but I'd like to be left alone please." 

You took a step back, nodding. You couldn't blame him for not wanting to see you. You left his room, tears brimming. You were doing the right thing. You could challenge and fight with Kylo all you wanted and hold your ground, but now other people were involved. Bradley could get seriously hurt. Again. That guilt would ruin you. He had to be safe, and at this point, there were no discernible limits to what Kylo was capable of. If he'd hurt his own Knight, he'd have no squalls about killing Bradley. You broke things off to keep Bradley safe. Right?

But you knew deep down that was not the only reason. 

When you kissed Bradley, it was nice and comfortable. But you didn't want that. You wanted fire and passion and excitement, like what you got from Vicrul... And Kylo.

"I'm gonna put myself in a coma before I let him hear those thoughts," you whispered.

After all that had happened, all you wanted was to sit down with your friends and tell them everything. Victor would tease you for getting involved with Ren in the first place, and Cora would say some wise stuff that would make you feel better for a little while. But you couldn't see either of them. Even if they hadn't told Maddox directly, they told someone who told her. And after your justified accusations, they were both upset also. And you weren't going to be the first to apologize.

The rest of the day was miserable. You felt terrible about Bradley, and hopeless about Victor and Cora. Nothing real could have ever happened with Kylo, but having him act like he did in the arena earlier was a rude awakening that you shouldn't have needed. The red flags were there since the second you'd met him--he accused you for treason and threatened execution--but you'd ignored them all. He showed you the kind of person he was. Unforgiving, unrelenting, and completely unreasonable. 

And the Knights didn't life a finger to help! Yesterday, you were wedged under Ren's boots, surrounded by all six of them, and short of Vicrul telling Ren he had to leave, none of them lifted a finger to help at all. And just now, they didn't even try to help their own brother when Kylo was on his rampage. You weren't delusional--you knew that any kind of relationship you had with them was strictly professional--and barely--but really, none of them would bat an eye if he killed you in the middle of their training room or their game room? Maybe you were delusional to think any of them cared about you more than a glorified bandaid. 

If you stayed, he'd probably end up killing you. And maybe more. You couldn't let that happen.

You knew what you had to do. You were going to request a transfer, and you weren't giving up until you were far from Starkiller base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! I hope you all liked the Vicrul smut. I always knew I didn't like Bradley for us, and Vicrul was just written as a guilty pleasure of mine, but now I really like him for us! 
> 
> Anyway, more drama coming, AND more Rey interactions :) Thanks for still reading!
> 
> Oh also, I upped the chapter count again, sorry!


	29. Just been busy brutally murdering people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day! I can't believe it either. It was super rushed and uneditted, but I'm excited about where this is going and wanted to crank out some more chapters! LMK what you think is going to happen :)

You'd done it. Hux had approved your transfer to another ship. The Finalizer. You had rolled your eyes at the name, unsurprised by the First Order's dramatics.

You were surprised by how easily he'd said yes to your transfer request. You weren't sure if Kylo had anything to do with it, and you didn't care. In just hours, you'd be far from Starkiller and far from all the drama of it as well. Leaving Victor and Cora made you sick, but you couldn't stay here for any longer than necessary.

After packing most of your stuff, you decided to do one of the stupidest things ever. You were going to regret it, for sure, but you couldn't stop yourself. In just a few minutes, you were standing outside the scavenger's cell.

"What are you doing?" the stormtrooper outside of the room asked.

You flashed him your medical badge. "Commander Ren wanted me to come check on her." He nodded and let you in. When you entered the room, her face was expressionless, but her fists were clenched, still strapped to the interrogation table.

"You're back," she stated. When you didn't respond, she nodded towards your empty hands. "I'm guessing you aren't here for a checkup."

Looking down at your hands, you shrugged. You probably should have at least brought some medical supplies. It wasn't like you planned to be here though.

"I guess not," you conceded.

She regarded you silently for a moment. Probably doing her weird Force thing. "You're here to talk about Ren?"

You didn't react. You didn't know what you were doing down there, but she was probably right. If anyone could answer questions about him, it was probably her. Not that it would be a good idea. You should have turned, walked out of the cell, left the stupid base, and never give Ren or the Knights another thought.

"That'd be silly if I were, right?"

She shrugged as much as the restraints would allow. "I can feel a lot of emotions from you in regards to you."

Your cheeks heated. She would always be able to understand him in a way you wouldn't.

"You're jealous," she stated simply. You glared until you realized there was no malice behind the words.

"I'm not-" you started, but she cut you off.

"You shouldn't be." Your shoulders relaxed the tiniest bit.

Your fingers played with your coat absentmindedly. "Shouldn't I be?"

She nodded towards her restraints. "He's keeping me prisoner." You didn't know how to react until she smiled. "So no, you shouldn't." Not that he wasn't keeping you prisoner in another kind of way.

"What'd you do anyways?"

"Wrong place, wrong time," she shrugged. She grinned up at me. She really was pretty. "I bet it'd piss him off if you let me out of here."

You couldn't help but laugh. She had a good point. "I wouldn't even know how."

"Ren and the stormtroopers have a key," she said offhandedly, not expecting anything serious from me.

"I can't believe he's keeping you here for no reason," you told her.

She was thoughtful for a moment. "You know he's not all bad, right?" When all you could give her was a confused expression, she continued. "He's confused. A million things tearing him in different ways. Some dark, some light. Snoke, the Order, his feelings of hurt and abandonment," she told you. "His family, the way he doesn't completely agree with the First Order..." She looked at you intensely. "... You."

You were frozen in place, in shock. "Me?" you whispered.

She nodded slowly. "But you had to know that, right? Deep down?"

Did you? He'd shown you moments of affection, but they were rare and fleeting. And recently, it was like he was trying extra hard to show you how little you meant to him.

The girl had to be wrong. She was messing with you or something. Force users do that.

"He doesn't care about me," you said outloud, unsure if you were talking to her or yourself.

She raised an eyebrow. "I think you know that's not true."

"You're wrong."

"I've been in his head. I'm not wrong," she insisted. What the hell was happening? You going to a prisoner who is assuring you of Kylo Ren's feelings for you. Weeks ago, the only thing on your mind was residency, and now your life was more complicated than you could have ever imagined.

You gave her a skeptical look. "Why are you telling me this?"

She let out a laugh. "Boredom. Girls helping girls. I dunno."

You smiled. "I guess I'll try to help you too then."

Her eyes widened. "You'll get me out?"

"I'll try," you said, putting emphasis on the last word. But how? You wouldn't be able to physically overtake a trooper. And Ren would know what you were planning if he got within a hundred feet of you. "Can you use the Force on me? Like hide it from myself so he won't hear it in my head?"

She gave you a skeptical look. "Are you sure?" You nodded. "This might hurt."

You were about to commit treason, letting this girl free. But she was innocent. And you liked the idea of girls helping girls.

Plus, it would piss of Kylo.

"It's fine," you reassured her.

Her eyes closed in concentration, and you felt a slight pressure on your skull. You tried relaxing to let it in. After that everything was fuzzy until she opened her eyes.

She smiled.

There was something you needed to do, but couldn't quite remember.

"Is there something I can call you besides scavenger?" you asked her.

"I'm Rey."

Rey. It was a pretty name. It fit her. You told her your name as well. "I know. I saw it in his head."

With a smile, you left the cell, on a mission to get her out before you left base.

~~~~~

As soon as you left the cell, you yawned, then cursed. You’d be no use to anyone as tired as you were hardly slept at all, spending most of the night tossing and turning. You'd stripped the bed, changed the sheets, changed your clothes, and showered three times to get the touch of Kylo off, but it was no use.

After rolling around in bed, trying unsuccessfully to lull yourself back to sleep until your alarm went off, you made your way to the hospital, wanting to check some charts before watching the Knights. It was your last day, and that thought filled you with conflicting emotions.

Checking the holo for updates on patients, you stopped when Bradley's name popped up. DISCHARGED. Turning to a nurse, you asked where he'd went.

"Oh he discharged himself last night. Something about going back home to see family," she said, not looking up from her own screen.

Went back to see his family? He couldn't perform surgery, but he could still be taking non surgical patients. It didn't make sense for him to leave so suddenly. It hurt that he would leave without telling you, but after last night, he didn't owe you anything. But why would he go back? His home planet likely didn't have all he needed for a successful recovery for his arm. Maybe they did. It wasn't your business anymore. The thought made your stomach clench.

But leave in the middle of the night? It didn't make sense. But you had to get to the arena, so you decided to look into it later. When you got to the training room, the boys were at the weapons rack near the bleachers. Smiling as you approached, you said, "Good morning."

A couple of them flinched. They'd heard you, but not a single one turned your way. What were they playing at? Weird.

"How are you guys?" you asked, a little louder, staying at the edge of the circle they'd formed around the weapons rack. No response. "Good day for training, huh?" you tried again. It was like you weren't even alive.

You laid a hand gently on Vicrul's shoulder, wound covered by a long black tee. The bite mark on his neck was still red and puffy, but you didn’t comment on it. You wanted to talk to him about what happened the night before, but it didn’t seem like a good time.

"Vicrul, how's your shoulder feeling?"

He spun around, glaring at you with such intensity you stepped back, tripping over a crack on the floor and tumbling to the floor. You were so frozen in his harsh gaze that you didn't even feel the pain shooting into your small hands that caught you as you landed on your ass.

"What..." you whispered, eyes wide and full of hurt and confusion. The rest of them walked past you to the mat while Vicrul towered over you with a look that stimulated your fight or flight response. Trudgen glanced at you with a shrug so small you may have imagined it.

His nostrils flared. "Don't," was all he said before stepping around you to join the rest. After a few moments, the shock wore off and you could push to your feet, taking a seat on the bench to watch. Everything was normal, just like any other day, but there was a tension in the room. Maybe it was just you, but it was making your day miserable. Seconds stretched to hours as you sat in uncomfortable silence.

What was going on? They'd all pretended like you didn't exist.

Maybe it wasn't new. Had you just imagined the relationship that you had been cultivating with them over the past weeks? You weren't friends, no, but you were growing to care for them. You thought the feeling was mutual, but apparently it was all imagined.

Or maybe you were overreacting?

About an hour into the day, Cardo's feet got swiped from under him by someone's weapon, and he fell back to the ground, head hitting concrete past the edge of the mat. You jumped to your feet and ran to him.

When he looked up at you, his pupils were dilated, and he was swaying slightly.

"Get away from me," he muttered.

"Cardo, you have a concussion," you told him for probably the tenth time since you'd met him. You reached a hand out toward him to steady him, but he slapped it away. You pulled back, but the rejection hurt more than the actual hit. "What..."

He sat up, turning away from you. "Don't fucking touch me," he spat.

You looked at him, then the rest, confused. Ushar rolled his eyes. "Just let it go," he told you, his cold tone making your stomach clench. You'd expect this from Ap'lek, but not the rest of them. When it was clear they weren't going to say anymore, you got up.

Yeah, you weren't imagining the hostility towards you today.

"Okay, fine," you whispered, pushing up with shaky legs and making your way back to your usual seat, trying not to pout, but it was unsuccessful.

What the hell was going on? Everything in your life had been flipped on its head. It seemed like everything that could go wrong was going wrong. Was this because Kylo?

Also, even if the Knights suddenly hated you, why would that matter? You hated them too. Stupid, arrogant, idiots. Ruining your residency and preventing you from getting the medical training that you were supposed to be getting from the First Order.

Whatever, it didn't matter. That night, you would be on a transport to get out of here anyway.

As if the day couldn't get worse, the door opened, revealing your favorite galactic murderer.

Don't come over, don't come over here, don't come over here, you chanted internally. If he heard, he ignored it, because he made his way to your side of the arena with brisk determination. When he approached, he didn't even look at you as he placed his mask on the bleachers and turned his attention to the weapons rack beside it. His fingers trailed over the selection of lethal objects.

"How are you?" he asked, his voice too tense. The foreign, casual words felt like an icicle to the chest. You were the only one around, so he must have been talking to you. Was he serious? Was this his shit version of an apology?

"I'm great," you said, almost a question.

"Hmm."

Anger flashed through you. After attacking you in front of the Knights a couple of nights ago, he was making small talk?

"I've been making sure no men but you touch me, lest they get brutally murdered by you," you snapped with as much malice as you could.

He barely heard you. "Very nice," he mumbled, taking special interest in a blunt spear on the rack.

You sighed, unsure what he wanted. "How are you?" you asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Good. Just been busy brutally murdering people," he muttered as if an afterthought. Your blood boiled. What was he getting at?

After what seemed like years, you asked, "Kylo, what are you doing here?"

He finally looked at you, almost mad. "I'm training." And he made his way to the mat in the middle of the room, the Knights opening up and surrounding him.

You couldn't take your eyes off of Kylo as he fought. After watching the Knights for weeks, you knew that they were strong, capable fighting machines, but somehow Kylo reduced them to looking like children with fake swords. It was mesmerizing. Almost intimate. If you'd had doubts, you now were positive he was the most terrifying and powerful person in the galaxy. Heat pooled in your belly, and you jerked your gaze away from him.

In a particularly aggressive stroke, he'd hit Kuruk in the shoulder, sending him sprawling to the ground. You jumped to your feet and started walking to him, but Kuruk looked over at your with... fear in his eyes?

You weren't welcome there anymore. And you didn't know why, but you had a good guess.

"Screw you all," you spit at them, mostly at Kylo before stomping out of the room. You weren't going back to the training arena, so you went to the hospital. The Knights probably wouldn't notice your absence. And if they did, they likely just be happy about it.

Screw them. You’d be leaving starkiller by the end of the day anyways, and you’d never have to worry about their stupid mood swings and pissing contests.

Once got to the medbay, you literally ran straight into Victor. He stepped back with a frown that deepened when he saw you.

"What? You want to come throw more accusations at me? Trying to get me demoted again?" he asked, deadpan.

You huffed, puffing out your chest. "No, I..." You trailed off, shoulders sagging. The world was crumbling around you, and you didn't have a single person you could talk to about it. Your eyes stung.

He must have noticed something, because his expression softened. Just a bit. He took a step back. "What is it?"

You shook your head, knowing you'd start crying if you spoke.

He looked you up and down, turning around. "What is it?" he asked again. He'd done this before. He knew it was easier for you to talk when you couldn't see him sometimes. Even during a fight, he was thinking about you.

"I can't go back to the arena."

"Why?" he asked, emotionless.

A tear trailed down your cheek as you composed yourself. "The Knights won't let me treat them."

"Why? Weren't you the only one they'd let touch them?"

You nodded even though he couldn't see. "Yeah, but then Kylo attacked me a couple days ago and now they-"

"He attacked you?" he asked, anger in his voice.

"Yes, but-"

"Did you tell anyone?" he asked.

You sobbed quietly. "Of course not. You think anyone cares?"

His shoulders stilled.

"I asked Hux to take me off their service," you told him, not wanting to tell him about the transfer request also.

Victor nodded once. "What can I do?"

"Can you take the rest of my shift today?"

"Of course," he said.

"Thank you, Victor," you choked out. He turned a few inches before stopping himself. You wanted to wrap your arms around him, but you were still fighting. And you'd fall apart if you hugged him. He nodded again before walking away, to the training arena, you assumed. You felt awful about leaving the base while things with him and Cora were so tense, but you had to go.

A message on your holo pinged, reporting that you had one more patient for the day.

When you walked through the door of the examination room, Kylo Ren was sitting on the bed, feet dangling over the bed as he leaned back on the wall, mask on. You stepped back, eyes wide, trying to flee, but the door slammed behind you. Your hand jerked on the handle, but of course it didn't budge. You were stuck.


	30. The choking again? Aren’t we passed this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you all to anyone who left the super sweet comments! You all really make my day. I still can't believe anyone likes my work, but you all give me motivation to keep writing! I hope you enjoy! It's kind of a fast chapter, but there's lots of action coming after!

Locked in the room with him, you sighed snapping your gaze to Kylo’s masked one. "What do you want Kylo?

"You didn't come back to training today," he said with the emotion of a rock.

You turned to the door, hand on the still locked knob. “Let me out of here. I'm working right now."

His arms crossed over his chest. "Your job is with the Knights today."

"Not today, Kylo, please," you said, exhausted. The ups and downs with him had been absolutely draining, and with the end so close, you didn’t have the energy to fight with him.

“You need to be down there with me—them.”

You rolled your eyes. "Why? So they can deny my help when they're hurt? I'm too good of a surgeon to be wasting my time down there. Fuck that."

His fists clenched. He was angry, but restraining himself for some reason.

"You’re just trying to avoid me," he said, voice emotionless through the mask. Your hand jiggled the knob once more, hoping in vain that it would magically be unlocked. It wasn't.

You turned back to him and gave him a tight lipped smile. "Why would I do something like that?" you asked sourly.

His hands reached up, pulling off his mask and dropping it to the bed as he shook his hair out. Your breath caught at his beauty. Even in your angered state, you couldn't help to notice how gorgeous he was.

"You requested a transfer." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

A strange emotion crossed his face briefly before it went back to his usual brooding self. "Why?"

You clenched your fists to keep them from shaking. It didn't work. "Why do you care?"

He snorted, standing from the hospital bed. He walked towards you, slowly, giving you time to move. You didn’t. He ignored you. "Where were you going to go? You and your doctor boyfriend were going to leave Starkiller?" His gloved hand trailed up and down your arm, pulling out goosebumps from your flesh.

You gasped, remembering how Bradley had mysteriously checked himself out of the hospital. "You sent him away?"

He gave you a disapproving look. "Why would I do that?"

"Is he okay?"

He shrugged, pushing farther into you so that your chests barely brushed each other. His presence was making your head foggy. "Probably.” You glared up at him, slack jawed.

"Is that what you're doing now? Hurting any men that are nice to me?" you asked. He didn't answer. "Hurting your own Knights?" You shuddered at the image of Kylo Force throwing Vicrul to the floor yesterday.

He growled. "That wasn't because of you." But one hand slid around your lower back, pulling you off the door and into his chest. You gasped, hands on his shoulders, but you didn't push him back. He bent slightly, making your back bend so that all your weight was resting against his forearm. His head tilted down, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. He inhaled deeply, and you shivered, knees weakening.

“Why did you do that with Vicrul?” he asked, a strange emotion in his voice.

You pulled your head back to glare at him. “Why do you fucking care?”

He glared back, his arms still around you. “Don’t be dense. You know why.”

You balled your fists. “I want you to say it.” His expression changed. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Your vision flashed red in anger. “Say it, Kylo! Say it, or leave me-”

Then his lips were on yours, and your words died in your throat. Knees buckling, his arms kept you upright and flush against his chest. His lips moved against yours, soft but frantic. He squeezed his arms around you, causing you to gasp and giving him an opening to slip his tongue past your teeth. After a second, you responded, kissing him back no matter how stupid it was. It was nice, and infuriating, and confusing, but with each passing second, your anger faded, and so did his.

You expected his hands to travel, either groping you or tearing off your clothes, but they stayed put, content with just holding you against him. Your heart soared.

But clarity kicked in, and your fists pushed him back. He released you with a confused look, his lips pink and swollen.

You took a deep breath, willing your hands to stop shaking. “Kylo…”

He looked like he was in agony. “Does that not answer your question?” he pleaded.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “I want you to answer my question. Say it, or leave me alone, please. I can’t keep living like this.” You were pleading to.

In the eternity if took for him to answer, neither of you took a breath. It felt like if you moved, the world would explode.

“I…” he started, and you could feel your heart beat out of your chest. He took a deep breath. “Can’t.” And without a second glance, he was out of the room, leaving you alone again.

But with his admission, you had perfect clarity. Even after all of this, he couldn’t communicate with you at all? Vicrul never would have led you on like this, and Bradley definitely wouldn’t have. But that was history. You deserved better than Kylo. Hopefully you found it once you were transferred.

Something in your hand tore you from your thoughts. A key?

Your eyes widened in realization. The key to free Rey! Whatever she had done to your mind to protect your plans from Kylo, it worked. And now you had a promise to keep.

But how?

~~~

One hour later, you were fully dressed in Stormtrooper gear. You’d remembered seeing it during your first closet encounter with Ren. Luckily, it fit. There was even a blaster in the storage closet. The First Order needed to keep better track of its stuff.

You made your way back down to Rey’s cell where there was only one trooper posted outside. Your heart raced, trying to come up with a plan to get him to leave.

It wasn’t hard.

“Phasma’s looking for you,” you told the trooper.

They reacted immediately. “What for?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want to keep her waiting.” Instantly, they were clambering down the hall, probably pissing themselves. You’d heard rumors that she was terrifying, and apparently you were correct.

The sliding door remained open. Before you got a chance to speak, Rey’s voice echoed through the room.

“You will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open,” she said slowly.

“What did you say?” you asked, voice masked by the vocoder. You wondered how Kylo and the Knights managed to wear stupid masks all day.

“You will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open,” she repeated, breathing hard.

You walked up to the interrogation table, looking down at her.

“I’ll tighten these restraints,” you said. Her eyes went wide with fear, but you started laughing. Her confusion turned to relief when you took the mask off.

“Oh thank the maker, you scared me!” she said, calming down.

“Were you trying to use the Force on me?” you asked.

Her cheeks flushed. “Maybe. Did it work?”

“No idea. I was going to take off the restraints anyway,” you said, both chuckling.

But then she groaned. “Too bad I can’t use it on these stupid cuffs.”

You smiled, the key you’d taken from Kylo dangling from a gloved finger. “Don’t need to.”

Rey beamed up at you as you freed her from the table. She stretched out her muscles with a satisfied groan. “Wow, that feels good. How’d you get it?” she asked.

Flushing, you shrugged, thinking about the kiss with Kylo. That was confusing. “It was easier than I thought.”

She smirked at you, as if reading your mind. “You dirty girl.”

You rolled your eyes. “So what’s the plan now? Do you need help getting off the ship?”

Smiling, she shook her head. “You’ve done enough. I can manage by myself from here.”

You nodded, fingers twiddling, unsure of what to do or say. You barely knew the girl, but you felt a strange connection to her. You were almost sad for her to be leaving.

Wow, you really needed to make up with Cora.

Rey smiled at you. “Good luck with Kylo!” she said, pulling you in for a hug.

“I probably won’t be seeing him again,” you said, hugged her back. It was nice, but you sighed. “Whatever you saw in his head... whatever feelings… you were wrong. He doesn’t feel anything for me.”

She pulled back, looking you deep in the eyes. “I promise you I’m not wrong. And it’s no wonder why he has feelings for you.”

You smiled at her sheepishly. “You’re sweet. I’m really glad I met you, Rey,” you told her. And you meant it.

“So am I,” she said. “And not just because you got me out of here.” You both laughed.

You gently shoved her shoulder. “Get out of here before he comes back and kills us both.” You both knew that wouldn’t happen though. “Oh, and he’s a blaster!”

She took it from your outstretched hand. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “I don’t need it.” She rolled it in her hands, switching off the safety. “Go on then, get out of here.”

She gave you one last smile before jogging out of the room. You weren’t sure why, but you felt like you did the right thing.

You put your mask on before walking into the empty hallway. Whatever stormtrooper you’d convinced to leave their post was probably going to be in a lot of trouble. With a glance at the wall, you realized the transport ship that would be taking you to the Finalizer was scheduled to leave in an hour.

When you got back to your room, you packed up your remaining things. It wasn’t much, and the room was cold and impersonal, but you were going to miss it.

The sound of the door unlocking froze you. No one could know about Rey yet. You turned, expecting the worst, but Kylo was closing the door behind him, mask already off and on the table. He looked. Sad?

“You’re really leaving?” he asked.

You nodded to your packed bag on the bed. “Yeah.”

“… You could stay.”

You sighed. “I can’t. I don’t want to. Whatever this is,” you waved your hand between the two of you, “it’s making my life too complicated. I lost chief resident because of it, my friends, and time I should have spent in surgery. I need to get away from here and away from…” You. You didn’t say the word aloud, but he knew.

“The Knights need you.”

You rolled your eyes. “The Knights won’t even acknowledge my existence right now.” You tried to sound fierce, but their treatment towards you twisted knots in your stomach.

“I-” he started, but he shook his head, cutting himself off. He took two steps, closing the distance between you. You bent back slightly, needing space to think clearly. “You have to stay.” He was all seriousness now.

You laughed, but it was dry. “I don’t have to do anything you say!” You turned to grab your bag and storm out, but you turned back with a finger in his face, fuming. “You can throw all the tantrums you want, destroy all the walls you want with your stupid laser sword, and you can threat as many people as you want, but sorry to tell you: You can’t fucking tell me what to do anymore!” You were yelling now, ears heated and hands shaking, but you weren’t backing down.

He was angry now too. A huge gloved hand wrapped all the way around your bicep. “I’m Commander of The First Order. I-”

“That’s very impressive, Commander,” you spit, putting malice in the designation. “But you say that a lot and have nothing to show for it! So either fire me, kill me, or let. Me. Go.” You tugged away from him, but it was no use. “I’m not going to sit here and watch you hurt everyone that gets close to me anymore!”

His brow pinched as he glared down at you. "You're on your high horse, doctor, but you and I are the same."

You scoffed. "Excuse me? You just nearly killed a man because your feelings were hurt!"

"Don't act like the thought of cutting into someone doesn't make your heart race with excitement. Exactly how I feel when my saber is cutting through someone. We're the same."

"I know you didn't just compare my surgical career to your murdering sprees."

He shrugged. "Same concept. Also, your salary depends on people getting hurt, so I was really just doing you a favor."

You threw your hands up in frustration, knocking his hand from your arm. "I'm sure that you believe that too, don't you? You’re unbelievable!”

For once, he surprised you by not giving you a reaction. His head turned around, as if looking for something. His eyebrows pinched as he turned to look at you.

“What did you do?” he asked, voice low. His fists were at his side, shaking in anger.

Your eyes widened. What was he talking about? He couldn’t know about Rey…

As if he could read your mind, his nostrils flared. His hand outstretched, and in seconds, his grip was locked tight against your throat.

You thrashed against his grip uselessly. “Kylo, stop-”

“You freed her didn’t you? The scavenger?” He was furious. And you were terrified. This was it. The final straw. Would he actually kill you this time? It felt like a long-time-coming kind of thing. At least you got some good lays before it happened. But you weren’t going down without a fight. 

You slammed a good punch into his elbow, and he let you go, clawing at your neck to catch your breath. You glared up at him. “Really? The choking again? Aren’t we passed this?” You screamed.

His gaze turned to the trooper uniform in the corner of your room. His face was beet red. Shit. He was furious. He ignored your outburst, pointing a daunting finger at you that chilled your spine.

“I’ll deal with you later.” He turned on his heel, taking his mask and leaving you alone. You collected your things to get the hell off of this wretched base. Rey would be alright—somehow you were sure of it—but unless you got off of Starkiller, you likely wouldn’t be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit! I started this as quick doctor smut, and now I'm 30 chapters in, invested in these characters, crying bc the Knights, and absolutely never wanting this to end! I'm upping the chapter count ONE LAST TIME because I love you all.
> 
> I hope you all liked how Rey fit into the story! I was going to write a RC/Rey smut scene, but I think I'll leave that for the Knight/OC fic I'm going to start working on after this (It'll overlap with this story). 
> 
> If you all have any predictions or quick things you'd like to see happen for the last few chapters, LMK and I'll try to fit them in! I should be updating again today or tomorrow! :)


	31. Then I'll owe you one hell of an apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MINOR character death in this scene (dude doesn't even have a name) but I thought I should warn you just in case
> 
> THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMUT BUT NOW HAS PLOT AND FEELINGS UGH
> 
> Anyways, sorry I suck at writing action, but I think you all will like what's coming! Thanks again for all the awesome comments (and 700 kudos?! WOW!) Lmk if there's any last minute stuff you all would like to see :)

You were seated in the main hangar. Ships and troopers were bustling about, but you paid them no attention. A transport ship was being loaded with medical equipment that would be taken to the Finalizer, and eventually you would be taking it to some planets where the fighting was the worst. The work there would be difficult and dirty, but it'd be nothing compared to the emotional strain of staying on Starkiller.

You did have two regrets about leaving.

Pulling out your holo, you started typing out a message to Victor and Cora, apologizing for everything. Accusing them. Leaving without saying goodbye. All of it. Tears started brimming in your eyes when you deleted your message for the twentieth time. 

You were typing out another message when the hangar started shaking.

You looked around, assuming it was a ship landing roughly, but based on other people's reactions, that probably wasn't the case. People were looking around, confused. When a much larger and longer tremor pulsed through the base, tossing you out of your seat, you screamed. This was not normal. Alarms blared, people packed into the available ships, and absolute chaos ensued.

What the hell was happening?

"Starkiller's going to blow!" one pilot screamed frantically while sprinting to a TIE and taking off. 

Forgetting your suitcase, you ran toward the transport that was supposed to be taking you away soon. Carts and bins rested near the bottom of the ramp, remaining unpacked and forgotten amidst the panic.

"Are you leaving now?" you asked one trooper who was running up the ramp. The hangar quaked, some lights shattering and going out while debris fell from the ceiling.

"Yes, come on!" he yelled, motioning for you to climb up the ramp. Behind you, there was a loud crash, and the sound of some people screaming. You whipped around to see two men collapsed under a huge crate, pinned to the ground by their legs. Your stomach clenched as they screamed in pain, trying fruitlessly to get out from under it.

"Are you coming or not?" the trooper asked. You looked between him and the two men. And again, fingers twitching at your side. "Well?" he demanded.

You turned back to the men, grabbing a bag of medical supplies from beside the ship.

"Suit yourself!" he yelled, climbing into the ship, ramping closing up behind him before the ship took off, narrowly avoiding falling debris before pulling out of the hangar and zipping off into the sky.

You ran toward the two men, kneeling beside them.

"Help," one croaked, reaching out to you with bloody hands, pleading. You nodded, riffling through the bag until you found two syringes. Plunging them into their upper arms, their breathing almost instantly evened out.

You assessed the damage. One man was only pinned by one leg, but the other was pinned from the pelvis down. You pulled up his shirt, and were horrified to see the battered state of him. Broken bones were trying to poke through his skin, and the area around was black and blue. He coughed, rolling to one side, blood trickling from the side of his mouth.

"No no no no no," you whispered, fingers reaching out to check his pulse. You closed your eyes for a brief second, choking back tears as the life left his body under your hands. You hiccuped before letting one hand reach out and close his eyes. Whatever was happening to the base had already killed at least one person, and it would likely continue to take lives.

You turned to the other man, who was in much better shape, but still bruised and battered. His lower leg would be completely shattered, based on the size of the crate. You ripped a part of his shirt and tied it around the leg, hoping to prevent any blood clots from entering the rest of his system.

He looked at you with glassy eyes. "Am I gonna die?"

"No. No!" you yelled, tying off the knot. He grimaced. He wasn't going to die. He couldn't.

His hand fell onto your ankle, gripping it weakly. "It feels like..."

Your hands were shaking now. "You're NOT going to die!" you yelled, but he couldn't hear. Small drops of water fell onto his chest, and you realized that you were crying.

"Get it together," you snapped at yourself. "You're a doctor for stars sake."

His eyes closed slowly. "No!" you said, trying to shake him awake. He still had a pulse, weak but steady. You looked around frantically. The hangar was in turmoil. People were taking off as fast as they could, trying to get off the planet as it continued to shift and shake.

"Help!" you yelled, but no one even looked your way.

You gritted your teeth. There was a TIE fighter a few yards to your left. You weren't a great pilot, but you'd flown before. If you could only get him to the ship, the two of you could get to safety, and you could treat him properly. You stood, putting your back into the crate. With a scream, you pushed up, trying to relieve his body from the pressure, but it didn't even budge. You tried again, with even less success. You fell back down beside him. You needed to amputate, but a quick look through the bag showed that you were empty handed of anything that would help.

Strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you up to your feet. "What the-" you muttered, spinning around and pushing out of their grip. "What are you doing here?" you yelled over the chaos, motioning to one of the Knights.

He was in his mask, but you knew it was Ap'lek who tried to grab you. "Let go of me!" He didn't. He just picked you up into his arms and walked toward their ship. "Ap'lek, let go! I need to help!" You kicked and thrashed, but he didn't let up at all.

"You can't save them all, doc," he said plainly. You screamed and thrashed until the two of you had joined the rest of the Knights in their ship. You punched him in the chest, and he dropped you to your knees painfully. You grimaced, but pushed back up to your feet.

"What the hell!" you screamed at him, fists beating into his chest, trying to get him out of your way so you could help the man. He grabbed them with his own, immobilizing you.

"There are some people who'd be upset if I left you there. You can thank me later." 

You huffed, brushing the hair out of your face. "Well, I know it's none of you fucking cowards!" And you ran out of the ship and back into the trembling hangar, not stopping until hands gripped your arm, pulling you back. You screamed, just inches from the man trapped under the crate.

Trudgen, who was holding you back, sighed heavily in your ear. "You're not leaving without him, are you?"

You turned to glare at him. "Obviously not! So let me go and leave me!"

He stared at you for a fraction of a second before turning back to the Knights, who you hadn't noticed following you. "Someone grab the man," he said, annoyed, as he pulled you back onto the ship. Ap'lek, Ushar, and Cardo walked by you to the man. You saw them pushing up on the crate before Trudgen pulled you out of their view, not stopping until he pulled you into a plain room. He tossed you onto the twin sized bed. You briefly noticed it was way more comfortable than your actual bed before glaring at him.

"What the hell was that for?" you grumbled, rubbing your arm where it ached from his grip. 

He rolled his eyes, leaning against the door frame. The ship started rumbling, and you were happy to be seated. One of the other Knights must have been preparing for take off.

"Sorry, we'll just leave you next time a planet is imploding," he said. Imploding? Was that even possible?

You heard the ramp shut and footsteps of people walking towards you as the ship pulled up and into space. You jumped out of your seat when you saw Cardo carrying the injured man. 

"On the bed!" you said, and he did so. Ap'lek had your med bag in his hand, and he laid it on the bed. The man's head rolled to the side on the pillow, unconscious but breathing.

You turned to the Knights standing awkwardly near the door. "Get out."

Trudgen nodded. "Get out so she has room to work."

Nostrils flaring, you turned back to the man's leg. "I do need room to work, but don't get confused. I just don't want to see any of you right now." They knew better than to respond, so thankfully, they left you in peace while you could work on the man. There wasn't much you could do without real medical equipment, but you did what you could. You were sweating by the time his leg was set. It would still probably need to be amputated, but there wasn't the proper equipment on the Knight's ship.

After he was taken care of, you looked around, unsure of what to do. You didn't want to talk to any of the Knights, but staying in the room with the man was just creepy, and you really wanted to know what happened to Starkiller. You knew that they'd been driving at lightspeed for a while, but had no idea where the ship was heading.

You wiped your hands on your pants before walking outside. Coming in you hadn't noticed that this ship was much nicer than any other First Order transport you'd been on. It was roomy, with couches and comfortable looking furniture. There were some rooms near the one you'd just left that looked like bedrooms. You followed the sound of talking through the hallways until you found them. All six of them were seated at a table, lounging in couches surrounding the thing. You cleared your throat, and they all looked at you. 

"How is he?" Ushar asked, looking up from the card game they were playing. You couldn't believe how calm they were.

You sighed. "Do you actually care?" He just shrugged. You shifted your weight from foot to foot. "What happened?"

"Starkiller blew," Cardo said.

"Okay. Any more information?"

"We don't have much," he admitted. "Our radars picked up some resistance ships that broke through the barrier. They must have hit the core or something because nothing else could have made the whole base blow like that."

You didn't know much about engineering, but that couldn't have been good. 

"Where are we going?"

"Not sure yet," Kuruk said. "We have coordinates. I think we're rendezvousing on The Supremacy."

"Sounds friendly," you mumbled. 

For a moment, everyone just stared at you. Finally, Vicrul said, "How are you?"

You huffed. "Do you actually care?" you asked for the second time that day.

His face pinched. "Yes." You stared back at him for a moment. That was unexpected.

"I'm fine," you said, unsure if it was true. You just seen two men get crushed, and you were unable to save one of them. You didn't even know if the other would survive. 

"Are you?"

"Yes."

He nodded at the empty seat next to him. "Sit."

You crossed your arms. "No." You didn't know what had caused the weirdness between you and the Knights the past few days, but you didn't want experience it any more than you had to.

"Don't be stubborn for once, and sit down," he said. You rolled your eyes but took a seat at the table with them, too tired to argue.

"Being stubborn is what I'm good at."

He gave you a pointed look. "And don't we know it."

You rolled your eyes as you leaned back into the couch, tucking your chin so you could glare at them all. Everyone at the table was uncomfortable. Good. 

"Can I borrow someone's holo?" you asked.

"Wanna check on your boyfriend?" Trudgen smirked, but handed his to you. Even their holos were nicer than yours. Vicrul shifted uncomfortably across the table. You didn't give him the satisfaction of your attention. If he was going to act like an ass after what happened in the back room the other day, you weren't going to give him the time of day by dotting on it.

You scoffed. "Couldn't care less." Lie. Oh well. "I want to check on Victor and Cora, my friends."

"The friends who've been treating you like crap the past few days?" he prodded. You ignored, him, typing a quick message to them both to see if they're okay.

You threw the thing back at him, hoping it would fall and shatter, but he caught it with ease. "Better than you all have been treating me," you snapped.

They all exchanged glances, looking awkward.

"Well I never liked you," Ap'lek grumbled, pushing up from the table and leaving. 

Ushar spoke first. "Doc, look, we wanted to-"

But he was cut off by a glare from the rest of them. You waited for them to speak. To do anything. They didn't. 

"Like I said," you muttered miserably. "Are there any other beds on here?" you asked, not wanting to spend any more time with them. You supposed they were right in medical school when they told doctors not to get attached to their patients. You get attached, then care, then have expectations. It sucked.

"Any of the doors from that hallway you came from," Cardo said, voice flat. Without a word, you left them, resisting the urge to stomp away. Infuriating. No explanation to the complete one hundred-eighty degree their attitude toward you had done. You pushed a door open, almost identical to the one where the injured man was laying, except this one had grey sheets. 

"Their interior designer sucks," you said before sliding under the covers and falling asleep almost instantly. 

You jumped when a hand grabbed your arm. Eyes flying open, you saw Vicrul hovering over you. You rubbed your eyes and glared at him. "Really? You guys can't even let me sleep peacefully?"

"Oh, get up princess, it's been hours," he said, pulling the blankets off. Much different from the last time you two were in a bed together, but you weren't going to bring that up.

You groaned, stretching. "Hours?"

He nodded. "Yeah, we landed on The Supremacy."

You perked up, jumping out of bed. "Any news from my friends?"

He looked confused for a second. "Oh, yeah, they're fine. They're on a different ship now, but they'll be here soon. This is where they're bringing a lot of the wounded that survived the explosion."

"Did most people make it?" you asked.

He shook his head. "We need your help."

You nodded, walking out. The rest of the Knights must have deboarded, because there was no sign on them on the ship. In the hangar, it was pure chaos. Damaged ships landing roughly, people barking orders, injured people being carried around on stretchers.

"Where are the patients?" you asked him.

"What?" he asked, walking as you followed. "Oh. Patient."

You raised an eyebrow. "Patient?"

"Yeah," he said, leading you through the hangar and into what seemed to be a hastily set up med bay. There were people in the halls, bloody and in pain, but Vicrul wasn't slowing. He stopped when he reached a door at the end of the hall. The other Knights were there.

Doctor instincts kicked in, even though you were still mad, looking them up and down frantically. 

"Are you all okay?" you asked, expecting to see a broken bone or blood dripping, which would be typical for them. 

"Fine, doc," Ushar said.

You pulled back. "Then why did you drag me here? I need to help other people."

Ap'lek gripped your wrist, not gently, but not harshly either. He jerked a thumb toward the door. "He's not fine."

Your brows pinched. "Who..." But you knew.

"Ren," he confirmed.

Your stomach hit the floor. "What's wrong with him?"

Trudgen stepped forward. "He's beat up pretty bad. Nasty blaster shot. He basically fell down the stairs while holding a lightsaber. Won't let anyone near him to help."

You scoffed. "Then I'm not going anywhere near him."

He pushed you toward the door. "Don't worry, he probably won't hurt you."

You dug your heels in, turning to glare up at him. If Ren was explosive under normal circumstances, it would be much worse if he was as bad as they said he was. 

"At least, I think he won't," he admitted, glancing at the door. 

"And what if he does?"

He shrugged, shoving you towards the door again. "Then I'll owe you one hell of an apology. If you're still alive," he added.

You pushed his hands off you, glaring at each of them. "He likes threatening to kill me on a good day."

"So?" 

"So. One wrong look from me while he's in this state would make him snap my neck with a snap of his fingers!"

They looked at you, still expecting an explanation.

"I'll give you all a sedative. Give it to him, then I'll go in."

Cardo chuckled. "That wouldn't go over well with him."

You threw your hands up in frustration. "If you guys haven't noticed, you're a little bigger and stronger than me! Whatever he would do to you, I promise it would be a little worse for me."

Ushar stared you down. "He was asking for you."

Your expression went soft. "What?"

He shrugged. "I was confused considering you're a crap doctor, but whatever."

You ignored his comment. "Is that true?" you asked the rest of them. Was he really asking for you? They nodded, and your shoulders slumped. You wished you didn't care. "If I die, I'm going to be so fucking pissed," you said.

Hand on the door handle, you took a deep breath, trying to prepare for anything. A hand on your shoulder made you turn. Ap'lek.

He had an expression you'd never seen on him before. "Doc, I would have been upset if you got blown up."

Well, you weren't prepared for that.

It wasn't much, but it was more than you'd probably ever get out of him again. You must have already died and went to the afterlife. 

You nodded once at him, hoping he could read the understanding in your expression. You pushed the door open and gasped at the sight awaiting you in the hospital room.

Kylo was sprawled out on a bed that was much too small for him. He was covered in sweat, and trembling. His shirt was torn off, but you couldn't enjoy the view because he was covered in blood. 

You took a shaky step toward the bed. He had a nasty blaster wound on his abdomen and a lightsaber burn on his shoulder, but it was nothing compared to the gash on his other side, spanning from his eyebrow, over his face, then down his neck and shoulder. You felt tears well up in your eyes. He must have been in so much pain. 

At that moment, his eyes fluttered open, landing on you with a weird emotion in them. 

"Kylo," you said, taking a step toward him. Your hands were shaking, but you tried to stand tall. "What happened to you-"

But his hand reached out, and the Force choked you harder than it ever had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN
> 
> Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I couldn't help myself.
> 
> Also, FINALLY the Knights stopped acting like dickheads. I hated writing that but wanted ~drama~. Anyone notice Ap'lek warming up to her?? 
> 
> Alsooooo idk which ship they actually went to after Starkiller blew in the movie, so sorry about that :/ if anyone knows and it's bothering them, lmk and I'll change it!


	32. I hope you're fucking worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upped the chapter count AGAIN. Someone please stop me
> 
> Also, this update's for my friend Gabbi, who loves to ask me about when I'm posting again and convinced me to write more Knight fics after this

Your eyes bugged out of your head as the Force grip on your throat tightened, effectively cutting off your air supply. 

"Kylo, it's me!" you choked out, but you weren't sure if he could hear. His eyes looked like those of a rabid dog, not the cold, calculating ones he usually wore.

The Knights ran in the room. "Stop!" Vicrul stood between you and Kylo, and the grip on your neck loosened ever so slightly. "Kylo, it's her!"

Kylo glanced between you and Vicrul groggily before mumbling your name. 

"Knock it off, you prick," you choked. The Force left your throat, and you doubled over, gasping for air. Vicrul picked you up, rubbing your shoulder. 

"Sorry," he whispered with way too many emotions in his eyes. You glared at him as you rubbed your neck, air finally returning to your lungs. 

"You better start working on that apology," you spit at Trudgen as he walked through the door, but your focus returned to Kylo, who was watching you with cloudy eyes, repeating your name. It sounded nice on his lips. "Yeah, I'm here," you said, reaching out and grabbing his hand. His whole body seemed to relax. 

You turned to the rest of the Knights. "I need gloves. Gauze. Sterilization pads," you said, rattling off a list of equipment and supplied that they scrambled around the med bay to find you. Under other circumstances, hearing Cardo yell 'Yes, now, before I kick your balls up into your neck!' to an innocent intern might be funny, but there was too much blood on Kylo's body for you to feel anything except fear.

Finally, they'd gotten all you needed, and you pulled your gloves. You spoke quietly to him, explaining everything that you were doing. 

"Kylo, I'm going to give you an injection now. It might make you a little tired, but it's going to help, okay?" you asked. He muttered something that sounded like an agreement, but he wasn't in the right mental state to make medical decisions for himself. You injected him with something, and he calmed slightly, eyelids drooping as he watched you work over him.

He was delirious, mumbling about snow and something about his dad and something about a girl from the woods. It was gibberish, but you couldn't help the sick feeling in your stomach from him mentioning the girl again. You wondered...

It wasn't important. You had a job to do. He was just a patient.

But you couldn't help the tenderness that you used, pushing his sweaty curls out of his face as you wiped the blood off of him. Your hands were shaking as you rubbed up and down his broken body, trying to clean him enough to see how extensive the damage was.

He mumbled your name again, and you noticed something dripping onto his chest. Tears. Your tears.

"Let's give her space," Trudgen muttered from the door. The Knights back out, shutting the door behind them and leaving you alone with Kylo. You let your tears fall freely as you tried to clean him up. 

"You're going to be okay," you said, unsure who you were talking to. You'd gotten most of the blood, but what the blood was covering was much worse than you expected. The gash over his face was deep, and you were surprised it missed his eye. He was lucky. The wound on the shoulder was from a saber too, and much more cauterized. The shot in his abdomen was much more powerful than a blaster, probably from a blaster blow. You only seen a couple of wounds from the new weapon, but it was unmistakable. The other cases you'd seen, the patients had died.

You felt sick. He couldn't die. He was Kylo Fucking Ren. If he died, it would be like a sun collapsing. Damn near impossible. He was stronger than the people who'd come in with those wounds. He was stronger than anyone else you'd ever met. 

He was going to be okay. He had to be. You wouldn't be okay otherwise.

"Kylo," you whispered, gazing into his fluttering eyes. "Can you hear me?"

He nodded so slightly that it might not have happened. He whispered your name. His consciousness was fading. 

"Yeah, Kylo, it's me, I'm here," you said, trying to calm your voice. All those times you'd wished he was dead, you knew now that you didn't mean it. You never had.

He mumbled something that you couldn't make out, so you bent down and pressed your lips to his clammy forehead. Something you'd never done, but it felt right.

"What did you say?" you asked.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before his eyes shut. 

Everything that happened after was a blur. The Knights had helped you get him to the surgical room where you operated on him with shaky hands and damp eyes. You weren't supposed to operate on people you were involved with, but there was no way you were leaving his fate to anyone else.

There was chaos all over the ship, refugees from Starkiller, but the only thing that mattered was the man on the operating table. The stubborn, terrifying, annoying, infuriating, beautiful, intelligent, and passionate man. The man who made you feel things you didn't know you could. You didn't know what would happen next for you two, but he had to survive.

Somehow, you'd ended up in his recovery room with him alone, and you sitting in a chair beside his bed. His breathing stayed steady for the most part, but every time it hitched, you felt like your heart might stop. It probably did a couple of times.

Before long, sitting made you too anxious. You stood beside the bed, staring down at him. In this state, he looked like a teenager. His face was soft. You wondered what had happened to him to make him the way he is. And what happened to you that made you care about this dangerous enigma of a man.

One finger traced down the line of his bandage over his chest. A nurse had said it wouldn't be a good idea to put a hospital gown over him, and you didn't disagree. You spun a lock of his wavy hair in your hand. It was something you'd probably never be able to do again once he was recovered, so you took advantage while you could. 

You two were probably still furious with each other, but it didn't matter. You would nurse him back to health then beat him half to death for scaring you like this.

You slid into the small bed beside him, rolling slightly on your side so that you both fit, you propped yourself on one elbow, letting your free hand trace over his beautiful features, admiring him in a way you hadn't been able to before. But slowly, sleep started to take over you. You slid down, laying beside him. Your arm slung over his abdomen, careful not to agitate his wounds, then fell into a much needed sleep.

You awoke to the bed shaking slightly. Somehow during your nap, Kylo's arm had wedged itself under you, pulling you into his hot body. You jolted up, watching him wake. You tried to slide out of bed, not wanting him to know you were there, but his arm tightened around your lower back.

"Stay," he muttered groggily. You looked up to see him watching you. He was sleepy, but aware, and you let him pull you into his chest, wanting it more than you'd ever admit. "You're here."

You blinked some sleep away. "Did you miss me?"

His eyes flicker to yours, not hesitating, not looking away. "Yes," he said with enough intensity to wake you up completely. You weren't expecting that. It brought forward some feelings that you'd been trying to choke down for days now. 

"You drool in your sleep," he said, amused. You looked down at his naked chest, and to your absolute horror, he was right. Very professional.

You quickly wiped it with your sleeve, glaring up at him. "Saving your life was exhausting."

"So I'll live?" he asked, smiling. Even with the bandages on his face, he was breathtakingly beautiful.

"Maybe," you pouted. "Depends on how you treat me."

He actually laughed. He must still be loopy from the pain meds. "Is that your professional medical opinion?"

"Yup," you replied, fighting the smile that was breaking through. "You'll take back all those treason threats you love to throw so freely at me?"

His fingers drew circles on your lower back, trailing down until it reached the hem of your scrubs. "I think I can find a way to forgive you, considering you saved my life."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "You think I've forgiven you though?"

"Maybe I got Starkiller and myself blown up so you'd have to forgive me," he said.

You scoffed. "I'd have forgiven you if you actually finished the job."

He smirked down at you, too smugly.

"What?" you asked. 

"Now I can finally call your bluff." 

You raised an eyebrow. "On what?"

He pulled your body closer, pressing your chest to his good side. "On whenever you say you want me dead."

You smiled, letting a finger absentmindedly stroke up and down his tight abdomen. "If I remember correctly, I thought that. Not said it."

He tapped your forehead gently. "Same difference," he said before pressing his lips to yours. It was a slow, tender kiss that you felt in your toes. A kiss you didn't even know was possible with him. A kiss that made you forget everything bad that had happened between you two. That made you forget anything that had ever happened in the galaxy besides that kiss. Your hand roamed his perfect abs while his slithered under your pants, gripping your ass with gentle devotion that made you squirm under his touch.

You pulled back, pulling a groan from him. He tried to capture your lips with his, but your head pulled back. Since he was groggy and under the influence of pain meds, you had to interrogate him while you could.

"Did you send Bradley away?" you asked.

He frowned. "Really? You want to talk about him on my death bed?"

You chuckled, hitting his chest playfully, but he flinched. "Sorry," you muttered. 

"It's fine." 

"But yes, I am bringing it up on your death bed. Your survival depends on your answer," you told him. 

"Then shouldn't I just tell you whatever you want to hear?"

You shrugged. "I think it's pretty obvious by now that I don't judge what you do too harshly."

He looked up at the ceiling before bringing his gaze back. "True. I sent him away, but he wanted to go."

"How could you know that?" 

He gave you a look that said 'really?' and you felt silly. 

"Right. The mind reading." 

"Brody knows he can come back whenever he wants, but he did want to see his family."

"Bradley."

"What?"

You gave him an irked look. "His name's Bradley."

"That's of no importance to me."

"Kylo?" you asked, and he cocked an eyebrow. "Are you jealous?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course not."

"Good. Because that would be silly. But it wouldn't explain why you tried to kill Vicrul the other day," you told him. 

"Nah, it's just a game we play," he said, defensive.

You actually laughed. "You know what, I could almost actually believe that."

He growled lowly in your ear. "I could have killed him," he said. A thrill of satisfaction went through you at his possessiveness. "But I figured you and the Knights would be upset."

"Probably," you said. You didn't regret what happened with Vicrul, but now, in Kylo's arms, you knew no other man could satisfy you. Not completely, at least."But I can't be upset of you getting jealous. I was jealous of Rey until..." you trailed off as his expression turned grave. You realized your mistake. "Um. About that..."

He glared. "Yeah. About that."

You gave him an apologetic look. "She was harmless."

He jerked a finger, pointing to his wounded face. "Yeah, not so much."

You gasped. "She did this to you?"

"Yes." A pang of guilt shot through you, but only a little. He deserved a little ass-kicking. You felt a lot better now though, knowing he'd be okay.

"Interesting."

"What is?" he asked.

"I've been dreaming of tearing you to pieces with a light saber for months and this girl does it before me."

He gave you a warning look. "Careful." 

You scoffed. "Not much you can do to me right now."

"Don't push me," he growled in a voice that lit a fire deep in your belly, making you want to push all of his buttons.

You shrugged. "It's kind of my thing though."

He groaned, rolling his eyes, annoyed, but his grip on you tightened. "You're right about that."

"You like it though."

He huffed. "Jury's still out on that one. Still plenty of time to convict you of treason."

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. If he was actually still mad, he wouldn't let his injuries get in the way of him killing you.

"If you keep threatening me with that, I'll have to go hook up with Rey instead of you, and we'll plot your death together."

He coughed, eyes as wide as apples. When the coughing subsided, his ears stayed pink. "That would be a sight I'd like to see."

You chuckled, inching closer to him. Pervert. "Is that so?" you asked, voice low.

"Mhm. I might not even be upset about you two killing me then," he confirmed. You laughed, but were cut off by his full lips around yours. This kiss was more passionate, and it made you want to mount him on the hospital bed. But it was much too small, and there was something else on your mind too.

"Kylo, you were mumbling about your dad too."

His face darkened. "Do you always talk about people's parents while in bed with them?" He tried to play it off cool, but you knew he was upset.

"Only sometimes," you ceded, sticking your tongue out to trace his bottom lip with it. He growled, sucking it between his teeth before pushing his own tongue into your mouth, lips and teeth crashing against each other. 

He was clearly not going to talk about it, but that's okay. He'd already said more on the pain meds than you were expecting. 

He pulled back briefly. "I would have said all of that without the pain meds." He pressed his lips back to yours. You could kiss him for hours, and you wanted to, but he was tired. 

"You need to rest," you told him. He nodded once, pressing his lips to your forehead before laying back down, eyes already closing. 

"Stay?" he asked.

"Of course," you told him, leaning your head on his shoulder as he fell back to sleep. You enjoyed the steady rhythm of his chest rising and falling. Soon, you drifted also.

The next time you woke, it wasn't as pleasant. 

The door to your room slammed open, and someone gasped. Your head snapped up and towards the door. Victor and Cora were there, jaws to the floor, but it wasn't them you were worried about.

Behind them stood Doctor Maddox with a similar look of shock.

You scrambled out of the bed so quickly you almost fell on your ass. You looked between her harsh stare and the half naked patient on the bed.

Kylo didn't budge. Some Force user he was. 

"Is that Commander Ren?" she asked, tight lipped. 

You shifted so that you were covering him more. "Yes, Doctor Maddox, I am so sorry that you had to see-"

She held a hand up, silencing you. "You're sleeping with Commander Ren?"

You gave her a confused look. "Yes. Well, no, it's been..." You were utterly confused. "Wait, didn't you know that? It's one of the reasons I didn't get chief resident..."

She actually laughed out loud. It was a chilling sound, and Cora and Victor must have agreed because they looked at her like she'd sprouted horns. 

"I don't give a fuck who you sleep with!" she said, all amusement gone from her face.

You looked between her and Cora and Victor. Then again. What?

"Then what did you mean by my 'inappropriate relationship' with him?" you asked.

She sighed. "I saw you slapped him when I came to see you at work that day, but I figured if he wanted to discipline you that he would do it himself."

You couldn't hide the blush that painted your cheeks at her words. If only she'd known.

"You're on probation for three months," she snapped.

Your eyes widened. "I thought you said you didn't care who I slept with."

"I do if it's him! And I especially do if it's twelve hours after you performed surgery on him! He was your patient, and your relationship with him is highly unprofessional."

You stared at her, slack jawed. "Three months?"

"Yes. You can still work with the Knights--actually you can only work with the Knights, until the end of your probation," she said with finality. You knew better than to argue as she turned on her heal, leaving your open mouthed and humiliated. 

Finally, when your brain started to work again, you looked at Cora and Victor. 

"Well, I guess I owe you both one hell of an apology," you muttered.

"Understatement," Victor said, but his expression was soft. 

"I guess you being alive is good enough for now," Cora said, stepping forward and pulling you and Victor into a group hug. You sagged against them, letting all the tension leave your body for the first time in much too long. They hadn't told anyone about you and Kylo.

"I'm an ass, huh?" you said. 

Victor chuckled, pulling back. "Yes, but you know what makes it okay?"

"What?"

He smiled. "The fact that now you have to admit I got chief resident fair and square."

You pouted, but it quickly turned into a smile. "Fine."

Cora sighed. "I hated every second of us fighting."

"Me too," you admitted. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your chest.

Her gaze shifted behind you. She had a look of intrigue and discomfort. "So that's what he looks like?" she asked. They both stepped closer to the bed, looking him over.

"He's hot!" Cora gasped, and you chuckled. 

"Yeah, I guess he is," you said, feeling a swell of pride.

She sighed. "I guess he's worth all the trouble then..."

"Hardly," you said, but smiled.

Victor took a step back. "I feel like we shouldn't be seeing this."

"You probably shouldn't be," you agreed. He pulled you in for a quick kiss on the forehead. 

"Oh, hush, you're just jealous of those delicious muscles," Cora said, practically visually eating him up.

"I'm getting out of here before he wakes up," Victor said, already backing away.

"Same," said Cora, but she was blushing. 

You gave them both a genuine smile. "Talk to you all later?" They nodded.

"I have so many questions," Cora said, stealing one last glance at Kylo before leaving you alone with him. You felt like you could finally take a full breath now that things had been rectified with Cora and Victor. You felt like an idiot for ever thinking that they could have spilled to anyone your secret.

You sighed, looking back at the Commander. "Probated huh?" you muttered. "I hope you're fucking worth it."


	33. I'll let you all have your victory orgy

You were getting stiff after sitting in the chair beside Kylo's bed. Just as you were getting up to stretch, the door opened, letting in six tired Knights carrying couches in and setting them around the room before flopping into them. You opened your mouth to protest, but you knew it wouldn't do any good, and it would probably be good for Kylo's recovery if they were there. Well, unless they talked him into premature training, which you figured was a possibility.

"How's he doing, doc?" Kuruk asked, munching on some chips as he propped his feet on your lap. You tried to push his boots off of you, but his legs barely budged.

You sighed. "He'll be fine. Unfortunately."

He raised a brow. "Unfortunately?"

You mocked his expression. "I know he told you all to stop talking to me."

They looked among each other, for some reason making you want to slap them all.

"He'd kill us if we admitted it," Trudgen said, and they nodded in agreement, even Ap'lek. 

You paused. "He told you guys to stop talking to me," you insisted. 

"He told us to stop talking to you," they confirmed.

"Does that make it better or worse?" Cardo asked. 

You shrugged. "I guess I'll decide once he's back to normal."

"And what about us?" he asked. "Can you forgive us?"

"Sure, but only because it would make my job a lot more awkward if I didn't," you said.

"Fair enough," he muttered.

You snatched the bag of chips from Kuruk, and he conceded with a frown. "You all really freaking suck, you know that, right?"

To your right, Kylo rustled, waking. You jumped to your feet and to his side. You hesitated, not wanting to look to anxious, but in a second, the Knights were right behind you, wanting to make sure he was okay also.

"What are you all so loud for?" Kylo asked, groaning.

Trudgen jerked a finger toward you. "Our favorite physician was just keeping us in check."

Kylo's eyes flickered to you, something playful glinting in them. "Sounds about right." His voice was hoarse, and very different than you were used to hearing.

Ushar laid a hand on his shoulder in a comforting way. It was interesting but heartwarming to see the surprisingly intimate gesture between these giants of men. They really did care about each other. It was cute, and it gave you a feeling in your stomach that you didn't recognize.

"How are ya feeling boss?" he asked.

Kylo gave him a pinched look. "Just great."

Vicrul smiled. "Glad you're not dead." When he didn't respond, he added, "But that feeling might not be mutual."

Kylo huffed, and you smiled slightly, trying to walk backwards through them to leave. 

"I'll let you all have your victory orgy, yeah?" you joked, wanting to give them privacy, but mostly wanting to avoid a showdown between Kylo and Vicrul. 

Kylo's eyes bore into you, very seriously. "Stay."

In front of the Knights, you were almost uncomfortable with any form of affection, so of course, you played it off. "I think I'll skip the orgy, thanks."

He rolled his eyes. "Charming as ever." He turned to the Knights and nodded. They took the hint and left the room, giving you varying looks as they walked by.

"How are you feeling?" you asked him. He was probably off his pain meds, meaning he could be in discomfort, but most importantly, he was fully aware, and you had no idea how to act with him now. There would be no groggy apologies like before. You felt like something had changed with you two, but weren't sure what it meant.

"Are you asking as my doctor, or my..." he trailed off, not knowing how to finish that. Neither did you.

"Both."

He pushed up into a sitting position, grimacing and clutching the wound on his abdomen. His fingers then trailed over his bandages over his face.

"I must actually look like a monster now," he said with a strange emotion in his voice.

You tried to hold in a chuckle. "Absolutely hideous, yes." Sarcasm.

He didn't smile, but his eyes glittered. "Thank you for helping me," he said seriously.

"It's my job." You shrugged. "I hope it was worth getting probated for," you muttered absentmindedly.

"Probated?" he said with such force that you jumped. He was definitely wide awake now.

You shrugged. "Yeah, but it's just for a few months. Maddox saw me in your bed yesterday. I can still treat the Knights, just no surgery." He was furious, and you could feel it in the air. It wasn't at you this time, but it was just as terrifying. "Kylo, it's fine," you tried to sate him.

"No it's not," he snapped. "Knights!" he yelled, and in seconds, all six of them were squeezing through the door, at attention.

"Sir," they greeted him.

Kylo nodded towards you. "Get her idiot boss in here. I want to talk to her about her probabtion."

They all seemed shocked.

"Probation?" one asked.

"They're not going to stick us with your idiot friend again, are they?"

You ignored it and shook your head. "Guys, it's fine, she's busy, she won't come."

"Probation?" Kuruk said, furious. "Yes she fucking will come," he muttered, storming out of the room.

You looked back to Kylo. "This is unnecessary."

He grinned. "Dating the Commander of The First Order has to come with some perks, right?" He gripped your hand, pulling you down so he could push his lips to yours. 

"Dating?" you asked, pulling back before he made contact. 

He raised a brow. "I suppose. I don't know. I'm new to this. What else would you call it?"

You rolled it over in your mind, thoughtful. "I want a raise."

"Done."

You smiled. "Okay, now that is an actual perk."

He shook his head, but his eyes were sparkling. "Shut up," he said, trying again to kiss you. You tried to pull back, but a hand found its way to the back of your neck, trapping you against him as his lips pressed up to yours. His tongue poked at your lips, and you let them fall open, melting into his kiss.

"Hey, doc, you got a cure for needing to puke?" Trudgen said behind you, pulling you both out of you out of your trance. 

You glared at him, but it was more playful. "Yes, it's called leaving the room," you told him. They laughed as Kylo wrapped an arm around your stomach, pulling you up so you were sitting on the bed next to him, legs dangling.

When Kuruk returned with Maddox in tow, you tried to jump off the bed, but Kylo's arm kept you in place, back against his chest as he glared at the doctor.

Ushar pushed her forward, and she looked at the two of you, terrified. You felt bad. Kuruk had probably scared the shit out of her, and now she was in a small room with all seven of them. 

"C-Commander Ren," she managed to say, eyes wide, arms over her chest.

"I heard you put this doctor," he squeezed your waist, "the best doctor I've ever encountered, on probation?"

She looked between you and Kylo, her hands shaking slightly. "Yes, sir."

"For a relationship with an adult, consenting patient?" he prodded.

"Well-"

He smiled down at her, but it was not a welcoming one. You'd been on the receiving end of it plenty of times, and it would make anyone want to run. 

"Doctor Maddox, do you consider yourself a smart person?"

"Um, well, yes, sir."

"But you think it's a smart idea to make your best surgeon miss three months of important medical learning? The doctor who is the only reason I'm here, alive?" he asked. You were sure that Maddox was not happy in that moment that he was alive.

To your great surprise, Ap'lek stood, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared down at her. "I don't think that's very smart," he said.

"Same here," Trudgen said from the couch.

The poor old woman looked like she was about to collapse on the spot. "Um, of course not. She-... I... There's no probation!" she said, about to pass out. 

Kylo pulled you further into him, running his nose down your jawline. "I think she deserves a promotion, don't you, Doctor Maddox?" he muttered against your neck, sending chills down your spine.

"Yes! A promotion!" she agreed. 

You pushed him back. "Kylo, no, that's enough."

He raised an eyebrow. "No?" You shook your head, and he shrugged. "Okay, no promotion, but her probation is lifted, right?" he asked, not even looking her way, focused completely on you.

"Right!"

He smirked. "Get out," he said, and she did. After a second, he turned to the Knights. "All of you, out," he said, eyes darkening as they left the room, leaving the two of you alone. They saw the lustful looks passing between you two and didn't need to be told twice. As soon as the door shut, Kylo's hands were at your hips, trying to pull you onto his lap, but a look of pain flashed across his face. 

"You're in pain. We shouldn't," you told him. When it was clear he wasn't giving up, you helped, sliding yourself over him, placing an knee on either side of his massive thighs so that you were straddling him.

"I am in pain," he confirmed with a wicked grin. "And as my doctor, you're legally required to help relieve that pain."

"Blue balls don't count as a medical condition," you told him.

He pouted. "Please, doc? The pain's an ten out of ten."

Despite yourself, you smiled. "You want to do this now? While you can barely move?"

The look in his eyes was absolutely sinful. "I think it's about time to show you that the Force has some benefits too."

He trapped your lips in his, pulling an instant response from your body. One hour, and too many orgasms later, you looked down at him, naked and smiling. 

"Okay, maybe the Force isn't all that bad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I really felt like this was really out of character for Kylo, but after seeing how soft he could be in Rise of Skywalker, I really don't think it is. Well, his confidence definitely was ooc, but I have to indulge myself somehow


	34. Aren't you glad you didn't execute me for treason?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized it had been FOREVER since I wrote smut in this, so here ya go

Even with the Force's help, Kylo got worn out a little quickly because of his injuries. He healed impossibly fast, piquing your interest as a doctor, but as a lover, you needed a miracle to get him back to full strength to enjoy him properly. Your tongues both had to be growing a new set of muscles from all the oral you'd been giving each other in the week after getting set up on a new base, and the orgasms were incredible, of course, but eventually you both needed more.

"Ugh, come on," he grunted as you rolled into bed with him after a long day for you at work, and a long day for him doing nothing in bed.

You gave him an annoyed look. "Kylo, even with your fancy Force healing, you need at least another week until we can have normal sex again. Doctor's orders."

He groaned. "My doctor sucks." You laughed as he pulled you into him so your chests were touching. Your fingers trailed across the scar that spanned his face. It was healing well. He didn't like it, but you thought it suited him. It'd take a lot more than a scar to make him look bad.

"You better take it back before she adds another week," you threatened, grinning. He muttered some curses, but rested his chin on the top of your head. You pressed your lips to his collarbone. He flexed his fingers, and the Force gently brushed your clit. You moaned into his throat.

"Cheater," you muttered, and he laughed.

He pulled back, mischievous look on his face. "I have an idea."

"I'm listening?" Your cunt was in full control now, and she did not care about his injuries as much as she should have.

"Let's make things a little more interesting." When you opened your mouth to protest, he cut you off. "I promise it would meet all of my annoying doctor's guidelines."

You tried to pout, but you were way too horny to deny him. "Fine."

He grinned. "Get naked."

You frowned. "I hope your idea is more creative than that."

"Just do it," he said, sliding out of bed and pulling the covers down to the foot of the bed. You stripped out of your clothing, tossing it to the floor as Kylo riffled through the nightstand. You sat, legs crossed, shaking with anticipation. When he kneeled beside you on the bed, you grimaced.

"A blindfold?"

He smirked.

"I like to see your face," you said, wanting to sound firm, but it didn't work.

A soft smile spread on his face. "You have forever to see me." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, holding the cloth out to you. "Yeah?"

You nodded, and you shivered as he pulled the blindfold over your eyes, effectively blocking your vision. He pulled you in for a kiss before leaning back.

"But what's with the blindfold?" you asked. 'You already have a pretty hefty advantage over me when it comes to the senses', you thought at him, and he laughed.

"Yes, I do. But for this, you don't need to see. I just need to you to listen," he said, as if that cleared up anything. He twisted a strand of your hair around his finger before scooting away from you. "Lie down."

You didn't hesitate. You flopped back on the bed. He slid a hand under your head, pulling up to put a pillow under it, and you smiled slightly. You'd been naked in front of him more often than not the past couple of weeks since he couldn't go on any missions, but now that you couldn't see his expression, you felt a wave of insecurity about your appearance.

"Don't be silly. You're perfect," he said, reading your mind, and you blushed, but relaxed. You felt him shifting beside you, but couldn't see anything.

"Spread your legs," he said.

You did, clenching when the cool air hits your exposed cunt. You bit back a moan. Was his voice always so sexy?

"Kylo, what is this?" you asked, but didn't move to cover yourself.

You could practically hear him smirk. "Something not physically strenuous for me. Just like the doctor said."

You cursed internally. Somehow you knew you'd regret the 'no sex' order you'd given him before discharging him. Especially because you couldn't say no when he slid around the rule.

He shifted so that he was between your lower legs. His hands wrapped around your ankles, pushing out until your legs were completely spread open, weak under his gaze. It was torture to not be able to see him. His hands grazed up and down your legs with maddening lightness, causing you to shiver under his touch. It was so much, but not enough. You felt liquid blooming from between your thighs.

His hands stopped, resting right under your knees, pushing your legs apart even farther. You squirmed.

"Are you wet?" he asked.

"Yes," you whispered, cheeks hot.

He tsked. "That won't do. I want you to make sure."

He couldn't mean... "Kylo..." you said, half chastising, half begging.

"I know you want to," he said, voice low.

As always, he was right. Your hand slid down your stomach, over your mound, and straight down to your folds, fingers running quickly between it. You pulled them back, soaked.

"Show me," he said, voice impossibly deep, sending another wave of arousal between your legs. You held out your hand to where his voice was coming from. You yelped when his mouth enclosed your fingers, sucking your juices from your fingers.

"Fucking delicious," he moaned, releasing your fingers with a wet'pop'. One hand gripped yours, placing it back at the apex of your thighs. His thumb grazed your clit, and your hips tilted up to meet it, but he made a sound of disapproval. "Nope, doctor said I shouldn't do anything strenuous."

You grunted at the loss of his touch. "Well she sounds like an idiot."

He laughed, his other hand trailing up and down your outer calf.

"Use your fingers," he demanded. "I want to see you rub your clit that I know is throbbing for me."

You did, placing the pads of your index and middle finger on the hardening nub, shuddering at the pressure. You rubbed in small circles, unable to hold back a moan. You were already so aroused before you'd even taken off your clothes.

He hummed in pleasure between your legs. You waited for him to lose control and climb on top of you, but you should have known better. When it came to torturing you, he had the patience of a god.

"Enjoying the show?" you asked, wanting to sound annoyed, but you were breathless.

He laughed. "Best thing I've watched in my life." His voice sent shocks of arousal all up and down your legs. "Good, baby, keep going," he encouraged. Pleasure was building impossibly fast, and your fingers quickened, bringing yourself closer to the edge.

"No, no, not yet. Slow down," he said, and you cursed, but obeyed, fighting your twitching fingers to make them slow. He slid up the bed so that he was laying beside you. You gasped as his erection poked your thigh, naked and throbbing. You didn't know when he'd taken off his clothes, but your mouth watered at the thought.

His finger tips lightly grazed up your stomach until they were tracing loose circles around your nipples, twisting and plucking one until it was painful before switching to the other. Your hand sped up, trying to keep in time with his touch. You moaned, not believing how close you already were to climaxing.

"Slow down before I throw you over my knee and tear my stitches from spanking you so fucking hard," he growled in your ear. It really didn't help, it just made you that much hornier. You wanted it, but really didn't want him hurting himself. You squeezed your legs together to release some pressure, but it only brought you closer to the edge.

When his lips clamped over a nipple, you whimpered. He drew it between his teeth, biting down while flicking the bud with the tip of his tongue. Pleasure built within you, and your fingers sped up again, your body needing release before you exploded.

Suddenly, your hands were torn away from your body and over your head, stopping any stimulation to your clit, and his mouth left your breast. You cried out in neglect, wanting to tear the blindfold off, but much to scared of the repercussions.

"Please," you wailed, hands twisting against invisible restraints.

"Please what?"

You grunted. "Please let me come."

He gave you a sound of fake pity. "If only I could help you," he mulled. "But my doctor said I couldn't do anything sexual for a while." He ran a finger down your slit once, then pulled back when your cunt started to clamp down on nothing. You whined. "Maybe this will teach her not to try to give me orders, anymore. Do you think she's learned her lesson?"

You would have tried to slap him if the Force wasn't pinning you down to the bed. "Yes! Yes, she learned her fucking lesson! Now let me go, you fucking perverted demon!"

He hummed, one fingers trailing lazy shapes around your clit, never quite touching it, making your legs shake with need, stimulating you to the point of insanity, but not enough to find and release. You were so close and so far.

"Hm, but she did say two weeks. I still have four days left," he said, the tone in his voice chilling you. "Maybe I should keep you here until then. She did tell me to stay in bed after all."

You gasped. "You wouldn't." Not that being tied up would be a bad thing, but after a day of his sexual torture, you'd positively die.

The bed dipped under his weight as he rolled back up beside you, mouth grazing your ear. "Oh, baby, I would... But I could be convinced otherwise. If you begged."

He pinched a nipple harshly, the pain twinging along with a wave of pleasure that pushed you closer to the edge.

"Please Kylo. I need to freaking come."

"What?" he asked, fingers trailing over your stomach. "You're not enjoying this? I know I am." You could hear the smirk in his voice, and it made you even hornier. You groaned, mumbling unintelligibly. "What's that, baby?"

You almost screamed at him. "Please. I want to come for you."

"Hmm. A little better," he said, smiling as he shifted so he was lying between your legs, his chest on your abdomen as he sucked a nipple between his lips.

You were shaking with need. Ugh, you hated him at the moment. "I want to feel your cock in me. I miss it so much," you said, voice heavy. "I'm going to explode, Kylo."

He pulled back, giving you a quick peck on lips. He ran his tongue over your jawline as his hand trailed up your arms that were still pinned to the pillow. The Force left them, but his fingers tangled through yours and brought them down beside your head.

You pulled your fingers free, letting them roam his perfect body. One hand brushed over the wound on his shoulder, and he sucked in a breath. Your fingers flitted over his full lips, and you wished that you could see him, but the blindfold kept you in darkness, feeling every sensation ten times more intensely. His hand snatched yours, and he pressed a kiss to the pads of each of your fingers before placing it back on his cheek. The heat in your lower belly was still there.

Your other hand found his other cheek, and your index finger ran over his stitches. It trailed from his eyebrow and down his cheek. You pulled the blindfold off, and he didn't protest.

Even with the scar, he was still insanely gorgeous.

You moaned with surprise as he bent down to capture your lips in his, and you quickly lost yourself in the kiss, your hands pressed to his hard chest as one of his hands twisted in your hair, pulling you closer while the other found your wet slit. Without warning, he slid two fingers in. Your walls spasmed around his fingers while you gasped into his mouth. He bit down on your lower lip while his fingers pushed in and out of you, making you dizzy.

His thumb found your clit, and he circled around it roughly, pushing you quickly back to your peak. You mewled, fingers tangling in his hair as his tongue explored your mouth. You rolled your hips into his hand, arousal building higher into an almost painful peak. You were so close, and he could feel it.

He chuckled darkly into your mouth. "Gods, when I'm recovered, I'm fucking you until you can't walk." Your eyes rolled back in your head at his words, and he slid a third finger in your dripping cunt. He pulled back to look at you.

His fingers repeatedly slid across that part of you that made your legs turn to jelly. His pace was torturous, each stroke of his fingers stretching you open, and your walls clenched around him, trying to pull him further in. He quickened the pace of his thumb around your clit, and your vision started to blur. You moaned, but his lips pressed down on yours. He wound you tighter and tighter until your whole body felt like it was on fire. You crested your peak with a wail, fingers tugging at his hair, toes curling into the bed sheets. He watched you as you came, spilling your juices over his fingers.

"You're so beautiful when you come," he muttered, eyes dark with lust.

You were still dizzy from your blissful release when he pulled his fingers out of you and into his mouth, moaning as he licked your cum from them. He rolled onto his back as you tried to catch your breath. You reached down to grab his hard dick, but his hand caught your wrist, pulling it to his chest.

"Don't you want to...?"

He purred as his other arm wrapped around your lower back and pulled you into him so that your face was settled in the crook of his neck. He placed a lazy kiss at the top of your forehead.

"Not right now. I just want to hold you," he said, voice low and sleepy.

You smiled into his neck while looping your arms around him. In that moment, with the most dangerous man in the galaxy, you'd never felt safer.

You could have stayed there in bed with him forever.

"Don't tempt me," he said, fingers lazily brushing through your hair. And you fell asleep against him with a smile on your face.

~

The next few weeks were finally back to normal, but so much better. Things were rectified with Cora and Victor. You had gotten your probation revoked. And Maddox had approved you returning full time to the hospital, where you were learning a lot and getting a lot of hands on experience. She'd allowed it on the terms that the Knights had a direct system that they could contact you through if they needed it. You missed being down there with them, but they called you down quite enough. Sometimes you wondered if they ever hurt themselves on purpose to get you down there, but of course, they denied it.

Sometimes they paged you to their game room (they'd built a new game room before a new training arena on the new ship), but you never complained about the good food or free beer. Eventually they even let you start bringing Cora and Victor around. Sometimes, you even thought they enjoyed having the three of you around. You found out after one night of a few too many beers that Cardo especially like having Cora around, which was disturbing at first, but they both seemed to make each other happy. And Victor was happy to have some guys that he could hang around with, even after assuring you and Cora that he preferred you two. Turns out he was really good at darts, but he never quite got ready for the version the Knights play where they use each other as dart boards. They said he'd change his mind, but you doubted it.

Kylo would come by sometimes, which was nice, but still crazy to wrap your head around. Commander of The First Order, coming home from battle to come drink beer with you, your friends, and his Knights. You'd practically moved into his room, but you kept your own, unable to sleep in his room when he was gone on missions. He was tense sometimes when back on base with you, but he never ran out of creative ways to relieve that tension that was enjoyable for both of you.

You and Kylo settled into your surprisingly domestic routine. It almost felt like you were a normal couple, and not dating the most powerful person in the galaxy. You fondly remembered the night that you'd put his kitchen to use, trying to teach him how to bake a cake for Trudgen's birthday (yes, the Knights of Ren celebrate birthdays) but that just ended in very chocolaty sex, and a very terrified cooking droid who had come in at an unfortunate time.

One especially quiet night, you were laying on top of him, head settled in the trough of his sweaty chest, still heaving from the intense sex you'd just had.

You pulled your head up to smirk at him. "Aren't you glad you didn't execute me for treason the first time we met."

He smiled. "Only sometimes," he said, before pulling you into a kiss that felt like it could shake the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo that's it! I hope you all enjoyed. I started this just because I wanted to write some indulgent Kylo smut, but this ended up being more than 110,000 words! And I got ridiculously attached to Y/N lol. This was my first fanfiction, so I love and appreciate everyone who read this far. And thank you so much to those of you who wrote the most amazing, sweet comments that really motivated me to keep writing (you know who you are). I'd really love to know what you all thought about the story.
> 
> I've written most of an epilogue, but I'm not sure if I'm going to post it or not...
> 
> I really had so much fun writing this, seeing how I think Kylo would develop into the SoftBoi(tm) that we eventually see. AND I LOVED WRITING THE KNIGHTS.
> 
> I've been playing around with the idea of having a fic for each Knight, and I have an outline for them so I think I'm going to start the series soon! I just haven't decided if I want them to all be reader inserts or original female characters. I want to do y/ns because I think people like them, but I'd also really like to have all the stories overlap, which I would need OFCs for, so I'm not sure yet. Maybe I'll write them as a y/n (written in second POV with 'you' and 'yours') but give y/n a name and backstory and overlap them with each other.
> 
> So please LMK what you'd like to see with the Knights fics in terms of POV, because I'm going to start writing soon!
> 
> But seriously, thank you all so much for reading the whole thing :) if any of you want to contact me, I have a star wars tiktok @stilldepressedbcbensolo, and i'm @latinabeans on literally every other social media platform. Just lmk you're from ao3 and I'll follow back! 
> 
> I've written a bunch of Reylo AU one shots that I'll probably post soon, so stay tuned for those if you want! I've started a couple that I'll be updating soon now that I'm finished with this.
> 
> Thanks again, and I love you all! :) I hope you all had as much fun reading Kylo and the Knights as I did writing it. You all will definitely be seeing more of the Knights ;)


	35. Remember when you wanted me dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE CHECK THE TAGS (not sexual, but pls pls pls look at)
> 
> So, I debated posting the epilogue for a while, and decided to post (there will be another part after this one). I started writing the sequel for NSS and this has relevant parts for the next book!
> 
> Pls check the tags!

Your head laid on Kylo's naked chest, seconds from falling asleep when he stretched out and pulled something from his nightstand. 

"Kylo?" you asked, groggily pulling your head back to look at him. 

He held something out to you. It was a dark metal band that looked like a bracelet. It had an intricate design on the outer rim, but was otherwise plain.

"What's this?" you asked as he took your wrist in his hand. He placed a kiss on your pulse before sliding the bracelet on you. It looked pretty, but you were confused. 

"A bracelet. I want you to have it."

Your eyebrows knit in confusion. "But I can't wear jewelry in surgery. You know that." You'd stopped wearing jewelry when you graduated medical school. It always seemed to be in the way, and it delayed you when you were trying to get to emergency surgeries. 

His hand stayed wrapped around your wrist, and he stroked the skin under the bracelet tenderly with his thumb.

"It's an anti-Force bracelet," he explained. When your expression turned blank, he continued. "So people... like Rey can no longer use the Force on you and get inside your head and make you do things you don't want."

"But Rey didn't..." you trailed off. She hadn't forced you to do anything, and he knew that. 

He glared. "I'm well aware. And you learned your lesson from that, didn't you?"

You flushed red at the memory of him tying you over his desk and spanking you until your ass was completely red after you'd helped Rey escape. Then he fucked you from behind until your legs stopped working. It ended up not really being a punishment though--you enjoyed it too much for that. This was after he was recovered, of course.

Nodding, you gave him an apologetic look. His face softened, and he wrapped his other arm around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

You turned your wrist, looking at the bracelet. It couldn't hurt to wear. And it was the first gift he'd given you, so you decided you'd wear it.

"Thank you," you told him, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. "Wait." You pulled back. "Does this mean you can't read my mind anymore?"

He frowned, fingers trailing your jawline. "Small price to pay for me to have to worry less about you."

You looked at the bracelet again, wanting to test and see if it really worked. Turning back to him, you thought, 'Can you hear me?'

No reaction. As expected. But you wanted to test it further. 'You're an ass.'

Nothing.

'Vicrul was a better kisser than you,' you thought. If that didn't elicit a reaction, nothing would. It was a lie anyway.

His eyebrow raised as he smiled at you, amused. "Are you testing it?"

You just furrowed your brow in concentration, thinking all sorts of things, from insults, to memories of the two of you together, and... finally...

'I love you.'

You looked over his perfect features, beautiful even with the scar, and realized with a start, that you meant it. You loved Kylo Ren.

When you didn't answer him, his smile fell slightly.

"What are you saying?" he asked. 

You smiled, then kissed him gently on the lips. "Nothing. Goodnight." You curled back into his side, and he pulled you in closer to him.

"Goodnight," he said, lips pressing into your hair.

~~~

When you woke, Kylo was already up and dressed. He was almost out the door when he turned back to you. He smiled when he saw that you were awake. 

"Morning," he said, walking back to the bed. "Didn't want to wake you."

You groaned, pushing up into a sitting position and stretching the sleepiness out of your body. 

"It's fine, I needed to get up anyway." You had surgery with Cora in an a few hours. He sat down beside you, cupping your face in his gloved hands. He leaned in to kiss you, but you put a hand between your mouths. "Morning breath," you told him.

He rolled his eyes, moving your hand before pressing his lips to yours. You sighed into it, hands trailing to his waist. It was soft, and slow, and caring, and everything Kylo wasn't with anyone else. 

After a minute, he pulled back, standing up to go.

You groaned. "I wish we could stay in bed all day."

He grinned. "That could be arranged." 

Smiling, you considered for a few moments before shaking your head. "No, go. We both have work to do." He gave you one last peck before heading out the door. 

A few minutes later, you were at the hospital. Cora handed you a coffee, smiling. Things were much better around the hospital now that you, her, and Victor made up. Even though it was still really annoying that he was allowed to boss you around now. 

"Thanks," you said, taking a drink of the coffee. "I needed this."

She smirked at you. "Kylo keeping you up late?"

You rolled your eyes. Yes. "No." 

Cora shrugged, taking a drink of hers too. When she tilted her head back, her hair shifted and you could see a huge hickie.

"But apparently Cardo has been keeping you up late!" you giggled, nudging her shoulder.

She flushed red, pulling her hair back in place to cover it. "Oh shut up. You used to come in with marks way worse than this."

You ignored her comment. She was right.

"But things with you two are going well?" you asked her.

She smiled brightly, eyes shining. "Really well, yeah. I can hardly believe it!" You were really happy for her. It was weird watching any of the Knights be less than ruthless with anyone, but they all had their exceptions. Cora was his. "Look at us," she said as the two of you rounded into the doctor's lounge. "Me dating a Knight of Ren and you dating the Commander! Who would have thought?"

You sighed into your seat, grabbing patient charts to look over. "Definitely not me."

The two of you enjoyed one surgery--a torn ACL--and were scrubbing in for another when Cardo and Trudgen burst into the scrub room.

"Guys!" you squealed, "this is a sterile room. You can't be in here."

Trudgen rolled his eyes, crossing the room in two steps and grabbing your forearm. 

You glared up at him. "Fucking prick. Now I have to rescrub."

He tugged, and you fought back while Cardo pulled Cora into a hug. She didn't seem to mind them breaking protocol. You kept pulling your arm back, until he said, "Come on. Mission on Crait."

You stilled. "Right now?" He nodded. "Okay, fine, give me a sec." You turned to Cora. "You can handle this surgery without me?"

She smirked. "Of course." She looked up at Cardo with loving eyes while you and Trudgen walked out of the room. "Be careful?" she pleaded to him.

He grinned. "Always am."

She pouted. "Not true." He pressed his lips to hers as the door swung behind you. 

"Nasty," you said, referring to your friend. 

Trudgen laughed. "Doc, I promise, you and Kylo are way worse."

"We are not!"

"Yes, you are. Remember the time when-"

Luckily, before he could finish, Cardo pushed through the door, cheeks red. "Let's go."

The Knights ushered you on to their ship. Going on missions with them had become a routine part of your work schedule now, and you'd gotten your own room on the ship--even though you usually just shared with Kylo. 

Speaking of, your smile brightened when you saw him boarding the ship. Until you saw the state of disarray he was in. Sweat running down his face, messy hair, and his nearly eternally present scowl.

"Kylo, what happened to you?" you asked as he made his way up to you. Your hands landed gently on either side of his face, gently turning to check for wounds.

He glared over your head, signaling at someone behind you, but you weren't paying attention.

"Fucking bitch," he mumbled, trying to bat your hands away, but eventually letting you caress his face. "I fucking killed Snoke and this shit happens? Rey's gonna-"

"Kylo," you snapped, demanding his attention and effectively cutting him. "What happened?"

He made a face. "That scavenger almost got me killed!"

You perked up. "You saw Rey? How is she?"

He glared at you before pushing your hands away. He trailed a finger down his scar. Right. Still a touchy subject.

"She's about to be dead!" he said, storming into the lounge area and flopping down on a couch beside Kuruk. Dramatic as always.

You folded your arms over your chest, following him. "You're not going to hurt her," you said forcefully.

Kuruk piped up. "Just a little?"

Huffing, you turned your glare to him. "No." They both pouted, but otherwise didn't argue. You sat down between the two of them. The other Knights were putting on their armor, getting ready for yet another battle. 

The ship was going to Crait, somewhere you'd never been before and probably wouldn't get to enjoy because these idiots would end up getting themselves hurt.

Kylo's shoulders were relaxing slightly, but you could tell he was still stressed. You weren't sure why, but you had the urge to slip your hand in his. You did, skin on skin. He reacted instantly, looking down at you with wide eyes, then down at your intertwined hands. He squeezed gently, letting you know he knew that you were there for him. 

"Wait," you said. "You killed Snoke?"

He slumped a little bit in his seat. "Yeah. He was going to make me kill Rey."

Your eyes widened. "But you didn't, right?"

He glared. "Unfortunately not."

You rolled your eyes. Dramatic as always. A few weeks ago, they'd had a Force connection. She was in the middle of nowhere, but they could still see and talk to each other. You couldn't see her, but sometimes he would send her messages for you, so the two of you could talk that way. 

They'd must have gotten in a fight today, and he was obviously really upset about it. You hoped she was okay. Obviously Kylo couldn't kill Rey, no one knew what it would do to him through the connection, but you could feel that he was starting to grow soft towards her. He'd forgiven her for the scar a while ago, and you'd hoped they grow to be allies--or even friends one day. There weren't many Force users left in the galaxy, and you thought it'd be good for them both if they weren't trying to kill each other all the time. 

Why would Snoke want to kill her?

"If you killed Snoke, what happens now?" you asked him. 

Ap'lek snorted from across the room. "I'm not calling you Supreme Leader."

Kylo rolled his eyes, but your jaw dropped. "Supreme Leader?"

He shrugged. "Well I wasn't going to let Hux take it."

You chuckled. Supreme Leader. You figured you'd like calling him that in bed. He probably would like too. Before you could tease him about it, the ship jerked. It had broken the atmosphere.

Battle was close. You could always tell by the way the Knights tensed, like panthers ready to strike at any moment. They pulled on their masks and finished putting on their armor. 

Your stomach clenched in nervousness. They were strong and capable, but not infallible, and you always dreaded every second they were fighting, drowning in dread until you see them home and healthy. They'd really become your family in just a few short months, and the thought of losing any of them made you sick.

The ship touched down, and the Knights sprang to their feet. 

Cardo's walkie started buzzing. He listened and said, "Ready the TIE fighters for us." He looked to everyone else. "The Resistance has some old skim speeders. Need to take them out."

Everyone nodded. Kylo got to his feet, clipping his saber to his belt. "I'm going up to Hux's ship." You followed as they walked to the ramp that was opening.

You took a good look at each of them. Dramatic, maybe, but they meant a lot to you.

"Please be careful, boys," you said.

Trudgen smirked. "And leave you here, bored with no one to stitch up?"

You snorted, rolling your eyes. "Get out of here, you idiots."

They smiled before exiting, leaving you and Kylo alone.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, staring into his eyes. Then you frowned. "Where's your mask?"

"Broke it."

"You... broke it?"

He shrugged as if it was irrelevant. "Yeah. Got upset and broke it against a wall." 

"I'm not going to pretend I'm sad about it being gone." You skimmed your fingers over his cheek, running one finger gently over his scar. "I'll get to see your face more this way."

Despite the weight of battle looming on him, the corner of his lips twitched in amusement. "You always can. Whenever you want." Your hand cupping his cheek, you pulled his face down, lips brushing tenderly over his. 

"I'll take you up on that. Supreme Leader," you added, battling your eyelashes at him.

He laughed, wrapping you tighter in his arms. "Supreme Leader?"

You shrugged. "I was just trying it out. I think I like it."

"I do too," he said, kissing you again. His tongue pressed into your mouth. His hands went down to your ass, squeezing. You rolled your hips into his, erection already hardening. He wasn't kidding when he said battles make him horny.

But with a groan, he pulled back. You pouted up at him when he released you. 

"Come back safely to me," you said.

"Always do." He slapped your ass, before walking down the ramp. "See you soon," he called, smiling.

You watched the entrance until long after he left. Sighing, you went to the cockpit to watch. The pilot turned to face you, smiling. She'd become pilot of the Night Buzzard a few months ago, much to Kuruk's despair, but he and the rest of the Knights warmed up to her. As did you. It was nice to have another woman to hang out with, especially one who could keep up with the Knights.

She'd told you her name forever ago, but you all called her 'Captain', even though she'd gotten her stripes as Major. 

"Want some company?" you asked her, relaxing into the copilot's seat, knowing you were safe in the fortified ship, but still unable to relax all the way when your boys were out fighting.

"Please," she said, smiling, but seemingly as stressed as you. She and Kuruk were... dating?... You weren't sure exactly, but they cared a lot about each other, and she cared about the Knights like you did. 

Outside was a mess of ships and blasters and red salt flying everywhere. You didn't pay much attention. By the time you really started watching, it seemed like the First Order had won. They always did. They were using a Kyber canon to break down the Resistance's fortress door. 

Like usual, you and the Captain sat, riddled with anxiety, taking comfort in each other. Silly as it sounds, it felt nice knowing that your misery was being shared by someone.

After barely anytime at all, you groaned. "I can't take this. I'm getting food. You want?" 

She didn't answer, eyes focused on the ships in the sky, no doubt following your boys. You went to get a snack, washed up a little, then went back to the cockpit. Your eyes widened when you saw Kylo in the middle of the empty battlefield, fighting what looked like an old man.

"What the hell?" you whispered to yourself. If your anxiety was bad before, it was now all encompassing. You'd seen his saber many times--he'd even used it on you--but seeing a saber pulled on him was downright terrifying.

You jumped out of your seat. The Captain latched onto your arm and snapped your name, demanding your attention. "What, you're gonna go out there and fight that guy with a lightsaber?"

You huffed. "Yes! No... I don't know." Your shoulders slumped. "If he's hurt, I need to be out there. Professionally."

She chuckled, and slowly, you joined her, slinking into your seat.

"Okay fine. I know he's more than capable of handling himself-" the most capable person you'd ever known "-but I'll always worry."

She gave you a smile. "I know." She nodded out toward the battle field where both of your lovers were out risking their lives. "Idiots, all of them."

You snorted. Absolutely. "But we love them."

You tried to keep up with what was happening in the middle of the battle field, Kylo a savage beast, lightsabers spinning, red salt kicking up as Kylo and the old man danced, but you couldn't. Your eyes had to be playing tricks on you because the man... just vanished. And Kylo was pissed.

Without a word to the captain, you ran out to him. It was stupid, especially with all the ships and weapons live on either side of the field, but you had to get to him. Your chest heaved, thighs burning as salt kicked up around you on your way to him.

"No, no, no, no!" Kylo screamed right before you reached him. You put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him around to face you. "He's gone," he said, staring into your eyes.

You looked around, sure your eyes had played a trick on you, but there was no body there. No footprints walking away.

"He just... vanished?" you asked, confused.

"It was my uncle. He's... dead." Kylo's eyes were rimmed red.

You were confused. "Weren't you just trying to kill him though?"

"No!" he paused. "Yes... I don't know." You pulled him in for a hug. 

"I'm sorry, Kylo," you said. Finally, he hugged you back, burying his neck in the crook of your shoulder. 

You could hear troopers marching toward the Resistance base. Kylo pulled back.

"What, The First Order can't see you hugging me?" you asked. 

He huffed. "As if I care what they think." He jerked his thumb toward the base. "I need to go check it out. Be right back, okay?" He squeezed your hand before turning to go. 

You sighed, glad the battle was over, but just wanting to go back to the ship.

A hand gripped down on your shoulder. You jumped, turning to see the Knights. You smiled up at them, and a weight was lifted from your shoulders. You looked them over. 

"No work for me to do today?" Cora and the Captain would also be relieved.

They smiled. "Nope," Ushar said. "Although Vicrul made it close."

Vicrul punched Ushar in the shoulder. "I would have dodged them without you!"

Ushar rolled his eyes, and you laughed. "Yeah right," he said. 

You patted the shoulder's of the two Knights closest to you. "I'm glad you all are okay."

Trudgen reached across the circle, ruffling your hair. You tried to shove him away. "Thanks, mom," he said sarcastically, but he was grinning.

"You ever gonna not worry about us?" Kuruk asked.

"Nope," you beamed up at them. The seven of you stayed in the battlefield, waiting for Kylo to return.

When he did, Cardo clapped him on the shoulder. "Saw you lost a fight with a ghost."

Kylo shot him a glare that would have sent anyone else running. "Fuck off, Cardo."

Trudgen, mediator as always, wrapped his arms around them both and pulled them into one of those man group hugs. 

"Let's go back and get some beers, yeah?" he suggested. No one could argue with that. 

You grinned before jumping to the three of them, trying to wrap your arms around them but failing miserably. "Group hug!" you squealed. 

Cardo put his hand on your forehead, trying to push you away, but you slapped his hand away and kept hugging them. 

You looked back to the other four, who were watching with mixtures of amused and disgusted expressions.

"Get in here, ya big brutes," you said. None of them moved for a second. 

"Seriously, boss?" Ap'lek whined. You looked up to see Kylo glaring at him. When Kylo nodded, very seriously, Ap'lek shrugged. "Fine. But it's never happening again."

You grinned in satisfaction when he joined the hug. You really couldn't believe it. If someone would have ever said that you'd be in a group hug with all the Knights of Ren one day, you would have laughed in their faces, but here you were, nearly bursting with happiness. They felt safe.

They felt like home.

After a minute, your nose scrunched. You broke away from the hug and pulled out of the circle. "You all stink," you told them, and they laughed, pulling apart.

You turned to Kylo, grinning while one of the Knights behind you grumbled, "That was terrible." You chuckled to yourself.

"Thank you for that," you told him.

He smiled gently. "They all wanted to. They'd just never admit it."

You laughed at that, smiling and happier than you'd been in a while. 

"I'm sorry the Resistance got away," you said. 

He shrugged. "I'm honestly not that upset that they did. Plus it'll be really fun to see Hux get his thong in a wad over it."

The group of you were walking back to the ship when you felt Kylo tense beside you. In the sky, a Resistance X-wing breached atmosphere. Before you could react, it shot its blaster before pulling up off the planet again.

The shots were coming right towards Kylo. He was a few feet away, but his eyes were on you. Without thinking, you pounced, pushing him out of the way and sending you both to the ground.

He was unscathed.

Red salt kicked up around you as the blasts hit the ground, completely missing Kylo.

But not you. A shot tore through your left shoulder, right under your collar bone, nearly paralyzing you. You screamed, vision whiting out as you rolled onto your back. You could barely breath, the pain unimaginable.

Kylo screamed your name, frantically trying to press down on your shoulder to stop the bleeding, but the shot tore through you completely. The red blood mixed with the red salt of the planet.

"No, no, no, no, this isn't supposed to happen," Kylo sobbed. "You're supposed to fix us." His voice was cracking.

He looked around to the Knights, eyes wide with fear.

"Don't just stand there! Go get help!" he screamed.

They scrambled to follow his orders, but you weakly held out a hand. "Don't leave," you croaked. It was probably the only thing that could keep them from going. They looked at you, worried and... terrified. "Stay." They did.

"No. Baby, you can't leave me," Kylo said, pulling you with trembling arms into his lap. He held your head against his chest, like if he held you tightly enough, you would stay with him.

"Hang in there, doc. You're gonna be okay," Trudgen said, but it was clear in his voice that he didn't believe it.

You laughed, but it turned into a painful cough. "I'm a doctor. I know that I..." The look on Kylo's face stopped you. You'd never seen him look so distraught--he looked like the world was ending.

"You're going to be okay," he said, looking deep into your eyes. He said it with such fierceness that you almost believed him.

"I know," you told him. Both liars now. You turned to the Knights who looked more worried than they probably had in years. They wanted to move closer, but they didn't, paralyzed, as if they moved to quickly you would vanish instantly. They were so used to leaving destruction in their wake that they were too scared to get any closer.

You smiled sadly. "I'm really glad I got stuck with you all as my assignment. Even if you all are a bunch of idiots."

A couple of them choked back sobs while the others agreed. "We are too, doc," Kuruk said.

"Don't give the next doctors a hard time. Promise me?" 

"What are you talking about, doc?" Vicrul said, voice choked up.

"There's not gonna be another one," Trudgen added.

"You couldn't get rid of us before," Kuruk said. "You can't get rid of us now."

You tried to laugh, but it hurt. 

"Do you feel that?" Ap'lek asked, whispering, but you could hear. "The Force is..."

Ushar shot him a glare, shutting him up. "The Force is not leaving her."

You looked back up at Kylo, who looked even more beautiful than usual. The most beautiful person in the galaxy. You were so lucky to have him, no matter how short it lasted. The ups and downs you'd experienced with him in just a few short months gave you enough memories for a lifetime. 

Shaking, you brought your fingers toward his face, wanting to touch him, but your hand fell back in your lap. He lifted it, pulling your palm into his cheek. He nuzzled into you hand, kissing your palm before looking back at you.

"Why'd you do that, huh?" he asked, trying to laugh but it turned to sobs. "You knew I could have stopped the blast. I wasn't going to get hit."

You trailed your fingers over his cheekbone, which were now damp. You pushed your fingers through his hair, and he leaned into it, smiling sadly. "I was just saving you the trouble of killing me yourself. Remember when you wanted me dead?" you asked, laughing bleakly.

His face fell. "I never wanted that. Never for a second." Even after all the threats of execution from him, you knew he was telling the truth. 

"I know," you said. He pressed his lips to yours, but his were trembling. They were warm, a stark contrast to your own. You coughed, and he pulled back, as if he'd hurt you.

He whispered your name, fingers caressing your cheek, gloves tacky with your blood.

"Kylo... I..." you rolled your head to the side, coughing violently as he called your name over and over. Blood trickled from the corner of your mouth. It wouldn't be long now.

"What? What is it?" he asked, chin shaking. 

"The other day," you started, each word feeling like it was burning your throat, but you pressed on. "When you gave me the bracelet, and asked what I was thinking-" A cough. "I was saying that... that I love you."

His eyes widened. You weren't even sure he had heard, but you had to say it, out loud, at least once before dying. You watched a single tear as it trailed down his cheek, dripping over his scar as it fell and landed on your cheek. He wiped it frantically. He gripped your cheeks so hard that it might have hurt if you could still feel anything. 

"I love you, Kylo," you said, before your head lulled back. Everything in your vision went blurry, then black. You thought you heard him and the Knights saying your name, but you weren't sure. You tried to get back to them, but their voices faded into nothing as you were overtaken by the darkness.

Kylo cradled your head to his chest as the life left your body.


	36. Does this mean no more threats, or rough closet sex?

You were dead. Completely and undeniably. As a doctor, you'd always wondered what happened to the patients you couldn't save. And what happened to the patients that you saved many minutes after? What did they see then?

For you, it was darkness. With glimpses of light and glimpses of your life before.

Graduating medical school. Residency. Drinks with Victor and Cora. Training with the Knights. And Kylo.

You saw him most, each time bringing a little bit more light with his image.

You'd lived a good life. You weren't afraid of death.

But you were still really happy when something ripped through the darkness and pulled you by the collar to the light.

You shot up from wherever you were laying, gripping at your neck and choking for air. Oxygen couldn't come fast enough.

Someone to your side called your name. Kylo. He looked absolutely relieved to see you as he pulled you into a hug, cutting off your already limited air supply. His face was pale and sunken, and it looked like he hadn't showered in days. You groaned when he accidentally pressed on your shoulder a bit too hard.

Right. You got shot. You were in a First Order hospital room.

He pulled back when you flinched, looking at you in disbelief.

"You look like shit," you told him, voice cracking from disuse. Laughter rang out from behind him, but it was strained. The Knights were there too.

Kylo smiled, and it looked like it was his first in days. "I've never been so happy to hear you insult me."

You laughed at that, looking at all the men around the room.

"This is quite the change. Usually I'm sitting around waiting for you all to get better," you said. Your shoulder was wrapped. With shaking hands, you peeked under the gauze. You gasped. "The wound is almost gone!"

"I'd sure hope so," a voice came from the corner. Cora and Victor were there too, looking very relieved. Cora stepped forward. "You had the two best ortho surgeons working on it," she said.

"For once, I won't fight you on that," you told her, gripping her hand on the other side of the bed. 

Victor approached too, looking like he couldn't believe you were there. "Well we can't take all the credit," he said, turning to Kylo and the Knights.

When you turned to them, they shrugged. "The Force does have some perks," Kylo said. Your bracelet was in his hand, him holding it out to you. You let him put it back on. If he'd used the Force, he would have had to take it off.

"You used the Force to bring me back?" you asked in disbelief. When he nodded, you shook your head, trying to understand. "Tell me everything that happened."

And they did.

~

Right after the Battle of Crait:

Trudgen placed a hand on Kylo's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "Kylo, I'm sorry-"

"Sorry?" he hissed, whipping his head back to glare at the Knight. "She's not fucking dead!"

The Knights exchanged glances before looking back at Kylo, who was still cradling your body to his chest.

Cardo knelt in front of him. With a gloved hand, he closed your lifeless eyes. "Kylo, we're all upset, but there's nothing we can do."

Kylo glared around the circle. He noticed that he was shaking, but ignored it. "How could you say that? She loves you all! And you're giving up on her!"

"We're not giving up on her! She's dead!" Kuruk said, eyes wet. "We can all feel the Force left her-"

In an instant, Kylo's hand was outstretched, and Kuruk was flying back through the air, landing twenty feet away on his back with a grunt.

"We can put it back," Kylo insisted, looking at each of them. He was met with sad expressions, but no one could help him. It was too late.

Finally, Trudgen understood what Kylo was saying. "Kylo... you can't mean..."

Kylo nodded miserably. "We can do it. Use the Force to bring her back."

Ap'lek shifted back and forth on his feet. "It's never been done before. Your grandfather tried and failed."

Kylo glared. "My grandfather was weak. I'm stronger than him. I can do it, I know I can!" His fingers absentmindedly traced your hairline. "And he didn't have you six to help him."

He could see it--they were considering. Kuruk glared at him when he walked back. Kylo would apologize for it later, but right then, there were more important things to worry about.

"So?" he asked after giving them a minute to consider. "Will you all do it?"

They all nodded. Trudgen stepped forward. "There was never a possibility that we'd say no. Let's bring our favorite doctor back."

~

Back to present:

"You brought me back?" you asked.

Kylo nodded. "We all did."

You smiled weakly at them. You wanted to hug them all, but were too weak to move. "Wait," you said, looking back up at Kylo. "I thought you said the Force couldn't heal people like that. When Bradley got hurt and I asked you to heal him, you said the Force didn't work that way."

He snorted, amused. "And it doesn't. Not for Bradley."

"But it does for me?"

He nodded again. "It does. And it will as long as we're all alive. A part of all of us lives in you now."

Tears brimmed in your eyes. Your heart felt like it would burst.

"You all care about me or something?" you asked.

They snorted. "What, you think we'd do a fucking group hug for anyone else?" Trudgen asked.

"Group hug?" Cora asked. "I would have loved to see that."

"You still can," you told her, looking to them expectantly.

A couple of them chuckled. "Not happening, doc," Cardo said.

"We're glad you're back, but that was a one time thing," Kuruk said.

You shrugged to Cora. "Sorry."

Kylo's fingers skimmed the back of your hand. You looked up at his beautiful eyes. They were so full of joy and... Lust.

You turned to the Knights, and Cora and Victor, all your favorite people in one room. "Would you mind giving us some privacy?" you asked.

"Uh oh. I've seen that look on him before. We better get out of here," Ushar said, leading everyone out of the room. They all clapped you on your good shoulder as they left, telling you how happy they were to see you.

Ap'lek looked back, hand on the door knob. "I am glad we got you back, doc," he said, as if it hurt him to admit.

You smiled. "Thank you, Ap'lek." Then he shut the door, leaving you alone with Kylo.

"I can't believe you convinced them all to bring me back," you said.

"It didn't take much convincing."

You brought your fingers up to his face, trailing over his soft skin. "You really do look like crap," you told him.

He chuckled, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed beside you. "I didn't sleep much the past couple days."

"Did you sleep at all?" you asked, running a hand through his hair.

He frowned. "No. I was much too worried about you."

Your smile faded. "I don't deserve you."

He shook his head, taking your hand and pushing your knuckles into his lips. He kissed them and pulled back. "You do. I don't deserve you. You're so smart, and kind, and strong. And you never backed down during a fight with me." He looked deep in your eyes. "I'm sorry about all those silly fights."

"I'm not." You smirked. "Those were sexy."

He smiled, rolling his eyes. "You would say that, huh?" He pulled you in for a quick kiss. "I can't say I disagree."

"Does this mean no more threats, or rough closet sex?" you asked, pouting.

"Of course not," he said. "Now we'll just have to be creative when pretending."

Your heart leaped, and you wrapped an arm around his neck pulling him in for a desperate kiss. It was fast and hard and wet, and it told you how worried he'd been for every second since Crait. And how relieved he was to have you back. He kissed you like he was the one dying and you were the only cure.

Your hand slithered down to his pants, attempting to unbuckle his belt. He gripped my hand, pulling it away.

He kissed your knuckles. "We should get some rest."

You crossed you arms over your chest. "Is this payback for when I told you we couldn't have sex after you got hurt?"

He chuckled. "Bold of you to assume I would ever encourage you not to have sex with me." You shrugged. Good point. He pulled back the covers so he could slide into the bed with you. It was bigger than the usual ones--must be another one of those perks he likes to brag about. He wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. "But we really should both get some rest."

"Doctor's orders?" you asked.

He smirked. "Supreme Leader's orders."

You raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Very well, Supreme Leader," you said before pulling him into a kiss. "I really do like the sound of that."

Kylo rolled on his side, one hand twirling in your hair while he gazed at you. It felt like he still couldn't believe you were back.

"I love you too, you know," he said quietly.

Your cheeks heated, but you smiled nonetheless. "You heard me?" you asked. You'd told him you loved him right before you died, but didn't know if he heard.

Kylo laughed. "Of course I heard you. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life," he said, pulling the blanket up to your neck. "It was the only thing that kept me sane these past couple days."

"You love me?"

He nodded. "Of course I do. And I should have said it earlier. I think I loved you since the moment I saw you."

You chuckled, batting his shoulder. "You definitely did not love me then. Quite the opposite if I remember correctly."

He gave you a guilty look. "Okay, you're right. Maybe since the first time you told me you hated me. Oh, and definitely by the time you yelled at me in front of the whole hangar."

You grimaced, remembering the wicked sex you'd had after that. You were covered in bruises for over a week and loved it.

Raising an eyebrow, you said, "Really? That's when you knew you were in love with me?"

He shrugged. "I'm a complex man."

You chuckled slinging an arm over his body. "Trust me, I know."

Your last year of residency had been absolutely fucking crazy. You'd befriended the Knights of Ren, started dating Kylo Ren, and then fucking died.

And you wouldn't change a second of it.

He smiled before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "I love you. So much." 

You pulled back a little, slipping off the anti-Force cuff he'd given you and handing it back to him. He raised an eyebrow. 

"What's this for? You don't like it?"

You shrugged. "I wouldn't mind some diamonds instead. But..." you laid your palm on his chest. "I wanted to show you something."

You closed your eyes and thought of everything you wanted him to see. He sucked in a breath as he started to read your mind again, connected to you by the Force.

You that of the first time you'd seen him, terrified, but drawn to him in a way you couldn't comprehend. All the fights that somehow just left you wanting him more. How enamored you were when he took off the mask for the first time in front of you. How your heart almost burst the first time he kissed you. The way that despite everything he's done, you felt safest in his arms. How worried you were when he was lying unconscious on the hospital bed after Starkiller blew. The whirlwind of emotions you felt every time he was near. You threw some memories of sex with him in there too just for fun, but mostly it was how you felt about him, and how whenever you are with him, everything just feels right.

You showed him the story of how you fell in love.

When you opened your eyes, you saw his were brimming with tears.

He whispered your name, brushing your hair back from your face to really look at you. "I love you so much," he said, voice tight with emotion. 

"Maybe there really are some perks to the Force," you told him smiling. 

"Us bringing you back to life with it wasn't enough to convince you?"

You shrugged, burying your face in his warm chest. You felt like you were home.

Trailing his fingers up and down your arm, he said, "They love you too, you know. The Knights. They'd never admit it, but when you were gone, they were devastated."

You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his throat. "I know they do. And I'll make them admit it one day."

Kylo chuckled, kissing your hairline gently. "I believe that. If anyone can make them, it's you."

Then we wrapped his arms around you, and you fell asleep in the arms of the most powerful man in the galaxy, and you were unconditionally and inexplicably happy.

~

After a few days of rest--and Kylo hovering like you were his patient--you were finally back at work. None of your coworkers could know what really happened, but they were happy to have you back at work.

Things with the Knights were good, and you had worked out the perfect schedule, balancing surgeries and taking care of them. And honestly, things were pretty perfect.

You were in the operating room, finishing post op reports when the door opened. You expected to see a nurse, but Kylo came through, placing his mask on a table while waltzing over to you, the look in his eyes making your thighs clench.

"You finished yet?" he asked, crossing the room in seconds. 

"Almost," you said, placing your papers to the side. "Just need a couple more minutes. Can you wait?"

He smirked, now towering over you in your chair. "I can." One gloved hand came down, gripping your chin. He tugged up, gently pulling you to your feet. "But I don't want to."

You stared up at him, heat blossoming between your legs. He gave you an absolutely sinful look before tilting your head to the side, leaning down to press his lips to your neck in an open mouth kiss that made your knees week.

One hand gripped your waist, the other tangling in your hair as you gripped his biceps, panting as he sucked your sensitive skin through his teeth. He took a step back, and you followed, your ass bumping into the operating table. He pressed his hips into your stomach, his erection rubbing into your abdomen. 

When his hand wrapped around you to squeeze your ass through your scrubs, you gasped. "Kylo! Stop, this is a sterile room!" You straightened up, trying to push away from him, but you weren't trying very hard.

He hummed against your throat, licking a hot stripe up your neck, his lips sucking along your jaw line. He gripped your thighs, lifting you up onto the table. You wrapped your legs around him, pulling his hips into yours. 

"Not for long."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, we definitely weren't staying dead. Sorry if I stressed anyone out! But it explains stuff for the sequel, so I wanted to post. 
> 
> AHAHA and the title finally makes sense!
> 
> Thanks again to everyone for reading! Posting this has been so much fun. I'm a few chapters into the sequel, so I'll probably start posting soon.
> 
> Also! I've talked about it a few times, and I finally officially started all my Knight fics. There will be one for each Knight, all written as Knight/you (but you're a different person in each one), and they all will overlap with different parts of NSS. Obviously, from the last chapter, you know I started writing Kuruk's already ;)
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!


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